This may be it for me

[Job405]

I have had many bad thoughts, mostly centering around blaspheming the Holy Spirit, in the past few weeks and months. But I know they are from the enemy, and so does God. These thoughts do not elicit that big of a response from me, I just reject and rebuke them.

But last night I had a bad thought about the Holy Spirit that may have come from me, I don't remember the exact thought but it was something mocking the gift of tongues which I have. This elicited a bodily response, pain and fear.

After this I was unable to sleep, I felt only fear almost the entire night. I maybe only got a few hours of sleep.

Then this morning I had another thought, I was thinking "Dear Holy Spirit" ... then a word came into my mind a cuss word that starts with f ... and to prevent it from going somewhere bad I thought another word "me".

I have prayed and apologized and asked for forgiveness but God feels far away.

Now I feel only fear and numbness, I can't even cry. Is it over for me? Did I stumble and fall into the pit?

 

[com7fy8]

to prevent it from going somewhere bad I thought another word "me".

So, you aimed the cuss word at yourself, I understand. In case this is what you mean, I do not agree that it would be good to aim it at you, either.

But bless.

Forgive.

Do not send a cuss toward anyone, but bless with hope any person, including yourself.

And when I fail in this, myself, I can trust God to be my Good Judge about what to do with me. There is no way that you can know how to judge yourself, because we are not God. But do evaluate yourself so you know you need to depend on God.

And of course He loves you and therefore He does not desire that you are in torment and confusion. So, trust Him to do what He knows He desires to do with you >

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

He is awake, now, by the way

 

[Tolworth John]

God feels far away.

Now I feel only fear and numbness, I can't even cry. Is it over for me

Jesus forgave Peter who denied him three times, Jesus's holiness is so great we cannot begin to imagine how great it is, ditto his Love and his Mercy.
Then there is his knowledge.

Do you think Jesus is angry at Berglund patients for not attending church, or patients in a comma for not reading the bible and not attending church.
These are ridiculous reasons for being angry or being disappointed in them.
Jesus knows and understands your illnesses he will forgive you because you did not sin.

So spend time thanking and praising God for his love.

 

[Richard T]

There must be millions of Christians that have criticized tongue talkers, that tongues are of the devil etc. God is not going to reject you just for that. He is merciful and gracious. Just ask forgiveness and move on. Have faith in what Jesus did for you at the cross, make it more meaningful so that you have less doubt about your state of forgiveness and salvation. Remember how personal Jesus' actions were. God bless!

 

[Job405]

Thanks for all your replies I feel a lot better now, compared to this morning. Felt the Holy Spirit today.

 

[Aldebaran]

Thanks for all your replies I feel a lot better now, compared to this morning. Felt the Holy Spirit today.

You may have noticed that the more you try not to think certain thoughts, the more you think them. It's hard not to think something when we concentrate so hard on not thinking about them. It's just like trying really, really hard to fall asleep. We only fall asleep when we don't try so hard, but just let it come naturally. Does that make sense?

 

[Mari17]

You may have noticed that the more you try not to think certain thoughts, the more you think them. It's hard not to think something when we concentrate so hard on not thinking about them. It's just like trying really, really hard to fall asleep. We only fall asleep when we don't try so hard, but just let it come naturally. Does that make sense?

This is true. That's why we have to learn to ignore obsessive/intrusive thoughts.