Thoughts on Therapy?

[NoddaProbBob]

After many hardships I finally sought therapy this year. I started at the beginning of October and though I know it hasn't been a total loss, I'm beginning to wonder what my purpose is with it anymore.
I've gone with the intent to work though my abuse and I just keep finding that I'm missing something. So I sat and thought about what that might be, and at the root, I've decided that my problem is this. I can't change what happened to me. I can't undo it. Since I can't undo it, why am I trying?
To me, the only thing that could make anything ok is to have had nothing happen to me to begin with. I'm really struggling with that right now. So since I can't change it, I feel like it's pointless to try and fight something that I have zero control over. I don't know what I should be doing at this point.
I don't want to keep going and just hope that it gets better eventually. That's how I feel right now. And since I can't change what happened to me, I'll be waiting for forever to get better. Ugh.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I just want to say I'm having the same problem too. Whether or not to continue therapy...You are not alone. I don't have the answer, but I want you to know that I really understand what you are going through.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I just want to say I'm having the same problem too. Whether or not to continue therapy...You are not alone. I don't have the answer, but I want you to know that I really understand what you are going through.

Thank you for replying. Can I ask how long you've been going to therapy? I've only been since the first week of October and I just hope that I'm not asking too much or expecting too much too quick, you know what I mean?

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I've been going for almost 2 years now. But healing is different for everyone. When I first started going I was going once a week. Now I'm going once every 2 months. Maybe that's something you need to think about is how often your going. I would also not just stop going to therapy completely...you have to slowly wean yourself off of it. Also think about this: have you talked about everything or are you avoiding talking about something? I know that I avoid talking about certain things with my therapist because they are emotionally too hard for me to talk about. I know that I am not fully healed but sometimes healing takes time and it sure takes a whole lot of patience. Sometimes it's good to take a break from therapy for a while. You start to figure things out on your own and sometimes after stepping away from it for a bit you get a new perspective on things. These are just some things to think about.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Initially I was going 3 times a week, then twice a week, now I'm only going once a week, and will likely go every other week this new year.

I've found it to be incredibly helpful, but I've laid it all out there... the memories, the anger, the sadness, the stress, the worry, etc. I'm in a much better place than I was when I started therapy. I'd encourage you to continue, but to let your therapist know if you're not feeling you're making any progress.

The process of changing what happened isn't the issue of therapy, imo... it's the ability to come to terms with what happened, and to deal with all the emotions around it. But that's my reason for seeking help.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I've been going for almost 2 years now. But healing is different for everyone. When I first started going I was going once a week. Now I'm going once every 2 months. Maybe that's something you need to think about is how often your going. I would also not just stop going to therapy completely...you have to slowly wean yourself off of it. Also think about this: have you talked about everything or are you avoiding talking about something? I know that I avoid talking about certain things with my therapist because they are emotionally too hard for me to talk about. I know that I am not fully healed but sometimes healing takes time and it sure takes a whole lot of patience. Sometimes it's good to take a break from therapy for a while. You start to figure things out on your own and sometimes after stepping away from it for a bit you get a new perspective on things. These are just some things to think about.

I've been going once a week since I started. Don't get me wrong I know I've been able to look at a lot of things differently and I've also been able to start assimilating that what happened isn't my fault, which is one of my biggest hurdles. It's not that I want to stop going, I believe I need to be there. But I also don't want to continue going with the notion that I'm "waiting" around for something to happen.
I have most everything out there I would say. We haven't ever gotten specific about everything that happened in detail. It's been a lot of talking about the present and the effects of what happened in the past on my present. But the fact is, yea I'm dealing with it, but we haven't broken the details down yet. Am I supposed to be breaking those things down? Or just dealing with the aftermath? I'm not sure I can answer either of those questions.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Initially I was going 3 times a week, then twice a week, now I'm only going once a week, and will likely go every other week this new year.

I've found it to be incredibly helpful, but I've laid it all out there... the memories, the anger, the sadness, the stress, the worry, etc. I'm in a much better place than I was when I started therapy. I'd encourage you to continue, but to let your therapist know if you're not feeling you're making any progress.

The process of changing what happened isn't the issue of therapy, imo... it's the ability to come to terms with what happened, and to deal with all the emotions around it. But that's my reason for seeking help.

So wonderful to hear of your triumphs! I am so happy for you!
The consensus is that I need to communicate with my therapist better, which I agree with, but the whole thing is just flipping me out a bit. I have a certain level of anxiety when it comes to talking with her. It's just uncomfortable to have everything out there and to figure it all out when everything has been locked up as long as it has been.
I feel like I'm talking about things, but not dealing with them. I know therapy shouldn't be about wanting to change what happened but right now it feels like that's the only thing that could make it all ok. And I'm just not sure how to conquer that.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Do you trust your therapist? Do you feel like she can help you?

If not, you might want to request a different therapist who can help you through the process. It's okay to shop for a therapist to find the one that will work well with you.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Do you trust your therapist? Do you feel like she can help you?

If not, you might want to request a different therapist who can help you through the process. It's okay to shop for a therapist to find the one that will work well with you.

I do trust her and I'm very comfortable with her, it's probably more along the lines of, I don't think I can be fixed. I don't truly believe anything is ever going to help as much as I need it all to.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I can definitely say that I'm having very similar feelings to yours. I encourage you to challenge yourself to get deeper and deeper with your therapist. The more you talk about it the more it will help. I tend to internalize a lot. So I hold it all inside until it just becomes too much. Keep trying...maybe you and your therapist can come up with some ways that would help you to open up more and feel like your making progress. I know some therapists assign homework...like something to work on during the week. I know that worked very good for me because then I feel like I am accomplishing something and making progress in my healing. So thats maybe something to think about too?

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I can definitely say that I'm having very similar feelings to yours. I encourage you to challenge yourself to get deeper and deeper with your therapist. The more you talk about it the more it will help. I tend to internalize a lot. So I hold it all inside until it just becomes too much. Keep trying...maybe you and your therapist can come up with some ways that would help you to open up more and feel like your making progress. I know some therapists assign homework...like something to work on during the week. I know that worked very good for me because then I feel like I am accomplishing something and making progress in my healing. So thats maybe something to think about too?

I'm glad I'm not alone. Not that I wish you to be going through the same thing, but you know what I mean lol
I internalize everything as well. I can always find a path back to myself when something doesn't go right or if something happens, I usually tend to find myself at the core of it all, which is mainly why I had (and sometimes still do have) a hard time believing that what happened wasn't my fault.
Thank you for the challenge. I've realized I need to start going to my sessions with a clear, concise direction of things that I want to talk about. Not that I don't want her to lead the sessions, because I don't want to lead them right now at this point, but I want to talk about something I need to work on as well.
I just need to figure out what it's going to take for me to have this start truly working.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I've been to therapy for two totally seperate things. However, the therapist that I first had she helped me see where I was at and we worked at where I wanted to be. She occasionally sent me home with homework (a writing assignment or drawing) that I would then bring the next session and we would talk about it. Some of these assignments were just one simple question or a simple statement she wanted me to draw a picture of just so she can better understand how I was feeling and while some of those sessions were very difficult it helped me a ton. The key for therapy to work though is how much you put into it. If you aren't going to put effort into it it's just not going to work as well. ( I've figured that out myself) I know it's hard to put effort into it sometimes because it's a really sensitive topic. What I did in my earlier sessions with this therapist... I would go into the session with a purpose in mind... I would say to myself this is what I'm going to talk about today and I'm not going to avoid it. I made sure that I did not leave those sessions until I said what I came there to say. While that was very difficult it's a challenge you may want to consider. I know nothing feels like it will ever be right again...I can tell you I'm feeling the same but who knows with time things change and maybe someday we both can overcome this! Please know that what happened was NOT your fault! I know it's hard to believe that because I too blamed myself and still do from time to time but it was NOT your fault. Say that over and over.

 

[OnAQuestForTruth]

All I can say about therapy is that if I didn't go to it because of my depression, I would have never ended up here or having the Lord in my life. I am blessed to have gone to therapy and end up where I am today.

But that's the thing about our experiences here on Earth. We are all different and thus interpret out happenings differently. One man's trash is anothers treasure. Keep faith and keep finding alternatives to get you the tranquility you need in your life.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I've been to therapy for two totally seperate things. However, the therapist that I first had she helped me see where I was at and we worked at where I wanted to be. She occasionally sent me home with homework (a writing assignment or drawing) that I would then bring the next session and we would talk about it. Some of these assignments were just one simple question or a simple statement she wanted me to draw a picture of just so she can better understand how I was feeling and while some of those sessions were very difficult it helped me a ton. The key for therapy to work though is how much you put into it. If you aren't going to put effort into it it's just not going to work as well. ( I've figured that out myself) I know it's hard to put effort into it sometimes because it's a really sensitive topic. What I did in my earlier sessions with this therapist... I would go into the session with a purpose in mind... I would say to myself this is what I'm going to talk about today and I'm not going to avoid it. I made sure that I did not leave those sessions until I said what I came there to say. While that was very difficult it's a challenge you may want to consider. I know nothing feels like it will ever be right again...I can tell you I'm feeling the same but who knows with time things change and maybe someday we both can overcome this! Please know that what happened was NOT your fault! I know it's hard to believe that because I too blamed myself and still do from time to time but it was NOT your fault. Say that over and over.

I've been twice to therapy. The first time was about 4 years ago or so and I was sent by force. This time I've chosen to go on my own which was a huge victory for myself. I struggled with going because I was embarassed, of course, but I couldn't exactly bring myself to feel like what happened was abnormal. The abuse I sustained was so deep rooted into my 'normal' living patterns that it took me a very long time to realize what happened was wrong. The abuse took place between 6-15 and was mostly through coercion and game playing. So when I finally did decide to go (after much heartache), I went with the very deep notion that I had done something wrong...
I'm learning that I don't understand most of it. So when I don't seem to understand or am unable to unblur the lines, I turn to the dictionary to help me concisely define terms. That has helped me quite a bit.
I agree with everything you've said. I need to be proactive about my sessions. I have things I want to talk about so I need to challenge myself to bring them up. I'm just scared of it all.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

All I can say about therapy is that if I didn't go to it because of my depression, I would have never ended up here or having the Lord in my life. I am blessed to have gone to therapy and end up where I am today.

But that's the thing about our experiences here on Earth. We are all different and thus interpret out happenings differently. One man's trash is anothers treasure. Keep faith and keep finding alternatives to get you the tranquility you need in your life.

Thank you for sharing that with us.
I really believe in therapy but I always feel like I'm beyond help. That's what I'm struggling with right now. I don't know how to rip the bad off of the good stuff left in me.