Tips for dating a Christian?

[BeyondTheBirch]

I was raised in an agnostic household and my current partner was homeschooled in a strict Christian environment.

For the most part faith doesn't play a role in our relationship what so ever. He understands I think all religions are a cult and I respect his upbringing and his own beliefs. We both don't believe in marriage and we have a very healthy sex life.

My main concern(s) is meeting his extended family. I'm going to meet them eventually and I'm worried they won't accept me. I don't feel comfortable not being myself, but I'm worried I'm going to get into some horrible argument with them about religion. Do I just smile and agree with everything they say? I do not want children, and that's a question I'm dreading as well. How do you break it to a group of family members that you think kids are awful and a huge burden? It's not my purpose in life to be a mother so I guess I'll stick with that vague answer.

Anyways, does anyone have any experience with this?

Christians, do you have family, siblings or children that are married or dating non-christians and how did you manage that?

 

[Sketcher]

Does his family know he isn't practicing?

I have a cousin who was baptized Catholic but doesn't practice that faith at all. He's brought many a girlfriend over to family events. I don't think any of us expected any of them to be religious, because we know he's not religious. Speaking for my family only, we accepted them. The only problems I've had with any of them are those that have done some very unacceptable things - committing crimes, lying, adultery, harassment, that sort of thing.

 

[Sabertooth]

You are describing a nominal form of Christianity. There is no standard answer for that.

 

[BeyondTheBirch]

Does his family know he isn't practicing?

I have a cousin who was baptized Catholic but doesn't practice that faith at all. He's brought many a girlfriend over to family events. I don't think any of us expected any of them to be religious, because we know he's not religious. Speaking for my family only, we accepted them. The only problems I've had with any of them are those that have done some very unacceptable things - committing crimes, lying, adultery, harassment, that sort of thing.

He has his own personal relationship with his faith, I think he's more-so on the far reaches of Christianity if that makes sense. He's not religious but he has faith.

Wow, as long as I'm not doing any of those things I think I'll be ok!

 

[redleghunter]

I was raised in an agnostic household and my current partner was homeschooled in a strict Christian environment.

For the most part faith doesn't play a role in our relationship what so ever. He understands I think all religions are a cult and I respect his upbringing and his own beliefs. We both don't believe in marriage and we have a very healthy sex life.

My main concern(s) is meeting his extended family. I'm going to meet them eventually and I'm worried they won't accept me. I don't feel comfortable not being myself, but I'm worried I'm going to get into some horrible argument with them about religion. Do I just smile and agree with everything they say? I do not want children, and that's a question I'm dreading as well. How do you break it to a group of family members that you think kids are awful and a huge burden? It's not my purpose in life to be a mother so I guess I'll stick with that vague answer.

Anyways, does anyone have any experience with this?

Christians, do you have family, siblings or children that are married or dating non-christians and how did you manage that?

Maintaining platonic friendships are fine IMO. But a Christian dating a non Christian is not in keeping with NT apostolic teachings.

Christians should not be unevenly yoked to non Believers and should not marry them nor commit fornication. Which is premarital sex.

If you really like the young man don’t lead him into sinful traps.

This is exploring Christianity so I will inform you Christians are called to purity and to be in this world not of it. Dating you would put him in this world spiritually. A no no.

Do him a favor if you love him. Either go to church with him and listen when there or break it off.

And here’s some advice too. Not everyone who grows up in a Christian home is a Christian. It’s not like an after school club or like the local lodge.

 

[jacks]

Just don't dwell too much on your "very healthy sex life" and you should be fine.

 

[BeyondTheBirch]

Maintaining platonic friendships are fine IMO. But a Christian dating a non Christian is not in keeping with NT apostolic teachings.

Christians should not be unevenly yoked to non Believers and should not marry them nor commit fornication. Which is premarital sex.

If you really like the young man don’t lead him into sinful traps.

This is exploring Christianity so I will inform you Christians are called to purity and to be in this world not of it. Dating you would put him in this world spiritually. A no no.

Do her a favor if you love him. Either go to church with him and listen when there or break it off.

And here’s some advice too. Not everyone who grows up in a Christian home is a Christian. It’s not like an after school club or like the local lodge.

Lol I don't think you read what I wrote, he's male I'm female. He doesn't go to church. I should just delete this thread.

 

[BeyondTheBirch]

Just don't dwell too much on your "very healthy sex life" and you should be fine.

Haha, thanks!

 

[Sabertooth]

If you want to understand the Christian frame of mind, THIS is a good summary page.

 

[redleghunter]

Lol I don't think you read what I wrote, he's male I'm female. He doesn't go to church. I should just delete this thread.

Sorry I fixed it.

 

[AnnaDeborah]

A Christian shouldn't date a non Christian, should only be enjoying a healthy sex life within marriage and their faith should be affecting every part of their life. So I'd say either your partner is not a Christian (just has a few rules & ideas that he's picked up from being raised by Christians) or he is not being a very obedient one!

I think you need to ask your partner how honest he has been with his family about his view of their faith. Christians SHOULD respond in grace and love whatever, but we are all human and make mistakes - and if his family think he is a keen Christian, it is going to be a huge shock to them to be introduced to his live-in, non-Christian girlfriend. But if they are aware he is not following Christ, they won't be expecting his relationships to be Christian either. If he hasn't told them already that he is not following their faith, then he should do so now. It wouldn't be fair to them or to you to spring this on them when you first visit.

As for what you should say to his family - be honest. If you feel uncomfortable with a particular topic, there is nothing wrong with politely saying that you don't want to discuss it. I think it's the same with meeting anyone whose outlook on life is very different to your own - you do your best to meet halfway, try not to do or say anything that will offend, but at the same time, you need to be yourself.

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

I was raised in an agnostic household and my current partner was homeschooled in a strict Christian environment.

For the most part faith doesn't play a role in our relationship what so ever. He understands I think all religions are a cult and I respect his upbringing and his own beliefs. We both don't believe in marriage and we have a very healthy sex life.

My main concern(s) is meeting his extended family. I'm going to meet them eventually and I'm worried they won't accept me. I don't feel comfortable not being myself, but I'm worried I'm going to get into some horrible argument with them about religion. Do I just smile and agree with everything they say? I do not want children, and that's a question I'm dreading as well. How do you break it to a group of family members that you think kids are awful and a huge burden? It's not my purpose in life to be a mother so I guess I'll stick with that vague answer.

Anyways, does anyone have any experience with this?

Christians, do you have family, siblings or children that are married or dating non-christians and how did you manage that?

If he is truly serious about Christ, then YOU will find more temporal happiness in another than in him, based on what you wrote about yourself. Some Christians have this idea that they can get an unbeliever (who they like for reasons other than a shared faith) into a relationship and eventually convert them. That isn't usually what happens and then both of you are likely to feel trapped. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

If you can have a harmonious intimate relationship with someone who claims to believe in Christ, I struggle to believe that they are really serious about what they believe.

To be honest: If I was counseling him, as a brother in Christ (if he truly is), I would tell him that he is dating you for the wrong reason and putting himself in jeopardy by stepping outside what Jesus tells us we should do.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Christians, do you have family, siblings or children that are married or dating non-christians and how did you manage that?

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

I think most all Christian families have several if not many family members that are not believers in God. When knowing this usually at family get-togethers the subject should not be brought up or stressed on too much.

The Bible teaches to not be unequally yoked. If the two of you are not on the same page regarding a higher power, deep discussions are probably needed.

M-Bob

 

[PloverWing]

One of my (devoutly Christian) children is in a relationship with a woman who is nonreligious. She is intelligent and kind and caring, and is a very good partner for my child.

Part of what makes the relationship work (both the pair relationship and the broader relationship with our family) is that she is respectful and supportive. She never mocks any of us for being religious. She has occasionally visited church with us, to see what it was like, and she was perfectly polite. I'd recommend that approach, as far as you can do it. Find some elements of your partner's religious faith that you can agree with, and support those. Maybe it helps him to be kind to other people, or generous to the poor, or to have self-discipline or inner peace. Or maybe it's just that he's seeking the truth, as best as he can find it. Whatever good aspects you can find, support those.

For meeting the family, it depends a lot on the family's personality. I admit that some families may try to "witness" to you aggressively; sorry about that. But other families are calmer. I'd recommend: Don't bring up religion yourself. If you're asked, just quietly say "I'm not religious" or "I'm an agnostic", something like that. Don't try to argue with them about religion, or say how religion is bad. Similarly with the question of children: Don't talk about how children are awful; just say (if asked) "I don't think we'll have children".

So, in summary, it's like any cross-cultural experience. Be as respectful as you can, don't mock or insult them, and see what common ground you can find. I hope your partner's family will take the same approach.

 

[Phil 1:21]

I don't see anything in your thread to indicate that the title is correct. It doesn't appear you are dating a Christian. It seems what you're looking for is advice on how to interact with Christians when you're dating their non-Christian family member.

One word answer: Respect.

 

[Tolworth John]

faith doesn't play a role in our relationship what so ever.

If faith plays no part in your lives, he is not a Christian.
If he was a Christian he would be concerned for your fate in eturnity, which is why faith would be playing an important part in your lives.

We both don't believe in marriage

Ok, just tell his family that. Oh it does require that he admits that as far as they are concerned he is an atheist.

Then you sit back and let the argument/debate continue.

Face facts. His family belief in Christianity. Their son has rejected Christianity for his own ideas. They believe he will go to hell if he isn't a Christian and so will want to bring him back into the fold. Hopefully they will include you in this.

Your options.
1. Don't meet them.
2. as I've posted tell the truth and fight your cprner.
3. pretend, go to vagas for a 'token' marriage, while with them attend church etc and have attended a local church near you so you can talk about your home church.
4. again be honest, neither of you are Christian, but are open to explore Christianity. If you are being honest also have started a serious investigation into Christianity. Have read lee strobels book the case for Christ or a similar book, following coldcasechristianity web site or reasonablefaith or bethinking etc etc etc.

 

[aiki]

I was raised in an agnostic household and my current partner was homeschooled in a strict Christian environment.

For the most part faith doesn't play a role in our relationship what so ever. He understands I think all religions are a cult and I respect his upbringing and his own beliefs. We both don't believe in marriage and we have a very healthy sex life.

Well, your partner has clearly cast off his Christian upbringing. You must be relieved that he has abandoned the "cult" of his childhood. It is...ironic, though - if not hypocritical - to state in the same sentence that you think all religions are cults and that you respect his religious upbringing and beliefs. Clearly, you can't reasonably do both. What person in their right mind would respect a cult?

My main concern(s) is meeting his extended family. I'm going to meet them eventually and I'm worried they won't accept me.

Is there some reason that they should? If they have not abandoned their faith as your boyfriend has, they will naturally look upon you as a very bad influence. And on your side you think they're a bunch of cultists. Why should you expect anything other than animosity under such circumstances?

I don't feel comfortable not being myself, but I'm worried I'm going to get into some horrible argument with them about religion.

Well, what else would you do with those you think are cultists? Would you passively endure Jim Jones or David Koresh? I think not. Be consistent, then, and let these cultist relations of your boyfriend have it. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand.

How do you break it to a group of family members that you think kids are awful and a huge burden?

I can't help thinking that it's a good thing for you that your mother didn't take the same view you do concerning children.

Anyways, does anyone have any experience with this?

Christians, do you have family, siblings or children that are married or dating non-christians and how did you manage that?

One of my siblings married a non-Christian. She didn't think we were cultists, however, so we got on all right. It's a lot easier to deal with someone who doesn't think you're a religious nutball. She did end up cheating on my brother and they divorced three years into their marriage. A very sad business.

 

[BeyondTheBirch]

Well, your partner has clearly cast off his Christian upbringing. You must be relieved that he has abandoned the "cult" of his childhood. It is...ironic, though - if not hypocritical - to state in the same sentence that you think all religions are cults and that you respect his religious upbringing and beliefs. Clearly, you can't reasonably do both. What person in their right mind would respect a cult?



Is there some reason that they should? If they have not abandoned their faith as your boyfriend has, they will naturally look upon you as a very bad influence. And on your side you think they're a bunch of cultists. Why should you expect anything other than animosity under such circumstances?



Well, what else would you do with those you think are cultists? Would you passively endure Jim Jones or David Koresh? I think not. Be consistent, then, and let these cultist relations of your boyfriend have it. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand.



I can't help thinking that it's a good thing for you that your mother didn't take the same view you do concerning children.



One of my siblings married a non-Christian. She didn't think we were cultists, however, so we got on all right. It's a lot easier to deal with someone who doesn't think you're religious nutball. She did end up cheating on my brother and they divorced three years into their marriage. A very sad business.

I can still respect someone's beliefs, doesn't matter if I think all religions are cults. And yes, I am selfish. I don't want kids because I come first. Maybe when I'm forty and have had my career first? If I had savings? Not now. And yes, marriage is a sham and degrades women by labelling them as a man's property.

 

[aiki]

I can still respect someone's beliefs, doesn't matter if I think all religions are cults.

As I said, this isn't particularly rational. If you really thought your boyfriend's relations were cultists, you wouldn't set foot near them. Would you go visit Jim Jones over a weekend if he was your boyfriend's father? Would you hang out a bit with David Koresh if he was your boyfriend's brother? I very much doubt it. But you don't mind doing so with the "cultists" your boyfriend is related to? Perhaps, deep down, you know all religions aren't cults.

It's...interesting that you paint with such a broad brush in your characterization of religion. It's the sort of generalizing thing racists do with ethnic groups, or sexists do with males and females: they lump everyone in a particular group together, refusing to acknowledge any differences there might be within those groups. I'm sure you aren't a racist or sexist so why adopt this kind of thinking in regard to religion? How is doing so in the former cases not okay but in the latter quite all right? Seems pretty inconsistent, to me...maybe even hypocritical.

And yes, I am selfish. I don't want kids because I come first.

Yikes! You ain't marriage material, then! Nothing knocks selfishness on the head like matrimony!

It's...peculiar that you seem to think its commendable (?) to acknowledge you're a selfish person. Selfishness is at the heart of all of the evilest things people do to each other. How...unfortunate that you would admit so unapologetically to something about which you should be ashamed.

Maybe when I'm forty and have had my career first? If I had savings? Not now.

The selflessness you need to be a good parent isn't going to magically appear when you turn forty, or when you have more cash in the bank. Selfishness doesn't diminish over time; it only grows larger as one indulges it. The longer you live with you set first, the less able you'll be to make room for anyone else. Your boyfriend is going to discover this in time. I would urge you to a different, a more selfless, way of being before you become irretrievably hardened into a life of selfishness.

And yes, marriage is a sham and degrades women by labelling them as a man's property.

You've a strange view of marriage. Yes, my wife is mine, but I am also hers. She is no more "degraded" in being so than I am. Our belonging to each other demands more of us, presses us to greater relational intimacy with each other, than two people trying to "love" each other while carefully defending their autonomy. You can't really connect with a person while trying to maintain a measure of disconnection, too. Time will reveal this to you, I'm sure.

God has a better way for you to live. They way you were created to live. You can read all about it in the Bible.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

Sounds like you're dating a Christian in name only. If you want to be honest tell the family how you really feel, that all Christianity is a cult and that it's moral standards are aberrant. Don't expect approval from faithful believers.