This Silver Ring Thing.

[Edward Vil - E for short]

Way to ruin a great bit, Cthulhu boy...

 

[StainedClassKing]

Way to ruin a great bit, Cthulhu boy...

I would say bite me but Cthulhu would beat you to it.

 

[Follower of Christ]

The Silver Ring Thing is being publicised as a health/safety movement, but really it seems to me as being run primarily by a Christian agenda. If you haven't heard of it, it is a program whereby teens specifically go to a seminar/trainnig session/whatever and learn about the evils of pre-marital sex, getting scared with all types of STD statistics (which, it must be said, are generally quite accurate and well sourced). At the end of the seminar, they receive a silver ring that they wear on their wedding finger and sign a vow of absitenence until they are married.

There may be some pros for this. Possibly. But to me, it just seems to be advocating sexual repression. It is my opinion that sexual immaturity is on of the biggest reasons why so many first-time marriages fail. It's like trying to compete in the olympics without ever having trained and expecting not to lose.

I may be in the minority though...

I dont even know how to respond to this.......

ANY man who would leave his virgin wife becuase she wasnt sexually proficient needs to be drawn and quartered, burned at the stake and thrown off a bridge.

Then that sweet young woman who saved herself needs to find a REAL man.......

or vice-versa

 

[Edward Vil - E for short]

I fear no Octopoid heads because I got Nyarlathotep and He Who Must Not be Named in my crizzoo

 

[Edward Vil - E for short]

I dont even know how to respond to this.......

ANY man who would leave his virgin wife becuase she wasnt sexually proficient needs to be drawn and quartered, burned at the stake and thrown off a bridge.

Then that sweet young woman who saved herself needs to find a REAL man.......

A real patient man who wants to drink himself to death.

 

[Annabel Lee]

Would anyone like to discuss how they dealt with the safe sex and/or abstinence issue with their own teenagers?

 

[Edward Vil - E for short]

I gave mine a box of condoms and a six pack and told him to aim low.

 

[Annabel Lee]

I gave mine a box of condoms and a six pack and told him to aim low.

That's an interesting method.

 

[michabo]

Would anyone like to discuss how they dealt with the safe sex and/or abstinence issue with their own teenagers?

It's important that they know. I guess it'll depend a bit on what sort of communication you have with your teenagers.

 

[USincognito]

I present to you, the first New Zealand Idol: Ben "the fundie" Lummis. Okay, he's hot and young and all, but he should stick to music and being cool and leave politics to the idiots at the Beehive.

Thankfully Britney finally got over her phase and dropped the charade. I'm figuring she's about 2 low revenue generating albums/tours away from posing for Playboy.

 

[USincognito]

I fear no Octopoid heads because I got Nyarlathotep and He Who Must Not be Named in my crizzoo

 

[Annabel Lee]

Seriously, would anyone like to discuss how they dealt with the premarital sex issue with their own children?

 

[StainedClassKing]

Then that sweet young woman who saved herself needs to find a REAL man.......

Well, the only woman I have ever slept with was the woman I'm now married to so the abstinance thing for me was more than just talk. Both me and my wife were virgins on our wedding night. For us personally it has worked out for the best as we were separated for a period while we waited for her to get her Visa. We have no 'trust issues' so neither of us were worried that the other would cheat.

As a Christian, I made a commitment to God and my future wife that I would not have sex until marriage. I was already 25 by the time that I was leaving Christianity and abandoning the beliefs such decisions were based on. I figured I probably wouldn't be single for much longer so I decided to go ahead and wait until marriage even though I no longer had a religious reason to do so.

With that said, here is the facts on abstinance for anyone who is interested.

When a male is a teenager or in his early 20's, saving himself for marriage is viewed as sweet or as noble and there are still a fair amount of women that are doing the same. The problem at this age is that temptation is everywhere and even if you don't give in to it, it is still very confusing. Realistically, it's incredibly difficult to maintain relationships during this time while still remaining celibate. Especially when there's no external reason to remain celibate.

By the time a male reaches his mid to late 20's, the number of prospects starts dropping drastically for several reasons. Most females that save themselves until marriage marry at a much younger age and the ones that are left expect a male to be as sexually experienced as themselves. On top of that, being in your late 20's and still a virgin is no longer viewed as noble or sweet but just plain creepy.

Although it has ultimately worked to my advantage, it's not a path that I would ever recommend to anyone else. The only reason it has worked to my advantage is because I married a woman from a culture where abstinance was closer to being normal than it is here in the USA.

 

[justaman]

I dont even know how to respond to this.......

ANY man who would leave his virgin wife becuase she wasnt sexually proficient needs to be drawn and quartered, burned at the stake and thrown off a bridge.

Then that sweet young woman who saved herself needs to find a REAL man.......

or vice-versa

No, it is not because she's not 'sexually proficient', it's because you cannot have a realistic, 20/21st century relationship without a healthy sex life also. Therefore, these people getting married to the first person they have sex with are not experiencing serious relationships before they commit.

It's not the act of sex which breaks up marriages, it's that sex becomes some reward or bonus or freaking dowry to convince the two of them to get together. Using sex as a reason to get married is s-t-u-p-i-d and that is all that abstinance achieves.

So if sex is not a motivating factor for marriage - i.e, you've had sex before and will again regardless of whether or not you stick with this person - then the reasons you have for marrying them will be a lot more intelligent and conducive to a long-lasting relationship than some hormonal desire to have sex could ever be.

And there is no denying it. People want sex. If they have to get married to do it, do you think they're going to wait and wait and wait before they get married?!

This is why people rush into things. Way too risky and immature.

 

[StainedClassKing]

No, it is not because she's not 'sexually proficient', it's because you cannot have a realistic, 20/21st century relationship without a healthy sex life also. Therefore, these people getting married to the first person they have sex with are not experiencing serious relationships before they commit.

It's not the act of sex which breaks up marriages, it's that sex becomes some reward or bonus or freaking dowry to convince the two of them to get together. Using sex as a reason to get married is s-t-u-p-i-d and that is all that abstinance achieves.

So if sex is not a motivating factor for marriage - i.e, you've had sex before and will again regardless of whether or not you stick with this person - then the reasons you have for marrying them will be a lot more intelligent and conducive to a long-lasting relationship than some hormonal desire to have sex could ever be.

And there is no denying it. People want sex. If they have to get married to do it, do you think they're going to wait and wait and wait before they get married?!

This is why people rush into things. Way too risky and immature.

In my previous post, this is what i meant when I said that its very confusing and difficult to realistically maintain serious relationships while remaining celibate for people in their teens and early 20's. Because your trying to convince yourself that your trying build a long lasting relationship when all your really thinking about is getting married as soon as you can so you can get laid within God's rules.

By the time people are in their late 20's the hormones kind of start to level off but still serve to only confuse a perosn and there are other factors in play that make it difficult to maintain a relationship while remaining celebate.

 

[flicka]

Seriously, would anyone like to discuss how they dealt with the premarital sex issue with their own children?

My oldest daughter was involved with a boy for almost 2 years. I began to suspect they might be 'active' and I talked to them both about it. After initially denying it and trying to joke their way out of it they both admitted it and told me they were being 'safe'. Not one to trust teenagers OR condoms I made an appointment w/a gyno and made sure she started on bc pills, I insisted the bf also go and the Dr. talked to them both. Embarrassing? Not for me! The relationship ended a few months later and although my daughter has dated other boys since then she has stopped using bc pills and has told me she will not be needing them in the near future.

 

[seebs]

The Silver Ring Thing is being publicised as a health/safety movement, but really it seems to me as being run primarily by a Christian agenda. If you haven't heard of it, it is a program whereby teens specifically go to a seminar/trainnig session/whatever and learn about the evils of pre-marital sex, getting scared with all types of STD statistics (which, it must be said, are generally quite accurate and well sourced). At the end of the seminar, they receive a silver ring that they wear on their wedding finger and sign a vow of absitenence until they are married.

Uh-oh. My wife gave me a silver ring for our third anniversary. Perhaps she was trying to tell me something?

There may be some pros for this. Possibly. But to me, it just seems to be advocating sexual repression. It is my opinion that sexual immaturity is on of the biggest reasons why so many first-time marriages fail. It's like trying to compete in the olympics without ever having trained and expecting not to lose.

I may be in the minority though...

I don't think the analogy makes the slightest bit of sense.

I have had many debates about the pros and cons of premarital sex. I think many of the "pro" arguments are actually sort of weak, and in particular, they tend to paper over some of the significant concerns.

I don't think that sexual immaturity in and of itself is a major cause of marital strife, and nor do I think that sexual experience confers any measurable kind of "maturity". I think the underlying problem in many cases is unrealistic expectations of what a marriage will be like, especially coupled with the painfully destructive notion that, for each person, there is "the one" somewhere out there that would make them perfectly happy with no work, and that any relationship which is not like this isn't worth it.

With incredibly rare exceptions (someone I know discovered that his first wife was allergic to him!), sexual "compatibility" is pretty close to a non-issue for people who are serious about working on a relationship.

That said, many abstinence programs contribute substantially to this, by trying to make it seem as though those first awkward sexual experiences will be magically wonderful and easy for people who have been abstinent; while it works out well for some people, some remain awkward.

However, I don't think non-abstinence solves this problem. The one contribution I'm willing to grant in principle is that it reduces the incidence of "getting married so you can have sex", which is an admitted and serious problem. Apart from that... I think people are generally better off with lifetime relationships.

Politicising the issue, and making it very public, does not strike me as helping any.

 

[Mistyfogg]

btw, sex before marriage is a risky proposition, no matter how you slice it. You want to do it before marriage? Ok by me, just be ready to accept the risks...AIDs, the bad forms of Hepatitis like Pamela Anderson has, and many others.

I hate to nitpick but the form of Hepatitis that Pamela Anderson has, which is C, can only be spread via the parental route, which is using needles. Maybe you are confusing it with Herpes?

 

[seebs]

Using sex as a reason to get married is s-t-u-p-i-d

True.

and that is all that abstinance achieves.

False.

I think that sort of summarizes the whole debate, really.

 

[Zoot]

How about you get to wear a silver ring when you've passed a test showing you know actual facts about STDs and pregnancy, and the various forms of contraception available.