This is making me queasy lol

[Neostarwcc]

9 years ago I received a wonderful promise from God. A promise that I would one day have a baby. I kid you not and I wish I were making it up sometimes. Now? I've got this OVERBEARING feeling that that promise is finally not only close, not only being fulfilled but that its finally after all this time, all this waiting, all this praying, all this faith, all this hope, finally here. The feeling started around my vision changes and has been growing stronger every day. Now? Im exploding with this feeling with this joy, with this queasiness, with this fear, because what ive been waiting for all of this time might finally become a reality. Tomorrow morning? I will know for sure because my wife will take a pregnancy test but as of today she is on day 31 of her period and she hasn't gotten one yet, she is experiencing mild cramps where she has never experienced cramps on an upcoming period before which to me is a powerful sign and all of the signs are starting to point towards after all of this time, after nearly 40 years of being alive im going to be a father. And not just a father one of the greatest fathers who have ever existed. And if it turns out she is not pregnant afterall? Than it doesnt mean Gods promise has failed it just means his perfect timing isnt being fulfilled quite yet and i accept that. Anyway, let us pray together. Pray that if its within Gods will that Gods promise be fulfilled now, that i be the amazing father that I want to be. That God equip me for all of it. Because I am still terrified of holding my baby. Especially during the first two weeks of its life and it cant support its own head. I dont want to hurt my own child and... im terrified I will. I want God to take this anxiety away from me. I want to hold my child, laugh with my child, be the best father I can be and be the father that I wasnt the uncle to to my nieces... forever.

Sorry for making a separate thread about this but my last thread was getting a little long, and this is a completely new and completely separate topic.

 

[Neostarwcc]

It was negative but it may be too early for the test to tell but im not quite giving up yet and im ok with this result lol. But umm if she doesnt get it in a few days we can test again definitely and if its still negative she can go to a doctor and that will tell us once and for all. We are using dollar tests after all.

 

[Neostarwcc]

She got her period finally. We can breathe again. But I feel FREE and am only half devastated. I've had nearly three weeks of endless trials from God. Right now? I'm exhausted I shared with my wife that I want a break from all of these signs and miracles from God and I want him to just be done with me for a while.

I told my wife when she's fertile again in 2 weeks we can try again but right now? I want and deserve a break. My vision is like a few days from finishing and I'm praying for no more trials from God. No more signs, no more workings of the Holy Spirit. Just... give me a two week break so I can enjoy being with my wife. Its been a quick 3 weeks? but it's also been a very trying, very testing, very tiring 3 weeks and I need a break before I go insane....

 

[JacquelineDeane55]

I don't mean to be rude, but I am having trouble understanding what you are saying. There is a lot of emotion in your posts. Is English not your first language?

 

[Neostarwcc]

I don't mean to be rude, but I am having trouble understanding what you are saying. There is a lot of emotion in your posts. Is English not your first language?

English is my first language and the only language I know but I am autistic. Maybe thats why? Autism kind of runs in my family. My sister and nieces have it too. Otherwise I don't know why I struggle with speech you're not the first person to bring this up.

 

[DragonFox91]

I'd like to hear a 'yes.' You sound like you'd be a great father. It could be soon. There is no rush

 

[Neostarwcc]

I'd like to hear a 'yes.' You sound like you'd be a great father. It could be soon. There is no rush

There will be a yes someday not only can I feel jt? I know. Whether we have a child biologically or one day we adopt a foster child after my wife goes into menopause one day I will be a father. But, I believe that God promised me a biological child all those years ago. I could ne wrong obviously but, I doubt it. It was just so weird, I prayed for a child and poured my heart out to God and then God answered in the most amazing way possible. Id share the details with the world but I dont want people calling me crazy. Especially when God has touched my life so much...

But you know what? Im going to share everything with my child. Everything. I dont care if they dont believe me ir if they turn away from God because they'll remember how God has touched my life. They'll remember me and that is precious.

 

[JacquelineDeane55]

Well, I am Autistic too, I am High functioning but I don't seem have trouble speaking or texting. *shrugs*

 

[Michie]

There will be a yes someday not only can I feel jt? I know. Whether we have a child biologically or one day we adopt a foster child after my wife goes into menopause one day I will be a father. But, I believe that God promised me a biological child all those years ago. I could ne wrong obviously but, I doubt it. It was just so weird, I prayed for a child and poured my heart out to God and then God answered in the most amazing way possible. Id share the details with the world but I dont want people calling me crazy. Especially when God has touched my life so much...

But you know what? Im going to share everything with my child. Everything. I dont care if they dont believe me ir if they turn away from God because they'll remember how God has touched my life. They'll remember me and that is precious.

Continued prayers!

 

[William J]

I pray that God would grant you a child and enable you to be a really good father. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Well, I am Autistic too, I am High functioning but I don't seem have trouble speaking or texting. *shrugs*

Really? Weird. I also never really learned in school where commas go because I never went to mainstream school so I don't use them. I had learning disabilities and kind of an attitude problem that all teenagers have. I did graduate high school but I graduated with a GED maybe that has something to do with it? I've also been out of school since 2004 and never continued my education. But my verbal English is just as bad so you're not the first person to tell me this. My wife also has said my grammar is poor and sometimes incomprehensible.

 

[JacquelineDeane55]

I'm sorry I said anything.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I had a dream which is kinda weird and followed other dreams I got. Especially one where last week a veiled voice told me I was going to have a baby and it was going to be very very soon.

Well this time there weren't words but I could make out the meaning of it. I was taking care of a little girl... our little girl... And she was watching tv... and she was enjoying watching the commercials and learning watching what on the the commercials and was repeating back what was there and then she was like "I want to put in my dvd in! Nobody has ever heard it until the very end!" And I cant say the ending of my dream because it violates forum rules. And thats when I woke up... we're going to have a girl! We'll at least I take this vision/dream to mean such anyway just considering the visions ive been getting from God lately and the fact that my dreams have been totally black and I've been getting knocked unconscious everytime I sleep for the past like 20 years...

 

[Neostarwcc]

I'm sorry I said anything.

Its ok I understand, you had difficulty understanding what I was saying likely from the lack of commas too. If they invented an app or something to tablets like "comma or period or exclamation point checker" that would be a fantastic invention...

But yeah being autistic and being special ed for my entire schooling and being In a GED class in high-school probably did not help with my ability to communicate. It certainly did not help my handwriting you should see it. My handwriting improved from I was 4 years old but it is TERRIBLE!!! It looks like a 4 year olds handwriting and my cursive is even worse.

 

[linux.poet]

Gracious Heavenly Father,
I pray for wisdom and discernment for Neostar as regards this dream.
In Christ’s Name,
Amen