- Feb 16, 2002
- 9,292
- 124
- 42
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Democrat
I had written this a while back, so that is why it's cut and pasted rather than directly typed in.
California Drivers Rules Of The Road
(WARNING: Practicing the following rules will make you a bona fide California driver, complete with revoked license and an arrest record as well as a smashed car.)
1: Red lights dont mean stop until they have been red for one second.
2: Stop signs really mean slow down slightly and go on through.
3: A cell phone is an absolute necessity, so your attention will be across town while your car speeds down the freeway at 100 mph.
4: Illiteracy is a plus.
5: Yield is for everyone else, not you. If anyone refuses to yield to you, honk at them . . . but refuse to yield to those who ask you to move. Youre more important, and why should your self esteem suffer?
6: Speeding is not defined by any posted speed limit, but rather by how fast the guy next to you is going.
7: If youre really in a hurry and are tired of waiting, drive on the sidewalk to avoid a traffic jam.
8: While you are littering, dont just toss out paper products. Mix in a few glass bottles and nails so everyone behind you will get flat tires.
9: When asked to pull over by police or the Highway Patrol, dont do it! Sure, you go to jail, but you will also get your 15 minutes of fame on every TV station in town.
10: No U-turn signs are to be ignored. Tear up the ticket later.
11: If you must apply makeup, shave, drink hot coffee, or sleep, the best time for this is the morning driving hour.
12: If you are literate, read a book, paper, or map while driving.
13: BE CAREFUL AROUND VEHICLES CARRYING LAWYERS AND/OR PIT BULLS!
14: AVOID TRUCKS WITH AN AK-47 IN THE GUN RACK!
15: Always drive with at least eight passengers or more.
16: For a real fright, drive on a holiday night. (Happy New Year!)
17: Green lights mean Wait a while.
18:Yellow lights mean The race is on!
19: Honk at absolutely everything.
20: Yell at red lights.
21: When some crazed felons nearby begin fleeing from police, pull over, get out of your car, wave your arms, and say either GO! GO! GO! or HEY MOM! IM ON TV!
22: After your first day on the California roads, drive straight to a psychiatric hospital and check yourself in for a much-needed rest. Youll need to. Rrrreeeeaaalllyyyyy.......
California Drivers Rules Of The Road
(WARNING: Practicing the following rules will make you a bona fide California driver, complete with revoked license and an arrest record as well as a smashed car.)
1: Red lights dont mean stop until they have been red for one second.
2: Stop signs really mean slow down slightly and go on through.
3: A cell phone is an absolute necessity, so your attention will be across town while your car speeds down the freeway at 100 mph.
4: Illiteracy is a plus.
5: Yield is for everyone else, not you. If anyone refuses to yield to you, honk at them . . . but refuse to yield to those who ask you to move. Youre more important, and why should your self esteem suffer?
6: Speeding is not defined by any posted speed limit, but rather by how fast the guy next to you is going.
7: If youre really in a hurry and are tired of waiting, drive on the sidewalk to avoid a traffic jam.
8: While you are littering, dont just toss out paper products. Mix in a few glass bottles and nails so everyone behind you will get flat tires.
9: When asked to pull over by police or the Highway Patrol, dont do it! Sure, you go to jail, but you will also get your 15 minutes of fame on every TV station in town.
10: No U-turn signs are to be ignored. Tear up the ticket later.
11: If you must apply makeup, shave, drink hot coffee, or sleep, the best time for this is the morning driving hour.
12: If you are literate, read a book, paper, or map while driving.
13: BE CAREFUL AROUND VEHICLES CARRYING LAWYERS AND/OR PIT BULLS!
14: AVOID TRUCKS WITH AN AK-47 IN THE GUN RACK!
15: Always drive with at least eight passengers or more.
16: For a real fright, drive on a holiday night. (Happy New Year!)
17: Green lights mean Wait a while.
18:Yellow lights mean The race is on!
19: Honk at absolutely everything.
20: Yell at red lights.
21: When some crazed felons nearby begin fleeing from police, pull over, get out of your car, wave your arms, and say either GO! GO! GO! or HEY MOM! IM ON TV!
22: After your first day on the California roads, drive straight to a psychiatric hospital and check yourself in for a much-needed rest. Youll need to. Rrrreeeeaaalllyyyyy.......
