Torn on what to decide regarding my kid's higher education

[Merrill]

My youngest son is going into senior year of high-school, and is looking at colleges and universities for next year. He has good grades and should be able to get into 80% of the schools out there.

But while I am Christian, and my wife is a devout Christian who is heavily involved with our church (EFCA), my son is ambivalent about God and religion. It is the only "rebellious" thing about him I suppose. Teenagers see what their parents do and resolve to do the opposite. I don't press him on this, as I believe he needs to come to God on his own (I think he will ultimately)

The problem is, he is very reluctant to attend a Christian college, while I like the idea quite a bit. I will be paying for his education (no loans)

so while I think places like Cedarville University or Hope College would be great --or maybe Wheaton College, he would prefer a secular liberal-arts school, or maybe a state school. We have visited a bunch of places, and even some of the Catholic schools have gone off-the-rails politically, spiritually, and ideologically. Its bad when you see a banner over the admissions office that says "Trans Rights are Human Rights"

so I am not sure what to do. Should I insist he attends a school the aligns with the religious and cultural values of the family, or allow him to go his own way? Part of me says "let him go where he wants and find his own way, even if he is exposed to things I don't like", and the other part of me says "I am the one paying the bills, and am the one responsible for his moral and religious education--it is irresponsible for me to not give him guidance"

any advice would be great

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

Tell him if he wants to pay for his own college, he can go wherever he wants. But if you are the one paying, you should for sure have some say in where he goes.

My parents did not value education for me as much as you do for your son. My parents didn't give me a dime for college and I flunked out because I came down with a psychotic mental illness around the time I was in college. Your son is very privileged to have his parents pay for his college tuition.

 

[Merrill]

Tell him if he wants to pay for his own college, he can go wherever he wants. But if you are the one paying, you should for sure have some say in where he goes.

My parents did not value education for me as much as you do for your son. My parents didn't give me a dime for college and I flunked out because I came down with a psychotic mental illness around the time I was in college. Your son is very privileged to have his parents pay for his college tuition.

thanks for the advice Jesse

sorry to hear about the mental health issues. "Unless the is Good Friday in your life, there can be no Easter Sunday"

 

[PloverWing]

I'm concerned that if your son attends a Christian college when he doesn't want to, he may vigorously push away the Christian faith as a result.

Attending a Christian college won't protect him from encountering ideas that are different from what he grew up with. Even if he manages not to encounter diverse people and ideas at college, he'll encounter people of different ethnicities, religions, sexual orientations, etc., in the workplace or in his neighborhood or in books that he reads as an adult. So it might not be bad for him to attend a secular school; he'd just be encountering the ideas four years earlier in his life than he would have otherwise.

Does he have any idea what he plans to major in? DEI efforts tend to be more visible in the humanities and social sciences than in STEM fields.

Also (and forgive me if you've mentioned this in an earlier thread), what has his educational setting been so far? Public school, secular private school, religious private school, home schooled?

 

[The Righterzpen]

My youngest son is going into senior year of high-school, and is looking at colleges and universities for next year. He has good grades and should be able to get into 80% of the schools out there.

But while I am Christian, and my wife is a devout Christian who is heavily involved with our church (EFCA), my son is ambivalent about God and religion. It is the only "rebellious" thing about him I suppose. Teenagers see what their parents do and resolve to do the opposite. I don't press him on this, as I believe he needs to come to God on his own (I think he will ultimately)

The problem is, he is very reluctant to attend a Christian college, while I like the idea quite a bit. I will be paying for his education (no loans)

so while I think places like Cedarville University or Hope College would be great --or maybe Wheaton College, he would prefer a secular liberal-arts school, or maybe a state school. We have visited a bunch of places, and even some of the Catholic schools have gone off-the-rails politically, spiritually, and ideologically. Its bad when you see a banner over the admissions office that says "Trans Rights are Human Rights"

so I am not sure what to do. Should I insist he attends a school the aligns with the religious and cultural values of the family, or allow him to go his own way? Part of me says "let him go where he wants and find his own way, even if he is exposed to things I don't like", and the other part of me says "I am the one paying the bills, and am the one responsible for his moral and religious education--it is irresponsible for me to not give him guidance"

any advice would be great

Would your son be interested in a trade school or a professional internship that would give him a job?

This route would be cheaper. It's practical. Less chance of the political nonsense and it would essentially be a secular education.

 

[Diamond7]

so I am not sure what to do.

We are given our gifts, talents and abilities on or before conception. The angels are assigned to help us become the person God has created us to be. Even David tells us in 139 16 that God writes the book of our life before we are even born. Of course, the challenge is are we going to use what we have to glorify God? People who do not, are going to be miserable.

My son was actually taking college classes from 4 different colleges when he was still in high school. There are people who graduate from High School with a 2 year college degree. Although there are some limits they are given about $30,000 a years in High School to take college classes. He has friends that were given 95 thousand dollar scholarships for college. He got $1,700 when he made the presidents list.

The city is going to combine the high school and the middle school so they can take college classes in the seventh grade now if they want. Of course you have burn outs and people who do not even want a high school education. They they cry the blues when all they can do is work at McDonalds and they do not have the money for anything.

Perhaps their attitude has more to do with their success compared to the actual school they attend. My son is a computer engineer and he could only take those classes at the State College. A lot of his religious education came from me and my wife over the years from the day he we born or before. If nothing else they are effected by the way we choose to live our life and the example we give them.

Of course if you are going to pay the bill and he is not going to do this on his own. Then you do have the option to dictate whatever you want. It was actually my wife that put my son through college. My son was more comfortable with what he worked out with her.

 

[Diamond7]

professional internship that would give him a job?

My son actually did a program where he worked three three-month internships. They paid him $20 an hour. He worked for GoJo, Smuckers and I forget the third. At one factory, he was setting up a camera network so they could watch the robots on the assembly line. He did a lot of work with robotics.

 

[The Righterzpen]

My son actually did a program where he worked three three-month internships. They paid him $20 an hour. He worked for GoJo, Smuckers and I forget the third. At one factory, he was setting up a camera network so they could watch the robots on the assembly line. He did a lot of work with robotics.

Yes, often times internships or trade schools are a lot less complicated than college. The young lady that lives across the street from me. (She's probably in her late 20's.) She in electricians trade school. It's "on the job training". You get paid. There's no dealing with "college housing" and all the nonsense that goes on with that. Definitely better "bang for the buck" than a traditional college.

There's also non-traditional colleges. (That's what I did.) I first got an associates degree at a commnity college and then a BA at a state run non-traditional (adult) college. I'd also gone to a traditional college and liked the non-traditional much better. Wide variety of students in age, demographic, and life experience. I found the professors at the non-traditional college more reasonable too. The student population are all working adults with jobs and families. A lot less political nonsense!

@Merrill You can look into that for your son too. (Non-traditional college.) I found that to be a better, more well rounded (still secular - but more "real world") than a traditional college. They're also cheaper; and people are less likely to live on campus.

 

[chevyontheriver]

My youngest son is going into senior year of high-school, and is looking at colleges and universities for next year. He has good grades and should be able to get into 80% of the schools out there.

But while I am Christian, and my wife is a devout Christian who is heavily involved with our church (EFCA), my son is ambivalent about God and religion. It is the only "rebellious" thing about him I suppose. Teenagers see what their parents do and resolve to do the opposite. I don't press him on this, as I believe he needs to come to God on his own (I think he will ultimately)

The problem is, he is very reluctant to attend a Christian college, while I like the idea quite a bit. I will be paying for his education (no loans)

so while I think places like Cedarville University or Hope College would be great --or maybe Wheaton College, he would prefer a secular liberal-arts school, or maybe a state school. We have visited a bunch of places, and even some of the Catholic schools have gone off-the-rails politically, spiritually, and ideologically. Its bad when you see a banner over the admissions office that says "Trans Rights are Human Rights"

so I am not sure what to do. Should I insist he attends a school the aligns with the religious and cultural values of the family, or allow him to go his own way? Part of me says "let him go where he wants and find his own way, even if he is exposed to things I don't like", and the other part of me says "I am the one paying the bills, and am the one responsible for his moral and religious education--it is irresponsible for me to not give him guidance"

any advice would be great

Him choosing a college and then him discovering it is full Monty woke might bring him around. It would be a risky and costly experiment though.

As to Catholic colleges I would tend to trust only those listed in the Cardinal Newman Guide. Those others, even those with storied pasts, are about on par with all of the rest, drifting into wokism.

cardinalnewmansociety.org

My children did not go to any of these schools but then things were not so bad just a few years ago as they are now. I am encouraging Newman Guide schools for my grandchildren who will be of that age in five to twelve years.

I’ll pray today for your son.

 

[eleos1954]

My youngest son is going into senior year of high-school, and is looking at colleges and universities for next year. He has good grades and should be able to get into 80% of the schools out there.

But while I am Christian, and my wife is a devout Christian who is heavily involved with our church (EFCA), my son is ambivalent about God and religion. It is the only "rebellious" thing about him I suppose. Teenagers see what their parents do and resolve to do the opposite. I don't press him on this, as I believe he needs to come to God on his own (I think he will ultimately)

The problem is, he is very reluctant to attend a Christian college, while I like the idea quite a bit. I will be paying for his education (no loans)

so while I think places like Cedarville University or Hope College would be great --or maybe Wheaton College, he would prefer a secular liberal-arts school, or maybe a state school. We have visited a bunch of places, and even some of the Catholic schools have gone off-the-rails politically, spiritually, and ideologically. Its bad when you see a banner over the admissions office that says "Trans Rights are Human Rights"

so I am not sure what to do. Should I insist he attends a school the aligns with the religious and cultural values of the family, or allow him to go his own way? Part of me says "let him go where he wants and find his own way, even if he is exposed to things I don't like", and the other part of me says "I am the one paying the bills, and am the one responsible for his moral and religious education--it is irresponsible for me to not give him guidance"

any advice would be great

He should attend a school that is in line with his moral values. Have him define what his moral values are. At his current age he should understand he will be influenced/exposed to a culture of values .... what does he want those values to be?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

My youngest son is going into senior year of high-school, and is looking at colleges and universities for next year. He has good grades and should be able to get into 80% of the schools out there.

But while I am Christian, and my wife is a devout Christian who is heavily involved with our church (EFCA), my son is ambivalent about God and religion. It is the only "rebellious" thing about him I suppose. Teenagers see what their parents do and resolve to do the opposite. I don't press him on this, as I believe he needs to come to God on his own (I think he will ultimately)

The problem is, he is very reluctant to attend a Christian college, while I like the idea quite a bit. I will be paying for his education (no loans)

so while I think places like Cedarville University or Hope College would be great --or maybe Wheaton College, he would prefer a secular liberal-arts school, or maybe a state school. We have visited a bunch of places, and even some of the Catholic schools have gone off-the-rails politically, spiritually, and ideologically. Its bad when you see a banner over the admissions office that says "Trans Rights are Human Rights"

so I am not sure what to do. Should I insist he attends a school the aligns with the religious and cultural values of the family, or allow him to go his own way? Part of me says "let him go where he wants and find his own way, even if he is exposed to things I don't like", and the other part of me says "I am the one paying the bills, and am the one responsible for his moral and religious education--it is irresponsible for me to not give him guidance"

any advice would be great

I've been in a similar position with my own son over the past decade. But, I let him choose where he was going to attend college. For me, the more important thing has been to help him decide upon one or two valid career choices. The moral and spiritual side of it can take care of itself.

Besides, making your son 'go' to a Christian college could end up causing more problems and friction--and even spiritual disinclination--if he is more or less forced to go to a Christian college by no choice of his own.

On the other hand, though, since you're paying, there's no reason he can't go to a less expensive secular college that offers exactly the classes he needs for his choice of occupation.

 

[WolfGate]

As a father of two adult children, one who went to a Christian University (Milligan) and one who went to a secular one (Nova Southeastern), my advice is pretty simple.

1) Decide if you are going to help your children with college and set a budget.
2) Don't make that help contingent on what school they choose to go to as long as it fits in the budget.

If you only agree to pay for the schools you want for your child, rather than the school they may want, you will almost certainly damage your ability to influence them spiritually as they continue to mature. You will be telling them you want to control their growth rather than be a resource to help them grow. I've seen a lot of parents make a move similar to what you are considering, and in most cases it didn't work out the way they had hoped.