[thread move] Dont Judge Me

I was glad to see someone else suggested not pursuing a relationship right now. In my rehab experiences, it was strongly suggested that we not enter into a relationship for a full year of sobriety. It sounds harsh, but it's healthy. You have to know you and get some firm footing and don't need the complications that come from a relationship. Get to NA or AA, make some recovery buddies, attend some meetings, do the steps. This will fill your time and help you get clean and stay clean, one day at a time.

Where were you guys when I mentioned this the first time? Glenn, I'm not the only person who has this idea of not dating right now as a good idea. I've decided not to push you any more on it because that just makes people angry and frustrated and goes no where, but you might see now that there's something to it. How's the past week been in terms of hanging out with godly people and not smoking or drinking?

wonderful advice from everyone.

To start things off... I have umm.. realized something of highly significant importance...
I can't do it. Anything I try to do by myself fails.

I've realized fear has been holding me back... Even if I didn't show it on the outside, I was an all around very fearful person on the inside even if others didn't see it... i particularly had a huge fear of ... i don't even know what but i know it was there and it haunted me all day.. and the result of this fear was many things.. a few of which i've mentioned in previous posts..

the last few days i've been trying something new... something i haven't done in years really.. i noticed when I hide God's Word in my heart, I feel I am completely the man God created me to be. It's amazing, because these last few days I've been seeking God's advice and memorizing Sciptures, and when I do this fear completely leaves me in every way.. and a cool calm confidence replaces it.

it's great.

it's kind of like... the more of His Word I meditate on, memorize on, focus on, the more room there is for faith and confidence and less room for any problem in general... whether it be fear, weed, alcohol or anything..

i really think God is showing me the right direction..


i guess i changed my mind. heh, i'm not pursuing a girlfriend right now. of course i'm open to a girlfriend, i'll have lunch with them and hang out and stuff... but right now i really want to grow as a person in God, seeking His Kingdom and letting all that other stuff happen in time, find myself, learn more about myself, and let God put the desires in my heart He wants me to have... and the great thing is... i feel and think i know how to do that now.. it's all about hiding his Word in my heart..

GlennK said:

wonderful advice from everyone.

To start things off... I have umm.. realized something of highly significant importance...
I can't do it. Anything I try to do by myself fails.

I've realized fear has been holding me back... Even if I didn't show it on the outside, I was an all around very fearful person on the inside even if others didn't see it... i particularly had a huge fear of ... i don't even know what but i know it was there and it haunted me all day.. and the result of this fear was many things.. a few of which i've mentioned in previous posts..

the last few days i've been trying something new... something i haven't done in years really.. i noticed when I hide God's Word in my heart, I feel I am completely the man God created me to be. It's amazing, because these last few days I've been seeking God's advice and memorizing Sciptures, and when I do this fear completely leaves me in every way.. and a cool calm confidence replaces it.

it's great.

it's kind of like... the more of His Word I meditate on, memorize on, focus on, the more room there is for faith and confidence and less room for any problem in general... whether it be fear, weed, alcohol or anything..

i really think God is showing me the right direction..


i guess i changed my mind. heh, i'm not pursuing a girlfriend right now. of course i'm open to a girlfriend, i'll have lunch with them and hang out and stuff... but right now i really want to grow as a person in God, seeking His Kingdom and letting all that other stuff happen in time, find myself, learn more about myself, and let God put the desires in my heart He wants me to have... and the great thing is... i feel and think i know how to do that now.. it's all about hiding his Word in my heart..

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Yea man! It feels great doesn't it? That's so awesome...aw jeese...I'm so happy. I'm glad you're doing well and that God is showing you this stuff.

To be perfectly honest, Glenn, it sounds to me you are absolutely intent on kidding yourself. Just like the rest of us were. You can do it for decades, as many of us did, or you can stop now.

Nothing here about NA, nothing about addictive dependency counselling, nothing about therapy, a waffling statement about putting girls on the back burner, and a lot of hi-falutin' God talk that really commits you to make not one single change.
Come on, dude, who do you think you're talking to? Well, among others, at least one veteran of drugs and booze and three, at least three, alcoholics with a substantial stretch of sobriety. From Page One to Page Five, you haven't said anything we didn't say. You've not done the things we didn't do. Are you beginning to see why you haven't quit?

If you want to use, that's your business. If you want to quit, we'll help. We've heard the talk; let's see the walk.

BobW188 said:

To be perfectly honest, Glenn, it sounds to me you are absolutely intent on kidding yourself. Just like the rest of us were. You can do it for decades, as many of us did, or you can stop now.

Nothing here about NA, nothing about addictive dependency counselling, nothing about therapy, a waffling statement about putting girls on the back burner, and a lot of hi-falutin' God talk that really commits you to make not one single change.
Come on, dude, who do you think you're talking to? Well, among others, at least one veteran of drugs and booze and three, at least three, alcoholics with a substantial stretch of sobriety. From Page One to Page Five, you haven't said anything we didn't say. You've not done the things we didn't do. Are you beginning to see why you haven't quit?

If you want to use, that's your business. If you want to quit, we'll help. We've heard the talk; let's see the walk.

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I don't know how to respond to this. I was completely surprised when I read this response...

I'll show you my talk by my walk. You just wait. You ain't seen nothin yet.

I think the message I should try convey to you right now is... I started this thread in the college section asking for tips on how to quit weed and alcohol. I thought that was my problem... but that was just a couple problems.. not to mention one huge problem I had which I didn't recognize until a couple days ago through God talking to me in my quiet time (which i started up again a couple days ago for the first time in a long long time) -- FEAR (which caused me to smoke and drink in the first place? or maybe it's the other way around? I don't know).. that's the closest i can describe it to..... I thought if I quit weed and alcohol then that would fix everything and I'd feel normal. There has been a couple times in the last two years where I would completely stop weed and drink only once or twice in a span of 2 months. It still didn't fix the problem, but I was too blind by this thing on the inside of me to see that. (so naturally i fell back into it)... this thing on the inside of me... whatever that was on the inside of me... the closest I can describe it to is fear... waking up in the morning and two minutes later feeling this rotten anxiety.. not knowing how to operate socially because I felt I didn't know how and I had no words to say... afraid to call friends because i always felt awkward... which in turn just made me afraid in several areas of my life.... it was like a spreading disease... The only thing I knew to do was hope getting high and maybe getting drunk would make me feel normal? Maybe smoking and drinking is what caused this... fear? I don't know..

I've been sincere in every single post.. sure, I've had my moments where I thought I had found the answer and posted them here. But that didn't get rid of the root of the problem -- FEAR in my heart... and the only thing which gets rid of that is the Word of God, which in turn has eliminated my smoking and drinking desires... or maybe the Word of God got rid of the smoking and drinking which got rid of the fear? I don't know.

Listen.. these last three days that I've been putting the Word of God in my heart, this ... feeling or whatever it was... is gone... and I know it's gone... and now my desire to smoke and drink is gone too... I'm so happy I feel free... You have no idea.. And now I will never stop memorizing His Word and hiding it in my heart... because I feel so.. free, when and after I do it... because now I know the Word of God is no joke, it is real and it is powerful, and if you believe it will change you when you memorize It and let it become you.. It will be the greatest thing that ever happened to you...

It may have been weed.. it may have been alcohol.. it may have been this thing or feeling on the inside of me constantly tormenting me... I blamed this thing or feeling on the inside of me constantly tormenting me on weed and alcohol... because naturally I thought getting rid of the sin (weed and alcohol) would get rid of this thing inside of me.. but that's not the case... The only way to get rid of them all is by kicking them out with the Word of God and putting the Word of God on the inside of you in your heart...

I don't know if I make sense at all..
but I promise it's real...
Memorizing Scriptures and trying to let it change my heart is... has... I don't know...

Look, honestly, I don't know if it was weed or alcohol or this thing on the inside of me... but the Word of God works wonders.. it's better than any dro or whiskey.

I can sincerely tell you now, I have no desire for weed or alcohol, and this thing on the inside of me is gone... and it all started with the Word of God... shoot, I don't even HAVE to have a girlfriend anymore.. I want more of this confidence and boldness that comes with memorizing the Word of God and letting it become you...

I feel like I've kind of been all over the place, but that's because what I feel is so real...

I hope I made some sense.

TheMainException said:

Yea man! It feels great doesn't it? That's so awesome...aw jeese...I'm so happy. I'm glad you're doing well and that God is showing you this stuff.

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Thank you so much... you have no idea how happy I am... I know I'm coming out of this for real.... Thank God.

and it's all from Hiding His Word in my heart and making a sincere effort to let His Word change me.... instead of me changing me...

NOW you're talking and walking!
The plain fact is, Glenn, your first few weeks and months of being clean are going to bring a lot of fright with them. In fact, once I left inpatient treatment and went into the "real" world, for weeks the only place I really felt safe was in an AA meeting. That's one reason I push NA, Celebrate Recovery, or any other group you can find of people who've been through what you're going through now.
You said it yourself: "Anything I try to do by myself fails." How true it is! It's true for me, it's true for all of us here. We kept trying to do it on our own. Know what happens when you pull yourself up by your bootstraps? You land straight on your butt. And when you can't do something by yourself, you get help!
That you're up here posting is a good start. That you're reading the Bible, also. Just remember, though, that God has also given you the gift of people who can help you, face to face, in person, not just through a website. You just have to make the first move, that first call!
I'll tell you one thing more. Somewhere between many and most of us started doing whatever we did because of fear. And for a long time, it helped. We were less shy, better in social situations, even better in crises. But, as the years and decades went on, that fear reinsinuated itself. I don't know when I've been more afraid than the last few weeks of my drinking and the first few months of sobriety. But it passes!

I'm fond of saying, Superman ain't brave. Superman can't get hurt! Someone once said, "Feel the fear, and do it anway." Stonewall Jackson said, as Patton later did, "Do not take counsel of your fears." And fear is less crippling when you share it.

Consider it. Make a phone call or two. Reach out. We're with you; but there's times nothing can substitute for the sight of a human face, the sound of a human voice, the touch of a human hand.

today = 1 week = no smoke = no drink = i win

ez now.

Congratulations!!, (but be careful about that "I win.") I gladly eat my earlier words, along with any side dishes you care to set before me. You're a-walkin' indeed, my man!

and oh... i got this chick's phone number tonight too... buahaha

God win = I win

GlennK said:

and oh... i got this chick's phone number tonight too... buahaha

God win = I win

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Take it slow, remember what I said about listening to her and being her friend.

hey all.how yall been?im pretty dandy. was diagnosed with psoriasis, so i dont really smoke or drink these days. im on a strict diet letting the toxins causing me psoriasis clear up.yawn. oh my, bed time soon. well, aside from being afflicted with an abomidable disconfiguring skin disease, im well.i have lots of mental clarity from all the detox ive been going through. i feel great. looking back, i was so silly thinking i had all these problems. nah, i didnt have any problems. i was just never hungry. not to mention ive had lots of personal development from the time i started this thread till now. im like, barely the same creature.

That's awesome dude, I've been going through a lot of changes myself...good to hear that you're on a better track.

To your post.....

I am a recovery drug addict. I know when i was drinkin and using it was bc i didnt like the way i felt without it, i had a hole that needed to be filled, instead i filled it with drugs and other things. I had to figure out how to fill that gaping hole inside of me. All along i realize it was God. Now i am not going to take away from the fact that the hold that drugs (mind alterin substances) have on a person. So what i can do is offer this advice:

1. get with other addicts who are in diff places, diff clean time, diff spirit levels, and listen and talk observe what they do.

2. Find the person u wanna be most like and have them mentor you

3. Find ur spirituality. Open your soul to the holy spirit, and from exp i think under the influence ur soul is closed, cluttered by all that.

love.... ur sister in christ

GlennK said:

so.. because i know you all do what title says...

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I can't afford that luxury.

GlennK said:

i'm asking for tips on how to break away from smoking pot or drinking every night?

don't lie, i know 90% you guys do it too!

((if you're in my shoes haha))

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I haven't done any drugs or booze in over 22 years, and that was after 10 years of daily use of anything and everything I could get my hands on. My life was absolutely out of control, and when I finally wanted to stop I wasn't able to.

Then God led me to Narcotics Anonymous. I suggest you give it a try.

www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

It's VERY hard to stop on your own. I can't recommend NA and AA enough. You can find the support you need there and work on recovery and not just abstinence. I will keep you in prayers.

Judging others is a horrible sickness of the soul. St Isaac the Syrian speaks about judgment in this manner:

"Rebuke no one, revile no one, not even those who live very wickedly.

Spread your cloak over those who fall into sin, each and every one, and shield them.

And if you cannot take the fault on yourself and accept punishment in their place, do not destroy their character.

What is a merciful heart? It is a heart on fire for the whole of creation, for humanity, for the birds, for the animals, for demons, and for all that exists. By the recollection of them the eyes of a merciful person pour forth tears in abundance. By the strong and vehement mercy that grips such a person’s heart, and by such great compassion, the heart is humbled and one cannot bear to hear or to see any injury or slight sorrow in any in creation. For this reason, such a person offers up tearful prayer continually even for irrational beasts, for the enemies of the truth, and for those who harm her or him, that they be protected and receive mercy. And in like manner such a person prays for the family of reptiles because of the great compassion that burns without measure in a heart that is in the likeness of God
....
Question: When is a person sure of having arrived at purity?

Answer: When that person considers all human beings are good, and no created thing appears impure or defiled. Then a person is truly pure in heart."

The proper attitude of a Christian is to hold oneself as the "first among sinners" and to hide the sins of our fellow man rather then judge him/her.

it's been 2 years since i made the original post. learned alot about myself in that time. i don't really drink anymore. but i still smoke sometimes. my personal issues that drove me to originally make this thread were more related to social anxiety. i had severe social anxiety. i HAD it. i've come a long, long. looong way. in fact, i think it's safe to say i don't have it at all anymore, and i'm less awkward than most people. another issue that drove me to my original post here was also a personality disorder. it's called avoidant personality disorder. if you don't know what it is, then just google it. i picked both of these little problems up from obsessing with fantasies, dreams, and geekdom too much as a sober kid.

to be honest, i blame my parents for sheltering me pretty hard and myself for choosing to not be interested in social situations growing up. that combination right there is enough to make a kid who has never done drugs or alcohol even once in his life kill himself. and my best friend who was that person actually did (a well-off missionary's son, at age 26ish). but this is a different issue from alcohol and weed. i digress. ((note: i am not bitter at my parents at all - it's just the reality of the situation, they were just doing what they thought was best for a 'normal' kid))

maybe that helps you understand a little bit of who i really was. i am no longer that person one bit. neither am i the shallow college student who copes with his problems with weed and alcohol. rather, i am a mature and grown individual who knows myself, what i want, and EXACTLY what i'm doing.

I'm glad to have gone through the things i have gone through to get where I am now. I don't drink at all. Alcohol is just nasty to your brain (my minor was in nutrition). I still smoke weed though once in a blue moon, cause that's all the time i have for it =(.