This Is My Fireproof Thread

[His Wife]

What did you get out of fireproof that made you a better wife?

Out of watching the movie, I got that a wife apologizing for her own faults is vital if she expects her husband to apologize for his. And no, I didn't get this from what was in the movie, but rather from what was not in the movie, and that was any apology on behalf of the wife.

And by apology I mean the words, "I was wrong and I am sorry." Those words were given to her by her husband, and they were deserved. He needed to apologize. But, when the time came for her to apologize to him(and I believe he deserved an apology as well), it was dodged and the actual words weren't spoken. I don't like it when my husband dodges an apology. It makes it seem like he knows he did wrong, but refuses to own it. The wife at the end of Fireproof dodged the apology her husband deserved, and I have learned that my need for an apology from my husband is no greater than his need of it from me.

 

[mkgal1]

No rebuttal

I just dont understand how the perfectly fine rehash of pretty basic good advice in the second half of the post has anything to do with the thread

I think it applies, because just as a few other people have pointed out....it may be something the movie didn't quite emphasize enough....it takes two to have the ".......and they lived happily ever after."

 

[McScribe]

Out of watching the movie, I got that a wife apologizing for her own faults is vital if she expects her husband to apologize for his. And no, I didn't get this from what was in the movie, but rather from what was not in the movie, and that was any apology on behalf of the wife.

And by apology I mean the words, "I was wrong and I am sorry." Those words were given to her by her husband, and they were deserved. He needed to apologize. But, when the time came for her to apologize to him(and I believe he deserved an apology as well), it was dodged and the actual words weren't spoken. I don't like it when my husband dodges an apology. It makes it seem like he knows he did wrong, but refuses to own it. The wife at the end of Fireproof dodged the apology her husband deserved, and I have learned that my need for an apology from my husband is no greater than his need of it from me.

And this at heart is what is behind the complaints about the movie, and really this is all that is wanted. This is a good example of what mutual accountability looks like.

 

[I Art Laughing]

As a devoted Christian wife, it is my responsibility to pray for my husband that the LORD would be merciful to him and cut off anything in his life that is causing him to sin.

Which raises a question? You know how the Bible says the husband is THE HEAD? Suppose his "extracurricular activity" is causing his wife to stumble? Perhaps there are times when divorce becomes a necessary surgery?

I don't disagree with this at all. It is an excellent post in my opinion. However it doesn't (nor have any of the other posts I've read) address the motive of the wife. Is she committed? Yes or No? In some extreme cases I'm very sure (I've seen some) that the Lord will tell a woman to leave the man. But that isn't what I am talking about here.

When a person decides that they are committed unless *blank* happens it's no commitment at all. The big thing missing here is LOVE. Love seeks not its own. If a wife loves her husband she is NOT seeking anything in return. If she is bringing an expectation IT IS NOT LOVE.

Dress it up however else you want it, but that is all you are doing. Women know when their husbands don't love them and it creates insecurity that the enemy feeds on. Men know when their wives don't love them (and sometimes don't recognize it when they do) and it creates the same kind of insecurities.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
(1Co 13:4-8)

Is it really love or isn't it?

 

[I Art Laughing]

So let me get this straight?
Men do that and still have to battle this 'feminism' crap, selfish actions by some wives, what he/she/other party said or stuff(that hell on earth for a man)? OK..

What does a wife do than?

My point is this... I love my wife like Christ love the church so a lot of stuff women want these days are almost automatic with me. With that being said, I don't like 'false' crap and these unfair and unjust laws of the world that we live in. This 'feminism' sounds more and more like one woman's selfish agenda for woman kind.

That isn't love Tannic. She can be the worst wife imaginable and she still deserves a Godly husband who washes her feet (serves her in her walk).

We OWE are wife's the best husband we can be because Jesus died for them and she doesn't have to earn it. That is the commitment I'm talking about.

 

[Romanseight2005]

It was her choice to marry him. She should have went to God before getting married(plain and simple). Sad how divorce is supposedly gaining ground here.

Are you kidding me? How about, he should have been honest about his inabilioty to be sexually faithful, BEFORE marriage. How about, he shouldn't vow to forsake all others, if he knows he can't do it. When people are dishonest how in the heck is their spouse supposed to know who they are marrying at all?

 

[Tannic]

Are you kidding me? How about, he should have been honest about his inabilioty to be sexually faithful, BEFORE marriage. How about, he shouldn't vow to forsake all others, if he knows he can't do it. When people are dishonest how in the heck is their spouse supposed to know who they are marrying at all?

background check? Do the required homework? Ask questions?

 

[Conservativation]

Thats right he knew darn well he was gonna fail.

He shoulda told her

 

[Tannic]

That isn't love Tannic. She can be the worst wife imaginable and she still deserves a Godly husband who washes her feet (serves her in her walk).

We OWE are wife's the best husband we can be because Jesus died for them and she doesn't have to earn it. That is the commitment I'm talking about.

When did I say 'earn' anything? And what isn't love?

 

[JaneFW]

background check? Do the required homework? Ask questions?

oh c'mon Tannic. Who asks their future spouse whether they are addicted to porn? It doeesn't even cross most people's minds. Besides that, addicts are ashamed of their addiction (whatever it may be). The addiction hides in the darkness. It is not easy to expose it to light. It takes God for that. And how do you do homework on a prospective spouse? Hire a private detective?

Look, I agree that nobody should foolishly leap into marriage, but it's not possible to uncover everything that is hidden.

 

[I Art Laughing]

Out of watching the movie, I got that a wife apologizing for her own faults is vital if she expects her husband to apologize for his. And no, I didn't get this from what was in the movie, but rather from what was not in the movie, and that was any apology on behalf of the wife.

And by apology I mean the words, "I was wrong and I am sorry." Those words were given to her by her husband, and they were deserved. He needed to apologize. But, when the time came for her to apologize to him(and I believe he deserved an apology as well), it was dodged and the actual words weren't spoken. I don't like it when my husband dodges an apology. It makes it seem like he knows he did wrong, but refuses to own it. The wife at the end of Fireproof dodged the apology her husband deserved, and I have learned that my need for an apology from my husband is no greater than his need of it from me.

Another excellent post. Very observant too. Thanks for sharing this.

 

[JaneFW]

Yes, but unless the movie was written for you, Luther has a point.

I never said it was written for me. Again - it's written for people (imo) who have that specific dynamic. If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't. End of.

 

[Tannic]

oh c'mon Tannic. Who asks their future spouse whether they are addicted to porn? It would never have even crossed my mind. Besides that, addicts are ashamed of their addiction (whatever it may be). The addiction hides in the darkness. It is not easy to expose it to light. It takes God for that. And how do you do homework on a prospective spouse? Hire a private detective?

Look, I agree that nobody should foolishly leap into marriage, but it's not possible to uncover everything that is hidden.

yea who asks? You ask, you'll receive an answer.

Expose to light takes God for that... yep... seek and ye shall find.

Homework: study them, don't need a private detective for that. Remember this is who walking down the aisle and saying 'I do'

 

[c1ners]

Sometimes we don't know what's going to happen five or ten years down the road Tannic. No amount of pre-marriage counseling or questions are going to prepare us for things we just have no clue about. Also, sometimes a person may think they'd act one way, but when it came to actually living out the problem, they had a different objective.

I guess what I'm saying is that the anwers won't always be the same until a couple have actually lived through the ordeal. It's hard for a wife when her husband starts viewing porn. Before marriage she might not think it a big deal, but when he actually does it, she feels hurt and angry. Very much different then what she said she would in the beginning.

Marriage is an ever changing scenery. Always. And "both" the wife and husband have to work constantly at making it work. Without "both" of them working at it, the marriage will either fail or be completely miserable.

 

[JaneFW]

yea who asks? You ask, you'll receive an answer.

Expose to light takes God for that... yep... seek and ye shall find.

Homework: study them, don't need a private detective for that. Remember this is who walking down the aisle and saying 'I do'

Tannic, I would never have imagined having to ask that question. In my case, my future spouse made himself out to be a man who was not interested in "anything like that" ie. porn, anything kinky etc. He lied. Anyone can lie. People quite frequently do.

I don't see how you can truly study a person you don't live with. Of course they put on their best face when dating.

 

[Tannic]

Sometimes we don't know what's going to happen five or ten years down the road Tannic. No amount of pre-marriage counseling or questions are going to prepare us for things we just have no clue about. Also, sometimes a person may think they'd act one way, but when it came to actually living out the problem, they had a different objective.

I guess what I'm saying is that the anwers won't always be the same until a couple have actually lived through the ordeal. It's hard for a wife when her husband starts viewing porn. Before marriage she might not think it a big deal, but when he actually does it, she feels hurt and angry. Very much different then what she said she would in the beginning.

Marriage is an ever changing scenery. Always. And "both" the wife and husband have to work constantly at making it work. Without "both" of them working at it, the marriage will either fail or be completely miserable.

completely agree with you ... never know five to ten years down the road. But before marrying... can the other party find this information?

 

[Conservativation]

But romans just said that he should have told her he couldnt keep his commitment. She seems to think people know in advance

 

[Tannic]

Tannic, I would never have imagined having to ask that question. In my case, my future spouse made himself out to be a man who was not interested in "anything like that" ie. porn, anything kinky etc. He lied. Anyone can lie. People quite frequently do.

I don't see how you can truly study a person you don't live with. Of course they put on their best face when dating.

watch them? literally it's really that simple. You'll learn quite a bit by just watching them.

 

[JaneFW]

But romans just said that he should have told her he couldnt keep his commitment. She seems to think people know in advance

Cons, if people were 100% honest, they would say to the person they are involved with that they have a problem and they will need a lot of patience and understanding. They would reveal all with absolute honesty. Yeah, I'm sure in heaven that will be true. On earth - not so much. Who actually reveals themselves entirely all the time? I mean, wearing your heart on your sleeve (I'm not afraid, say what I mean, mean what I say etc. lol - singing a song moment) is all very well, but it can be very dangerous and most people do not do it on a regular basis. Would most people in a dating relationship do it? I doubt it very much.

Perhaps someone can contradict me by testifying that their future spouse gave them full disclosure of a problem that emerged later in marriage? Someone? Anyone?

I doubt it. Most people with marital problems here were blindsided. Are we all stupid, or was it just hidden until the point it was discovered?

 

[JaneFW]

watch them? literally it's really that simple. You'll learn quite a bit by just watching them.

Well I watched my husband - but I never saw him using porn until several years into our marriage.

These actions are hidden, tannic. The person is ashamed of them.

Similarly, I hid my addiction to alcohol. How would he have known it when around him I acted very decorously, never having more than 2 glasses, and sometimes I even refilled the bottle with water so he wouldn't know how much I had drunk. This is what people with addictions do.