Total Transformation

[The Gregorian]

I'm curious if anyone knows about the system I keep seeing commercials for.

Only commercial for it I've found is this: YouTube - Total Transformation Program

However, I've heard many commercials with some rather questionable claims.

He advertises that it doesn't matter how much they backtalk, there's 10 words you can say to end any questioning of your authority. He talks about "no more back talking or acting out" ... and he's very vague about the methods. The people on the commercial say things like "Since I got the program, there's just been no acting out. I say to do something, and he just does it."

So... Who knows about this? From a psychological aspect, it seems like whatever this would be should be horribly damaging. Do most parents really WANT children to be mindless, obedient drones... afraid to have any opinion of their own, to weak to stand up for themselves?

Parents need to remember that they're people too. And far from infallible. If a child is afraid to question anything, don't you think your child will be afraid to ASK questions as well? This would stifle learning capacity, and further weaken communication because there would be no trust.

If the parent demands absolute obedience, how will the child confront the parent about a problem? One way communication is never preferable in a healthy relationship. Be it parent/child or husband/wife... when a relationship stops being about trust and starts being about "strict authority and one way communication" ... it would clearly be an abusive relationship.


Anywho... does anyone here know about the program? Are the suggestions reasonable, or as psychologically damaging as the advertisement makes it sound?

If you don't know about the program... just from the information in the ad, is it something you would want to try with your children?

 

[5littlejujus]

I use this program and love it. It was recommended by my neighbor who also loves it and I have passed it on to several of my friends. Trust me, it is not about blind obedience. It is about good communication skills with kids, not getting sucked into there distractions and arguments (kids are good at this, aren't they?) and teaching them how to appropriately interact and solve problems in a healthy way, in a healthy environment. Good stuff.

Julie H.
tips-for-parenting.info

 

[The Gregorian]

Maybe it's just really bad marketing then... How most of the commercials portray it, it sounds like it's a box with a note in it which says "slap 'em across the face."

So, would you mind giving a bit of an example? What sort of thing did you learn? It advertises something about "10 words you can say to turn your child's attitude around in 1 minute or less"... What sort of thing would this be without being psychologically damaging?

Keep in mind, children learn from their parents... I know immediate effects can be seen if you turn your OWN attitude around in one minute or less, and thereby avoid losing control of the conversation. But USUALLY when a child is acting up... the parent is acting a similar way. The only thing you can instantly change is yourself. ... which can instantly get you better responses.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Just a guess here, but I would bet money those 10 words are more of a passive leadership tactic rather than a confrontational one.

To be quite blunt, a lot of parents don't handle backtalk well. Backtalk usually comes from a frustrated, angry child. Replying to the child in a frustrated, angry way with threats or negative language or yelling will only escalate the situation leading to more yelling, cursing, disrespect and so on.

An angry child who is backtalking can easily be diffused if you just learn how to respond passively and in a way so the child knows he/she is being heard, but also that the attitude needs to be dropped and you mean business.

 

[The Gregorian]

I definitely agree with that.

 

[homeofmew]

They are making money of parents who didn't right the first time.
The key is not letting you kid do everything they want to do (now im not saying if they want to do something good not to encourage it)

This stuff all starts from getting your kid candy at the store when they were little ~_~

 

[cthompson2505]

Ok I'm new and I'm posting here to give you my perspective on the program. A little background on me: I am a parenting coach and I specialize in dealing with toddlers (the "terrible twos" can be terrific). But my blog gets traffic from people with older kids who are defiant, obnoxious, etc. So I did check out the Total Transformation Program to decide if it was worth recommending.

It is definitely a solid program. Another benefit is the "free trial" offer, so if you think it's garbage you just send it back.

My 15 years of experience is in an area that people might thing is "werid". Things like NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis, that I study, are about getting into peak states, collapsing negative anchors, overcoming obstacles in life, and installing "brain software" if you want to think of it this way.

TV commercials, movies, peer pressure ... all of these program your mind, but you may not be aware of it. Parents deal with their kids in a way that they have learned, whether or NOT it is effective.

Parenting is a *skill* and James Lehman teaches that skill for parents who are dealing with real defiance. From my NLP background I can see that he is using tactics that are very simple and effective.

He comes across "tough", but he's very practical.

Here is an example since you asked, The Gregorian: He teaches you to say to your child, "There is no excuse for abuse". If your child is acting out and you say this, it is a factually correct statement that causes your child to stop and think. It opens the door to more productive communication. It's far from his only technique. It's a starting point.

I wrote several blog postings about it, and wrote a review that you can find here (sorry I can't make it an active link)

TalkingtoToddlers.com/total-transformation-program

 

[The Gregorian]

It is definitely a solid program. Another benefit is the "free trial" offer, so if you think it's garbage you just send it back.

A "free trial" which costs $20 for shipping?

I agree with the idea that there's no excuse for abuse... but in the end, that's just a catch phrase to trick the parent into being more mature than the child... which is what it all boils down to. If you child is screaming at you... if you scream back, you'll only encourage them to keep yelling. Children seek reaction. So, if you react positively any time they're being civil... and simply ignore them all together when they're being unreasonable... they'll end up giving that up pretty quick. I'm still waiting to hear these "10 words" though. I've never seen a catch phrase that couldn't be circumvented.

(also, to post a direct link, highlight the text you want selected and click the icon just above the text box. It looks like a globe with two chain links on it. The 11th icon in on the line of icons where you can bold or underline the text)

 

[indagroove]

We have 4 daugthers. The program turn our lives around

It's a transformation of the parents more then the child. It's about being smarter then the child, and that's not as easy as it sounds.

The 1-minute or less bonus changed our household the first night. We had at that time, three of the girls in the 7-9 year range.

The best thing we learned that night was dealing with a kid that would not stay in their room when sent there for being down right rude. 2 minutes later one would be out of her room. We really didn't want to paddle. We would ask "what are you doing?". ... and they reply, I just need a pencil or a drink, or apaper, or bathroom or or or . Lehman best tip was to Never ask them what they are doing, askthem where they are supposed to be. There is only one answer for that, and it is not debateable. The first test went like this..

9yo sent to room for not doing her chore(listed on the board), and asked 5 times.

she comes out 3 minutes into a 30 minute timeout.

wife: where are you supposed to be?
child: I just need some paper.
wife: where are you supposed to be?
child I need a pencil too.
wife: where are you supposed to be?
child: I just want to...
wife: where are you supposed to be?
child: I..
wife: where are you supposed to be?

child turns and goes to room

This works everytime, as it removes all debate. The key is not to debate.

That's just one of the 10. It sounds simple. My wife and I are degreed professionals, but our kids can really make us feel dumb sometimes. They are like pack wolves and can smell fear This was about 3 years ago. Once in a while we'll play the 10 step bonus CD to refresh us. The reminds us we are supposed to be in charge.

The program is really good for those of you at your wits end...