This is probably a really stupid question but...

[WildStrawberry]

So, as you all know, in 1 month (pretty much exactly as it's almost 3pm here) I'll be married.

Mike and I were talking last night about my oncology stuff and what we'd do if it turned out that the cancer had come back after our marriage. Mainly because I won't be covered by his insurance for the cancer stuff for at least a year...if they cover me at all.

Anyway, should the cancer come back, I've already been told that it is near to impossible to "beat" it again. Which means that I'll be terminal and Mike would be "up a creek" in terms of hospital bills and what not.

On to my question...

Should any of this happen, the course of action suggested to Mike and I from both Lawyers and people who have been there, is for us to get divorced.

However, if we were to divorce, would we still be man and wife according to God?

I mean, could we still live together as Man and Wife...and all that means?

Because I do NOT ever want to divorce him...especially for this...but should I ever have to do so...

Am I stupid?

Kae

 

[RadMan]

I would think that you need the advice of a pastor that is a counselor. This is a very touchy subject.

 

[Studeclunker]

It is so sad that our medical system has become such a monster that this question should even come up. That said, Both you and your intended have some really hard questions to ask each other. For instance (and this is only an example): Rather than go through a long and insanely expensive medical programme that will impoverish the surviving spouse (and likely die anyway), why not put it into the Lord's hands and just allow holistic care only? This sounds harsh till one takes into account that we Christians know what happens after death.

"To die is gain, to live is to serve... Come soon Lord."

All the same though, I agree with Rad.

 

[WildStrawberry]

Thanks guys.

I'm going to talk about it with Pastor...and really, I've been praying and shall continue to do so, that this won't ever be an issue.

It's just one of those "well what if?" questions. Well, that and I have an oncology appointment tomorrow. *G*

Kae

 

[filosofer]

I'll be praying for you.

This is indeed a difficult circumstance. One of our pastor's has a step-son who is on his second go around (five years ago was the first) with melanoma. The regular treatment did not work, so he is on last-ditch treatment. He and his wife were just married 2 years ago - he is in his mid 30's.

 

[BigNorsk]

First the marriage. It's just not a good thing to enter into marriage planning a divorce. In any case, I don't think it's necessary.

Are you covered by insurance now? If you are, the portability laws generally are going to require that you are covered by any new insurance you take out.

First, the question becomes, is your cancer a preexisting condition? Now you probably think of course what a stupid question. But this is not a matter of logic its a matter of law. Under the law, a preexisting condition is one for which you have received medical advice, diagnosis, care, or treatment in the last 6 months. And all those words have been defined legally too, so you can't even assume they mean what you think.

I don't know if a check up to see if the cancer had returned would be considered any of those things. But if you haven't had one of those in the last 6 months, the question would be moot. What I would not do is what a lot of people do and that would be to run in and have all sorts of things done so that your previous insurance covers it.

So you see the questions are a bit involved.

So instead of playing amateur hour, I would suggest calling the office of your State Insurance Commission and asking them. At least there is some chance you may get a correct answer.

And in either case, there is another option, that would be to continue your current coverage, even as you enroll in your spouse's plan. For a practical matter, you wouldn't have to go all 12 months. Let's say 6 months in you have a clean checkup and the doctor says come back in 6 months or a year, I would think you could just as well drop it because you aren't going to discover cancer before the year is up.

Marv

 

[WildStrawberry]

Marv,

Thanks for the great advice.

Mike and I really AREN'T going into this planning a divorce. *G* We WANT to be married forever. It was just one of those "what if" things that really got us thinking. You know?

I currently do not have insurance. I didn't have any when I was going through the cancer. I've been relying on the kindness of the doctor who took me on and said "don't worry about payment. I'll figure something out." and he did. I couldn't get covered by our state medicaid because they said, at the time of my surgery...actually the day after when I was still doped up on morphine and the social worker was asking me questions like "how extensive is the cancer" and "how long do you think you'll be in treatment" or "are you sure you're going to need treatment?" She came in 1/2 an hour after the doctor told me that it was cancer. I had no clue what to answer. So they closed my case. It wasn't until a month later that I found out the cancer had spread to my lymphatic system and that I went from being a stage IIA to a stage IIIC - one step from terminal.

But my case had been closed and no one ever told me that I could appeal it. I had no clue and was in no shape to go looking for answers.

So, long story short (too late!), my cancer is indeed a pre-existing condition. We've spoken with Mike's insurance company and they're going to hold a review after we marry and when I am eligible to sign up.

I am required to have regular visits with the Doc (today is one) every 4 months. It's been 2 years since my last PET Scan that showed I was in the clear. However, the PET scan doesn't always pick up the microscopic cancer bits that could still be floating around in my lymph system. I'll never be "cured" of cancer. But I'll be in remission...Please God...for the rest of my life. Or until the bone cancer starts from all the radiation I had. I swear I glowed after all of that was done. LOL

Thanks again for all your wisdom! And everyone else, thanks for the prayers, wisdom and good thoughts!

Kae

 

[WildStrawberry]

Good news!

Saw the oncologist today and he said that the chances of a "come back" of the cancer has dropped significantly. Said that the numbers are pretty much 10% or lower of it ever coming back. I still have the risk of leukemia because of the radiation and breast cancer because of the chemo they used, but for the most part he says that he doesn't think it will come back.

Of course, there is nothing "usual" about the cancer I have...meaning, usually only older women get it. The median age for this cancer is 65. That's median.

But, praise God! He's brought me this far, He'll get me the rest of the way!

Kae

 

[MarkRohfrietsch]

I will pray for you both.

Just a thought; some theologians regard divorce as a sin (RC Church in particular), because they believe that marriage can not be broken. Even though there has been a civil divorce, they are not free to remarry since they would be committing adultery. RC Church only recognizes annulment, which for various reasons (according to their canon law) was not a valid marriage in the first place. I believe Luther also concluded in light of Scripture that 'there are more that are married than were previously thought' (wording may not be exactly right) in regard to co-habitation with no ceremony. Talk to your Pastor, I pray that it never comes to that.

Mark

 

[seajoy]

Glad to hear your good news, Kae.

I don't mean to even pretend to understand what you have gone through, but in answer to your OP, here is my take on it.

God is bringing you and your fiance together to become husband and wife. He is making you one in Him. Whatever financial devastation that could arise during this time, is not too difficult for God to handle. As an example, my psychiatric, out of pocket bills over the past 20+ years is well over $55,000 dollars.....yet my husband and I have never gone on welfare etc... God has always provided for us. We have struggled a lot, but Jesus has always been there.

Once you are married, God wants you to stay that way. I don't think insurance problems trump God's desire for you to stay married to your spouse. Maybe I'm out of line here, but I don't think so. I think you are asking this question because you don't want to be a burden to your spouse....but your burdens become his. It's part of taking you on as a partner. God will take care of you both as He sees fit.

May you both be together a good long time.

 

[filosofer]

Good news!

Saw the oncologist today and he said that the chances of a "come back" of the cancer has dropped significantly. Said that the numbers are pretty much 10% or lower of it ever coming back. I still have the risk of leukemia because of the radiation and breast cancer because of the chemo they used, but for the most part he says that he doesn't think it will come back.

Of course, there is nothing "usual" about the cancer I have...meaning, usually only older women get it. The median age for this cancer is 65. That's median.

But, praise God! He's brought me this far, He'll get me the rest of the way!

Kae

Praise God!

May He continue to bless you with health as you move forward in your life and with your plans.

 

[QuiltAngel]

Kae,
Don't you just love that cancerhead? NOT! Anyway, I am glad that your checkup was good and that your chances of recurrence has dropped. You said that your doctor has made it work out so far as far as the bills and such, I am sure he will continue to do that until Mike's insurance kicks in for you or even if it should return before that time. He sounds like a wonderful doctor. Thanks be to God.

God has gotten you through this far, trust that He will continue to do so.

 

[WildStrawberry]

Thanks everyone! Your words have been a true balm to my soul in this matter.

Seajoy is right, for the most part I'm thinking of this because I don't want to be a burden on Mike. I know that he'll shoulder it no matter what...I mean we've been together 10 years and haven't killed each other yet...LOL

But I'm really REALLY glad I asked all of you. You've given me MUCH to think about that never occurred to me.

Thanks!

Kae

 

[seajoy]

Seajoy is right

Holy cow! This doesn't happen every day. Wait until I tell my family!!!

 

[cerette]

In reply to the opening post:

Sorry to hear you would even have to think about such a horrible situation. May the Lord give you both strength and courage no matter what happens! And may the Lord bless you with good health for many happy years to come.

About the divorce "option": I would say that is not an option. The Bible is rather clear. I am not stating that this is a simple case meaning there aren't thousands of emotions going on etc etc. But we cannot ignore God's word just because life is hard and difficult and we might end up in deep deep debt.

I can see how --from a lawyer's point of view-- a divorce would be a smart move, but let's remember that we are first of all God's redeemed children, citizens of his heavenly kingdom, and this earthly life is only our temporary and secondary home. With that in mind, a hard life with deep debt and bad health etc is easier to handle and deal with.

Be blessed!

 

[Jim47]

Kae, I'm sorry I did not see this thread before. I will keep you and hubby in my prayers, but I could use a gentle reminder as the old grey matter does't work like it used to.

Marriage is a wonderful thing, enjoy it and let God worry about your health.

As Jesus said:
Mat 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Mat 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

 

[WildStrawberry]

Thanks Jim and Cerette!

I think I do have to clarify something. Mike and I do NOT want to divorce EVER. It was just one of those passing thoughts that wormed its way into the "freaking out" portion of my brain. *G*

And, having thought through what I REALLY wanted to say D) I think what I was trying to ask was, If we ever HAD to divorce because of legal things (such as getting disability to qualify for test studies and experimental things) could we still be considered SPIRITUALLY married. Or rather, married in God's eyes even if the legal system considered us "not married."

Because believe me, I do NOT ignore God's Word as was suggested. God's Word is the be all and end all for Mike and I. I know that God WILL take care of us and will NOT give us more than we can bear or handle.

But there are human emotions here. And human worries...and Jim, I read the Sermon on the Mount over and over when I get too anxious. *G* Helps!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, prayers and advice.

Love ya all!

Kae

 

[Jim47]

Thanks Jim and Cerette!

I think I do have to clarify something. Mike and I do NOT want to divorce EVER. It was just one of those passing thoughts that wormed its way into the "freaking out" portion of my brain. *G*

And, having thought through what I REALLY wanted to say D) I think what I was trying to ask was, If we ever HAD to divorce because of legal things (such as getting disability to qualify for test studies and experimental things) could we still be considered SPIRITUALLY married. Or rather, married in God's eyes even if the legal system considered us "not married."

Because believe me, I do NOT ignore God's Word as was suggested. God's Word is the be all and end all for Mike and I. I know that God WILL take care of us and will NOT give us more than we can bear or handle.

But there are human emotions here. And human worries...and Jim, I read the Sermon on the Mount over and over when I get too anxious. *G* Helps!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, prayers and advice.

Love ya all!

Kae

I knew what you meant all along Kae. and I can certainly understand the anxiety. When things are beyond our control, we still have One who is in able to be our Helper in every need. His eyes are ever on us, for He paid dearly for our redeption.

 

[WildStrawberry]

AMEN and AMEN!

Kae