Time to end the relationship?

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Hugs. That would be so hard.

However, it does look like it is at an end.

 

[Princess Pea]

(maybe it's just the bit about living with your mum when you're a single mum with two kids being 'immature' and likewise working/studying part-time... sounds to me as though you're doing incredibly well! Does he KNOW how much work kids are????).

That hit me funny too - I think a single mom who's both working and attending school is the very definition of ambition! You're supposed to have your own home on top of all that? Ummm ... okay.

Anyway, I guess you're the only one who knows the full story here. I truly hope things will turn out well for you!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

*hug*

You sound fairly smart and sensible.

One question I have - and feel free to PM me the answer, even if it's 'go jump, nosey wench!' ... do you have a history of getting together with a certain type of man? Abusive, adulterous, addict, anything? Something about his story just doesn't sit right with me (maybe it's just the bit about living with your mum when you're a single mum with two kids being 'immature' and likewise working/studying part-time... sounds to me as though you're doing incredibly well! Does he KNOW how much work kids are????).

No, I don't think he does, but he thinks he does. He has a 28 yr. old son who he had custody of during summers. His ex left him when the kid was 6. I don't understand his reasoning-I have to be stressed out and poor in order to prove something? My ex-h did hardly anything when we were married besides work out at the gym. I was breadwinner, handyman, etc. The guy I'm dating knows this. I think it would be helpful for a counselor to tell T that his thinking is flawed in this area.
No, I don't have a history of picking losers.... lately. I met my ex-h when I was 19 and only started dating again about 3 years ago. I think that God has really been guiding me-closing doors and giving me a funny feeling that has kept me from getting involved with people. This is only my second relationship and both have been nice Christian guys.

 

[InTheFlame]

OK

So.... been out on any dates with anyone else? Turned the not-so-bf down for any?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

OK

So.... been out on any dates with anyone else? Turned the not-so-bf down for any?

Not lately. I went out with someone from eharmony about 3 weeks ago after having some long conversations. He had a lot of baggage, but I wouldn't let him kiss me on the lips and it ended there. I'm responding to emails from a few guys on eharmony, but those are all in the early stages. T hasn't asked to see me this weekend-he usually doesn't plan ahead. There's a few dances and activities going on this weekend.

I ran into my ex-bf today at a grocery store that neither one of us usually go to. We haven't seen each other since Dec. when he helped me buy my car. We've been praying for each other the last few months and he was the one I turned to Sunday for prayer. If only things had worked out....

 

[princessellie]

Trust is the basis of any good relationship, if there is no trust really there is no relationship, you dont just have yourself to think of aswell, your children will find it just as hard as you will if he is around for a while then disappears

pray over it and follow your heart

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Time to ship that guy off on the slow boat to China.
That's ridiculous. You are entitled to someone whose maturity level exceeds fifteen years of age.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Time to ship that guy off on the slow boat to China.
That's ridiculous. You are entitled to someone whose maturity level exceeds fifteen years of age.

Especially since my son is 14. I don't know if he is assuming I am like someone he knows that was in a similar situation-it doesn't make sense to me. I've made it very clear that I'm not going to change these things for him. His sister and two kids are living with his parents in another state, but she is having job difficulties and he doesn't sound like he is down on her for that. He complains at times that "if you had your own place then we'd have more privacy." He doesn't see how that could be a problem in itself.

 

[Princess Pea]

So what's his reason for not having his own place?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

So what's his reason for not having his own place?

He does have his own messy apartment. Without traffic we're about 20-25 min apart. With traffic we could be 45-60 min. away from each other.

 

[ItalianAngel]

I'm too tired to go through the whole story, but I'm sure some of you remember it. My used to be committed bf went out with my kids and I last night to a play in the park. Tonight we all went to a movie. It was late when we got home so we said a quick goodbye. After I got my daughter to bed I noticed his car was still out front. I walked out and stood next to his window and apparently he didn't even see me. He was signing on to his eharmony account and when he did notice me he tried to hide it and started getting upset at me saying I was sneaking around. He started bringing up something else and was pathetic because he sounded like a kid who was caught and trying to blame someone else. I just walked back into the house. We were supposed to go to his church together tomorrow night.

Every time I have tried to talk about our relationship he has changed the subject. I'm hurt and angry right now because I have told him that I don't have time for dating not leading to marriage and I don't want my kids getting attached to someone who isn't going to be around. So while he's avoiding talking about our relationship he's back on eharmony. Yeah, I'm feeling like it's time to end it. For some reason he feels like he needs to keep looking. I'm really going to miss our friendship. I know it's necessary, but I'm sad that I've invested months in this relationship and have nothing to show for it. I feel like just firing off and email telling him it's over, but I suppose a phone call would be better.

Hi, eatenbylocusts,

I just read your inital post, so if I say anything that has been said here before, my apolgies.

My advice to you is to at first have a long conversation with your boyfriend. If the two of you are not on the same page regarding where you want the relationship to go, then, yes, I say it's time to break up.

Personally, I would be beyond insulted if my boyfriend had an e-harmony account. To me, that is the same thing as cheating. If he isn't willing to be in an exclusive relationship with you, then he isn't worth it. I know it might hurt, but maybe God did intend for you two to remain friends and nothing more. Believe me, when you do meet the man who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve, you will know....

"Heartily know, when the half-gods go, the gods will arrive" ~Ralph Elmo Emerson.

blessings,
~Michele