- Sep 3, 2018
- 39
- 41
- 27
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
I was raised in a church (pretty sure it was Baptist up until 8th grade) by my parents. I never understood what a Christian was. I thought it was only praising some big power in the sky and you weren't allowed to ask questions. I was really into the Christian rock music by the time I hit 13, and I was raised on the hip-hop artist KJ-52 since I was about 4 or 5. I was always close to his music even when my faith fell off, because his music was relatable and felt like a family member talking to me that made me feel comfort.
By the time I hit high school, I was so busy with homework and trying to find myself as a person, I basically stopped going to church, and slowly drifted. I went on a journey of trying to be a good person but still do stupid and/or wrong things. I felt like everything crashed by Junior year. I suffered through bullying and emotional abuse by people in my school and I was getting in such a dark place that I didn't know what to do. I got through Junior and Senior year, 2017, and most of 2018 without Christ.
It's hard to believe in a Holy Spirit that allows these things to happen to you and make you watch friends leave you in all sorts of senses (one cut me off and then she tried to kill herself, a person that I looked at as a sister and meant so much to me; her parents got her to the hospital in time but she still refuses to talk to me to this day). It's hard to believe in someone that you talk to all the time, but you never hear from back. It's hard to believe in someone when you're hearing about miracles that were performed that aren't performed now.
Basically I was the most doubtful person and never understood anything in the Bible, had a pastor in 8th grade that brushed off my questions and fellowship, and then felt like you're supposed to just know what Jesus is all about and understand everything that ever happened and never ask a question.
In August, I was finally living on my own (left roommates that were mentally draining me, left my parents who were in a stressful situation in which made me also mentally drained and emotionally stressed). I had recently lost a car due to an accident, and therefore I was only leaving the apartment through Lyft to go to the store. Needless to say, I was so lonely and mentally beside myself in the worst ways that I got a kitten which helped, but didn't get rid of my depressive thoughts. She kept me distracted and gave me some company, but it wasn't enough. The first or second week of September, I started going to this really big church that had a Monday night youth group for college aged students, and I went at the beginning of their devotion series all about learning about Jesus. The fellowship and love and ability to ask questions and meet people my age after being trapped in my apartment for so long was great, and it made me keep coming back, then feeling comfortable enough to ask questions there and on this site.
After a couple weeks in the church I had to move back home which was in another state, but after I came home, I got to see KJ52 for the second time in my life, and at this point we've really become like family friends. He has helped me find places to get my questions answered and he has been the greatest influence my whole life, and I got to sit down and tell him how much of an impact he's made on my life, and I feel God may have given me that opportunity to go to his concert at FlavorFest for a reason.
I can't really say if I'm 100% Christian or if I've been saved through this new beginning, but I definitely have started a Spiritual journey that I don't plan on quitting anytime soon, and I feel comfortable with learning about Christ again.
By the time I hit high school, I was so busy with homework and trying to find myself as a person, I basically stopped going to church, and slowly drifted. I went on a journey of trying to be a good person but still do stupid and/or wrong things. I felt like everything crashed by Junior year. I suffered through bullying and emotional abuse by people in my school and I was getting in such a dark place that I didn't know what to do. I got through Junior and Senior year, 2017, and most of 2018 without Christ.
It's hard to believe in a Holy Spirit that allows these things to happen to you and make you watch friends leave you in all sorts of senses (one cut me off and then she tried to kill herself, a person that I looked at as a sister and meant so much to me; her parents got her to the hospital in time but she still refuses to talk to me to this day). It's hard to believe in someone that you talk to all the time, but you never hear from back. It's hard to believe in someone when you're hearing about miracles that were performed that aren't performed now.
Basically I was the most doubtful person and never understood anything in the Bible, had a pastor in 8th grade that brushed off my questions and fellowship, and then felt like you're supposed to just know what Jesus is all about and understand everything that ever happened and never ask a question.
In August, I was finally living on my own (left roommates that were mentally draining me, left my parents who were in a stressful situation in which made me also mentally drained and emotionally stressed). I had recently lost a car due to an accident, and therefore I was only leaving the apartment through Lyft to go to the store. Needless to say, I was so lonely and mentally beside myself in the worst ways that I got a kitten which helped, but didn't get rid of my depressive thoughts. She kept me distracted and gave me some company, but it wasn't enough. The first or second week of September, I started going to this really big church that had a Monday night youth group for college aged students, and I went at the beginning of their devotion series all about learning about Jesus. The fellowship and love and ability to ask questions and meet people my age after being trapped in my apartment for so long was great, and it made me keep coming back, then feeling comfortable enough to ask questions there and on this site.
After a couple weeks in the church I had to move back home which was in another state, but after I came home, I got to see KJ52 for the second time in my life, and at this point we've really become like family friends. He has helped me find places to get my questions answered and he has been the greatest influence my whole life, and I got to sit down and tell him how much of an impact he's made on my life, and I feel God may have given me that opportunity to go to his concert at FlavorFest for a reason.
I can't really say if I'm 100% Christian or if I've been saved through this new beginning, but I definitely have started a Spiritual journey that I don't plan on quitting anytime soon, and I feel comfortable with learning about Christ again.
