Thoughts regarding [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]/cunninglus

Niffer · May 31, 2011

"Sheet Music" - Leman.

Great book! We loved it.

WolfGate · Jun 1, 2011

bendslikeawillow said:
Thank you for posting this.

Before we got married we both read "The First Years of Forever" by Ed Wheat. It was written a billion years lol, so of course didn't mention oral sex at all. And I haven't managed to find a truly modern book on this issue from a conservative Christian viewpoint (if anyone knows of one, please let me know). Christians who are engaged and have waited until marriage for sex really do struggle with this issue.

In the end, I BELIEVE, if it is an activity that promotes intimacy between the couple, if it is alright with both parties, and it doesn't involve any other people, it's good in God's eyes.

Other than that, I think Dallas has said it all

Niffer's suggestion is a great one. Kevin Leman's Sheet Music fits the modern book from a conservative Christian viewpoint perfectly. While written largely with newlyweds in mind, I read it after more than a two decades of marriage and still gleaned good info from it.

Diane_Windsor · Jun 3, 2011

Conservativation said:
Besides, WHO CARES what we think about it, honestly. I never get these topics, Im sorry if this sounds unkind, I just think some people find it titillating to start discussing things in groups, and at the end of the day, once you are married, I PROMISE you, what some strangers online said they are OK or not with it will not be of any import

I fully agree with this

OP, this is something that you need to privately discuss and come to an agreement with your fiancee on.

Again, welcome to CF. I hope you enjoy your time here

dallasapple · Jun 6, 2011

Salted_with_fire said:
Hello all! I am not sure if this is the right place to post my question but here goes. I am approaching marriage and am starting to think about our future physical relationship, specifically whether or not [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]/cunninglus is 'morally' acceptable. To me, they seem demeaning and, for [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] specifically, a blatent disregard for the purpose of the man's seed. I am anxious to hear your thoughts.

His blessings,
Mike

I had another thought on this..

A "blatant disregard for the mans seed"..???...Well there are "people" not naming names that use the "withdrawel" method as a form of BC..Thats when the man withdraws his penis from her vagina right before he [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and the "seed" is disregarded somewhere else in the room or on the womans anatomy...Also there are "people" again not naming names..that dont "withdraw' but use "spermacide"...that is a chemical the woman puts inside her vagina..so that when the man [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] inside her..the chemical "murders"(disregards blatantly the purpose) of the mans seed...

I could go on...

As far as the "demeaning part'..If YOU feel its demeaning..or if SHE feels its demeaning or BOTH..then you should NOT partake until such a time that you may neither one of you find it demeaning in the slightest..

Dallas

JanniGirl · Jun 12, 2011

I didn't like, "Sheet Music" at all. Just my two cents.

chaz345 · Jun 13, 2011

Salted_with_fire said:
Hello all! I am not sure if this is the right place to post my question but here goes. I am approaching marriage and am starting to think about our future physical relationship, specifically whether or not [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]/cunninglus is 'morally' acceptable. To me, they seem demeaning and, for [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] specifically, a blatent disregard for the purpose of the man's seed. I am anxious to hear your thoughts.

His blessings,
Mike

While ultimately I agree with those saying who cares what we think it's between you and your spouse I'm not sure that's entirely what you were asking for. If I'm reading the question correctly I think it can be answered by saying that there is no Biblical prohibition on either activity. On the waste of a man's seed point that way of thinking is, IMO, completely missing the point of the Onan having spilled his seed. The sin there was NOT the spilling of the seed it was in not fulfilling his duty to provide his brother's wife with offspring. But nowhere in the Bible does it suggest that each and every sexual act between husband and wife have the potential to result in children.

So the bottom line is no there is no moral/biblical prohibition, so it comes down to being a discussion between you and your spouse about what you each both like and are comfortable with.

TrustingWife · Jun 27, 2011

JanniGirl said:
I didn't like, "Sheet Music" at all. Just my two cents.

I would be interested in knowing why not Janni. You could e-mail me privately through my profile if you prefer

In response to the OP there is no issue with either practice providing your partner is clean and disease free, Where the issue is complicated is what exactly you mean by [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Many think this includes [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], in actuality it doesn't. [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] is a separate event.

I am in agreement with your "waste of seed" thought. There are many benefits of vaginal absorption of sperm; it acts as an anti-depressant, prevents high blood pressure and eclampsia in pregnant woman, and reduces breast cancer when vaginally absorbed, the same benefits are absent when sperm is ingested.

Best wishes for your upcoming marriage

somethingBEAUTIFUL · Jun 28, 2011

"There are many benefits of vaginal absorption of sperm; it acts as an anti-depressant, prevents high blood pressure and eclampsia in pregnant woman, and reduces breast cancer when vaginally absorbed, the same benefits are absent when sperm is ingested."

I must ask, really??? I had no earthly idea!

If Not For Grace · Jul 21, 2011

all I know is when men really want to insult someone the phrase

"suck my ____, " is used as though it were the wrost insult one could give another--which infers to me men seem to intimate the act as demeaning whether or not it may be physically pleasing. Even used in films like GI JANE.

dayhiker · Jul 22, 2011

Ya, sexual acts of all kinds have been used for derogatory purposes. Jerome thought that married couples that had sex for pleasure was sinful. So the negative attitude towards even married sex grew in the church. Its only the last 50 yrs that they church has been moving away from those unbiblical ideas.

To the OP if you think you might like oral sex, try it. The first year of marriage is a lot of experimentation. I say that is a good thing, as in really fun.

citizenthom · Jul 22, 2011

If Not For Grace said:
all I know is when men really want to insult someone the phrase

"suck my ____, " is used as though it were the wrost insult one could give another--which infers to me men seem to intimate the act as demeaning whether or not it may be physically pleasing. Even used in films like GI JANE.

Other heavy insults in our society include "F you" and "kiss my butt." That does not make either of those acts derogatory between a married couple.

Tropical Wilds · Jul 22, 2011

If Not For Grace said:
all I know is when men really want to insult someone the phrase

"suck my ____, " is used as though it were the wrost insult one could give another--which infers to me men seem to intimate the act as demeaning whether or not it may be physically pleasing. Even used in films like GI JANE.

So is "f you." The context of how phrases are used doesn't define if the act itself is demeaning or not. To carry out an example, the use of "suck my ____" in "GI Jane" was used as a phrase of empowerment, cultivated respect among peers, and was later used as a team-building in joke. It was not used to be demeaning or insulting.

Rev.Ross · Aug 4, 2011

Oral sex is ok in marriage. Not all male seed conceives a child, and procreation is not the only reason for sex. Sex is so a husband and wife can physically bond with each other, whether it is intercourse or oral sex. I like doing oral sex on my wife and she really likes it. She however does not want to do oral sex on me, and that is ok with me. She was forced by her brothers to do this to them when she was young, so I did not want to re-traumatize her.
So oral sex is ok as long as it is consented to by both. The woman may like receiving it more than giving it. So just be sentitive to each other and aim to please the other.
Actually nothing is wrong with good intercourse with a variety of sexual positions.
Blessings to you, Rev. Ross

Rev.Ross · Aug 7, 2011

That is true of intercourse as well, when and how often and what positions. I like my wife on top of me, and she likes me on top of her. Over the years we have learned to give to the other. My wife likes to receive oral sex, but not to give it. That is ok with me. In sex, we should put the other person first to please them, and often this can go back and forth.
The main thing is to just love each often and give more than you receive.
God bless, Rev. Ross

hijklmnop · Aug 8, 2011

boxes said:
Unfortunatly that does not always happen, what if your wife not giving you oral was a deal breaker for you? That might be a pretty serious problem.

If he feels strongly enough about wanting that one particular act during marriage than he should let her know that it's a dealbreaker BEFORE marriage so she can decide if she wants to marry him badly enough to force herself to do what she is uncomfortable with in the bedroom (did you READ the reason of past sexual abuse?).

Personally, if my h was seriously willing to walk away from me over THAT, I would let him; it would tell me his priorities and values are completely different from mine. I wouldn't want to be with someone who placed the reception of oral sex higher on the importance scale than who I am as a person, my personal boundaries, and the entirety of our relationship. I would never kick my h to the curb for being uncomfortable with a particular sex act. To me that would be selfish and unloving. Sexual expectations should always be discussed before marriage IMO to prevent issues like this; however, even then sometimes we don't completely know what we do or don't like until we've tried it; and if she tries something and doesn't like it, to me, it'd be quite shortsighted and self-centred to end an entire marriage over it.

Rev.Ross · Aug 8, 2011

Dreamer, you are absolutely right about this. Talk about everything before marriage. That is what engagement is for. A year of good talk about important personal issues will save a lifetime of grief later.
Thanks,Rev.Ross

Rev.Ross · Aug 8, 2011

Yes, my wife told me that she did not like to give oral sex before we were married. That was never a big issue with me. The abuse did not come out till later and we cried and orayer our way through that and became closer. She even forgave her brothers. One of them is now dead, and she says that she has fogiven him and that she hopes he is in heaven. I leave judgement to God.
Thanks for asking, Rev. Ross

hijklmnop · Aug 9, 2011

boxes said:
It would not help the situation to make such statements while they were making preparations to leave the relationship however. Making statements like yours would just add fuel to the fire. That might be your opinion but that opinion is not shared by everyone. All im saying is when a spouse has off limits areas like that you run the risk of having issues in the marriage upto and including divorce.

I agree these things should be discussed before marriage but with the taboo nature of sex in the church that creates quite the catch 22. Also just discussing it does not always help, you just never know and sometimes things dont work out for the best.

Of course my opinion is not shared by everyone. That's fine. Doesn't mean I can't and shouldn't share it with my h, should he hypothetically be leaving me bc I don't want to perform a certain sex act on him for whatever reason. It would only "add fuel to the fire" if I'm trying to convince him to stay. If he was willing to end a marriage over that, I would let him go, concluding that our priorities and values are drastically different, and I would have every right to tell him that on his way out the door. The risk of divorce you keep referring to only exists if the partner has "reception of oral sex" high enough on their priority list that it trumps everything else about their commitment to their spouse if they don't get it. If my h didn't want to do that for me anymore for reasons such as past abuse, oh well. That's about as much weight as I'd give that issue, personally. I'd be more concerned with his emotional wellbeing than I would be with the physical pleasure I might derive from that one particular act. But yes, I guess that is just me.

LinkH · Sep 26, 2011

Responding to the OP. I don't see anything in the Bible against either act for married couples. Some people say that the Song of Solomon indicates Solomon talked about performing this on the Shullamite. Apparently, 'naval' has been a euphamism for female genitalia in some Semitic languages (I'm thinking it was Arabic or a dialect thereof.) I didn't find what little linguistic evidence I found conclusive as far as the meaning of the word goes, but it does seem to fit the context of the Song of Solomon.

I wonder if you consider some of these acts demeaning because of certain influences. I would imagine someone who had seen porn could be disgusted by this or just regular intercourse, and consider it demeaning. There are a lot of things that aren't sinful that certain people find distasteful and demeaning. You want both husband and wife in the marriage bed to have a clean conscience. But I don't think there is any grounds for condemning other couples who are comfortable with such things.

And neither act necessarily has to have much to do with where a man's seed goes if you think about it. They can serve as foreplay. I've read that Orthodox Jews can engage in such activities as long as the man finishes in intercourse. I suppose if someone were against all birth control, this would be a major issue to that person.

gracefulone1980 · Nov 5, 2011

My husband and I always felt that as long as both enjoy it then there is no problem.

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