Thought he was a good Godly guy...ended up getting hurt instead.

[angelstarlette]

Hey Everyone,

So here is the deal...I was dating a guy about 6 months ago who was my friend for about 2 years before out relationship started. During the beginning of the relationship he told me that he only believed in courting, but proceeded to call a relationship anyways (don't ask me why I was very confused because he did not talk with me about). Well anyways as the relationship went on he grew increasingly distant from me and then finally broke it off. He said something about me not being "the one" for him. I did not really have a problem with him not seeing us as a couple, I had a problem with him never talking to me about his beliefs.

Now me personally I believe that you should be able to talk to others about your beliefs and develop a game plan. I was really put off by his method of using God to justify his actions (constant lying, not communicating, and treating me with disrespect). I know I am not the perfect Christian, but I believe that using God to justify one's actions is also wrong. Another thing that bugs me now is that he is suddenly reformed into a "good" Christian again. Now granted I can believe that someone can be reformed and change completely, but it just seems odd to me that it happened at just the right time for him to blow me off. Oh another thing that makes me wonder is that he said he was "talking" to 2 other woman (in a sort of relationship way).

Also he told me we cannot talk anymore because I am a woman and he is swearing off women for right now. Does any of this seems suspiscious to anyone else? Really at this point I just hate that he tries to justify his bad actions through Christianity and God. I seem to meet a lot of people who are hypocritical Christians and say that God wants them to treat others badly. I believe that God is loving and would want people to be understanding and truthful.

This guy really hurt me with his actions and I do not know how to deal with actions and justifications is what this comes down to. I put faith in him because he was a Godly and good person, but then he proceeded to tear me apart. It just seems ironic and sad to me. Maybe some people can offer some words of wisdom on the issue.

 

[desi]

I am sorry you went through that. If he lied and mistreated you while claiming he was a Christian, he is not a Christian by action and he will eventually pay for it. To truly be Christian one must follow Christ's example. At least you learned what not to look for in a man. You should look for someone who treats you well and does not lie. He sounds like your average hypocrite struggling with lust pretending to be Christian. It sounds odd but its a good cover and happens more often than I'd like to admit, among both sexes I might add. Please pray, as I will, for God to do what's best for you and help you through this.

 

[E-beth]

It makes me angry when someone hides behind God when they do their dirty work. It seems obvious that the guy is using God as an excuse to get out of the relationship. After all, who would question what God told someone to do?

I am sorry that it happened to you. He was not acting very Christ-like, but you CAN. Bless him, be nice to him, and find a guy that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

[weblord]

we usually do christian love, courtship and marriage inside our church and our pastor always encourages us to get our wives from church. that's why my wife today is a christian im the section leader in her city before and she's my cell group leader, 1 year of courtship doing God's work on her city and then here we are now.

 

[enslow]

How did he lie and disrespect you? The problem with the words 'courting', 'dating', and 'relationship' is that everyone defines them differently. Some people say courtship is seeing the person only in the company of other family members, much like in the 18th century. That's find if both of you agree. But when one person in the couple believes that courting is defined only as marriage minded dating, whereas you believe courting is the 18 century definition, you have a problem. You will find many have widely varying thoughts on dating also.

If he did lie to you, that doesn't make him NOT a Christian. It just makes him a sinner who needs forgiveness, and needs to repent. Perhaps the reason he broke the relationship off was he realized what he was doing and cared about you enough to walk before hurting you more. If I am judged by my actions as to whether I'm a Christian or not, I'd be thrown into the fire by now.

I don't know enough about your relationship with this fellow to suggest anything really, but there are a couple of thoughts.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I am willing to bet he is gay.

Ok, just kidding. It seems like he heard a sermon and decided to give it a whirl. It is obvious that his heart was not into it. Part of the measure of a man is when his word meets his actions. Wait until you find a man that fits you better, and who is true to his word.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

If I can be permitted to talk like a dude for a minute...

This guy really sounds like a waste of your time. Sounds like he's blaming God, or using God as a scapegoat for his insecurities. It's perfect really, he can hide in it, since you can't proove him right or wrong, there's alot of gray area in that subject.

Yeah, I just re-read your post. This guy's a schmo.

 

[angelstarlette]

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to go into the disrespect and lies issue since enslow asked. He would lie to me about big issues like where our relationship was, or he would divert my attention to something else. He also would lie about little things (this really got me because I would outright ask him about something and he would lie about it over and over). See I just wished he would have been honest about where our relationship was and where it was headed so that I could have prepared myself.

He did disrespect me by not respecting my limits. He would ask me to do things I was not comfortable with. See I had a real problem with boundaries in a previous relationship where I was abused. It was really hard for me to trust people in general, men more specifically. It really did make me more sensitive than I would have been at any other time, and I know it was hard on him too, but I counted on his honesty.

So perhaps it was partially my fault that I stayed involved even though I had doubts, I think it is equally important for two adults to be able to talk about issues that concern them, including fear and not being ready for commitment. See I would rather have talked honestly about where he was at instead of lying about it or diverting my attention.

I am not saying that I blame him completely for what happened. I do think that I hold some responsibility for the situation. It is perhaps a warning that people are not necessarily as they seem.

Thanks for listening and posting!

angelstarlette