Too protective as a parent?

NothingIsImpossible said:

To any parents wondering what EXACTLY is in a movie (like literal words telling you). When you go to IMDB you can click the "Parents Guides: Content Advisory" and it will bring you to a page of a break down of every scene that is in the movie that gave it its rating:

Click to expand...

I think most of that content is lifted verbatim from a site called kids in mind, which has a triple rating system with a 1-10 given for each category: sex/nudity, gore/violence, and language.

I think there’s a middle ground where “it depends on the kid” and “overprotection.”

For example, I hate scary movies. I hate gory movies. I don’t watch them on my own, so there’s no way I’m going to sit down and watch them with my kids. It has nothing to do with being over-protective... I simply don’t like them and as a result, I’m not likely to choose that as a shared experience thing. I figure not watching a movie I don’t want to watch is my perk for being an adult. I have to pay bills, work, get up early, but darn it, I can watch “Downton Abbey” a gabillion times and I don’t have to watch what I don’t want to watch.

Beyond that, for things that ride my personal threshold... For example, “Jurassic Park” or our recent “should we or shouldn’t we” movie choice (“Ghostbusters”), we rely on best judgement based on the kids.

My youngest (8) I think is about where he should be for violence and scariness tolerance, so we will do “Jurassic World” and tell him when to look away, or “Ghostbusters” but tell him about a jump-scare incoming. Things like “Star Wars,” with the exception of the back half of Episode 3 and one scene in A New Hope, he can watch with no issues.

Our oldest (11)? He is like me... He has an exceptionally low threshold for being scared. “Jurassic World” he will watch but not particularly enjoy. It’s too scary. I guess he tried watching the kid’s TV show “Goosebumps” and he wasn’t having it. His threshold for being scared is “The Twilight Zone” and that’s about it. He won’t even do Hanuted Mansion at Disney. Too scary.

Our middle guy (9) has an exceptionally high threshold, higher than all of us. He likes being scared (but almost never is), finds gore in movies interesting because he knows it’s fake but wants to see if he can figure out how they do it. Even as a kid, he’d do Haunted Mansion at Disney and then at the end he’s asking how it was done, or telling us how it’s done. He’d probably love watching “The Meg,” and then the whole ride home he’d tell us how they did it, what facts they got wrong, facts they didn’t cover, and then he’d move along with life. Heck, he’d watch “It” if we let him and let us know all the ways it was throughly unrealistic and how they filmed it. He’s an analytical problem solver. Movies are fantasy, guts are a part of all of us, everybody gets scared. While his brothers are crying and scared out of their minds in the closet, he’s standing outside the door telling them a point-by-point rundown on why they have nothing to worry about.

Now, I don’t think it’s particularly appropriate to show a child under 10 (or maybe even 14-16) “It” and I have a hard time justifying how any parent could say otherwise... It’s a horror movie based on the work of a horror author that was highly controversial for its violence, sexual content, and subject matter. I put it as a top tier shock and horror gore film, out of the realm of enjoyment for a significant number of adults, let alone kids. Movies like “The Meg” or “Jaws,” I’d screen first. I know nothing about “The Meg,” but based off of my memories of “Jaws” being a hair above my personal gore threshold, certainly two of my three wouldn’t see it, but one likely would. Movies a tier below that (“Jurassic Park,” or most Marvel movies) they’d all watch it but be told when to look away.

Tropical Wilds said:

based off of my memories of “Jaws” being a hair above my personal gore threshold,

Click to expand...

Yeah, that was above mine as well.

Side note: my oldest daughter's husband said at least half of the extras in the beach scenes (Jaws 1) were his relatives. His family has been on that island since the late 1600s.

DZoolander said:

So today went out with some family members to celebrate my son's birthday. We got into a discussion about this new movie coming out called "The Meg". Basically it's a shark flick kind of like Jaws - but trying to up the ante by making the killer shark a megalodon.

My sister in law also has a 7 year old (boy - I have a 7 year old girl) - and they're going out to go see it. My daughter wants to see it - and I told her no. I'm not taking her to go see a shark movie where the shark eats a bunch of people. I remember seeing Jaws 2 when I was a kid probably a little older than my daughter is - and there's a scene where Jaws comes out and pulls a helicopter down that's trying to rescue some kids and eats the pilot out from the cockpit.

That freaked me out as a kid - and I still remember getting freaked out by it. So no. I'm not taking a 7 year old to go see a shark eats people movie...lol

No judgment on my sister in law - but it's not what I'm doing.

The conversation then moved on to other movies. Like, for example, "It". She said they watched that together. Now I'm 48, so I'm no longer squeamish about movies, but I watched about the first 5 minutes of "It" a few months back. Got up to the first scene where the Clown Pennywise character bites of some little kids arm and then drags the bleeding kid into a sewer drain and thought "Nope, not for me".

Not that it scared me - just not for me. No way I would show that to my kid. lol

Do you think I'm just overprotective - or does that sound about right?

Click to expand...

DZoolander,

I heartily agree with you that it's probably better to err on the side of caution rather than to just haphazardly allow our youngest kids to be exposed to violence and all of the Hollywood whatnot.

Long ago, I let my son see Return of the Jedi when he was 3 or 4, and I felt bad about it afterwards. I love the Star Wars movies in general, but there was that scene in Jabba's Palace where the Rancor has a bacon fest, and it's not the most seemly thing for a kid to see. And I say this because, like you, I remember seeing some movies when I was 8 and under that frankly disturbed me for years until I reached adulthood.

And so, after I allowed my son to see Return of the Jedi, I held off from allowing him to see PG movies until about age 8 or 9. Of course, it's didn't help that my own dad overrode my wishes and just went ahead and plugged in Jurassic Park at his own home for my son when my son was 4 or 5......

Anyway, I can appreciate you're being protective of your daughter. There's nothing wrong with that at all, dude! You're a good dad, it sounds like! I try to be ...............

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

DZoolander said:

I knew this other lady that would watch Game of Thrones with her 6 year old.

Now Game of Thrones is a series that is actually up my alley. I think it's probably the best show on TV. But ya know, I wait until my kids are asleep before I watch it.

Click to expand...

I tried to watch Game of Thrones..........but .... the butts. So, my wife and I only ended up seeing the first 20 minutes of the very first episode.

HannahT said:

You know your child, and you know your experiences. I see smart parenting - not overprotective IMO.

Kids can be odd about movies - just like adults can!

My oldest is now 24, and when she was little? Wizard of Oz and Charlotte's Web scared her to death. Yet, when I brought them to a drive in when Dad was out of town? The Disney film they loved, and I put them down in the back of the van for bed while I watched the 6th sense. They were young, and went out like a light no matter where we were! So I had my MOMMIE time! The end of the movie came, and she pops up from the back of the van...and tells me, "He was DEAD the whole time Mommie?" Sigh. She loved that movie. lol!

Jaws scared my brother to death. He refused to take a bath or go into a pool that whole summer. He was forced into the bathtub of course, but either me or my mother had to stand outside the bathroom in case he came UP via the drain!

The devil's triangle scared me 1/2 to death! That was on television one night, and my mother giggled years later that nothing ever scared me she felt...until that night!

Click to expand...

I think I remember the devil's triangle. Was that the one where some gal was in a boat alone out in the middle of the ocean in the triangle?

2PhiloVoid said:

I tried to watch Game of Thrones..........but .... the butts. So, my wife and I only ended up seeing the first 20 minutes of the very first episode.

Click to expand...

Yeah, the amount of nudity in the TV show bothers me -- not because of kids, just that I don't like having to watch it. There's some sex in the books that's essential to the plot, so it's appropriate for that to be in the show as well. But in other spots, it's unnecessary. I think it's that there are times they need to have a character explain some bit of background to the audience, but exposition is boring on screen, so, hey, let's have the monologue be in a brothel or a bedroom. We've laughed about it in our family: Is it possible for Daenerys to meet with her advisors when she's not taking a bath?

PloverWing said:

Yeah, the amount of nudity in the TV show bothers me -- not because of kids, just that I don't like having to watch it. There's some sex in the books that's essential to the plot, so it's appropriate for that to be in the show as well. But in other spots, it's unnecessary. I think it's that there are times they need to have a character explain some bit of background to the audience, but exposition is boring on screen, so, hey, let's have the monologue be in a brothel or a bedroom. We've laughed about it in our family: Is it possible for Daenerys to meet with her advisors when she's not taking a bath?

Click to expand...

Speaking as a guy, there's a difference in the "appropriateness" of sex as it may be narrated in a book versus that which is ...*ahem*...depicted in more ipso facto terms in a film or t.v. show. Just sayin'

Otherwise, like you, I'd probably laugh about the repetitive context of the Daenerys scenes, too. (And I have heard about them by reading and hearing about it all while other people have discussed the show.)

My youngest can’t do RotJ anymore because he is the founding and most enthusiastic member of the Cult of Robert Fett. When Boba (known as “Robert Fett” in our house) goes over the edge, my son falls completely apart. He had boycotted it until Robert’s return is solidified.

2PhiloVoid said:

I tried to watch Game of Thrones..........but .... the butts. So, my wife and I only ended up seeing the first 20 minutes of the very first episode.

Click to expand...

There is a ton of sex and nudity in it... That doesn’t tend to bother me too overly much... But holy smokes, the gore and violence... I dropped off after season 1, or maybe halfway through season 2. I have a couple cardinal rule of media, GoT violates all of them and I couldn’t get past it.

2PhiloVoid said:

I think I remember the devil's triangle. Was that the one where some gal was in a boat alone out in the middle of the ocean in the triangle?

Click to expand...

It was a made for TV movie made in the early 1970's. My brother was texting me, and he reminded me was called Satan's Triangle. (Shivers) Yes, your description sounds about right.

HannahT said:

It was a made for TV movie made in the early 1970's. My brother was texting me, and he reminded me was called Satan's Triangle. (Shivers) Yes, your description sounds about right.

Click to expand...

all I remember about it was that there was a scene where the gal in the boat was there one moment............and then, very eerily, she was gone .... (ew, there were shivers down my spine when I saw it. Of course, I was probably 6 years old? )

Tropical Wilds said:

There is a ton of sex and nudity in it... That doesn’t tend to bother me too overly much... But holy smokes, the gore and violence... I dropped off after season 1, or maybe halfway through season 2. I have a couple cardinal rule of media, GoT violates all of them and I couldn’t get past it.

Click to expand...

Oh, ok. Thanks for filling me in on that. I guess I won't try to watch it again and pick up where I left off ... I'll just stick to Daredevil and Iron Fist.

2PhiloVoid said:

Oh, ok. Thanks for filling me in on that. I guess I won't try to watch it again and pick up where I left off ... I'll just stick to Daredevil and Iron Fist.

Click to expand...

Yeah, the violence in the later seasons makes the earlier seasons look like a Hallmark Channel Christmas Special. It gets bad.

Tropical Wilds said:

Yeah, the violence in the later seasons makes the earlier seasons look like a Hallmark Channel Christmas Special. It gets bad.

Click to expand...

Are we talking Walking Dead levels of graphic violence, or something beyond that even?

2PhiloVoid said:

Are we talking Walking Dead levels of graphic violence, or something beyond that even?

Click to expand...

I think it is worse. My husband says it’s on par. He says TWD is relentless while GoT is not as relentless (usually) but more graphic and has a higher impact because of the type of violence tends to be more brutal. He says the violence is more vivid in the show than the GoT books, but there are highly intense scenes/plots that involve sensitive subjects that are not as charged in the show.

He did say he quit TWD the season before last (or possibly the season before that), though. Too violent for him. So he’s going on what he last saw on TWD. GoT he still watches, but since he read the books and read ahead on the show, he knows when to fast forward (we don’t have cable; we buy the season when it comes out). He says the sex and nudity is pretty relentless, regardless.

If you saw “The Watchmen” movie (going by your avatar), he said GoT is gorier than “The Watchmen” but with similarly highly intense subject matter not often explored by other shows/movies and with exceptionally well-developed characters. That tends to add to the intensity.

Tropical Wilds said:

I think it is worse. My husband says it’s on par. He says TWD is relentless while GoT is not as relentless (usually) but more graphic and has a higher impact because of the type of violence tends to be more brutal. He says the violence is more vivid in the show than the GoT books, but there are highly intense scenes/plots that involve sensitive subjects that are not as charged in the show.

He did say he quit TWD the season before last (or possibly the season before that), though. Too violent for him. So he’s going on what he last saw on TWD. GoT he still watches, but since he read the books and read ahead on the show, he knows when to fast forward (we don’t have cable; we buy the season when it comes out). He says the sex and nudity is pretty relentless, regardless.

If you saw “The Watchmen” movie (going by your avatar), he said GoT is gorier than “The Watchmen” but with similarly highly intense subject matter not often explored by other shows/movies and with exceptionally well-developed characters.

Click to expand...

Ok. I'd say that makes it pretty clear for me. So with that in mind, I won't be seeing GoT. I tend not to watch much of anything that would be considered more intense, explicit than The Watchmen, and even that's not very often. The most violent show I've watched lately is Daredevil.

So, again, thank you for taking the time to spell this out for me, very nicely done in fact.

With GoT - as noted - the first time my husband watched it, I had no interest. Then I read a lot of the commentary on it and thought it sounded complex and interesting in the themes it explored. And I read, or heard, I can't quite remember, an interview with the author of the books, where he explains that he himself is a deeply committed pacifist, and part of what he was trying to do with his work was strip out the romanticism and rose-coloured glasses about a particular time in our history, and show how brutal it really was, in its battles and treatment of women and all the rest. And I thought, "Really, maybe I should give this a go."

So I've now watched it all - haven't read the books yet - but I freely admit that I skipped the torture scenes and often busied myself with something on the iPad when other objectionable things were on screen. There are some images I just don't need lurking in my subconscious, no matter the value of the larger narrative!

Will admit that I'm looking forward to the final season.

My husband is looking forward to the final season too. I’m even looking forward to it... While I gave up watching, I still read the recaps and hear what’s going on from my other half. My mom and sister watch it religiously. It’s an intense show but don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying it. I freely admit that over the years I’ve gotten more and more sensitive to violence and I’m not sure why. I saw “American Psycho” in the theaters when it came out and it didn’t bother me but I went to watch it a few months ago and shut it off because it was too much. “Event Horizon” was one of my favorite sci-fi movies, but I literally sobbed my way through it when I tried to watch it with my husband because it was just waaaaaay beyond what I could tolerate. I can still do “The Omen” and “The Shining,” but I think it’s because I’ve seen them, literally, hundreds of times. But I will say those are my limit. “The Watchmen” I wanted so badly to love because I love the graphic novel, but about halfway though the movie it crossed into a threshold that was just too intense for me.

Some of it I know is developing anxiety/panic disorder has made me more sensitive, either because I’m already at a higher level of anxious and that adds to it and/or because I feel that feeling so often that short bursts of it in media aren’t fun, just exhausting... But I’m sure there’s more to it than that. And the horror genre I never enjoyed (“Scream” and “I Know What You Did Last Summer” are my absolute limit), though now I actively hate them. Like, I don’t at all feel like I am missing out on skipping “It” or anything in that ballpark. I do wish I could push through for GoT because I feel like it’s right up my alley and there’s a ton of actors in it I love. Like, I’m pushing through “The Americans” even though that is at and sometimes beyond my limit, and I’m so glad I am because I just love it. GoT, though... IDK. I hope it goes to syndication like “The Sopranos” did so I can get a sanitized version.

I don't think it's overprotective to decline watching horror movies with your young children.

I think you can become "overprotective" when you shield children from knowledge or experiences that they will eventually need to have, especially when you prevent exposure far longer than their peers. But horror movies are pretty unique, in that they don't teach anything about reality that your children should know, nor impart any kind of cultural values. And the experience of being horrified - though entertaining to some - isn't really a developmental milestone either. She's not missing out.

However, I find that no matter how much I try to shield my children from some experiences, they seem to creep into our lives in unexpected ways. My parents once babysat and left the TV on without paying attention to the content, and I showed up to see my toddlers watching aliens burst out of their human hosts... while all the adults were busily prepping snacks in the kitchen with literally no idea what was on the screen. Oops. More recently, my older kids were exposed to the concept of rape through reading material they got at the school library for in-class reading time. I had no opportunity to screen the book in this instance, and the book was appropriate for older children, so it's not terribly surprising that no one failed to prevent that exposure in the mad dash of getting 30 kids connected to a book for half an hour. You just have to be prepared for those inevitable "sneak peeks" that children get, and hope it doesn't traumatize them too much.