Trust...

[dluvs2trvl]

I happen to have a trust issue with men, I was in a relationship over 20 years ago with some one I thought loved me, boy was I wrong, He cheated on me several times, he has liedand abused me mentally and physcally as well. So this new guy I am with now is the best. he also has mistrust issues So with the Grace of God we will be ok

I'm very sorry for what you had to endure in your past

I have question though - after everything you've been through in your past - how are you able to trust someone so readily that you've never met in person? You guys are already saying that you're in love and that you are boyfriend and girlfriend and yet you've never met in person.

How has he been able to prove to you that he is who he presents himself to be? And vice versa - how have you been able to prove to him that you are who you say you are?

I'm not trying to challenge your decision or anything, I'm just curious how you've been able to overcome your trust issues from your past...

 

[country woman]

I just left it in God's hands. I know this is right for us. this I can't explain

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

so I'm going to have to say that my trust issues are with myself - as in I don't trust myself to choose the right man...which is why I'm learning to let it be a God thing. If I get out of the way and stop trying to do God's job of choosing my mate, I might actually end up with a decent guy taking interest in me.

I tend to trust everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them. Not that I am gullible or naive - I just kind of have an "innocent until proven guilty" mentality, I guess. But, once you lose my trust, you have very little chance of gaining it back again. I guess I'm kind of all-or-nothing in that dept.

Are you my long, lost sister?!

I could've said said everything verbatum!!!

EXCEPT, I'm still immature and need a hot guy, who works out all the time.....so I give it up to God and "please let him be in good shape".

I think God is waiting on ME to grow up, though!

 

[ido]

Are you my long, lost sister?!

I could've said said everything verbatum!!!

EXCEPT, I'm still immature and need a hot guy, who works out all the time.....so I give it up to God and "please let him be in good shape".

I think God is waiting on ME to grow up, though!

I'll introduce you to my ex, hope - that'll cure you of the good-looking, gym rat variety. LOL

Yeah - I'm doing some growing up of my own this year. Maybe we can grow up together.

 

[GritsnGrace]

Because of my ex's actions (he had numerous affairs the entire time we were married) it had a real affect on my trust issues. I built a wall around myself, figuring, if I didn't fall in love again, I wouldn't get hurt. I was 'safe', while I raised my kids. I had seen too many women who had men in and out of their households, that the kids were more confused than secure. My kids never went without anything, The didn't always have everything they wanted, but always had a roof over their heads, and food on the table. Might have been mac and cheese, hot dogs or hamburger helper, but...Hey!! Filled the belly!! I felt it was more important to stay active in their lives and activities, than going out. That's what I told myself anyway. Well, fast forward 18 years, the kids are grown, and now I have no more excuses. But, I still find it hard to trust. I have prayed about it, though, and have asked God to give me peace in this.

 

[ido]

Because of my ex's actions (he had numerous affairs the entire time we were married) it had a real affect on my trust issues. I built a wall around myself, figuring, if I didn't fall in love again, I wouldn't get hurt. I was 'safe', while I raised my kids. I had seen too many women who had men in and out of their households, that the kids were more confused than secure. My kids never went without anything, The didn't always have everything they wanted, but always had a roof over their heads, and food on the table. Might have been mac and cheese, hot dogs or hamburger helper, but...Hey!! Filled the belly!! I felt it was more important to stay active in their lives and activities, than going out. That's what I told myself anyway. Well, fast forward 18 years, the kids are grown, and now I have no more excuses. But, I still find it hard to trust. I have prayed about it, though, and have asked God to give me peace in this.

I will pray for that peace for you, too, grammy. I commend you for putting your kids and their needs first. I'm doing the same - but trying not to shut myself out to the possibility of love finding me. I just make sure the boys are very insulated from that part of my life. There will be no need for them to meet a guy I'm dating unless it turns into something serious - then he will have to pass the kid test.

 

[GritsnGrace]

I will pray for that peace for you, too, grammy. I commend you for putting your kids and their needs first. I'm doing the same - but trying not to shut myself out to the possibility of love finding me. I just make sure the boys are very insulated from that part of my life. There will be no need for them to meet a guy I'm dating unless it turns into something serious - then he will have to pass the kid test.

Well, I went to work, and was faithful to my church. The church I went to didn't have a singles group, but the one i attend now does. I just never went out of my way to 'persue' a man. Not my style. I am open to a relationship, now, I think. Just placing that in His hands!! You just never know who I might meet at Kroger!

 

[ido]

Right? I can hear you now - "Paper, plastic, or shall I just carry this home for you?"

 

[GritsnGrace]

Right? I can hear you now - "Paper, plastic, or shall I just carry this home for you?"

lol!! Ya just never know!!

 

[FlatpickingJD]

I'm slow to trust and slow to forgive. I dated someone who I told a lot to, about family and religion and all, and she just turned and threw a lot of it back at me in a really hurtful, ugly way. As a result, I don't open up quickly, if at all. That's had the result of folks thinking I'm arrogant and/or self-contained and not needing anyone in my life. Frankly, I don't know that I do or have overcome it. Let's call it a work in progress.

 

[Jenster]

I probably still have trust issues, but then again, I haven't been close enough to someone recently to really know.

Fortunately, I'm learning to monitor myself and take care of myself better (it's slow going, but something I'm aware of now). My problem in the past was trusting someone untrustworthy, which really messed with me. In a way, it made me distrust *myself.*

But if someone IS trustworthy, I think I would try to trust him. I would let him earn my trust at first, but once I see someone's character and I can tell it's solid, I see no reason NOT to trust.

 

[KarrieTex]

I'm slow to trust and slow to forgive. I dated someone who I told a lot to, about family and religion and all, and she just turned and threw a lot of it back at me in a really hurtful, ugly way. As a result, I don't open up quickly, if at all. That's had the result of folks thinking I'm arrogant and/or self-contained and not needing anyone in my life. Frankly, I don't know that I do or have overcome it. Let's call it a work in progress.

I can completely understand that...more than you know.

 

[KarrieTex]

My trust issues have come from dealing with abuse my whole childhood, dealing with boys (not men) cheating on me, and giving my heart and love to a man, who changed on me and told me my trust, heart, love, and confidence in him was not worth a hill of beans.

Gee all by the males in this world and they wonder why we women are still single at times.

Friendship wise...I have put my trust in some very wrong people and been betrayed badly. Now it takes me even longer to make a strong connection with a friend.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

My trust issues are so bad, I can't even seem to trust GOD when it comes to relationships. So....I've just given up.

 

[Bridgit]

I believe that the more time you spend with people the more you can figure them out. I do not trust blindly.

What I learnt with my past relationship is that when I see things I do not like I should not trust/assume they will change. That was my mistake.

If I ever get involved into another relationship and I see things in that other person I know I don't like and cannot live with, then I won't bother pursuing the relationship to a higher level. If I know I can live with it and it's not a big deal to me, then it's fine.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I believe that the more time you spend with people the more you can figure them out. I do not trust blindly.

What I learnt with my past relationship is that when I see things I do not like I should not trust/assume they will change. That was my mistake.

If I ever get involved into another relationship and I see things in that other person I know I don't like and cannot live with, then I won't bother pursuing the relationship to a higher level. If I know I can live with it and it's not a big deal to me, then it's fine.

That's the best way to deal with it! Kudos to you!

 

[Bridgit]

That's the best way to deal with it! Kudos to you!

Thanks! It was a hard lesson to learn though but I make sure to share it with anybody who is about to get involved in a relationship and tells me they are not sure.