Tired of Church. Normal?

[USCGrad90]

Lately I've found myself just not wanting to attend or participate. My kids are pretty active and my wife works in the nursery, but for a few weeks, I've found excuses not to go.
- One weekend, I had to go in late night for work and likely could have gone a little tired, but chose to sleep in.
- Another weekend, I had to drive to pick up my daughter from college for a local event and then drive her back. Again - I was tired and chose not to go.
- This weekend, I was sick for a few days with a headache and didn't feel too good, but again chose not to go.
I realize that I'm getting older, but I am honest enough to know that I could have pushed myself to attend but didn't.
In reflection, I am tired of dealing with the politics of church, the niceties of what I see people put on, and in general just a lack of depth in discussion of spiritual issues. Our Pastor recently left for a position in another part of the country, so it's kind of the "Here we go again" feeling with the church looking for a new Pastor, dealing with interims, and generally watching people juggle different responsibilities.
I have a hard time going and presenting myself to God for worship.
I don't think it's my church. I think it's more me. I don't know it it's self-centered to feel like this, but I'm not finding interest in church like I used to. I have tried to work myself into different groups, but it doesn't seem to help and I don't have any close friends there to confide in.
Just wondering if this is a normal life phase or something else.
I appreciate any comments and feedback.

 

[Willie T]

Sounds like you got the strange idea somewhere that church is a Sunday morning at 10:00 thing.

If that is how you see it, your time probably would be better spent doing something else.

 

[standingtall]

USCGrad...have you been a "churchgoer" most of your life?

 

[USCGrad90]

Sounds like you got the strange idea somewhere that church is a Sunday morning at 10:00 thing.

If that is how you see it, your time probably would be better spent doing something else.

Your response is somewhat cryptic and I am not wholly certain of what you mean. I would appreciate some elaboration on your thoughts.
My understanding of the church is basically two-fold. The church comes together (or assembles) for the purpose of bringing each member to spiritual maturity (Ephesians 4:13). The church reaches out to spread the love of Christ and the gospel message to unbelievers in the world (Matthew 28:18-20).
My current issue comes with the assembly in the church I am a member or even at other churches in the area. I have found little joy in the times of assembly, regardless of whether it is on Sunday mornings or other days of the week. I do find interest in daily discussions I have with my co-workers - some believers and some non-believers - and with other opportunities I find to share with others. I also feel like coming into these forums helps me learn and share what I have learned with others.

 

[Willie T]

Your response is somewhat cryptic and I am not wholly certain of what you mean. I would appreciate some elaboration on your thoughts.
My understanding of the church is basically two-fold. The church comes together (or assembles) for the purpose of bringing each member to spiritual maturity (Ephesians 4:13). The church reaches out to spread the love of Christ and the gospel message to unbelievers in the world (Matthew 28:18-20).
My current issue comes with the assembly in the church I am a member or even at other churches in the area. I have found little joy in the times of assembly, regardless of whether it is on Sunday mornings or other days of the week. I do find interest in daily discussions I have with my co-workers - some believers and some non-believers - and with other opportunities I find to share with others. I also feel like coming into these forums helps me learn and share what I have learned with others.

What's to add? This is just a place where people who call themselves ______ happen to meet.

You said you have no friends there, right?
You said you don't really worship God there, right?
You said there is no joy for you there, right?

And probably some other things I missed. So why go? Seriously. Do you think God is impressed with that way of seeing the assembly?

I mean it in all seriousness... why go?

 

[USCGrad90]

USCGrad...have you been a "churchgoer" most of your life?

Yes. I grew up in a Southern Baptist Church. We attended regular Sunday and Wednesday services and were at the church whenever anything else was going on. I grew up active in children's groups and choirs, playing handbells, and doing service projects. We took a number of mission trips to places where we could help the communities. I painted and worked on some older churches and houses in different parts of the country and worked with a few prison ministires. I drifted a bit in college, but headed up the college and career group of one church, where I met my wife. Not long after we were married, my wife and I went to New Orleans for a memorable missions trip and helped chaperone youth and run a weeklong kids camp for the locals and did some other service work along the way. I served as a Deacon and Chairman of Deacons in one church and helped to rewrite the Constitution and Bylaws in my current church. I've also helped in the local Homeless mission here recently.

 

[USCGrad90]

What's to add? This is just a place where people who call themselves ______ happen to meet.

You said you have no friends there, right?
You said you don't really worship God there, right?
You said there is no joy for you there, right?

And probably some other things I missed. So why go? Seriously. Do you think God is impressed with that way of seeing the assembly?

I mean it in all seriousness... why go?

Because I believe that the Bible instructs us to be in a relationship with other believers. My desire is not to try to "impress" God (because I know I can't) but rather to try to follow His will - which I believe includes assembling with other Christians.
Hebrews 10:25
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (NIV)
I do not want to give up on going to the services. I simply want to try to understand whether what I am feeling is normal or not and get some advice on how best to approach the issue.

 

[standingtall]

Yes. I grew up in a Southern Baptist Church. We attended regular Sunday and Wednesday services and were at the church whenever anything else was going on. I grew up active in children's groups and choirs, playing handbells, and doing service projects. We took a number of mission trips to places where we could help the communities. I painted and worked on some older churches and houses in different parts of the country and worked with a few prison ministires. I drifted a bit in college, but headed up the college and career group of one church, where I met my wife. Not long after we were married, my wife and I went to New Orleans for a memorable missions trip and helped chaperone youth and run a weeklong kids camp for the locals and did some other service work along the way. I served as a Deacon and Chairman of Deacons in one church and helped to rewrite the Constitution and Bylaws in my current church. I've also helped in the local Homeless mission here recently.

So if you just "stopped going" to your current assembly, what do you think would happen?

Would you be condemned by the current members? It sounds like you don't have any friends there, anyway.

Many people get stuck in the rut of "doing church" instead of simply "being a part of the church". You don't have to be a registered member or regularly attend any assembly to do the latter.

I do find interest in daily discussions I have with my co-workers - some believers and some non-believers - and with other opportunities I find to share with others. I also feel like coming into these forums helps me learn and share what I have learned with others.

Hebrews 10:25 does not compel you to go to regularly scheduled services, or make sure you are at "church" everytime the doors are open. What you are doing with your co-workers is "meeting". "Church" has become a job for you, instead of a fellowship.

Do I think it's self-centered....nope. I think it's normal. I can guarantee many, many church folks feel that way. IMO, they're just too scared or insecure with their faith to admit it, so they lie to themselves.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

... ...
I do find interest in daily discussions I have with my co-workers - some believers and some non-believers - and with other opportunities I find to share with others. I also feel like coming into these forums helps me learn and share what I have learned with others.

Yhwh Himself is happy when His people get together and talk about HIM. (not about politics, people, stocks, races, entertainment, school, women, men, kids, war, peace, retirement, work, jobs, toys, planes, earthquakes, religion(yep, realize 99% of religion on earth is not about HIM), marriage, sin, etc etc etc)
(Bible reference: Malachi)

and "when you EKKLESIA(called out people in Jesus) meet together, each of you brings a word- a song -a hymn -a psalm -a spiritual song
i.e. what Yhwh has put in you, given you, done for you / with you today .... let everyone in order share what Yhwh has given them to bring.... "

so,
talk with Yhwh about all of these things, and about what you are going through, and ASK HIM what this is all about. He will show you and He will direct your steps if you ask Him with "a heart after Yhwh" (to seek Him and obey Him in all things) like King David has as written again and again in the Psalms and Scripture.

Old things will pass away, behold, all things will be new.
Yhwh sent His Son Y'shua to die and to be raised never to die again, so He certainly cares about what we do and HE has perfectly provided evertyhting needed for life now and for eternity....

 

[USCGrad90]

So if you just "stopped going" to your current assembly, what do you think would happen?

Would you be condemned by the current members? It sounds like you don't have any friends there, anyway.

Many people get stuck in the rut of "doing church" instead of simply "being a part of the church". You don't have to be a registered member or regularly attend any assembly to do the latter.

Hebrews 10:25 does not compel you to go to regularly scheduled services, or make sure you are at "church" everytime the doors are open. What you are doing with your co-workers is "meeting". "Church" has become a job for you, instead of a fellowship.

Do I think it's self-centered....nope. I think it's normal. I can guarantee many, many church folks feel that way. IMO, they're just too scared or insecure with their faith to admit it, so they lie to themselves.

Good feedback.
1. I have people I consider "friends" at church - just not the close friends that will have a deep conversation or be aware when I have internal struggles or need an ear to listen to me. No one seems to notice the weeks that I have missed, so I am not worried over any condemnation. We do not have strict rules for attendance.
2. I have much deeper conversations with the people I work with and feel like that's where God wants to focus on ministering right now. I have one friend I can check myself against for accountability and another that I discuss issues and theology with. There are also some who come to me with questions that I feel I help guide to the right path.
3. With my wife and kids being involved in church activities - it is difficult for me to feel good about it when I don't attend. In truth, the real joy I do get from church is watching my children and knowing that they are getting something from it - even if I do not.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Start(or keep on) reading Genesis, Psalms, Proverbs, Matthew and 1st John et al at home prayerfully with your children.
Your reward will be greater than you ever expected.
For all of you.

 

[SeventhValley]

It is totally normal everyone will hit spiritual dry periods.

 

[OzSpen]

What's to add? This is just a place where people who call themselves ______ happen to meet.

You said you have no friends there, right?
You said you don't really worship God there, right?
You said there is no joy for you there, right?

And probably some other things I missed. So why go? Seriously. Do you think God is impressed with that way of seeing the assembly?

I mean it in all seriousness... why go?

I find that again to be harsh towards a brother who is being bored by church. I wouldn't dare bare my soul in this thread with this kind of response to a brother who needs some honest feedback. I'll be sending a PM to him.

 

[lordismyshepherd]

Lately I've found myself just not wanting to attend or participate. My kids are pretty active and my wife works in the nursery, but for a few weeks, I've found excuses not to go.
- One weekend, I had to go in late night for work and likely could have gone a little tired, but chose to sleep in.
- Another weekend, I had to drive to pick up my daughter from college for a local event and then drive her back. Again - I was tired and chose not to go.
- This weekend, I was sick for a few days with a headache and didn't feel too good, but again chose not to go.
I realize that I'm getting older, but I am honest enough to know that I could have pushed myself to attend but didn't.
In reflection, I am tired of dealing with the politics of church, the niceties of what I see people put on, and in general just a lack of depth in discussion of spiritual issues. Our Pastor recently left for a position in another part of the country, so it's kind of the "Here we go again" feeling with the church looking for a new Pastor, dealing with interims, and generally watching people juggle different responsibilities.
I have a hard time going and presenting myself to God for worship.
I don't think it's my church. I think it's more me. I don't know it it's self-centered to feel like this, but I'm not finding interest in church like I used to. I have tried to work myself into different groups, but it doesn't seem to help and I don't have any close friends there to confide in.
Just wondering if this is a normal life phase or something else.
I appreciate any comments and feedback.

Maybe this is a nudge from God on something in your life. Pray and let Him guide you, maybe it's not going to church, but where you are.

 

[Willie T]

I find that again to be harsh towards a brother who is being bored by church. I wouldn't dare bare my soul in this thread with this kind of response to a brother who needs some honest feedback. I'll be sending a PM to him.

You may not understand the word you used there.... "honest".

I never said he was wrong about anything. I "honestly" asked him "Why go?" if all those negative things are true about the place he attends.

I believe he really SHOULD "honestly" look at why he is continuing to go there. The answers he might reveal to himself may give him some insight to his own questions.

 

[OzSpen]

Maybe this is a nudge from God on something in your life. Pray and let Him guide you, maybe it's not going to church, but where you are.

It could also be a nudge from God that something is wrong with that church. It is very difficult to leave a church when one's family is involved in various activities.

 

[OzSpen]

You may not understand the word you used there.... "honest".

I never said he was wrong about anything. I "honestly" asked him "Why go?" if all those negative things are true about the place he attends.

I believe he really SHOULD "honestly" look at why he is continuing to go there. The answers he might reveal to himself may give him some insight to his own questions.

I know the meaning of 'honest'. That's why I used it.

 

[USCGrad90]

You may not understand the word you used there.... "honest".

I never said he was wrong about anything. I "honestly" asked him "Why go?" if all those negative things are true about the place he attends.

I believe he really SHOULD "honestly" look at why he is continuing to go there. The answers he might reveal to himself may give him some insight to his own questions.

I appreciate the honest questions and feedback. I did not post this expecting everyone to exalt me and I know a true friend will be honest to the point of sometimes telling you what you dont want to hear. In my case, I dont want to go somewhere else because of my family and the time I have spent at this church. All too often I have seen people leave churches to go to the megachurch doing the "next big thing." Sometimes it is a good thing but sometimes that person is changing for the wrong reason.

Someone mentioned a "spiritual" dry spell, which kind of makes sense to me. I dont think going somewhere else will fix where I'm at but maybe change in perspective will.

Appreciate Willie, Oz, and everybody here that provided feedback to me.

 

[jsimms615]

Lately I've found myself just not wanting to attend or participate. My kids are pretty active and my wife works in the nursery, but for a few weeks, I've found excuses not to go.
- One weekend, I had to go in late night for work and likely could have gone a little tired, but chose to sleep in.
- Another weekend, I had to drive to pick up my daughter from college for a local event and then drive her back. Again - I was tired and chose not to go.
- This weekend, I was sick for a few days with a headache and didn't feel too good, but again chose not to go.
I realize that I'm getting older, but I am honest enough to know that I could have pushed myself to attend but didn't.
In reflection, I am tired of dealing with the politics of church, the niceties of what I see people put on, and in general just a lack of depth in discussion of spiritual issues. Our Pastor recently left for a position in another part of the country, so it's kind of the "Here we go again" feeling with the church looking for a new Pastor, dealing with interims, and generally watching people juggle different responsibilities.
I have a hard time going and presenting myself to God for worship.
I don't think it's my church. I think it's more me. I don't know it it's self-centered to feel like this, but I'm not finding interest in church like I used to. I have tried to work myself into different groups, but it doesn't seem to help and I don't have any close friends there to confide in.
Just wondering if this is a normal life phase or something else.
I appreciate any comments and feedback.

I think that desire for something more is actually from the Holy Spir it and normal. Maybe that feeling is there to push you on to find new ways such as a home study or studying on your own to go deeper with God. A lot of what goes on in church today is shallow. I have felt the same way you do