Tired of my mother

[jennwiln]

Dear Members:
I will celebrate my 26th birthday and I am living with my mother for now. I have never met someone who claims to be a christian but is very contolling and maniputlative. I really do not know what to do. I am thinking about finding another job or even a part time job so I can make a little more money so I can get an apartment of my own. Talking to my mother is like talking to a wall. Please give me advice on what I can do to help myself in the relationship with my mother. My mother is 61 years old she just does not listen to me or my other sisters. Please help me, I beg you.

Thanks,
Jennwiln

 

[bluemarkus]

i am

E
X
A
C
T
L
Y

in the same situation. same age even.

my mother is almost 50. she is the worst in controlling i have ever met, and stubborn as a donkey. i have been living with my parents for 1 year now. i have NEVER had a case as hard as this before.
maybe its because i know her so indepth. shes my mother.
i believe it is demons of religiosity, i am not even shure if she is saved...
my dad tries to protect her and to play down her character flaws, but to me it is clear that although my mother she has serious issues of unforgiveness with her parents (both almost 80), and that something inside her is destroyed... she overclocks and overworks, tries to do everything herself, always complains, but when you ask what needs to get done, she is always vague and says "well, nothing really, i can handle it", then she keeps going on complaining.

sometimes i wish she was dead ! seriously ! and i am a disciple !

whenever guests come into the house she puts on her pretty smile and laughs and fakes it as can be. sometimes when i am busy i just look that my shoes are clean and go into my room, but then she preys on me already like an eagle and checkes if i put my shoes off and preach to me that she has to keep the house clean. i then keep telling her that with more than 5 kids in the house there is no way that it will stay clean for a whole week, and that i am in a hurry and theres things more important then that, and that the cleaning has to be done either way, and further i do really care and take care that it stays neat, and my shoes are not even dirty.

she does not care, she says "put yer shoes off ". she will start to fight over shoes ! she wants everything her way, if i give contra, she starts to fight. very christian. then she prays her standard prayers before and after the meals and puts her extra holy face on for me because she thinks she can impress me and pacify my "inquisitional" mind.

oh, what can i only do with such a woman ? i don´t know !!!

its the product of false christianity. how i hate it...

sorry that was from the heart....

 

[jennwil]

i am

E
X
A
C
T
L
Y

in the same situation. same age even.

my mother is almost 50. she is the worst in controlling i have ever met, and stubborn as a donkey. i have been living with my parents for 1 year now. i have NEVER had a case as hard as this before.
maybe its because i know her so indepth. shes my mother.
i believe it is demons of religiosity, i am not even shure if she is saved...
my dad tries to protect her and to play down her character flaws, but to me it is clear that although my mother she has serious issues of unforgiveness with her parents (both almost 80), and that something inside her is destroyed... she overclocks and overworks, tries to do everything herself, always complains, but when you ask what needs to get done, she is always vague and says "well, nothing really, i can handle it", then she keeps going on complaining.

sometimes i wish she was dead ! seriously ! and i am a disciple !

whenever guests come into the house she puts on her pretty smile and laughs and fakes it as can be. sometimes when i am busy i just look that my shoes are clean and go into my room, but then she preys on me already like an eagle and checkes if i put my shoes off and preach to me that she has to keep the house clean. i then keep telling her that with more than 5 kids in the house there is no way that it will stay clean for a whole week, and that i am in a hurry and theres things more important then that, and that the cleaning has to be done either way, and further i do really care and take care that it stays neat, and my shoes are not even dirty.

she does not care, she says "put yer shoes off ". she will start to fight over shoes ! she wants everything her way, if i give contra, she starts to fight. very christian. then she prays her standard prayers before and after the meals and puts her extra holy face on for me because she thinks she can impress me and pacify my "inquisitional" mind.

oh, what can i only do with such a woman ? i don´t know !!!

its the product of false christianity. how i hate it...

sorry that was from the heart....

My mother is clean addict. She get upsets when things are not the way she likes. She is a saved christian but she is very manipulative and controlling. My mom would yell at me all the time, even though my older sister is the one that messes the place up. I pray to God about it, but so deeply. I just need to have faith and believe that God will give me a better job so I can have my own place. My mom use spirtual relationship with God as a way to control and belittle her adult children who are temporay living at home.

 

[pegatha]

I am thinking about finding another job or even a part time job so I can make a little more money so I can get an apartment of my own.

Jenn, this sounds like an excellent plan. At 26, you're ready to be out on your own. You may even find that things improve with your mom once you both get a little space away from each other.

 

[ladyt28]

I have in-laws who are about as unhappy people as I've seen yet they both profess strong faith - if they have faith, where is the joy?? Where is the forgiveness? My mom had more joy and more unconditional love than most I've ever met so I've seen what it looks like. Pray for these people, ask Jesus for help in burdening their hearts to learn that they are missing something and know that you alone can't be the one to make a complete turn-around in their lives. All we can do is focus on how WE deal with them.

If possible, move out to a better environment that won't do damage to your faith. Hopefully you can become the example you wish they were.

 

[FallingWaters]

Dear Members:
I will celebrate my 26th birthday and I am living with my mother for now. I have never met someone who claims to be a christian but is very contolling and maniputlative. I really do not know what to do. I am thinking about finding another job or even a part time job so I can make a little more money so I can get an apartment of my own. Talking to my mother is like talking to a wall. Please give me advice on what I can do to help myself in the relationship with my mother. My mother is 61 years old she just does not listen to me or my other sisters. Please help me, I beg you.

Thanks,
Jennwiln

You will never regret the day you move out and stand up on your own two feet.
Quick! Run for your life!

 

[LoG]

The problem isn't mother or father, it is the emotional reaction to them. It is possible through God's help to get to a state where their character flaws do not have any emotional impact anymore. Not from indifference or hate but from love, compassion and acceptance.

The first thing to realize is that although they are our parents they are just as human as we are. To the degree that we judge them do we also judge ourselves. After all, they brought us up so it is quite certain that we have the same character flaws as they do to some degree.
Forgiveness is the key.

 

[goldenviolet]

i think with stressful family members, we need to plant little seeds of change. example: create an activity that is fun, like the board game scrabble. or cards. a drive to the fruits stands. feeding the ducks. scrap booking, listening to music, baking, you name it. the seed is being able to relax and enjoy eachother. even chat about something you value... or build them up with support over something. another example: a surprize... flowers, a book, a poem, a music disk, a piece of art. some scented candles, cute socks, lol, whatever. the seed: love, appreciation, comfort. another example: a picnic outing... talk about old times. watch the kids play. the seed: enjoying eachother. relaxing. appreciation etc.
when we open up to others, it helps create better communication and respect. ~ love dee