Torn between faith and love. (mildy explicit)

[benny1989]

Hi I am a newcomer to Christianity, I have not been brought up in a Christian environment, nor have I much knowledge yet. I have led a fairly sinful life, and I need some help.

I have a girlfriend who I have been with for almost 3 years, she is the love of my life and I have been planning to spend the rest of my life with her, she feels the same way about me.

I have for the past 4 years been involved with alcohol abuse, sexual relationships, drug use and a life without faith.

My girlfriend and I are quite used to having sex, and have done for our entire relationship.

I am just beginning to develop a relationship with God, and I have not devoted myself to him yet, but I can already feel a big difference in my life, as if he has entered my life and is pulling me towards him.

I want so much to follow this path, but after telling my girlfriend I am considering turning to Christianity she didnt react warmly, and afterwards admitted she is not entirely happy about it.

I know that if she really loved me she would accept it, and she said she is not going to hold me back from it, but told me she didnt want for me to talk her into it. But if I am to really give my life to God, I need her to be with me in my faith. I do not expect her to just change straight away, she is not religious, and has strong belief in gay rights and her sister whom she is very close with is gay. She believes that I will turn against gays and would never be apart of something against that, however I explained to her, that most Christians would not judge or dislike a gay for being gay, but just would never be gay themself, I told her my Aunty is very Christian and she would accept a gay lovingly and without judgment.

She believes that she likes to drink and party and occasionally take drugs and would be very unhappy if I didnt have sex with her until marriage.

In fact I am scared that if I stopped having sex with her, that she would leave me.

I believe in time, with prayer and God's help and me carefully nudging her along I could make her a believer. She hasnt ever seen the love and light of God's way that recently I have discovered.

Is it okay for me to continue to have sex with her to keep my and her relationship safe until I can help her into faith?

My love is so strong for her that I currently would choose her love over faith right now.

I know that one day we will marry, and one day hopefully we will both lead Christian lives together. Help would be greatly appreciated

 

[FallenPaladin]

A 3 year relationship is a set of agreements, some said some unsaid. If you change the nature of those agreements you will mess with the relationship for better or worse. Just deciding to change them yourself without bothering to think of her and saying, if you love me you'll be okay with it is selfish and thoughtless. It would be like if she started being a swinger and said if you love her you'll be okay with it.

 

[benny1989]

You are right it is selfish. I am not going to change anything right now. Her and I are partners in this life with or without faith. I just hope it isn't such a horrible thing in gods eyes.

 

[FallenPaladin]

You are right it is selfish. I am not going to change anything right now. Her and I are partners in this life with or without faith. I just hope it isn't such a horrible thing in gods eyes.

Its a difficult situation. For some reason I can't explain it reminds me of the movie What Dreams May Come.

 

[DrFrank]

Here is the basic problem at this point ,"My love is so strong for her that I currently would choose her love over faith right now." God demands that we put Him first in our lives.

Trying to deal with both your girlfriend's lack of faith and yours at the same time is creating too much of a conflict because in essence you are struggling with two Gods in your life,one spiritual and one sexual.

It's best to not discuss your faith and growing beliefs with your girlfriend because she will either disapprove or misunderstand and in the process prevent you from growing.

Faith comes from hearing the word of God so shop around for a church that turns you on, regularly read a modern English Bible and start listening to an all music Christian radio station because all of these activities will help to educate you and grow your faith.A decision on your girlfriend can wait until your faith has matured and you are able to make more moral decisions.

 

[salida]

Exactly DrFrank.

 

[goldenviolet]

Romans 6
Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. 11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
Slaves to Righteousness
15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. 19 I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 6
Children and Parents
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Slaves and Masters
5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.
9 And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Final Greetings
21 Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord, will tell you everything, so that you also may know how I am and what I am doing. 22 I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage you. 23 Peace to the brothers, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 24 Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

You are right it is selfish. I am not going to change anything right now. Her and I are partners in this life with or without faith. I just hope it isn't such a horrible thing in gods eyes.

one thing at a time. one day at a time; for they are all new.

i rejoyce that you have found Jesus to be your Savior. a very huge blessing. you should be filled with joy... but you have the task of sorting out your life with biblical structure. a joy misplacer.

first thing: problems are not a flaw anymore, but a (daily) fact (what is done is done. you repented). your trial is more mental than physical. you must understand satan is the author and creater of lies. he will accuse you, test you, torment you, and even clothe himself in sheep clothing to convince and cuddle you. you need to prepare your spirit. this should be your goal. ask the Lord to teach you how to be prepared.

second thing: we can't just snap our fingers and be healed on our daily walk. you need spiritual milk and meat. like a child you must have milk before you get teeth... then you graduate to meat, (our daily bread). you need fellowship, knowledge, grace, mercy, and your steady persistence. you need not just scripture; but the application of scripture.

third thing: we learn by un-leaning our old behaviors and re-learning what to replace them by. pray for and understand what renewing of your mind is. keep fellowshipping with people of the church. you need both feedback and scriptual dialog. the Holy Spirit will guide your mind. seek and ye shall find.

fourth thing: slow down and enjoy the good things. the Lord made us to enjoy life. like being on a cliff and looking over the river and valley: His Master Artistry. up at the stars, the vast number of them. etc. and search for the things good spiritually. practice this. practice finding joy and blessings. practice praising (listening to christian music can be an option outside of the church).

fifth thing: all relationships start new. don't put yourself in a place where you will continue living as if you are not a child of God. instead, meet openly and share your new joy and meaning with those you love. help them understand your new-found desires. (girlfriend: tell her that you've not stopped loving her, but you have a new respect for her, and want to back up and meet her on spiritual terms before you continue your relationship. sexual relationships must end. period. it is a sin for us to be unequeally yoked because it clouds our vision and messes up our spitiual growth.

daily prayer and devotion starts each day with a clean slate. you really need fellowship. set aside time each day, and continue to meditate through out the day by returning your thoughts to the heavenly Father; what would Jesus do kind of thing. reading and studying scripture is also something that helps us. helps us in so many ways. it's our spititual sword...

two of my fav links i'd like to share (both free and no downloading or spam):

BibleGateway.com: A searchable online Bible in over 100 versions and 50 languages.

Positive & Encouraging K-LOVE - Positive Encouraging K-LOVE

xo dee

 

[alan650]

When I found God I was in a relationship that was very opposed to the way of life God wants. You will have to end the relationship and let God hold your hand through the whole process because if you are going to serve God you can't also serve your girlfriend and her desires for you. She will be a hindrance to you and your relationship with the glorious Jesus Christ! It will be a long road but if you trust in Jesus you can learn to be less dependent on her and more on the CREATOR OF EVERYTHING which is the ultimate relationship anyone could have! Not to mention, He is the way, truth, and life. If you die, you want eternal life, not eternal death with Satan and his lies! Finding Jesus is the best gift God can ever give to you. Your girlfriend and this sinful relationship may seem like a magnet to you now but as you learn more about God you will see more and more what filth and sin He is saving you from! This all comes down to trusting in Christ and putting on your spiritual armor to battle sin EACH AND EVERY DAY! There will be ups and downs but when it comes down to it Jesus Christ loves you more than your ability to comprehend and has opened His door for you to seek Him!!!

God Bless!!!

 

[benny1989]

Hi everyone, Im sorry for the late reply, my internet was down!

Thankyou for your help with the matter.

I must say, since this post my connection with God and Jesus has grown IMMENSELY, Jesus came to me and really pulled me head first in!

I have realised what is more important now, and that is my savior. It breaks my heart to go through this with my girlfriend though.

We had a discussion about it, and she admitted she does NOT like it at all. She said she will never even give it a go, and we got into an argument about it and she said I have changed so much etc etc. But I know that I have changed for all the RIGHT reasons.

Her and I are on the verge of splitting up now, it is breaking my heart that she was so unaccepting of my faith, but it just goes to show that she was not right for me.