- Jan 3, 2007
- 147
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- Faith
- Christian
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- US-Republican
I have come to realize that I cannot simply live my life with myself as the focus. For over a decade, I have fought mental illness, focused on myself, trying to make things better for myself, all to create more and more stress and more things that need fixing. The story is too long to explain here, but I've come across so many impossible things, I know now I cannot do this anymore.
In the past couple of months, I've opened my heart to God. Being a believer for over 18 years, still I never truly opened up. I have a new feeling inside now. After the death of Jesus, several of His disciples went off to other towns to witness, and were beaten and imprisoned, but instead of being upset, they actually prayed to God to thank Him for letting them suffer in the name of Jesus.
I feel I am ready to face trials. I've seen my past trials develop my mind, integrity, outlook on life, and much more. Trials develop the person going through them. So I asked God to take my desires, even that which I love, if He wishes to. I said "Lord, if you desire, burden me with endless things. Make my whole life a trial. Destroy that which I have accumulated out of greed. Put me through horrible times and take the little bit of health I have remaining (I have many diseases already), let me feel hell on earth if you need that. Harden me and strengthen me so that I can better connect to You."
I asked this because I found my calling recently. I'm intelligent, an IQ over 150, and I know large amounts about science, biology, astronomy, physics, history, etc., but due to my inability to concentrate well, I was unable to pass the important tests in school. Due to this, I have no education. So a good career is not possible. My mental illnesses have proven to be a huge problem in relationships with women. While I never treat women badly, I am extremely paranoid, and ocd will form irritating habits that drive them away eventually. As friends, they are fine, though. So, knowing I cannot get a good job, nor can I do well in a relationship, God pulled those desires away from me. At one time, I wanted nothing more than to find a nice girl and live my life with her. Now, I haven't the smallest desire to do so. Even my sexual desires are gone now, not even there in the slightest. My temptations lie in other places.
Knowing all of this, I felt hopeless for a while, simply existing, with no hope for a career or love life, but then something came over me, something began to help me learn another language without even trying. I became close to fluent in it with no effort. God came into me, and told me to throw everything away, all my attachments, and witness in Japan. I asked "But while I may be able to get there, I haven't the money for rent, or food, or such" and was replied to; "I asked my disciples to leave it all behind, and many of them wondered how they would make it, but I provided for them in ways they could never have predicted. Trust that I will do the same for you, even if you must live on the street for a while. Your true purpose is to go there, and endure all the hardships that come with that move. I know you will suffer, but stay strong in your faith, don't worry over possessions, because all you really need is me, Chris."
After that, my faith increased dramatically. I had heard God. I had once been into occult practices, and thus know how it feels when you hear a demon, and this was no demon. This was God Himself speaking to me.
So, I ask only this of you. I will leave everything behind, taking only the things I need, and then trust in God to get me by even if I see no way to get by. I'm going to go to Japan the moment my Japanese improves a little more. I only ask of you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to pray for my faith to stay strong, for me not to doubt God. Right now, I believe with every fiber of my being that He will provide, so please, I beg you, pray that my faith remains strong like this.
Thank you so much.
God bless you all,
Christopher
In the past couple of months, I've opened my heart to God. Being a believer for over 18 years, still I never truly opened up. I have a new feeling inside now. After the death of Jesus, several of His disciples went off to other towns to witness, and were beaten and imprisoned, but instead of being upset, they actually prayed to God to thank Him for letting them suffer in the name of Jesus.
I feel I am ready to face trials. I've seen my past trials develop my mind, integrity, outlook on life, and much more. Trials develop the person going through them. So I asked God to take my desires, even that which I love, if He wishes to. I said "Lord, if you desire, burden me with endless things. Make my whole life a trial. Destroy that which I have accumulated out of greed. Put me through horrible times and take the little bit of health I have remaining (I have many diseases already), let me feel hell on earth if you need that. Harden me and strengthen me so that I can better connect to You."
I asked this because I found my calling recently. I'm intelligent, an IQ over 150, and I know large amounts about science, biology, astronomy, physics, history, etc., but due to my inability to concentrate well, I was unable to pass the important tests in school. Due to this, I have no education. So a good career is not possible. My mental illnesses have proven to be a huge problem in relationships with women. While I never treat women badly, I am extremely paranoid, and ocd will form irritating habits that drive them away eventually. As friends, they are fine, though. So, knowing I cannot get a good job, nor can I do well in a relationship, God pulled those desires away from me. At one time, I wanted nothing more than to find a nice girl and live my life with her. Now, I haven't the smallest desire to do so. Even my sexual desires are gone now, not even there in the slightest. My temptations lie in other places.
Knowing all of this, I felt hopeless for a while, simply existing, with no hope for a career or love life, but then something came over me, something began to help me learn another language without even trying. I became close to fluent in it with no effort. God came into me, and told me to throw everything away, all my attachments, and witness in Japan. I asked "But while I may be able to get there, I haven't the money for rent, or food, or such" and was replied to; "I asked my disciples to leave it all behind, and many of them wondered how they would make it, but I provided for them in ways they could never have predicted. Trust that I will do the same for you, even if you must live on the street for a while. Your true purpose is to go there, and endure all the hardships that come with that move. I know you will suffer, but stay strong in your faith, don't worry over possessions, because all you really need is me, Chris."
After that, my faith increased dramatically. I had heard God. I had once been into occult practices, and thus know how it feels when you hear a demon, and this was no demon. This was God Himself speaking to me.
So, I ask only this of you. I will leave everything behind, taking only the things I need, and then trust in God to get me by even if I see no way to get by. I'm going to go to Japan the moment my Japanese improves a little more. I only ask of you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to pray for my faith to stay strong, for me not to doubt God. Right now, I believe with every fiber of my being that He will provide, so please, I beg you, pray that my faith remains strong like this.
Thank you so much.
God bless you all,
Christopher
