"True repentence"

[Thankfull4Grace]

Hello! Doing a thorough search, with biblical reasons for separating from a relationship, with a willful sinner, who has continually apologized for his violations against me and continues to go back to the same behavior he apologized for. I need to add here: This isn't repentance which I know is, a 180 turn in the other direction.
Anyhow, I found numerous scriptures that stated what I needed to do:
Matt 18:14-18 ~ Go- take witnesses-go to the church ---Did that
1 Cor 5: 11-13 ~ Have nothing to do with them Did that
1 Cor 6 ~ take the serious violation to the church instead of the court (family --of God/not a building)
2 Tim 3:1-5 Have nothing to do with them.
Lastly about 40 verses in Proverbs, regarding how to handle a fool; basically, someone who returns to their vomit.
NOW my questions...
After explaining all of my biblical reasons to his Christian friends (yes he calls himself a Christian and will argue profusely that he is!), for not associating with this unrepented sinner. They said, I was being unloving, unkind, impatient and so forth. Also that "Jesus would never forsake anyone " his mother said. THey completely disregarded the scriptures. SHEESH!
Why are so many soft on sin?
What am I to do when they themselves are believers, and don't live with this man and don't see his violations/issues/repeated sin on a daily basis? I don't want a divorce I simply want him to get a wake-up call. THis has helped trememndously....but he hasn't fully repented (my hope still stands for his restoration)
How do I explain it better to those who we know, other than how the verses explain it?

 

[Call me Nic]

Matthew 18:21-22 - "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."
Luke 17:3-4 - "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him."

 

[Call me Nic]

Hello! Doing a thorough search, with biblical reasons for separating from a relationship, with a willful sinner, who has continually apologized for his violations against me and continues to go back to the same behavior he apologized for. I need to add here: This isn't repentance which I know is, a 180 turn in the other direction.
Anyhow, I found numerous scriptures that stated what I needed to do:
Matt 18:14-18 ~ Go- take witnesses-go to the church ---Did that
1 Cor 5: 11-13 ~ Have nothing to do with them Did that
1 Cor 6 ~ take the serious violation to the church instead of the court (family --of God/not a building)
2 Tim 3:1-5 Have nothing to do with them.
Lastly about 40 verses in Proverbs, regarding how to handle a fool; basically, someone who returns to their vomit.
NOW my questions...
After explaining all of my biblical reasons to his Christian friends (yes he calls himself a Christian and will argue profusely that he is!), for not associating with this unrepented sinner. They said, I was being unloving, unkind, impatient and so forth. Also that "Jesus would never forsake anyone " his mother said. THey completely disregarded the scriptures. SHEESH!
Why are so many soft on sin?
What am I to do when they themselves are believers, and don't live with this man and don't see his violations/issues/repeated sin on a daily basis? I don't want a divorce I simply want him to get a wake-up call. THis has helped trememndously....but he hasn't fully repented (my hope still stands for his restoration)
How do I explain it better to those who we know, other than how the verses explain it?

There is no cause for divorce except for fornication (which is not adultery). Fornication takes place before a marriage, and if you are already married, the Lord commands that we stay married.

If you're not married, and he is sinning against you, then leave. But you said you didn't want a divorce, so I guess that means you're married.

 

[icxn]

Unless his sins are very very serious, you should bear with him... unless of course you don't consider yourself strong:

"We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak" (Rom. 15:1) and "bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2)​

 

[Ron Gurley]

It sounds like your spouse is not a believer. He cannot spiritually and truly repent (turn to God).

Romans 2:4
Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

2 Corinthians 7:10
For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

2 Timothy 2:25
with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,

Read 1 Cor. 7 for Paul's exceptions to divorce.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

I get what y'all are saying...thank you for responding!
Forgiveness, kindness, Forebearance, gentle quiet spirit... etc, isn't the problem for me. I am an empath all of that comes easily to me. It is the repetition of the sin that is the issue. and ALL of the scripture I listed has alot to do with disconnection.

 

[Call me Nic]

It sounds like your spouse is not a believer. He cannot spiritually and truly repent (turn to God).

Romans 2:4
Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

2 Corinthians 7:10
For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

2 Timothy 2:25
with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,

Read 1 Cor. 7 for Paul's exceptions to divorce.

How do you know he is not a believer? Only God knows the heart. A Christian can get caught up carnally and backslide, but it doesn't mean he is an unbeliever.

To the OP: Paul implores us in 1 Corinthians 7 to stay as we are, but only if they depart of their own accord instead of wishing to stay married, are we loosed from them and not under obligation. However, if the other party doesn't leave, we are commanded to stay married.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Unless his sins are very very serious, you should bear with him... unless of course you don't consider yourself strong:

"We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak" (Rom. 15:1) and "bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2)​

Strength? I would say 19 years with this roller coaster ride of Sin-Forgive-Repeat ~I've tolerated ALOT.
It's a rage issue, and I am his target.
In couseling (3 in 17 yrs) He talks very surfacey and when I share the reality of what's happening behind closed doors he never goes back!

 

[Call me Nic]

I get what y'all are saying...thank you for responding!
Forgiveness, kindness, Forebearance, gentle quiet spirit... etc, isn't the problem for me. I am an empath all of that comes easily to me. It is the repetition of the sin that is the issue. and ALL of the scripture I listed has alot to do with disconnection.

Then this should be good practice to reaffirm your talent at forgiving and forbearing.

God may not just be testing him, but also testing you. Pray for your marriage, and have faith that God will work everything out for both you and him.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

How do you know he is not a believer? Only God knows the heart. A Christian can get caught up carnally and backslide, but it doesn't mean he is an unbeliever.

To the OP: Paul implores us in 1 Corinthians 7 to stay as we are, but only if they depart of their own accord instead of wishing to stay married, are we loosed from them and not under obligation. However, if the other party doesn't leave, we are commanded to stay married.

We know by their fruit- Matt 7 ...A good tree bears good fruit a bad tree bears bad

 

[RaymondG]

Why do you need to explain things to your friends? It is not our job to determine whether someone else has truly repented or not......whether they are truly christian or not or whether they or on their way to hell or not. Our sole responsibility it working out our own soul salvation with fear and trembling.

Treat your husband how you want to be treated.....because you will be treated the same. Forgive only if you want to be forgiven in the future. Judge if you want to be judged...etc... It is all about you.

Now the matter at hand that matters...is that you, of your own free will, made a vow and would like people to understand you breaking it. You may have said the words "for better or for worse....till death" The bible never told us to make these exclamations. But it does states that it is better not to make vows than to make them and break them. Were there any clauses added to the "for worse" section.? If there was, only you can say whether they can release you from your original vows... The opinions of other cant make it right or wrong...and only you can pay the consequences of your decision.

 

[Call me Nic]

We know by their fruit- Matt 7 ...A good tree bears good fruit a bad tree bears bad

Except that passage is referring to false prophets, not believers. You know a false prophet by their fruits when they teach lies and abiblical doctrines.

If we are to judge believers by their inability to stop sinning or repenting from sin, then we are all going to fail, because we all sin for the rest of our lives after getting saved.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Then this should be good practice to reaffirm your talent at forgiving and forbearing.

God may not just be testing him, but also testing you. Pray for your marriage, and have faith that God will work everything out for both you and him.

WOW!
BE a doormat ~ OH-KAY! or...a piece of gum under his shoe and he can walk all over me and just take his bad temper, and word vomit! THat's good for the soul -NOT!
WOW!

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Except that passage is referring to false prophets, not believers. You know a false prophet by their fruits when they teach lies and abiblical doctrines.

If we are to judge believers by their inability to stop sinning or repenting from sin, then we are all going to fail, because we all sin for the rest of our lives after getting saved.

Why do you need to explain things to your friends? It is not our job to determine whether someone else has truly repented or not......whether they are truly christian or not or whether they or on their way to hell or not. Our sole responsibility it working out our own soul salvation with fear and trembling.

Treat your husband how you want to be treated.....because you will be treated the same. Forgive only if you want to be forgiven in the future. Judge if you want to be judged...etc... It is all about you.

Now the matter at hand that matters...is that you, of your own free will, made a vow and would like people to understand you breaking it. You may have said the words "for better or for worse....till YOdeath" The bible never told us to make these exclamations. But it does states that it is better not to make vows than to make them and break them. Were there any clauses added to the "for worse" section.? If there was, only you can say whether they can release you from your original vows... The opinions of other cant make it right or wrong...and only you can pay the consequences of your dec

So just take abuse for leagalistic reasons?

 

[RaymondG]

So just take abuse for leagalistic reasons?

Where did you read that into my post?

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Suck it up sister, and be his doormat---! except from Mr Gurley . Who would of thought it's ok to treat a woman in a harsh manner and she just needs to take it. I don't read that in Eph 5 or in 1 Peter 3

 

[Paul of Eugene OR]

Hello! Doing a thorough search, with biblical reasons for separating from a relationship, with a willful sinner, who has continually apologized for his violations against me and continues to go back to the same behavior he apologized for. I need to add here: This isn't repentance which I know is, a 180 turn in the other direction.
Anyhow, I found numerous scriptures that stated what I needed to do:
Matt 18:14-18 ~ Go- take witnesses-go to the church ---Did that
1 Cor 5: 11-13 ~ Have nothing to do with them Did that
1 Cor 6 ~ take the serious violation to the church instead of the court (family --of God/not a building)
2 Tim 3:1-5 Have nothing to do with them.
Lastly about 40 verses in Proverbs, regarding how to handle a fool; basically, someone who returns to their vomit.
NOW my questions...
After explaining all of my biblical reasons to his Christian friends (yes he calls himself a Christian and will argue profusely that he is!), for not associating with this unrepented sinner. They said, I was being unloving, unkind, impatient and so forth. Also that "Jesus would never forsake anyone " his mother said. THey completely disregarded the scriptures. SHEESH!
Why are so many soft on sin?
What am I to do when they themselves are believers, and don't live with this man and don't see his violations/issues/repeated sin on a daily basis? I don't want a divorce I simply want him to get a wake-up call. THis has helped trememndously....but he hasn't fully repented (my hope still stands for his restoration)
How do I explain it better to those who we know, other than how the verses explain it?

You are doing him a favor by removing temptation from his vicinity . . . the temptation to abuse you.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Where did you read that into my post?

"....But it does states that it is better not to make vows than to make them and break them. Were there any clauses added to the "for worse" section.? If there was, only you can say whether they can release you from your original vows... The opinions of other cant make it right or wrong...and only you can pay the consequences of your decision."

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

You are doing him a favor by removing temptation from his vicinity . . . the temptation to abuse you.

Thank you ! Finally someone who knows women are the weaker vessel!

 

[RaymondG]

Suck it up sister, and be his doormat---! except from Mr Gurley . Who would of thought it's ok to treat a woman in a harsh manner and she just needs to take it. I don't read that in Eph 5 or in 1 Peter 3

Just like you will face the consequences of your actions.....He will face the consequences of His...in due time.

It is unwise to Judge another or use the downfall of others to determine one own action. You should do what is best for you spiritually and naturally.