This is My Story

[MisterW]

Hello all. This is my first time posting on this forum, and I really hope you can help me out. There are some very personal things I would like to address.

I recently moved to a new home about 3 years ago. I was around 13 when we moved, and things were going pretty well for the first two years. Then I became a teenager, and things started to get confusing and difficult.

You see, my mother has been very sick for the past year or so. She's had to have 2 surgeries last year, and this summer, she needs another one. She's currently sick with some sort of sinus infection, so she may have to put the surgery on hold, which is not a good thing. I have prayed a lot for my mom in school and at home, but she doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm of course not mad or upset with God, I just wish she would get better soon. But there is another side of my story.

Let me start out by telling you my name. My names Mike and I am currently 16 years old. I go to a Catholic School, and I love it there. However, I have one major flaw..I'm addicted to pornography and masturbation as a whole. I've been trying to quit for over 2 years now, but I just can't seem to do it. It's horrible. I feel as if I am betraying myself and my God, whom I love dearly. I just find it so difficult to stop because of all the temptations and the society that we live in today. Some weeks are better then others, but its gotten to the point where I just can't stand it anymore. I'm so frustrated. But theres more to my story. Throughout this entire year, I feel as if God was giving me some sort of sign. A terrible sign. A sign that I may one day become sick with the disease ALS. I've been terrified for over a year and a half now. It seems as if wherever I go, I see those letters or I hear about someone who has had the disease. I've prayed to God to keep my family and I healthy and happy. Yesterday night I prayed to Saint Theresa for help as well. I soon became desperate as the days went on, and so I asked God to spare me and my family if he WAS indeed giving me some sort of sign. I had told him that I would give up my addiction to Pornography and Masturbation if my family and I could remain healthy and happy. Have I stuck to my promise? Of course not. As I said before, I've tried and tried to stop, but I just can't. Its overwhelming. And I'm too afraid to talk to my parents about it because I know they'll kill me if i ever told them I was like this. They still think I'm the innocent little kid they raised. I feel awful, and worst of all, I feel despair and shame...

All I have ever asked for in my prayers was good health for my family and I. Thats the most important thing in my life to me. I don't need a fancy car, a big house, or any material possessions. All I need in my life is my family and my health. I pray that my life will be long and filled with beautiful memories along the way.

Through making this thread, I really hope that I can get some insight into my problem really is, and how I can become a better person. I want to be able to go back to the way I was, before all of this happened to my family and I. I greatly appreciate any help that you can give to me. Thank you so much.

-Mike

(I tried to post this thread under one of the sections about pornography and other things like that, but it said that I wasn't permitted. I posted it here, I hope its ok.)

 

[Robin Shawn]

Hello Mike.

Sexual sin is particularly difficult to deal with because it is against our own bodies, and it abuses the way that God brings us into being. It says in Romans chapter one that God gives us over to our lusts, but if you seek Him with all your heart, mind, and being, He will make a way for you to be free from your addiction. Mind you, He won't do everything for you, but will help you. Ask Him to make it possible for you to hate your sin as He does.

It can be a very long battle. I had the addiction for about 26 years. It wasn't until I became ill that I wanted to be free from the addiction, about 10 years into it; and it wasn't until much later that I began to seek God, and He began to work on my heart and my conscious.

Today, I am free from my addiction, with God's help. He will do the same for you, too, if you seek Him: He will bring you to a point where you are able to quit and live a healthy life. It may take some time, but it will happen.

Pray a lot.

I will pray for you, too.

God bless you.

Shawn

 

[sylvianlight]

Keep praying but also delete any porn on your computer, try not to be in your room alone too much (leave the door open). maybe even install a filter to block porn websites (k9)

also i know a problem for me is that if i am exposed to suggestive images over the course of a day, i have more urges than normal. I suggest avoiding these types of images. the Bible says flee from evil. If something suggestive is shown, close it immediately, turn the channel, look away. you cannot flirt with evil and expect to also expect to avoid it. there is no switch. you either sin or don't sin.

i struggle with this too but seem to be defeating it. you have to ask yourself what's more important, a short bit of fun or a clear conscience for the rest of your days. it's obvious to me which is better.

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry that you struggle with this, brother, it is a very common problem and a very hard one to deal with.
I agree, the most important thing is to filter your computer... if you use K9, which is good, get someone else to set the password.
Remember, God loves you. When you fall, He forgives you as soon as you repent... even if it's the thousandth time! That doesn't mean it's ok to sin, but it does mean that you shouldn't beat yourself up with it!
What helped me most was having an accountability partner.. knowing that someone is going to ask you whether you have fallen is quite a strong incentive not to!
You might like to look at the men's section here, there is a forum specifically dealing with this issue, and you'll probably find help and support from a lot of people who have or have had the same problem.
Praying for you.