Truths

DragonFox91 · May 3, 2025

I was reviewing old posts from an older forum I used to post at. The desire to be married hasn't changed but the overall posts are much different.

I've always struggled w/ the 'stop trying & it may happen' concept. I've also struggled w/ the 'don't want one so much' concept b/c if you don't want one so much, how can you?

High Fidelity · May 3, 2025

DragonFox91 said:
I was reviewing old posts from an older forum I used to post at. The desire to be married hasn't changed but the overall posts are much different.

I've always struggled w/ the 'stop trying & it may happen' concept. I've also struggled w/ the 'don't want one so much' concept b/c if you don't want one so much, how can you?

What if you maintain this intensity and it still doesn't happen? Then you're going to look back at all the time you were blinkered by something you didn't have and missed out on the things you do have.

There are more single people in the U.S. than married people. That alone should be a reality check at the coin toss. Add into the fact they need to not only be Christian, but equally yoked, denominational compatibility, theological compatibility, someone with the same outlook politically or at least on big/moral issues and someone that shares mutual interest, yeah, it's best not to get too attached to the idea.

If we focus too much on what we want from God, we grow numb or indifferent to what we've been given by God.

This isn't a case of some manifestation woo-woo nonsense where if you want it bad enough you'll manifest it.

I am really not trying to be harsh, but this whole thread is basically your self-documented doomscrolling. It clearly isn't healthy. I'd pray on it and let it go. Keep improving yourself and consider situations you can put yourself in to increase your odds of meeting someone and leave the rest to God. Que sera, sera.

DragonFox91 · May 3, 2025

High Fidelity said:
What if you maintain this intensity and it still doesn't happen? Then you're going to look back at all the time you were blinkered by something you didn't have and missed out on the things you do have.

I don't feel like I've missed out on the joys of the things & people & experiences I do have. The Lord has been kind to me. I wonder what more are in store!

High Fidelity said:
There are more single people in the U.S. than married people. That alone should be a reality check at the coin toss. Add into the fact they need to not only be Christian, but equally yoked, denominational compatibility, theological compatibility, someone with the same outlook politically or at least on big/moral issues and someone that shares mutual interest, yeah, it's best not to get too attached to the idea.

I'm not sure about those numbres. I agree being a Christian & someone who places emphasis on equally yoked, denomination, theological compatiably, makes it harder & those things are all super-important to me. I'm not wishy-washy on those things. I would RATHER be single than cave on some of those issues & if that's my doom in getting married, then my win is in the Lord. But we should not look to numbers, b/c to the Lord, he don't look at the numbers.

High Fidelity said:
If we focus too much on what we want from God, we grow numb or indifferent to what we've been given by God.

Yeah, true. The NT places great emphasis on thanksgiving. But I've found checking off a list of earthly things you're given unhelpful in itself: You always have to look back to the Cross - & the Giver.

High Fidelity said:
This isn't a case of some manifestation woo-woo nonsense where if you want it bad enough you'll manifest it.

Yeah, good! I'm glad you recognize the error in that. Manifestation comes in many different forms. Especially in Christianity. Sometimes it's not so obvious to spot. Usually it's the opposite, where if you think positively enough, you'll manifest it. I've heard some theories thinking manifestation is what the Bible means by 'witchcraft.' (different interpreations of what it means, I think all the different ones are right, it's defintiely a real thing tho & not just a lol Bible is fairy tale b/c it talks about witches)

High Fidelity said:
I am really not trying to be harsh, but this whole thread is basically your self-documented doomscrolling. It clearly isn't healthy. I'd pray on it and let it go. Keep improving yourself and consider situations you can put yourself in to increase your odds of meeting someone and leave the rest to God. Que sera, sera.

That's okay. It's good to hear from you either way. And different perspectives. I think a lot of what you have to say is helpful & wise. I do think you see my negative posts & just picture me that way, & while I can be on this particular topic, we should all be having our good seasons & bad days.

bèlla · May 4, 2025

In @DragonFox91’s defense, we’re living in unprecedented times and his concerns are understandable in light of it. Many are struggling to find companions from all walks of life. Christian or otherwise. We’ve never had this measure of hostility between the sexes or unrealistic expectations. Nor the increasing degrees of loneliness, hopelessness and financial struggles. Men don’t have the support network women do nor are they likely to converse with their friends with the same frequency. It can be a lonely walk for someone and coping mechanisms differ for each.

The erosion of the home is growing and we have a new phenomenon of absentee grandparents. If you’re not familiar with the term you can look on YouTube. The things we took for granted as norms are falling by the wayside. No one expected to be in this place and solutions aren’t plentiful. You can’t turn back the clock when consciousness is part of the problem. Everything is topsy turvy and frustration is understandable.

And barring a collective within the church determined to help and singles with open minds and hearts we’ll continue as we have with casualties in tow. The Lord may intend for someone to marry but other challenges may extend the wait and it’s difficult to grasp. You’ve done as expected and it wasn’t enough. Some followed suit and others did otherwise and they’re settled.

You have to bear in mind the consequences of living longer. Middle age has extended and no one wants to get older. Sometimes it feels like a society of youngsters and the other and there’s a lot of blurring. Cultural shifts have placed demands on men in a different season and required things of them that arrive later on.

And you can’t set aside the realities of divorce and its impact on the male psyche. You can marry with good intentions and find yourself in a nightmare. As the economy erodes security will be a greater factor and that’s a mixed bag for men. Is she there for you or something else?

Finding a woman who longs to love, serve and obey and be a crown to her spouse isn’t easy. Acquiring the same in the opposite sex is equally challenging. We live in a me centered society and love is other centered. Nothing goes unutilized by God. The struggles we have in our valley prepare us for the things that follow and we see it in hindsight. Waiting cultivates the fruits of patience and long suffering. Two qualities lacking in most. Everyone wants perfection and there’s no willingness to grow or help the other overcome challenges.

The world is in need of God and a giant dose of sober mindedness. We don’t have to have it all upfront. The bar is too high all around. Consider the people others overlook. The ones who aren’t as sociable, personable, blessed financially or have extra weight. They love Jesus too. You can honor God in a lot of scenarios. It’s really a question of will not attraction. That takes time and maturity to accept.

Everyone here can be married. Jesus is the common denominator. It just requires someone to see the Christ in you beyond the rest. That’s the problem. Try to do that instead with others and you may the one you seek. God bless.

~bella

DragonFox91 · May 4, 2025

It's good to see bella. Maybe you knew I was struggling again.

I often wonder if this is a new problem of people wanting to be married & struggling to even as they get older or if it's an old problem.

Surely not everyone even the saved got married even tho they wanted to in days past. The reality is, & you won't hear this often sadly even from Christians, that's not how God works even for his people (tho it is true he has good reasons for his choices for his people & they are actually for your good)

The group I'm in at church has a lot of singles, men & women both. (& more women then men!) But the single men interact w/ the single men & the single women interact w/ the single women. There's no interaction between the 2 groups. It just doesn't happen. & the group rarely does any outside 'fun' activities to force mixed interaction w/ the sexes. (heck, a couple times I went hardly any of the singels were, it was all the married's) Some would get antsy & give up & leave, but I guess I'm not there to be married. TBH I like it's not a meat market

LoveDivine · May 4, 2025

DragonFox91 said:
It's good to see bella. Maybe you knew I was struggling again.

I often wonder if this is a new problem of people wanting to be married & struggling to even as they get older or if it's an old problem.

Surely not everyone even the saved got married even tho they wanted to in days past. The reality is, & you won't hear this often sadly even from Christians, that's not how God works even for his people (tho it is true he has good reasons for his choices for his people & they are actually for your good)

The group I'm in at church has a lot of singles, men & women both. (& more women then men!) But the single men interact w/ the single men & the single women interact w/ the single women. There's no interaction between the 2 groups. It just doesn't happen. & the group rarely does any outside 'fun' activities to force mixed interaction w/ the sexes. (heck, a couple times I went hardly any of the singels were, it was all the married's) Some would get antsy & give up & leave, but I guess I'm not there to be married. TBH I like it's not a meat market

Why not talk with some of the guys about organizing a group hike and inviting the women to join? You might as well be proactive and organize an official outing if nothing is being planned officially. I'm sure others are disappointed as well that connections aren't developing. If others don't show an interest in your suggestion, then you know that it's probably not a priority for the rest to actually get to know each other and explore connections. A hike is just a suggestion. You could suggest a number of interactive activities.

DragonFox91 · May 4, 2025

Here is a Truth I just learned: Genesis 2: "The man will leave his father & cling to his bride & they shall become one flesh" is a super-early prophecy of Jesus coming for us.

bèlla · May 4, 2025

It’s good to see you too and I hope you’re well and resting in the Father‘s embrace.

The majority married for different reasons in the past and didn’t have the expectations we have today. Character and prospects were more common than status. They were building and trying to create a better lives for themselves. They didn’t expect the finish line at the onset.

I think a lot of people are tired and burned out on the dating front. Whether they’re looking or not. The whole thing is wearisome. It’s like we’re cosplaying high school and no one wants to move beyond their group. There’s more to someone than their differences and we’re unwilling to look beyond it.

You can wait for the group or invite someone to lunch and make it a project of sorts. Meet with both. A girl one month and a man the next and bless them with a meal and your company. It’s a wonderful display of hospitality and you’ll deepen your connections.

If memory serves you’re from the south?

DragonFox91 · May 5, 2025

bèlla said:
It’s good to see you too and I hope you’re well and resting in the Father‘s embrace.

The majority married for different reasons in the past and didn’t have the expectations we have today. Character and prospects were more common than status. They were building and trying to create a better lives for themselves. They didn’t expect the finish line at the onset.

I think a lot of people are tired and burned out on the dating front. Whether they’re looking or not. The whole thing is wearisome. It’s like we’re cosplaying high school and no one wants to move beyond their group. There’s more to someone than their differences and we’re unwilling to look beyond it.

You can wait for the group or invite someone to lunch and make it a project of sorts. Meet with both. A girl one month and a man the next and bless them with a meal and your company. It’s a wonderful display of hospitality and you’ll deepen your connections.

If memory serves you’re from the south?

I’ve met with other men in the group one-on-one a few times & as a group. It’s good. It’s good fellowship & I’ve liked it. They are all very passionate for the Lord. The issue for me has never been fellowship w/ other men.

I am in the North. I live in an area that’s considered a mini ‘Bible belt’ tho. Although I think the Christian influence isn’t what it was that gave it the reputation, there’s still a lot of genuine God-fearing people as well & Christians who want to do it right.

bèlla · May 6, 2025

DragonFox91 said:
I’ve met with other men in the group one-on-one a few times & as a group. It’s good. It’s good fellowship & I’ve liked it. They are all very passionate for the Lord. The issue for me has never been fellowship w/ other men.

Game and movie nights are a great way for fun and fellowship that are accessible. You can do a mixture of board, card, and video games and sporting events. Some can be held at church and rotations from members homes if they’re comfortable. Food is usually a combination of potluck and snacks with others bringing beverages.

I think it’s more important to make connections and interact with different women and go outside your comfort zone. And that applies to men and women equally. Leading with attraction might have worked in the past but character and faith are the tipping point. Which inclines me to think that more conversations increases your opportunities to find common denominators. That frees you from the pressure of asking for dates and allows you to build a rapport through social activities.

bèlla · May 15, 2025

There’s a 40 Day Prayer Challenge taking place on a channel I shared with you in the past. The declarations are biblical and although it’s addressed to women I don’t see why men couldn’t do the same. And there’s a benefit when many are aligned and seeking the same from the Lord. I‘ll include the first video which covers the husband’s role and the second with the declarations. They were posted in the comments and you can copy it for later use. I’m also including the message on angels of deliverance for your benefit. Watch it before the others. God bless

DragonFox91 · May 17, 2025

I listened to first video so far: Here are notes:
B/c we are in Christ, & angels serve Christ, angels serve us. We don't worship angels b/c they're for us.
They help in times of big struggle & big life changes.
They hear God's words & our's both. Your words matter! Confess God's Word. God will send his angels to deliver you!

I think he has a really good understanding of the Bible & a real passion for the Lord, but I question his Decree & Declare application.

I'll listen to the other videos sometime soon & share my notes & thoughts. Thank you bella for trying to help us singles struggling. We appreciate it very much. It's just good to know that people are thinking about us struggling.

bèlla · May 17, 2025

We may utilize the scripture in many ways. We can confess the word over ourselves and our circumstances. We can use it as prayer when we don’t know what to say or intentionally. We can invite God into situations and environments by utilizing the scripture proactively and as a blessing.

For example, you may have a project you have to complete at work that raises concerns. You would broach the former through scriptures that testify to your workmanship and what you gained as a follower of Christ. Then you’d address the project and commend it to the Lord, confessing the passages that pertain to our work in relation to Him. You can end with a petition for a positive outcome and for the result to glorify Him. Decrees and declarations align our thoughts and actions with the Lord’s.

You’ve learned a lot in this season that’s preparing you to be a better husband. I see beyond your struggle and how this period can become a springboard for greater work for the kingdom. That’s how it’s usually birthed. It’s a passion or a problem. You’re in a position to speak about the subject in a manner others can’t and that’s an element that’s missing.

Devotional dropped in my spirit. You could take your thoughts and experiences and turn them into a weekly word of encouragement with biblical references. Which could become a podcast or channel for christian men and the other is a book of course. ;-)

DragonFox91 · May 17, 2025

bèlla said:
We may utilize the scripture in many ways. We can confess the word over ourselves and our circumstances. We can use it as prayer when we don’t know what to say or intentionally. We can invite God into situations and environments by utilizing the scripture proactively and as a blessing.

For example, you may have a project you have to complete at work that raises concerns. You would broach the former through scriptures that testify to your workmanship and what you gained as a follower of Christ. Then you’d address the project and commend it to the Lord, confessing the passages that pertain to our work in relation to Him. You can end with a petition for a positive outcome and for the result to glorify Him. Decrees and declarations align our thoughts and actions with the Lord’s.

You’ve learned a lot in this season that’s preparing you to be a better husband. I see beyond your struggle and how this period can become a springboard for greater work for the kingdom. That’s how it’s usually birthed. It’s a passion or a problem. You’re in a position to speak about the subject in a manner others can’t and that’s an element that’s missing.

Devotional dropped in my spirit. You could take your thoughts and experiences and turn them into a weekly word of encouragement with biblical references. Which could become a podcast or channel for christian men and the other is a book of course. ;-)

I really regret not putting my posts into a single document as I post them. Not just about dating stuff but like theology posts too. Maybe Forums are a new book. One time I was thinking Paul wrote letters, he didn't write books.

Yeah, I suppose the Decree stuff could be at least a kind of springboard during praying.

bèlla · May 18, 2025

DragonFox91 said:
I really regret not putting my posts into a single document as I post them. Not just about dating stuff but like theology posts too. Maybe Forums are a new book. One time I was thinking Paul wrote letters, he didn't write books.

Yeah, I suppose the Decree stuff could be at least a kind of springboard during praying.

Who’s to say you can’t begin where you are? You know your story and you’ve evolved beyond that point. We’ll always have hiccups but bouncing back is where we demonstrate our muster. You have a number of issues you can address from your position with others like yourself in mind. I often tell the Lord, don’t let this valley be for naught. Show me how to use it for your glory. We aid our healing by doing so and bless others in the process.

You’ll find a lot about declarations and decrees in Derek Prince’s writings. To my knowledge, the couple in the video were born elsewhere and grew up overseas. There are cultural elements to their approach that I’ve seen in others who come from Africa. That’s how I pray. But do what makes you comfortable. The Lord knows your heart.

DragonFox91 · May 19, 2025

I listened to the 2nd video. I didn't take much notes, most of it isn't new information. It's right. It's a beautiful picture (when it's working right ). But I found it a struggle, I didn't think it was talking to me. Do I listen to these for nothing! Maybe it'd be helpful finding videos talking about why single is beautiful. I'll listen to last video some time.

Remember he created single & married both.

One thing I think that’s helpful is Jesus doesn’t say greatest love is marriage love, or even parent-chlid love. It’s for a friend

bèlla · May 19, 2025

The second video is designed to remind women what the Lord prioritizes in a spouse. If you consider it with that in mind the dating market is upended. The one that follows in their mentorship does the same for the wife’s role. Most of the things we value in today’s culture partner wise have little to do with those principles. If you want a God fearing marriage you can’t use the world’s standards to acquire it. The intended audience are married and single. Some people need reminders or entered unions with other things in mind and must recalibrate to the Lord’s perspective.

She has a lot of messages for singles and began the channel before she married. Remember, he led her to Christ and what we’re witnessing is an outgrowth of his influence. They were engaged for years and they’re speaking from a position where waiting was necessary. It didn’t happen overnight or through college and took a decade to finalize. How many would have stayed the course?

You want to marry and that’s the desire of your heart and it isn’t wrong. Although it’s uncomfortable at times to hear what that implies you needn’t runaway or cling to singleness as a balm. Accept the truth in its entirety. You want a wife and family and rest in that place. Your desire is not indicative of one called to singleness nor does your sensitivity to those who are and others like yourself alter the truth. You were meant for marriage.

There’s another side of singleness too. Sometimes we’re too comfortable, set in our ways, afraid of change or being alone so we’re stagnant. We don’t take risks or allow ourselves to feel the heart’s murmurs and repress them instead. The Lord doesn’t leave them alone either. He’ll prod them eventually to awaken what they’ve ignored.

It‘s okay to be afraid, uncertain or fear rejection. We’re living in a time when everything’s superficial and most would have those concerns. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be seen, loved, valued or respected. Sometimes we need more pruning to see what’s before us as He does. The Lord can open a heart. I’ve been there. Trust the process. The end is nigh. ;-)

DragonFox91 · May 21, 2025

We will see if it’s all truly b/c I’m to be married or there’s something else. What we believe is there’s stuff even better then getting married. Jesus says ‘you will do greater things then these.’ Although it is true I would really like to. I have tried very hard.

I listened to his last video. I disagree w/ his Decree & Declare believe it & manifest it theology. Who are you decreeing & declaring to? (Angels? & they meet w/ her angels.............? Is true Jesus himself is a Servant King......) It is true I could be better at praying. Everytime I get into a cycle of prayer I fall lout of it, which isn't good b/c it is very good. I do think my spirit is always talking to God tho. But it's not the same.

bèlla · May 21, 2025

Two things can be true simultaneously and not conflict. What you said about the Lord is correct and marriage is the desire of your heart. It isn’t necessary to downplay the latter to acknowledge the former. If given the choice you’d choose a wife and family every time which makes it evident that singleness isn’t your calling. Whether it takes a year or ten your heart wants what it wants and God calls the desire good. The way you approach it may require modification. But there’s no reason to fear or second guess yourself. You have to reach the point where you realize your limitations and commit to the things you can do to bring it to pass and leave the rest with Him.

Prayer is the door to revelation and intimacy. You can’t intellectualize everything about the Lord or expect to get it from a sermon. Christ told us to pray always. Not sometimes, when we’re in the mood, when we need a favor or have a problem. Always. David said seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws. That’s a lot communion. You’re worrying about the little thing when consistency is more important. If you can’t meet with Him now as you should how will you do it when you have more responsibility?

When you work for the Lord full-time as the couple does you have greater challenges. The warfare you encounter as a layman is a shadow of what they face for kingdom work. You can’t expect them to sound like you. Their position on marriage is a threat to the evil one and he throws a lot of things at them because of it. Most christian marriages don’t have a spouse that prays and fasts on a regular basis. Let alone two who do the same. It’s rare.

There are situations in life that are difficult to surmount. Problems that require greater oomph and effort to overcome. That’s why the parable of the unjust judge is in the bible. She wasn’t a one and done kind of girl. She kept fighting until he relented. We can’t predict when the breakthrough will come and we’re told to persevere.

I’ve had stumbling blocks that didn’t respond to natural remedies. Sometimes they budged with prayer and sometimes I had to view the issue strategically to overcome it. Which required me to start with myself and address sin or open doors that may have contributed to its presence. Then I tackled the spiritual elements within myself, home, bloodline and associations. After a while it became my norm and I tackled everything that way. Whether a problem existed or not my approach was offensive. I started heading off issues before they arose and doing the same for my partner. I’d rather have a plate less full than one overflowing with hardships. If it requires extra on my end to make it so I’m willing. Peace of mind is priceless.

People often say I want this or that without failing to quantify their desire. How bad do you want it is the question? The answer determines your output. If an employer presented a desirable promotion few would think twice about working late, coming early, taking on more responsibility or working weekends. They’re not thinking about the cost or what they set aside. They’re wholly focused on the prize and what it brings to their lives afterward. If we could do that for a job. How much more would we do for a union blessed by the Lord? You be the judge.

DragonFox91 · May 26, 2025

It doesn't matter if you try or not. It's not based on that.
If someone says 'you're going to get married' they're no more right then if someone says 'you're not going to.'
It doesn't matter if the whole world wants you to get married. You might still not.
It doesn't matter how much you would like to.

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