The Three Sparrows
My Testimony
Overall, I had a fantastic childhood. I have two brothers and two sisters. I am lucky to have a twin brother, my right arm growing up. If I could describe my parents, I'd say they were practical and moral people who maintained good Christian values although they were never Christians. I don't ever recall having a conversation with either one about Jesus as a child.
Somewhere between four and six years of age all five children were molested by the babysitter's husband. This truth never came out until many years later when the five of us were young adults and had left the nest. To this day one sister battles clinical depression that keeps her out of the workforce. She is 52 years old.
I don't understand why we kept the molestation a secret all those years. Feelings of "shame" perhaps. Anyway, I developed a fear of men when I was six or seven which made school quite difficult. I was afraid to ask the class instructor for help if the teacher was a man. I quit any activity that my parents involved me in if there was a strange man a part of that acitivity. As a result, I was tagged as a quitter by my mother.
In junior high school I was ganged by a group of young boys at a basketball game. Like many teenagers, I was not where I should have been - inside watching the game. Instead, I was playing the part of a typical teenager and remained outside with some friends goofing off. Details aren't necessary, but when my friends found me they had me go to a police officer. I guess they thought he would do something, but all he did was laugh.
Because the police officer (an adult in my teenage eyes) responded the way he did, I kept that night locked up inside. I sought no help until I, nearing middle age, realized that I needed it. I'd say I was about 37 years old when I realized I was suffering from a mental health condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder and ultimately severe depression. Even at this age I still had not come to know Jesus. What little I did know came from Catholic friends and from my Aunt and Uncle who were devout Christians since childhood. The seed had been planted by friends and family, but it never received water until after my second marriage to a man claiming to love the Lord.
At age 20 I married an alcoholic who was both physically and verbally abusive. I left him after discovering he had sexual contact with his best friend's children. For years after this marriage, I had violent nightmares and would wake up screaming in my sleep. There was a time when I shared sleeping quarters with my 9-year-old niece and would inadvertently frighten her on one of those nightmare nights when I'd wake up screaming.
I married a second time to a man who claimed that he loved the Lord. After we were married, I never heard him speak the name Jesus ever again. He turned out to be controlling and verbally abusive. He also had a severe credit card addiction. Anyway, he became more and more abusive and my Body Dysmorphic Disorder went out of control. I spent days in the bathroom cutting my hair off because I thought I was ugly. To make things worse, I was suffering from chronic anemia, endometriosis, and fibrocystitis. I was bleeding to death and my husband wouldn't provide any kind of support. When I mentioned the possibility of a hysterectomy, I received absolutely no emotional support from him. More than once he told me not to have the surgery because it would leave a big hole and he wouldn't feel anything. "Argh!"
Somehow I developed the strength to break free of these abusive relationships. From the time I was a child most of my experiences with men were abusive in nature. I did manage to get the surgery I needed and my life started turning around for the better. My health improved. After recovering from surgery, I felt like a teenager again. I still had not come to the Lord at this stage of my life.
I was forty when I had my surgery. I spent months recovering from that and from the abusive marriage. I started buying daily devotionals at thrift shops. At the time, I didn't know or understand why I was compelled to buy them. I know now that the Lord was calling me. One of His lost had been found.
Age 40 - A holy number symbolizing victory.
At age 40, I started seeking Jesus. Coincidence? Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness. During these 40 days, Satan subjected Jesus to temptation. Jesus was the victor.
At age 41 I became a correctional officer and was placed in a level-4 unit that housed 800 sex offenders ranging from serial rapists to statutory rape offenders. I was now working in an environment predominantly men of which 80% were inmates doing time for sex offenses. This is where God took me and I don't doubt that it was God's way of making me face Satan head on.
I commuted to work on a state van filled primarily of men. One man, in particular, was a retired marine who had turned his life over to Christ many years back. This Christ-centered man (Tom) observed the devotionals I was reading on the van and, therefore, took an interest in me. In time I grew to trust Tom, and I opened up to him when I hit a very low point. BDD hit me hard, and I had literally buzzed off my hair. I was forced to wear a hat to hide my shame. I confided in Tom and he hooked me up with the Covenant Family Counseling Service that combines secular and faith counseling as treatment. God's beautiful healing hands were on me now. No turning back. God was pulling me in.
I shared what I learned in my counseling sessions with Tom. Then one day I started quizzing Him about Jesus. I wanted to know how to be saved. Tom explained what I needed to do and that was the exact moment I accepted Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I was saved on a state van bound for the State prison.
Tom and I worked the same unit, so he had more time to influence the direction I had committed my life to. For several years he told me I needed to get "plugged" into a church. "I will" is what came out of my mouth every time, but I never found a church to attend until my third sexual assault.
After I left my second husband, I was committed to a life of celibacy. I did not go out and when I did, it was with family only. People at work kept on telling me I needed to get out, so I gave in and went out for an evening only to wake up the following morning on my living room floor naked. Here I am now a victim of a Rohipnol assault. There's that number three. Three sexual assaults. The number three is a holy number in the Holy Bible.
This drug assault set me way back mentally and emotionally. I crumbled and had to take leave from work. I started questioning my faith and nearly lost Jesus. I was having issues relating to Him because Jesus was a man in the flesh. I just couldn't get past the patriarchal overtones of Christianity. I was losing Jesus, and ultimately my life.
On the wings of an eagle I flew to Houston and received Christian love and compassion from my Aunt and Uncle who opened their home as a safe haven for me. They took me to a prayer meeting where the members prayed on my behalf (hands on) for nearly two hours. I was exhausted after those two hours and all I did was sit and meditate on the powerful prayers that were being said on my behalf. Two days later I was baptized by Pastor Roy Farmer. I had never felt so much energy and spiritual closeness to God until that precious and glorious moment.
At the baptism I gave an account of my life as my testimony. I had to surrender self to Christ and be born again in Him. I knew I couldn't make it on my own. It was time that I turned all of my life (past, present, and future) over to Jesus. To turn my life over to a God who was a "man" in flesh required pure faith considering my abusive history. I had pure and unbreakable faith at that point.
When I returned from Houston, I started back to work at the Prison. My return was difficult because I found I could no longer continue growing and healing in the midst of an all male environment. The inmates tested my patience and patience had I none.
My Witness
"Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10: 29-31
Several years ago I was sexually assaulted for the third time in my life. I had already accepted Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior and was a very young Christian prior to that last assault. I hit a low point after the assault, becoming severely depressed and dysfunctional. I flew out to Houston and was baptized. When I returned from Houston, I found a church and started attending bible study. We were in the Book of Matthew when I was home alone struggling with a major emotional meltdown. I was on my belly crying out to Jesus (cathartic sobbing). I told Jesus that I wasn't getting Him the way I should and I could feel the separation. I pleaded with the Lord to send me a sign or to open my eyes and ears that I may receive His message. The very next day, I was pulling out of a store parking lot and a Sparrow fell from a tree. I stopped the car and went to the Sparrow. Scooping this little bird into my hands, I watched this precious creature take its last breath. Tears filled my eyes as I thought back to the verses in Matthew that I had just learned in bible study about our value in God's eyes. I suddenly realized that was God's message to me. This Sparrow was His sign to me.
Several years ago I was sexually assaulted for the third time in my life. I had already accepted Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior and was a very young Christian prior to that last assault. I hit a low point after the assault, becoming severely depressed and dysfunctional. I flew out to Houston and was baptized. When I returned from Houston, I found a church and started attending bible study. We were in the Book of Matthew when I was home alone struggling with a major emotional meltdown. I was on my belly crying out to Jesus (cathartic sobbing). I told Jesus that I wasn't getting Him the way I should and I could feel the separation. I pleaded with the Lord to send me a sign or to open my eyes and ears that I may receive His message. The very next day, I was pulling out of a store parking lot and a Sparrow fell from a tree. I stopped the car and went to the Sparrow. Scooping this little bird into my hands, I watched this precious creature take its last breath. Tears filled my eyes as I thought back to the verses in Matthew that I had just learned in bible study about our value in God's eyes. I suddenly realized that was God's message to me. This Sparrow was His sign to me.
After that experience, I sought the Lord in prayer, scripture, worship, and music. I looked for Him everywhere and in everything. About two weeks after the fallen Sparrow, I went for a jog. While running, I was meditating on the concept of being "one with God." The song "Praise to You" was playing through the headphones. The fallen Sparrow came to my mind when I suddenly felt something beneath my foot. When I looked down "lo" I witnessed my second fallen Sparrow.
Christmas was drawing near and I was watching a documentary on Jesus. I had learned that Jesus was born during the lambing season and not December 25th. When I went to bible study several days later, I opened my bible at random and started reading about the cleansing of Solomon's temple. King Ahaz had turned away from God and started worshipping other Gods and idols. Ahaz had boarded up the temple. When his son Hezekiah became king, he cleansed the Temple and made many cleansing sacrifices. My pastor walked into the Sanctuary just as I finished the reading. I shared with pastor what I had learned about the birth of Jesus. Pastor said that Jesus was most likely born during the lambing season but it made sense to celebrate our Lord's birth on December 25th because that's when Judah Maccabee recaptured Jerusalem and restored the Temple. Was it just coincidence that I had just read about one cleansing of the Temple and Pastor mentioned a significant other? I felt again God was talking to me.
Christmas morning I spent gift exchange at my sisters. Because I had to work Christmas night, I went to the back bedroom for a short nap. I dreamed about an exceptionally large temple where people were singing praise. The temple appeared to be the size of a residential block. I was awakened from the dream by my sister who was cleaning (vacuuming/cleansing). I got up and went into the living room where my other sister was watching a documentary about Jesus. I sat down and tuned into the program which was talking about Solomon's Temple. There on the TV was the remains of the Temple steps. I was spiritually overwhelmed. Temples at bible study, in my dream, and now at my sister's house Christmas morning. I felt compelled to read the bible at that precise moment, so I went to my car to fetch mine. I sat under the porch and read about Hezekiah again. While I was reading about the cleansing, I heard this bang against the window of the house. I looked over and there on the ground was a stunned Sparrow. I prayed at that moment to let this third Sparrow live. I sat still and that Sparrow did not move for about five minutes. It then turned its head so its eye was on me. I sat still for about another five minutes. Family started calling me in for gift exchange. I stood up slowly and as I did, the Sparrow rose again and flew away.
Three Sparrows appeared in my path. The first Sparrow fell and died. The second Sparrow was lifeless. The third Sparrow fell and rose again.
I have chills when I recite this story. Pastor said that God is making me holy and that three Sparrows is a holy number. He felt God would not send any more. Jesus died and rose again in three days. "Oh Immanuel, God is with us."
Three Sparrows appeared in my path. The first Sparrow fell and died. The second Sparrow was lifeless. The third Sparrow fell and rose again.
I have chills when I recite this story. Pastor said that God is making me holy and that three Sparrows is a holy number. He felt God would not send any more. Jesus died and rose again in three days. "Oh Immanuel, God is with us."
Don't let this world distract you from the Kingdom of Heaven and keep you separated from God. Stay connected to God at all times and blessings unfold.
