Trust...

[dluvs2trvl]

I thought this might be a better discussion for those of us that are more "mature" and have dealt with broken trust in relationships in the past.

Do you think you have trust issues as a result of past failed relationships? How does it affect new relationships? How do you overcome or deal with your trust issues?

 

[jcj3803]

Well... I have never been cheated on, to my knowledge, so broken trust has not been that much of an issue. I've been dumped and it hurt but it wasn't like I was blindsided.

Are you perhaps talking about rejection sensitivity?

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Hmmm...no, I don't think I mean rejection sensitivity...I'm pretty sure I mean broken trust

I have been cheated on and I have also had someone lead me on about our future together and making me feel that we were planning to be together for a lifetime and then have him change his mind...I'm not saying that he didn't have the right to change his mind - all I'm saying is that it had an impact on my ability to freely trust someone and not feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...and I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only one that has an issue trusting...

 

[covenantwmn]

I definitely do, the fear of abandonment thing for me. God has blessed me with a man who reassures me when I need it and understands. It is such a deep scar, healing will take time. The LORD has healed so very much, but when I went into this relationship I found out that is the one thing that has lied under the surface, no reason to know until I was with someone. When trust is broken, so hard to restore, even with someone new. But with Christ all things are possible.

 

[ido]

Well, I've been cheated on by two different men in my past, so I'm going to have to say that my trust issues are with myself - as in I don't trust myself to choose the right man...which is why I'm learning to let it be a God thing. If I get out of the way and stop trying to do God's job of choosing my mate, I might actually end up with a decent guy taking interest in me.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I definitely do, the fear of abandonment thing for me. God has blessed me with a man who reassures me when I need it and understands. It is such a deep scar, healing will take time. The LORD has healed so very much, but when I went into this relationship I found out that is the one thing that has lied under the surface, no reason to know until I was with someone. When trust is broken, so hard to restore, even with someone new. But with Christ all things are possible.

That's what I've been praying about a lot lately - that the Lord will heal that scar in me because it isn't fair to the new guy to have to pay for the mistakes of the old guy!!!

The way it comes out for me is that instead of letting a relationship progress naturally I tend to push things looking for a sense of security that shouldn't even be there yet!

I'm really working on trying to just let things happen instead of trying to make them happen and I know that I can change in this area with the Lord's help.

Well, I've been cheated on by two different men in my past, so I'm going to have to say that my trust issues are with myself - as in I don't trust myself to choose the right man...which is why I'm learning to let it be a God thing. If I get out of the way and stop trying to do God's job of choosing my mate, I might actually end up with a decent guy taking interest in me.

But even if a decent guy takes interest in you - do you think you will be able to trust him 100% from the beginning of the relationship or do you think it will take time to build up trust?

 

[ido]

But even if a decent guy takes interest in you - do you think you will be able to trust him 100% from the beginning of the relationship or do you think it will take time to build up trust?

I tend to trust everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them. Not that I am gullible or naive - I just kind of have an "innocent until proven guilty" mentality, I guess. But, once you lose my trust, you have very little chance of gaining it back again. I guess I'm kind of all-or-nothing in that dept.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I tend to trust everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them. Not that I am gullible or naive - I just kind of have an "innocent until proven guilty" mentality, I guess. But, once you lose my trust, you have very little chance of gaining it back again. I guess I'm kind of all-or-nothing in that dept.

Well, I'm like that in the beginning and then when something happens that may have been totally innocent on the part of the guy but kind of triggers something in me from the past - then I start to have those distrust/insecure feelings...I'm sooo not saying that I should be this way and I'm trying really hard to change...just wish I could take some magic pill and that be all fixed in me!

 

[overit]

To me trust is not really in relation to fidelity, it's about how he will treat me, is he kind, will he stay kind...i haven't met many guys I can trust to be good to me and stay that way, or live up to their word and promises. Has little to do with trust when it comes to other people-though that does have some weight of course. It's about trusting them with my heart and have my best interests at heart, it's trust in myself in finding and choosing the right person, hard to explain really.

 

[jcj3803]

I'm with Fla Native. I see no reason NOT to trust people unless/until they pull something. After that, I can forgive but I rarely forget...

 

[soccerdad66]

Well, I've been cheated on by two different men in my past, so I'm going to have to say that my trust issues are with myself - as in I don't trust myself to choose the right man...which is why I'm learning to let it be a God thing. If I get out of the way and stop trying to do God's job of choosing my mate, I might actually end up with a decent guy taking interest in me.

Same with me. I had trust issues because of it. It's getting better.

 

[Anles]

Oh, goodness yes! I totally have trust issues! I think it just comes with living. It's a form of self preservation. Certainly being slower to trust keeps me from so freely giving my heart away (as I did when I was younger). To a certain extent, it's a good thing. It makes me open my eyes and question instead of blindly accepting that some guy is a good thing. I think being slow to trust makes my brain kick in before my heart or hormones!

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Same with me. I had trust issues because of it. It's getting better.

You were cheated on by two men in your past!
















j/k

 

[ido]

Same with me. I had trust issues because of it. It's getting better.

I've started a "listen to the small, quiet voice" campaign, so I start listening to my intuition more and my brain less. lol

 

[ido]

You were cheated on by two men in your past!
















j/k

Now, see - I was being nice and didn't go there...but now you've got me .

 

[ido]

To me trust is not really in relation to fidelity, it's about how he will treat me, is he kind, will he stay kind...i haven't met many guys I can trust to be good to me and stay that way, or live up to their word and promises. Has little to do with trust when it comes to other people-though that does have some weight of course. It's about trusting them with my heart and have my best interests at heart, it's trust in myself in finding and choosing the right person, hard to explain really.

I agree. We do need to be able to trust our mates on multiple levels.

 

[KarrieTex]

Trust is a big issue for me. In fact I will walk away from a person I love...or the man I love...because there is no trust.

It's good to remember that trust is not about cheating.

I have never been a trusting person so until you gain my trust, I will NOT if ever let you into my inner world.

I have seen to much to be able to trust a person blindly and especially a man.

 

[soccerdad66]

You were cheated on by two men in your past!



j/k

Kind've considering my ex's needed someone to cheat with...

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Kind've considering my ex's needed someone to cheat with...

That was good!

 

[country woman]

I happen to have a trust issue with men, I was in a relationship over 20 years ago with some one I thought loved me, boy was I wrong, He cheated on me several times, he has liedand abused me mentally and physcally as well. So this new guy I am with now is the best. he also has mistrust issues So with the Grace of God we will be ok