This is really difficult for me...but here goes...

[Talmidah]

I don't know why I am writing this...I don't know if I want advice, lectures, or just some prayer...

For years, I've been having a 'crisis of faith' and not wanting to face it. I came to believe in Yeshua right out of high school when I'd had a baby out of wedlock. I was told by some people how I was going to go to hell for what I'd done unless I 'invited Jesus into my heart'. I was terrified and so I did so. I got immersed in a church and went through the motions. But I kept wondering if I really believed. I returned to studying Torah and love it. But...I still wonder if I believe everything I've been taught about Yeshua and the Brit Chadashah. I mean, in the Tanakh, G-d outlined ways people could atone for their sins. Also, the idea of a human/divine sacrifice is just so hard for me to grasp. I know I am not explaining myself well...rambling...because I am crying and scared and don't know what to do. Right now, I feel like I don't believe...but I'm scared that if its true, I will end up in hell. I don't know....I guess I can't admit this to anyone I know 'in real life', but just need to get out how I feel. This has nothing to do with the messianic or torah movement. I have felt like this ever since I first said the 'sinner's prayer'. I have a hard time reconciling the writings of Shaul with those of the Tanakh, even though I've read the apologetics books and articles by FFOZ, Tim Hegg, and others. Its just that when I read in the Tanakh, I feel I have found truth and I have trouble reconciling this with G-d sending a man/Himself to die on a Roman stake...especially since his executors killed him for fear of political unrest and yet we read it was to take our sins away and if we don't believe in him (no matter how much we love and worship G-d, and strive to do justice, to love goodness, and to walk humbly with Him) then we are destined to eternal damnation and suffering. Its gotten to the point where I can't sleep very well because of this, I always have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'm scared. I'm so embarassed to admit all these things, but I feel like I will go insane keeping trying to hide them. If anyone feels inclined, please maybe lift up a little prayer for me. The only thing I want to do is what is right in the eyes of G-d...that is all I care about. Thank you for listening (reading) to my whining. I appreciate it.

 

[Suzannah]

Hi... I don't understand some of the references to Hebrew writings, but I do understand the pain of trying to "figure it all out..." I promise I will pray for you and for your faith to be strengthened and for G-d to make your path straight.

 

[P_G]

I don't know why I am writing this...I don't know if I want advice, lectures, or just some prayer...

.............................


The only thing I want to do is what is right in the eyes of G-d...that is all I care about. Thank you for listening (reading) to my whining. I appreciate it.

Little sister

Let me add some love to that request! Just a brother out there who loves you and loves your heart.

When we strip away all of our fancy arguments, all of our appologetics, all of our legalism, all of our what if's, all of what we think we might possibly be able to understand --- At the very heart of the matter what G-d really wants
is

For us to love Him

A deep passionette love
A breathless longing to be in his presence
To please him even though we probably can't
To trust him


And what I read in you post says

I LOVE YOU LORD!!!!!!

Think of Moshe
He loved G-d so much
he was a terrible sinner but he loved the Lord!

And even though it would cost him his life
he wanted to see G-d to die in his arms.


Little sister to quote a very dear friend of mine
"A have seen no greater faith in all of Isreal arise you sins are forgiven"


And surely sister I will pray for you
and surely I send you my love
And surely G-d loves you!

Pastor George

 

[Christy4Christ]

Talmidah,

First please do not despair, God loves you SO much do not think for one minute that He does not understand our confusions and questions, He made us!

I have been a Christian for my whole life. My ancestors were Christians, I have never ever known another way of life. For me it is very clear and easy to believe. You on the other hand have been taught in a different way and it has to be so hard for you to know which is which!

I will be praying for you that God reveals the truth He sees fit for you. If you seek you WILL find. Please don't lose faith. Just keep GOD close to your heart and remember he is OUR father, he loves all of us!

Do not be so hard on yourself just continue on your journey and know that you are not alone.


God Bless you and keep you in peace during this time of wonder and worry.


With much love,

Christy

 

[Hix]

Talmidah, I will pray for you, that HaShem will show you what is truth and what is not. But always remember that G-d loves you, and he would never ever send you to hell forever, nor any other human. Our G-d is a loving and merciful G-d beyond all comprehension, the Torah is a demonstration of his great mercy in that it gives ways in which we can connect with him and do his will.

I often wonder about people who claim if you dont do something one way, then G-d will send you to hell. I know someone very much like you who loves the L-rd with all her heart, lives to the best of her abilities to please him by living the Torah, I always ask people if she is living her life the way G-d wants, would he punish her? Not a chance.

I know this is a tough time, but Il be praying for you, and dont forget to ask G-d yourself!

Shalom and G-d bless you sister
~Hix~

 

[Amandine]

God does not simply punish people to Gehenna because they do not believe in Jesus if they have never had a chance to truly know him and God's truth. I don't know what tiny denomination forced you into fear and guilt over accepting our Savior, but remember our God is a God of love, and his Law is love.
-Catherine

 

[yod]

We all go through times of introspection and testing. You are not alone even though we don't always admit it like you have done. Sometimes these tests can shake our very foundations.....but He who began a good work in you is able to finish what He started.

Atonement has been made on your behalf. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Love & kisses,
Yod

 

[ShirChadash]

Talmidah, love and prayers and hugs to you. It's all right, Honey. As the others here have said, we all go through our times of trial, as it is part of a healthy, personal relationship with our Abba and His Yeshua... and I see much fruit in the way you are tenaciously holding onto them in the midst of the trial, yk?

Shabbat Shalom, Precious Sister. My prayers for you, this Shabbat...

Love,
~Z~

 

[Achichem]

Talmidah,

I would only like to say follow what it is you need to follow to be strong with G-d. I personally have decided that my beliefs in Yeshua were based on faulty logic and that my commit to it was because it was taught to me young and in a fear mongering way.

I have so since decided to let free these beliefs and in so through the help of my rabbi have come to a better place and beginning on a better path to G-d, free of what I see as yet another example of a golden calf. I still respect you all, and I thank you for all the support and important lessons you all taught to me, but my place is not with Yeshua!

Sa?Halamway
DaTsar

 

[ShirChadash]

Constant,
You have taught me so much on this journey. I love who you have created me to be, not because I am capable, yet rather incapable apart from you. In my many weaknesses, you have made me strong. I came here with many ashes and you exchanged them for beauty. You gave me the oil of gladness while I watched a dying world reach out their hands. It is through these trials that I have come to know you better. You are the G-d that gathers your children, extends your Right Arm, heals, protects, and saves. You are the Master and Creator of the African sunset and Israeli sunrise. You order the seasons in Moscow and you rotate the stars in Sirinde. You heal people in their grass huts and reach out to the lost in remote villages. You grant hope to those that have none. You desire pure sacrifice and you take this broken Temple and rebuild it in three days. You take me to where I have always wanted to go and even places I haven't. You hold me when I am alone and laugh with me when I am hysterical. You lead me to Your alter, wherever that may be: on a bed under a mosquite net or beside the very synagogue you preached at in Capernaum. You grant me every second and you count my hair upon my head. You fulfill me in every way with every fiber of my being. And you use me. You send me.

MIGHTY MAJESTIC AWESOME ELOHIM!


Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and personal journal entry Erin.

 

[JewishHeart]

Wow,

Its nice to see everybody here be there for our dear sister talmidah.

Talmidah Yakarah,

I think that yod said it correctly that we all go through 'the dark night of the soul.' That is a dessert experience. Its a time of testing and learning. I would also encourage you to remember simplicity

For some reason I feel like you need to know God as a Good Father. Sometimes there are many father figures in our life that can deter our mindset of God as a Good Father. Pray for healing from any false father figures you had in your life and ask God to reveal Himself to you as a Loving Father. SO much that he gave the most precious thing to Him (Yeshua) to see you have life. I don't know. Maybe you had a father figure manipulate you, put a burden of expectations on you, etc. God is not like that. Someone once told me , " we are God to our children" meaning we are supposed to be the example of who Abba God is to our children. There is hope and healing though if we didn't receive a good example. That is why Yeshua came. To reconcile us to the Father. The Brit HaChadashah talks about the 'spirit of adoption' and the 'spirit of an orphan.' Whether Jew and Gentile, you were alone and in sin and were adopted by God. We all were ugly babies, but God saw the beauty in us and adopted us. This is why He sent His Son to reconcile us to Him.

There is a Vineyard song that is for you:

Won't you hold me in your arms as I rest on your knew
Won't you tell me my favorite story
I was an orphan, you adopted me

As I look into your eyes I see such kindness
Nothing in the world is anything like this
I was an orphan you adopted me

Wrap your strong arms around me
This is my peace
Father, Stay close by me
Stay, PLease Stay

 

[koilias]

Blessings and prayers b'shem Yeshua, Talmidah.

In your place of doubt and helplessness you are actually closer to the Kingdom of HaShem than most of us who take it for granted.

"Blessed are the modest in spirit, for they realize the Kingdom of HaShem!"

*Yeshua...based on Hebrew translation.

Luke 9:54ff:

...But they did not receive him...When His disciples James and John saw this, they said, "Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?" But he turned and rebuked them, and said,
"You do not know what kind of spirit you are of; for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them."

 

[Talmidah]

I first want to apologize for waiting so long to respond. I kept reading these responses over and over and over again. Everytime I tried to respond, I would start crying and it was just too hard. I am so overwhelmed by the kindness of each one of you. Everytime I read this thread, I felt like I was really receiving a hug from a good friend. Thank you so much for your prayers and sincerity towards me. I guess I was expecting to get 'yelled' at (cyberly). You have responded so warmly and all I can do is say thank you. It means so much to me.

I have spent these days in prayer, in study of the Word and can honestly say that I am no clearer in a direction than I was before. I don't know what is to come for me. I want to believe, I want to know that I am 'saved' and not going to hell. I want to know the truth. I want to serve G-d. For now, I will just continue on attempting to learn and believe. I have prayed for each of you during this time, that you would be blessed. This has been frightening for me and knowing that you were praying for me has really helped me.

From my heart, I thank each of you so much.

 

[Henaynei]

Talmidah, shalom b'levi b'shem Yeshua (close?? peace in your heart....)

Remember Psalms??? I find that when I read them I can practically chart Melekh Dovid's ups and downs, victories and defeats, in his faith in and walk with G-d. There were times when the doors of heaven must have seemed like brass to him, and when the face of G-d must have been frightful to contemplate, and other times when he felt just plain alone in the universe, and just plain wrong!!!

YET - G-d, then and now, honors the faithful and humbled [I originally typed that "jumbled" and *that* might apply too] heart!!

Remember, He knows your heart better than you do - and He STILL loves you!! He understands the fear and doubt. In fact, Jewish thought has always made plenty of allowance for doubt and hard challenging questioning!! You are in very lofty company!! Keep your head up!

 

[schwartmrs]

Talmidah,

I've been there, and it's terrifying. None of us can make this journey for you...it is like childbirth...it's painful and tiring, and as much as we want to help, all we can really do is hold you and encourage you and love you.

I have not much to offer but my prayers for you, and this one little bit of my own experience...I hope it helps.

When I went through this a few years ago, it lasted for quite a while (a few months, really, but it felt like decades!). The hardest thing for me was to confess it to the L-rd. I felt ashamed to admit to Him that I was doubting Him, and at the same time a little wierd for praying to Someone I was having doubts about. In the end, I confessed to Him, repented fervently, and begged for His help. "L-rd, I believe, forgive my unbelief!!"
He wasn't angry with me, and He didn't leave me to "figure it out." He rescued me from my doubts. I felt I had no right to ask Him to "prove Himself" to me, but He did...over and over.

Cling to Him, little sister. Cry out to Him, and He will rescue you. He loves you...He doesn't expect you to have all the answers. Make a commitment that you are going to cry out to Him until He answers you...no matter how long that takes...and then "wait on the L-rd."

My love and prayers go with you,

Shade

 

[Hix]

Shalom achoti,

I can see it still weighs heavily on your heart the impression of hell and eternal damnation, you really need not worry about that, you love G-d and strive to know him better and do what he wants. Our G-d is loving and mercifull, and forgiving beyond human comprehension, he would never ever send you to hell for wanting to live for him. In fact it is a good thing to question faith, the Talmud says it is a mitzvot to question our faith every day, becuase the answers are always found in the Torah.

There is no rush to a descision, there is no clock that might stop ticking then "hell for you", take your time and learn about the true unchanging G-d and how he loves you. Kep living for him and praying that you may know the truth. Il continue praying for you as I have, and remember no matter what your always welcome here, becuase you, like us, strive to serve HaShem, and that is whats truely important.

Shema Yisrael Ad-onai Elohenu Ad-onai echad. Baruch HaShem kivod malchuto leolam vaed.
Shalom and G-d bless
~Hix~

 

[koilias]

Ditto. Frankly, achoti, you're in a much, much better place than Christians who go through the motions but remain distant in their hearts.

I think it is key to know that Yeshua came preaching "faith" in HaShem, NOT "religious faith" in HaShem. The faith he came talking about was the faith to belive in HaShem to do and be what He says He is...to honor His covenant and guard His undying love towards us, despite our mental abilities to grasp it.

The sinner's prayer does not move mountains,....HaShem does.

 

[flyfishing]

Hi i am moved by your outpouring of honesty about your doubts. What i see is that "yeshua" or Jehovah has a plan for you.. I see a great victory coming to you, some of the most wonderful saints had to struggle with this or a relevant question..Do not think yourself alone in this struggle. One of my prayers for you will be that of ephesians 1:17-18...yeshua has a plan for your life and desires to use you to bring freedom and assurance to many. he is the master designer and causes all in your life to work for good even the past failures..May the love of CHRIST surround you in a special way!!

 

[WildCelt]

Strange (perhaps, providential)... my pastor spoke about this very thing two weeks ago. He had people write in questions they had about faith, and that seemed to be the number one question--"How do I know?" My church (http://www.mhbcmi.org/) makes their teachings available online, and when that particular teaching appears, I'll post the link.

I wish I could remember the exact passages used, but here is one I have found:
John 10:27-28 (HNV)
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give eternal life to them. They will never perish, and no one will snatch them our of my hand.

How do we know we have eternal life? If we follow Him! I have been struggling greatly as of late on what that actually means in my life as well. I read and consider many many things, and find myself setting up this system of rules. I have to constantly lift up my eyes and see that HaShem does not want my blind rule obedience, but wants my heart. I am trying to be patient for the Ruach HaKodesh to show me the path on which I am supposed to walk.

I guess it comes down to faith. Do I believe in His promises or not? He promised to be with me, to give eternal life to me. He promised that if we ask, He will give. I pray all the time that He increase my faith!

My mom had a stroke a few years ago, which left her without the use of her right arm, a debilitated right leg, and significant speech impairment. I pray almost every day that He heal her, but I realized only about a week or so ago that even though I prayed for her healing, but I didn't really believe He could/ would heal her. I guess I need to get to the point of simply trusting in His promises, and if something doesn't turn out they way I want it to, it doesn't mean that He does not hear me, but rather that I do not understand.

I'm not sure if this means anything to you, but I want you to know you are not alone in your questions/struggles. I will pray for you, with faith and thanksgiving that He is greater than any doubt we may have.

 

[sojeru]

Greetings Your Excellency Gibberet "Talmidah",

I pray that as Your Excellency receives this email it may find him and loved ones in very good health and prospering most copiously in all things, all thanks be to HaShem, most blessed be He!

I am sorry to hear the state of your current feelings. I empathize for I had my time with my faith before- and so it is relatable.

You are Jewish?

If so, then you should know of the Akeidah offering, no?

Judaism DOES infact recignize a human sacrifice.

Our sacrfice being a human was indeed Yitzhak, and there are many Talmudic passages that show Yitzhak died while being sacrificed by His father.

We remember the akeidah everyday during our prayers- it is recorded in the siddurim

Thus ISRAEL/Yeshuah was the Akeidah for the gentiles, not for the JEW.

What is the purpose of a Jew to recieve the calling of His Majesty Yeshuah?
His purpose in recieiving such a call is to Talmudize (make disciples of) the world
to teach them halacha, the Mishna(Mark) and Gemara(Luke).

We Jews had a concise condenced version of the very same Talmud in these seferim(Marqos and Luqas)=Talmud
If the Talmud was erradicated from the earth by those people that hate jews- the Jews, if they had knowledge of it, can reconstruct the talmud solely by these two books. A great claim, i know- but i have the means to prove it.

If you want me to show you how Yitzhak (Isaac) was indeed a sacrifice, email me and I will send you an article--- if there are any other questions, please email me and I will try my best to answer.

And if you wish to learn how the ENTIRE "NEW TESTAMENT" is in agreement with the entirety of TaNaKH and the sages (Hachamim/Rabbis such as RaMBaM and etc.) then email me concerning this.

you should have no fear of this "hell" nor of gehinom.

shalom u'brachot
Antonio