chrystle said:
Okay umm, I posted this a couple of months ago, but I didn't really get the answers I was looking for.
Anyway, abit of an intro, I'm 15 this year, male, however my whole damn life I've felt very strongly that I should be a girl instead. And, its not just that, I find extreme discomfort with my own body. I hate everything about my male body, it all just disgusts me so.
I sort of plan to have my sex changed in the future, but I'm quite afraid that God might forbid it, and thats my worst nightmare, because I could never stand being a guy for the rest of my life. I'd rather be dead.
My father's a Christian, and my mum's a Catholic. They both assured me that its fine, and theres nothing to be worried about, but I'm really not sure.
I mean, if I were asked to remain a guy, I'd find it bloody unfair, because its not as if I'm really doing anything wrong....its not as if it says so in the Bible. I'm not gay, in the sense that I like guys the way a girl would, but at the same time I'm not a homosexual guy. If I actually could complete my surgery, I would live just like any other normal female would. I plan to serve the Lord better, because as a guy I wouldn't have the heart to even continue living.
Sorry if it all seems rather jumbled up, but right now I'm just sorta writing stuff as they come into my head. Basically I'm wondering if its wrong to change sex, when I am psycologically the other sex, and I plan to live normally as the opposite sex. Why should this be wrong? I'm just really really afraid of having to live the rest of my life as a guy. Its already been 15 years of pure misery being stuck in this awful hidous body, I doubt I could spend the rest of my life in it....
- Chrystle
Your post could have been written by me when I was 15.....or even much later on duing my life. I know what you are going through because I have been there too.
I thought about my gender
dysphoria (bad feelings) every day of my life. LIke you, I did
not have a homosexual sexuality (This is more commone than not.), but the thought of being a male for life caused me much depression. I was the middle child with two brothers. We lived out in the country where most of the kids my age were boys. I could not understand why I had those feeling of "being born into the wrong body". I was a senitive child, but I was not what is often called a "sissy".
I married a wonderful woman in the Catholic Church. She knew about my "problem" prior to our marriage, but loved me so much that it made no difference to her. At first I "crossed-dressed" but eventually I started female hormones. I had a woman doctor prescribe them for me. I went to transgender support groups. There I met others like me who had the same disires. One of them was even a priest! I was told over and over that I could never be happy as a man and had to go through a gender change. The hormones changed my body and I started to look much more like a woman than a man. I felt so fee being on the female hormones. What I had dreamed about all my life was starting to come true. I was starting to become a woman at last!
I "came-out" to my family. To my delite they supported me in my struggle. Most transsexuals do not have that kind of support. I started to live full-time as a woman. It was difficult for my wife and I because we were often rejected by people as being lesbians. When we went to the grocery store on Sundays, many Christians would look down upon us with hate. They still had there church clothes on.
But there were those Christains who were kind to us. I will never forget them. The words, "By their fruit you shall know them." is so true.
But even with all the changes I found I was still not happy. I did not find the happiness that I had hoped and prayed for all those years. It's true, even thought I looked like a woman, I was not really one. People might be kind to me as a "transsexual", but they still called me "he" and not "she". They just could not seem to understand. I was told that I had to go through "social suicide". That means I would have to move far away and break all ties with my past. My wife loved me, but she also loved her family. It was a very difficult time for both of us.
Then it happened. I developed cancer. A university hospital thought it was related to the hormones. I think it was the hormones and the stress I was under that caused it. Any way, when I told the "support group" most of them said I should continue on the hormones until I died! They were in denial that the hormones could do that. They soon slipped away from all contact with me.
I went off of all hormones. I had to endure something that was like Chemo for a year. I lost a part of my body due to amputation. But I had the prayers of many true Christians, both Catholics and non-Catholics. Even many non-Christians were praying for me. Those prayers lifted me up more than I can put into words. The prayers were answered, I am healed. But before I was healed of my cancer, I was healed of the gender dysphoria that haunted me for years.
I hope people understand what I am about to say. I truly believe that transsexulism is a mental disorder. Nothing more, nothing less. It is no more of a sin than having cancer.
I love and support gay people. I do not believe that being gay is the same as transsexulism. At any rate, I know how it feels to be "gay" or "lesbian". Christain hate of gays or transsexual people is NOT the answer.
This was not easy for me to write. The story is much longer than what I wrote, but I hope you get the idea of what I am trying to say dear one.
If you seek professional help, seek it from someone who can bring you light and not darkness.
Bless you dear child.
Ardent Listener
P.S. I am now happy in my male body. The female changes mostly reversed. I am now into lifting weights and I am very strong and healthy.