Three year old...

[nateboy]

Rollercoaster: My son is three years old. He was dx with Autism at 12 months (such Autistic features) by a developmental pediatrician. Dx again by a clinical psychologist at age 14 months. Made extreme social progress by 18 months and was tested. He showed hardly any signs of Autism during testing. Here we are again!! My son says the same things over and over and over .... He gets upset if he doesn't sit in the green chair at school. He has his favorite car in our area, green mustang. He has to go the same way when we go for a walk. He is lovable, now makes great eye contact, will kiss and hug you when you ask. However, he never says his name or age EVER when people ask him. He doesn't even look at the person, EVER. I have tried and tried to teach him to say his name upon request and he won't. He also has NEVER danced or played around with music.

When I drop him off at preschool, he cries because all of the boys are "boys." They go "GRRRR,," and play boy -like. He prefers to play alone or parrellel play with the girls by drawing. He also likes to put together pretty good train tracks and puzzles. Kids seem to marvel at his abilities. He has to be put in time out at least four times a day because he goes into stimulus overdrive. One time, though, when he was outside he yelled, "Come on kids," with the handmotions because he wanted everyone to copy him. He does a lot of copying but laughs when he does it. He does make up stuff as well like jokes. When I say, "No more Milk you can have water,' He says, "No more water, mommy, "N" wants milk. He laughs at his jokes. That is what's so funny. He is hilarous and seems a lot smarter than other kids his age. He really seems to think most other kids are boring. His fathers IQ is immesurable (around 170 +, go figure).

He cries so much lately about being dropped off. Also, when I drop him off the other kids look at him as though he is different; hard to tell but it's obvious.. You can tell! It is very heart breaking. He is a very sensitive kid. He also can pretend play.

My husband and I has another talk today and I asked him if he thought "N' was on the spectrum. Without missing a beat, he say "definitely, there is no doubt." Darn it. I hate this emotional rollercoaster. I work at a school where many kids are on the specturm. He is very similiar to a mildly autistic little boy. He didn't qualify for the preschool program because he really does have wonderful behavior (when is isn't being so anal) and he is so smart. He qualified for speech therapy, particularly in articulation. What hurts me the most is the socialization aspect and other adults trying to talk with him and he just doesn't respond. The only time he responds, really, is when I say, "Say goodbye, and he yells it so cute!!" When he knows someone, he will be more talkative and want to play. People react more to cute little kids who respond to them. I see little girls respond very appropriately to questions, my son does not! He does talk on his terms and answers yes and no questions.

So, here I am...what do you think?? About a few months ago, I thought he may just be developing OCD. Now I am grieving again, because he is so much like an Autistic child..high on the spectrum and possibilly Aspergers.

This just stinks. Why is it that a lot of people who are of high intelligence end up having kids on the spectrum. Is it just a stereotype (by the way, I am average as I am just talking about my husband and that side of the family).

 

[Anygma]

hi nateboy

i don't know many autistic kids, i only know my own son, also 3 years old. and from what i can see so far, he's very smart for his age in some aspects and falling behind in some other, like social and behavior. although his little sister seems to help him a lot in ways we weren't able to help. she helps him a lot in getting out of his shell.

is it the label that you find difficult? autism is a spectrum and the kids are all different and there are better days then others. some days i too find he acts almost normal and other days, he seems to sink deeper. i try to work with his challenges and cherrish his differences. i realise that not everybody can apreciate his differences but i see it as their problem not his and i hope to teach him to understand that he's not less of himself because someone can't understand why he's that way.

maybe i'm totaly wierd but i find that his difficulties makes for me to be even more proud of his success.

autism is part of him but it's not who he is. we only had his diagnostic officialy a few weeks ago but to me it don't change much aside from the help he will qualify for.

i feel like i'm rambling, i should be in bed and it seem i always try to post when i'm too tired to make sense.

i guess all i'm trying to say is, you're not alone, i'm here if you want to talk, here or anywhere you want.

may God bless you with His infinit Love

Anygma

 

[nateboy]

It's really not the label, it's the doubt of the label. He was dx, then undx and we are thinking he is still on the spectrum. It is also wondering if he is just more OCD (which is rare for such a young kid). I test kids in the school and have worked with a few autistic children. When I work with them and their parents, I see that my son is so similar to the milder kids. That part is very emotional and it's everything I can do not to cry with the parents, because I may be there in a few years, too.
I just don't know. I am hoping someone would look at what I write and tell me that their child does the same or similar things. I want some reasurrance I guess that my thoughts may be correct. I really don't know!

 

[Anygma]

now i understand a bit better hehe, tired as i am, everything dosn't always make sense the first time i read it.

at 12 months, my son was spinning a lot of stuff, and banging his head when going in tentrums, aside from that, we had an interventionist comming once a week, just to help us be better parent sort of things, i qualified for the help as i had suffered from depression in the past and just that was enough to qualify. i never spit at any help when offered hehe. and the interventionist would do age and stage test. and he would always be in the norm at first. as time went, some of his developpement didn't progress and started showing more signes. we were put on the waiting list to see a pediatritian for a diagnostic but the waiting list was 1 year long, so we went private with a psychologist, before she had the time to pose the diagnostic, we were called in to see the pediatrician and she decided to pose the diagnostic and said help was gonna be on its way very soon, then we saw the psychologist for her tests result and she said he was very much on the fringe.

my son's eye contact seems better, but i think it's a learned thing that happens in specific setting. like when we use a specific format to ask questions, when the speech therapist work with him and the psychologist used the same format so she was getting good result having his eye contact. but when it's in real life experience where peoples don't use a sort of "protocol" he doesn't give much eye contact.

as i understand, children on the spectrum love routine and it can be so important to them that it is much like OCD. i'm the kind of person that has a lot of trouble getting in any routines but the interventionist helped me over a year period to get into some sort of routines for our son's sake and it helped a lot, especialy for the bedtime routine. now i try to stick to a routine as much as i can but my husband hasn't gotten used to the routine thing and it creates more inconsistencies. when i remind him that there's a routine, it seem to bother him at time.

you say your son don't make anything of music, was he exposed on a daily basis? do you find he's sensitive to other noises? will he have a tentrum if you start the blender or the coffee grinder? or whatever noise can trigger some kids. a test i found helpful was the analysis of sensory behavior. helped me understand better what makes him tick.

since you tests childrens yourself, you must be a lot more familiar then me on the topic and you know your child best. as parents' we are the specialist of our kids

is there a reason why you went for 3 diagnostics in 6 months? i find that's a lot but if you believe he could benefit from extra suport, maybe an other diagnostic woudlnt' hurt?

i feel like i'm rambling again... do i talk too much?

till next time, God Bless

Anygma

 

[Accepted]

I'm 47, a Christian, and suffer from High-functioning Autism. I have never been formally diagnosed, and have only come to this diagnosis in the last two years. Many of the things which you say about your son could have been true of me. But it was all overlooked in my childhood, though my parents were medically trained, and my Father was pioneering the work in Autism diagnosis!

Does diagnosis matter for those at the High Functioning Autism end of the spectrum? How important is it, especially when you consider that there is precious little help or support in reality. I know that various people make all sorts of claims, but I don't think they amount to much.

The most important thing to do is to love and accept your son for who he is. I remember my school years as a horrid time of bullying etc., feeling very lonely and rejected. It was only later in life that people started to treat me in a more adult manner that I started to progress. I don't think you can shield your son from this - it is going to happen. But it is very important to let him know that you stand with him, show him that you care.

My mother told me that she used to have to drag me out from under the kitchen table to get me to primary school. This could seem quite unloving of her to a young child; how could she drag me to that horrid place? Against that was a much deeper knowing that she loved me.

Most of all, Jesus can break through the barriers between your son and the world. Pray for your son. Pray with Him. Ask Jesus to protect him, to be with him each day. Jesus helps me live every day - as he has done for many years. It is only through him that overcome my condition. I pray that you will find this to be true as well for your son.

 

[Anygma]

I agree with accepted that love is most important, much more then a diagnostic. i don't know what kind of help is available in different area but in my area, since 3 or 4 years, we do have a service, that my high functionning 3 years old son do qualify for and will receive 20 to 30 hours of in house work. so for me, that diagnostic came as much, very much help. but first, i love my son as he is. i think it's more for me, that i need this help as i'm totaly exausted.

i suffer from chronic fatigue and possibly fibromialgia, but doc don't want to bother diagnosing me... lately, i'm at my limit, that help on it's way is what makes me hold on.

i find it interresting that you should say that your mom had to drag you out from under the kitchen table to go to school. my parents had to pull me out from my bed and the bed would come with me, i also would lock myself into the bathroom. my social life has never been great and i had trouble paying attention in class. could i be suffering from the spectrum too? some days i have my doubts, i've always felt different from the other kids but what would doctors tell me now? is there help for high functionning adults? does it matter now? probably not, but for a kid that can have some service to help him, i think life is hard enough that if he can get that edge and benefit from it, why not go for it? out of love, for seeking what's best for them.

the work the speech therapist has done with him already is quite important. just for him to be able to say yes and i want... makes life easier at home. it might not seem like much but it's a lot for me. and after that, i have been able to make him say his name and age. now he can even say our names too. as a note, when someone ask him his name, he will only understand and reply if it's asked a certain way and he doesn't give eye contact while answering either.

still a smart cookie for his age, knowing alphabet, numbers, counting probably to 20 unaided when he wants to. shapes, colors, car logos. and lately i hear him sing a few little songs like bah bah blach sheep quite well for french being his first language, altho he knows most of the stuff i mentionned in both languages.

 

[Accepted]

It is very difficult to diagnose HFA properly. It is, by its very nature pervasive. I did this in several ways:

1. My wife and I drew up a list of my symptoms. Over 16 that we could think of at the time, and there have been a few more come to light since. Any one of these symptoms could be explained away - lots of people suffer from them to some degree at some time. It is only when you put the lot together that you start to realise there is something else at work here.

2. I took the list to my GP. He is not qualified to give a proper diagnosis, but agreed that the list is compelling. He was sufficiently aware of Autism to take me seriously and to refer me on to specialists. Unfortunately, there is no chance of any further help from that direction because there is no funding and I am not seen as a priority.

3. I happened (did God arrange this or what?) to meet a couple of psychologists who have experience in the area. They are also not able to give formal diagnosis, but did confirm our suspicions.

4. I met with another lady (God again?) who works with autistic children. She again was able to agree with us that we are on the right lines.

5. None of this happened in a vacuum, but after years of searching for answers in other areas, especially spiritually. One of the most helpful things I found during the earlier time was the teaching of Dr Neil T Anderson ("Victory over the Darkness" etc). I absorbed his books and teaching with passion. I found lots of help there, especially in understanding God's acceptance of me and how the devil can put thoughts into your head. I paid very close attention to the "Steps to freedom in Christ", working through it all very carefully. At the time I was dissappointed that it did not resolve more issues for me. But some time later, I realised that this was a positive step - I had addressed all those issues, dealt with them and so the matters were closed. This realisation allowed me to look at Autism as a possible cause - HFA only came into the picture after I'd done the freedom in Christ course.

So, for any adult who may suspect they suffer from HFA, I'd recommend seeking advice and help from a variety of sources. We sufferers often struggle to face up to things because of the emotional distress. So, the most important thing is to let God guide. It took me 30 years since the time I became a Christian to reach a diagnosis!

Another thing, when talking with experts, It was not so much that they diagnosed me, but rather the experiences they'd had of Autism which helped confirm things to me. For instance, one of they described a teenager who had been to all sorts of counselling and instead of helping it had caused deep destress. The person explained that autistic people find it difficult to cope with "Open" questions which are the bedrock of modern counselling. Autistic people also struggle with situations which carry emotional baggage - often the case in counselling. I'd just been through all of this in counselling myself, and would deeply troubled by the problems it caused me. When the expert explained this to me, I grasped something of what had happened to me, which in a way confirms the HFA diagnosis.

 

[Accepted]

I meant to add to my last post what I've discovered about HFA and the help available for adult HFA sufferers.

In the UK, where I am based, the stark truth is there is no treatment, no cure, no help, no support. In fact, it would cost me £600+ to get a diagnosis; money that I don't have! The experts I've met have confirmed that this is case. There are one or two books that may help, but it is very much a case of self-help.

Another aspect of things is that I've managed all these years without much help or support. If that seems very bleak, it is. But there again this void is a holy place - a place where God is at work. All other hope has gone for me, I trust God alone. And he does work in me! Over many years, I've developed social skills which you would not associate with HFA sufferers. In fact, people who have no idea that I suffer from HFA have commented on the strength of my people skills. So much so that I've been appointed as doorman for a business networking group which I belong to. I task which involves welcoming new people in and being friendly etc. These skills do not come naturally to me - they are very costly. I leave every networking event feeling completely rung out, exhausted. This is undoubtably because of the huge mental strain it has caused me to be looking out for others - not a natural skill, but a learnt one.

How did I learn this skill? Many years of struggle. Gradually breaking out of the childhood fears, learning that people are not all horrid. Perhaps the greatest single thing was getting involved in Christian outreach. Evangelism is something we were always encouraged to do, but I found frightening. But I allowed my commitment to God to come before my fears. I challenged myself to get involved to the degree that I could. I made efforts within myself (with God's empowering) to meet people, to try. However, ineffective, however faultering. That is not the point. I followed Christ and it was costly. I see where I am today as an ongoing part of that process. I've reached the point in my life where I am completely outside of the organised Christian Church (for reasons I'll not go into here), but am much more engaged in my local community. I think God has dragged me out from the safety and security of the Christian ghetto and into the world where I can be his representative, and where I'm learning deeper levels of trust in him.

So, I hope my ramblings have been helpful. I hope that you can see that what is not possible for man is well within God's power. The key thing is to trust him and to follow him.

 

[drifter5]

What an excellent site this is ! I am finding the posts so helpful and encouraging ! Thank you all. There seems to be such love and warmth on this ( Autism and Aspergers ) site. I am full of gratitude to God for leading me here.

 

[drifter5]

Thank you for the birthday greetings ! i am very touched .I have just cried tears of joy , thanking The Lord for leading me to this site. God is so good,, and He has such perfect compassion.

 

[drifter5]

I have Aspergers Syndrome ,( and am 29) . I recognise some possible A.S traits/ autistic traits in your son. For example : the repetition, not liking change, difficulties in making eye contact- ( & especially with " strangers") , sensory overload problems, & finding socializing and communicating difficult. As for the following points: will not ever say his name & age when asked, will not say his name on request, plays alone ,or alongside, others at pre- school , and often cries when dropped off at pre-school - these points are all still common with all /many children of this age ( 3). It sounds like the pre- school may be " too noisy " for him , is it possible for him to go somewhere quiet (with a helper) sometimes ? Is it possible that your husband may have Asperger's savant abilities , or not ? Please do not take offence, i just wondered. I personally find that i need time on my own every day, as i find it " de- stresses" me to be alone, and i find it more stressful to be around people, often.

 

[drifter5]

I have Aspergers Syndrome ,( and am 29) . I recognise some possible A.S traits/ autistic traits in your son. For example : the repetition, not liking change, difficulties in making eye contact- ( & especially with " strangers") , sensory overload problems, & finding socializing and communicating difficult. As for the following points: will not ever say his name & age when asked, will not say his name on request, plays alone ,or alongside, others at pre- school , and often cries when dropped off at pre-school - these points are all still common with all /many children of this age ( 3). It sounds like the pre- school may be " too noisy " for him , is it possible for him to go somewhere quiet (with a helper) sometimes ? Is it possible that your husband may have Asperger's savant abilities , or not ? Please do not take offence, i just wondered. I personally find that i need time on my own every day, as i find it " de- stresses" me to be alone, and i find it more stressful to be around people, often.

 

[faithgoeson]

I have Aspergers Syndrome ,( and am 29) . I recognise some possible A.S traits/ autistic traits in your son. For example : the repetition, not liking change, difficulties in making eye contact- ( & especially with " strangers") , sensory overload problems, & finding socializing and communicating difficult. As for the following points: will not ever say his name & age when asked, will not say his name on request, plays alone ,or alongside, others at pre- school , and often cries when dropped off at pre-school - these points are all still common with all /many children of this age ( 3). It sounds like the pre- school may be " too noisy " for him , is it possible for him to go somewhere quiet (with a helper) sometimes ? Is it possible that your husband may have Asperger's savant abilities , or not ? Please do not take offence, i just wondered. I personally find that i need time on my own every day, as i find it " de- stresses" me to be alone, and i find it more stressful to be around people, often.

I believe your son's preschool may be too loud for him, also. Highly sensitive children need a place to chill out or they are going to act out. Getting a timeout 4 times a day would really concern me because he cannot help it if the noise is killing his ears. If you had to hear someone scrape their nails on a chalkboard all day long, you would act out. If he is hypersensitive, this classroom could be doing this to him. It sounds like his daycare needs an education on how to help him. Just my opinion, though.