Too Miserable to be Christian?

[Kathleena]

Hello.

Warning: long rant

I was raised Christian (and was very serious/sincere about my "Christianity", weather or not I was saved, obviously I wasn't I guess) then I left by my own will to go "explore" if you will with other spiritual concepts and philosophies, etc...these things fascinate me...

Then after "experimenting" with everything else, I dumped it all and realized that Christianity is absolutely the only thing that makes sense. I once thought it didn't make sense but after doing my own exploring and research, I realize that it does.

But my point is, I'm trying to be a good Christian again I guess, and I'm trying so hard to follow the example of Christ, but I'm just so completely miserable! I'm pathetic and I'm a terrible person. I try so hard to pray, and read (the bible and other books about christ/christianity), and go to church, but I feel so dead inside.

I've asked God for help, and I've asked for Jesus to come into my life...in terms of my attitude/behavior/depression/anxiety/bipolar whatever the heck you want to call it...and I don't know how this is going to work.

I totally believe in Christ, and in every thing he said and claimed to be. But my problem is, I'm DEAD! I feel dead, I don't know what to do. I've tried praying and asking for God to help me, but I really don't feel any response. I don't know how I'm supposed to be "not miserable" like I am. I've already done the whole psychologist thing, and I have a psychiatrist and I recently quit the medication he put me on because it made things worse and made me even more suicidal...

Even though I know Christianity is true factually and historically, and Christ is the truth, but I guess my faith is very very weak and it wavers all the time because I'm just a big fat miserable ball of...misery!! Sometimes I just feel like "screw it all"...you know when I get depressed I don't feel like thinking about Christ, or God, or the afterlife, or anything! I just feel like..death.

Man I just don't know what to do! I hate myself and I don't even understand why God would want anything to do with a miserable person like me. Honestly I think God hates me and I don't think I'm even worthy of God's attention. Uggh, I'm just rambling, what should I do? Should I maybe speak to a pastor at a church or something?

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hello.

Warning: long rant

I was raised Christian (and was very serious/sincere about my "Christianity", weather or not I was saved, obviously I wasn't I guess) then I left by my own will to go "explore" if you will with other spiritual concepts and philosophies, etc...these things fascinate me...

Then after "experimenting" with everything else, I dumped it all and realized that Christianity is absolutely the only thing that makes sense. I once thought it didn't make sense but after doing my own exploring and research, I realize that it does.

But my point is, I'm trying to be a good Christian again I guess, and I'm trying so hard to follow the example of Christ, but I'm just so completely miserable! I'm pathetic and I'm a terrible person. I try so hard to pray, and read (the bible and other books about christ/christianity), and go to church, but I feel so dead inside.

I've asked God for help, and I've asked for Jesus to come into my life...in terms of my attitude/behavior/depression/anxiety/bipolar whatever the heck you want to call it...and I don't know how this is going to work.

I totally believe in Christ, and in every thing he said and claimed to be. But my problem is, I'm DEAD! I feel dead, I don't know what to do. I've tried praying and asking for God to help me, but I really don't feel any response. I don't know how I'm supposed to be "not miserable" like I am. I've already done the whole psychologist thing, and I have a psychiatrist and I recently quit the medication he put me on because it made things worse and made me even more suicidal...

Even though I know Christianity is true factually and historically, and Christ is the truth, but I guess my faith is very very weak and it wavers all the time because I'm just a big fat miserable ball of...misery!! Sometimes I just feel like "screw it all"...you know when I get depressed I don't feel like thinking about Christ, or God, or the afterlife, or anything! I just feel like..death.

Man I just don't know what to do! I hate myself and I don't even understand why God would want anything to do with a miserable person like me. Honestly I think God hates me and I don't think I'm even worthy of God's attention. Uggh, I'm just rambling, what should I do? Should I maybe speak to a pastor at a church or something?

Heya Kathleena,

I am glad that you found your way back home, but now the healing needs to begin. First off suicide is NOT an option, it is taking the easy way out. Please kick that out of mind and realize what it would do to your family if if you did it.

You are a reborn child of Christ, and now you need to start your spiritual maturity. I need you to realize that you are a beautiful child of God. You have so much potiential and a victorious life ahead of you just going to take some time to reclaim it.

I think your studies are very important, please do like I did and remove all life's distractions. The TV, Movies, Computer and put that bible infront of you. If bible tough to understand, I recommend getting NLT(New Living Translation) Life application bible. It breaks it down pretty well with miniture sermans.

As I was talking to my new sister last night here are 3 things I want you to meditate on.

1. Matthew 7:24-27
Building on a Solid Foundation
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

We all grown up in world drowning in sin. We adapted a lot of society's views of what is normal and built a foundation of Sand. Spiritual maturity is slow process of picking up your house piece by piece and place it onto of Rock. Rock is Jesus' teachings, so when the rain comes you won't get washed away. The house is our mind and behavior.

2. Proverbs 19:8 "To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; people who cherish understanding will prosper."

I love this proverb. Think of it as how to deal with problems and how to apply the knowledge of the bible. Understanding of a problem is HUGE. When you understand the depth of a problem, you understand the knowledge that is in the bible. When you apply that knowledge, it becomes your wisdom. Now you solved your problem and you are wiser than day before.

3. Luke 8:30-33
30 Jesus demanded, “What is your name?”

“Legion,” he replied, for he was filled with many demons. 31 The demons kept begging Jesus not to send them into the bottomless pit.[a]
32 There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside nearby, and the demons begged him to let them enter into the pigs. So Jesus gave them permission. 33 Then the demons came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the entire herd plunged down the steep hillside into the lake and drowned."

I found this in my bible studies and made me realize what my enemies are and what they intend to do with me. Our enemy is sinful nature inside. Passage 33 says it all, it's goal is...to get us to die.

These thoughts of suicide and self hate is NOT your thoughts, but that of your enemy. You have to learn to listen to your spirit, it will be your life perserver in middle of storm of emotional pain and when sinful nature trying to rip your self esteem to shreds. I found it funny, my greatest enemy all my life has been myself.

Please meditate on what I said and start your spiritual studies sister. NEVER lose hope and keep your faith with our Great Father!

God bless.

 

[FallingWaters]

... I feel so dead inside....

Man I just don't know what to do! I hate myself and I don't even understand why God would want anything to do with a miserable piece of crap like me. Honestly I think God hates me and I don't think I'm even worthy of God's attention. Uggh, I'm just rambling, what should I do? Should I maybe speak to a pastor at a church or something?

I struggle with those feelings too.
Maybe you just need to get your heart clean before God and start over fresh.
The Bible says His mercies are new every morning.

You say you pray.
How about if you get down on your knees, repent for straying away,
renounce it as sin, ask Him to forgive you,
and receive His cleansing?

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:8-9 ESV

Here's another version:
If we say that we have not sinned, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth isn't in our hearts. But if we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away.
1 John 1:8-9 CEV

We all have a hard time being consistently faithful.
Keep on going to church.
Attend a Bible study.
Develop Christian friendships.

May God make Himself real to you and richly bless you!

 

[pwood]

But my point is, I'm trying to be a good Christian again I guess, and I'm trying so hard to follow the example of Christ, but I'm just so completely miserable! I'm pathetic and I'm a terrible person. I try so hard to pray, and read (the bible and other books about christ/christianity), and go to church, but I feel so dead inside.

Try just loving the Lord and being glad that there is a God who will make everything right one day.

People who "call" themselves christians will set a standard for you that is impossible to live up to. and if your a people pleaser like me you will kill yourself trying to live up to thier expectations. Most of my struggles now have to do with my treatment as a child and I am on my way to getting that resolved too. But the darkest hours in my life was never being good enough. I was deceived into thinking I was not good enough for God, in reality I was not good enough for the self righeous hypocrits and I believed it mattered that I live up to thier false God.

Your worth something because you are not bound to thier expectations, God is Love and eternally Love never fails, but the trials are no picnic on this earth and thats the fact of life. But God does not expect you to live up to his expectations. "All fall short of the glory of God" This is why Jesus forgave everyone. "forgive them father for they know not what they do"

Chin up, tell the ones your trying to live up to to take a hike and get new friends.

 

[Silent Enigma]

Man I just don't know what to do! I hate myself and I don't even understand why God would want anything to do with a miserable piece of crap like me. Honestly I think God hates me and I don't think I'm even worthy of God's attention. Uggh, I'm just rambling, what should I do? Should I maybe speak to a pastor at a church or something?

Sounds like more of a medical problem than a spiritual problem. Don't beat yourself up over an illness.

 

[goldenviolet]

hello everyone!

i completely understand kathleena

...
as young christains, rather it be age or in knowledge, i see alot of people exsperiancing what you are. i relate, because i did too. i think that for some of us, we learn 'hands on'. we have to exsperiance things to see them. sometimes it takes awhile for us to start benefiting from our exsperiances. some people learn by just being told/ seeing it. their struggles are in other areas. anyhow, let's just say you are a hands on learner. like the isrealites that keep making mistakes and going back; eventually they started to benifet from their errors. they even published their mistakes so we'd have a good understanding of that we are like that too. and to help us catch ourselves before we make more mistakes. God wants us to learn. sinning in the process doesn't mean you fail; it means get back on track. so where is this track? each of have a special relationship with Jesus. the Holy Spirit helps us find the track/path.
sometimes that means taking everything else away. to direct you to the path. what you descibe is everything being taken away. now you need to clear all it away and surround yourself with knowledge. knowledge to help you discern where the spirit is directing you. first look at His promises: you are the first fruits of creation. he will never leave you, or forsake you. you have unconditional forgiveness and love. next look at His word. it is a spiritual tool. an aid. next; your spiritual family. commisioned to share your happiness and sarrows. commisioned to be His hands and feet to build you up.
so, you have three things to help you find the discernment of the Holy Spirit's direction. to clear away all that other stuff; you just start focusing on the tools the Lord blesses us with.

practice. practice. practice. practice focusing on promises.practice study habits. practice relaxing. practice sharing. practice being good to yourself. practice everything.

anytime you need to talk, you may message me.

you are precious!!!!​

 

[Kathleena]

Wow, thank you guys so much for your responses.

To Aworkinprogress: Thank you so much for those verses, and your advice on mediating on them. I will definately try that.

To FallingWaters: Thank you for your advice I will definately try going to church more often, going to bible study, and getting some christian friends.

To Silent Enigma: I have a psychiatrist but the medicine he put me on (I was on it for five months) only made things worse so I just quit. I'm trying to get another psychiatrist, but I honestly think that the problem might be more spiritual for me. But thanks for your opinion.

And to pwood and Goldenviolet, thank you so much for your inspiring words, I will definately think about what all of you have said. I will try to get rid of all the distractions and read the bible more.

 

[Harfish]

Wow, what an interesting thread. I just thought I'd drop in with some of what has helped me with my depression over the years. (Bear in mind I'm a non-Christian)

G-d loves you, always has, always will and nothing you can do will ever change that. But, like all parents, he wants you to succeed on your own. He'll help you when you ask (something I learned the hard way) , but at the end of the day you've got to help yourself. And when you do he'll be there to congratulate you.

When I finally asked G-d for help with my depression, he pointed me in the right direction, showed me the path but it was up to me to walk it.

I don't know if this makes a great deal of sense, but it helped me.

 

[Vehcklox]

Boil whole passionflowers, drink the broth. I've heard St. John's wart is good also.

 

[Kathleena]

Thanks so much everyone. My psychiatrist now has put me on wellbutrin so I'll see how well this works.

I try so hard to read the bible and I'm doing ok so far but I hate the fact that I just get destracted so easily and cannot read for long periods of time like I used to be able to. I really hate it because I love to read but I'm destracted so easily and get tired of it after a while. I guess I'll just...pray?

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Thanks so much everyone. My psychiatrist now has put me on wellbutrin so I'll see how well this works.

I try so hard to read the bible and I'm doing ok so far but I hate the fact that I just get destracted so easily and cannot read for long periods of time like I used to be able to. I really hate it because I love to read but I'm destracted so easily and get tired of it after a while. I guess I'll just...pray?

lol well I got rid of all of life's distractions. Cut my internet and tried to give my Computer away. When it is the only thing in the house to do, it becomes intresting to read.

After a certain point thou when the wisdom you applied and learned. There is desire to learn more, most of the time I read while waiting for something. Like Laundry and such. Time flies and I learned something new in the Psalms today.

Also later on when you are tackling specific problems, you will find that your research takes you back to books you read. The meaning of the scriptures unfolds even more than when you first glanced over it. The first read over gives you reference to what there is thou. Don't be afraid to slow down and reread or research certain scriptures that shout out at you.

Hang in there thou, worth all the effort in long run.