tired of being so depressed

[RD1981]

I wish I could talk to someone who could change my life, I'm so depressed I can barely keep an appetite to eat. I can't even go to sleep right now. I prayed to God about things, but my life has more downs than ups. I really love this one woman I met, and we even dated on and off. We were never intimate , or kissed etc., she wanted to wait a while before that. I was cool with it. But I knew that she also liked women, and that really messed up our relationship, because I was never sure why she was with me, aside from me being there to help her in her life with things.

Anyhow, I tried to stay away from her and not answer her calls because I was tired of the emotional drain of just being her friend and knowing I was still in love with her, after we broke up. (This has gone on for a few years, we get back in touch with each other, I go to her aide as a friend, and also because I like being around her, something happens and we lose touch)

The bad part is that I always fantasize about her and still do, I don't know why I'm so attached to her. I feel perverted sometimes, but I actually want more then intimacy, I really want to spend the rest of my life with her. She called me about a month ago from an unknown phone number just to see how things were going, and that was cool to hear her voice. I actually played it off like I didn't know who she was at first.

I started going to her facebook from time to time,just to be nosy and to see if I can tell if she's with someone new. It's sad, I know I must have a problem and I need help, I'm praying that God will deliver me from all of this. I really never been with anyone but her, and I just turned 30. I have a low self esteem because I've never been in a mutual loving relationship, and I wonder if I ever will be. I always thought that as long as I was a loving person and respected women that I would eventually find someone good, but I see life isn't like that right now. I know Jesus loves me and all , but I though I would find someone to live with by now. All of my friends have had multiple relationships and have kids. If the Lord can take this need away from me and I can just live a single life, I'm ok with it, but right now I struggle with lust everyday.

I sometimes wonder why me, as if I'm cursed. I believe in Jesus and still thank God for everything he's doing for me, regardless of my depression.

 

[Angeldove97]

Hi Brother,
I commend you for continuing to pray over this! God brings people in our lives and we might not always know why, but perhaps you will find some good for your heart through this. (Actually I know you will ) Continue to pray for yourself~ that God may break the connection you have with this Lady, but at the same time, pray for her too~ sounds like she needs to be covered in prayer and come to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior.

As for the depression, for me, it took a long time and many difficult roads before I was doing a lot better~ I won't say healed because I still become depressed but its not like how it use to be. I can say that with a lot of prayer and time (I'm talking from 8th grade to about the time I turned 25) I can say that God changed my heart and how I see and react to situations that might normally cause a person to become depressed.

I would also continue to find new activities to take care of any extra time where I might feel tempted to see what the other person is doing. Volunteering would be great, but even becoming a part of a church ministry or taking up a new hobby might be helpful.

I really appreciate that you came to share with us how you've been feeling and what you're going through. I know when I share with others I feel a lot better. May you be blessed

 

[Criada]

You aren't c ursed, brother, you are loved greatly by God
Praying that things will get easier for you.

 

[RD1981]

thanks for praying for me. I was able to get to sleep finally. This stuff just bugs me out and I can't think of nothing else. I'm really a simple person, I don't need much, I stay to myself most of times. I have friends I grew up with, but I can't always hang with them. I plan on going back to church regularly, but I do stay in the word. I make music(with computer software), and play basketball. Right now I'm unemployed so there goes atleast 10 hours I spend idle.

I use to go through this on my job. When we first broke up, I was working night shift, with another guy, and it was hard then to not try to see what's going on with her on her myspace. I worked IT tech support, so I was always near a computer. I really need to get away from the internet.

I think what really plays with my mind is that we have a few things in common. She has a good down to earth personality, and she loves kids. Our birthdays are two days apart(different years), and her sister's birthday is the same day as mine(different years), it's weird. It seemed like we would be good for each other, I believe her best friend thought I was the right one for her, but she was either scared or didn't agree.

Thanks for your support. I had to come here to let it all out, because it does help.

 

[Mr. Runningfish]

You aren't c ursed, brother, you are loved greatly by God
Praying that things will get easier for you.

Certainly not cursed; in fact, you are a lot like many of us here! I've said a prayer for you. Hopefully you've found some sleep and peace today.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you.

 

[miss-a]

Praying for you and also sending you a private message.

 

[RD1981]

Praying for you and also sending you a private message.

I got your message, thank you, I will check the site out.