This isn't anything new...

[stormgade4]

As my title suggests, this situation is nothing new. Currently, I find myself attracted to a girl in my singles ministry whom is already in a relationship. We have spoken at church only (A lot of us have tried to get her to join our other activities, but she hasn't out that far yet). Plus, her current boyfriend is going through a personal crisis right now.

I asked my singles leader about this. He said I should do whatever helps to lead her closer to Jesus. This means being her friend and helping her grow in Christ. Here's the thing, do I admit to her I have an interest in her (with much respect to her current relationship) or do I need to sit on my thumbs and just continue the normal friendly conversations on Sunday mornings?

 

[Icystwolf]

Plus, her current boyfriend is going through a personal crisis right now.

I don't think that someone's weakest hour is an excuse to start chasing for someone's girlfriend.

If I was in that situation, I'd make you my arch enemy for some time...

But don't take it too bad, it's better to wait for her, than force her out....

 

[Stanfi]

stormgade,

The right answer would be to just be her friend, and wait upon God. IF this girl is for you, he will open the door in his time.

I often wonder about this, it seems that nice guys always loose. I have found that by sitting back and trying to be a friend that I get bounced out of the way and don't even realize it.

What does everyone else think? All is fair in love and war?

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Dating does not mean married, but most seem to take it that way.
But it's still a fine line to draw.
Be honest with yourself above all.
The thing she may need is a friend more than someone who is trying to get a date with her. So consider that.

 

[msjones21]

I also agree that you shouldn't use her time of need to get closer to her. I'm actually quite disappointed by what your singles minister advised you to do. Considering the fact that she's in a committed relationship it would be highly inappropriate for you (being a single guy) to come in and get close to her. That is more territory for a female fried. You can certainly let her know you're praying for her, but I think trying to develop a closer relationship with her would be inappropriate at this point in time. I also do not think you should reveal your attraction for her. If she is having trouble with her boyfriend it isn't fair for you to confess your feelings for her and plant the seeds of doubt in her mind and confuse her more. Just follow the Golden Rule...would you like it if you were experiencing troubled times and some "other guy" swooped in and started ministering to yuor girlfriend knowing that he had feelings for her? I highly doubt it. Respect the boundaries of their relationship and if it's God's will for you to be together then He will make a way.

 

[mina]

He may be a nice guy, but her b/f may be a nice guy too. Be her friend and if it's to be, then God will make a way. But do not force anything.

 

[stormgade4]

Thank you for the insight. Yes, I realize it would not be edifying to her to admit an interest right now. As someone brought up, I need to defend my singles minister. He advised he (and again today actually) to put on the brakes. I need to respect her relationship. He said if its truly of God, it will happen, just as many of you have advised. Thank you for your comments. I guess I need an extra dose of patience right now. My desire to have a mate is very high. Reading some of these posts, I know I'm not the only one thinking like this.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

I will also add my 2 cents. I would say be her friend, put away your thoughts and feelings for her and wait on God. If a relationship with her is in the books, it will happen. No need to try and push yourself. I have found the harder you push, the harder the other will push back and you might just lose your balance. I will say though, that by my being friends only that I have made a lot of boyfriends jealous just because I can be that good of a friend without crossing the line. Still dont know why they get jealous, oh well.

 

[desi]

Give up? Be friends? Nah, if her boyfriend was serious about her they would be married. She is still single. You should go for it but do not tell her you like her, that way, unless you know she is into you. Start dating her 'as a friend'. Before you know it she will be into you and her current bf will be yesterdays news.