Christian Forums family:
This time I'm back for good. I'm finally on the road to graduation and I have more time to spend on the forums. I am, however, experiencing a kind of "grieving" that may be somewhat different from the other kinds that are on this forum:
This past year I did everything in my power to be a good student. The only bad part is that a lot of things that were supposed to be priority took a back seat. I never really got the hang of combining spirituality with my academic life, so the latter took over. Moreover, I've come out of what I'd call a "backslidden" state. For about two years I was deceived into thinking that God didn't accept certain areas of my life that I was devoting wholeheartedly to Him (i.e., prayer, worship, etc.) and as a result I experienced a great deal of grief, stopped all of the aforementioned "actions" and fell off hard. Soon afterwards, I realized that what I believed wasn't the truth and spent a great deal of time trying to continue with my spiritual life like nothing happened, but I could never get back on track the way I wanted to and knew I should have been. I've recently come to identify the true cause of my "falling away", so to speak (I thought that God didn't accept my personal "sacrifices" and thus tried to act, pray, and do things like other people). I've repented and all, but I still feel myself experiencing a lot of grieving because I was so strong spiritually at one point and time and now I'm at a level that is so low. I'm upset with myself because I let something like this happen and find it difficult to continue with something like this in the back of my mind.......what I really need more than ever is prayer support because I REALLY want to just be on fire for God more than I've ever been before.....but at the same time I feel like I may need to properly heal from this..... I don't know what to call it.
This time I'm back for good. I'm finally on the road to graduation and I have more time to spend on the forums. I am, however, experiencing a kind of "grieving" that may be somewhat different from the other kinds that are on this forum:
This past year I did everything in my power to be a good student. The only bad part is that a lot of things that were supposed to be priority took a back seat. I never really got the hang of combining spirituality with my academic life, so the latter took over. Moreover, I've come out of what I'd call a "backslidden" state. For about two years I was deceived into thinking that God didn't accept certain areas of my life that I was devoting wholeheartedly to Him (i.e., prayer, worship, etc.) and as a result I experienced a great deal of grief, stopped all of the aforementioned "actions" and fell off hard. Soon afterwards, I realized that what I believed wasn't the truth and spent a great deal of time trying to continue with my spiritual life like nothing happened, but I could never get back on track the way I wanted to and knew I should have been. I've recently come to identify the true cause of my "falling away", so to speak (I thought that God didn't accept my personal "sacrifices" and thus tried to act, pray, and do things like other people). I've repented and all, but I still feel myself experiencing a lot of grieving because I was so strong spiritually at one point and time and now I'm at a level that is so low. I'm upset with myself because I let something like this happen and find it difficult to continue with something like this in the back of my mind.......what I really need more than ever is prayer support because I REALLY want to just be on fire for God more than I've ever been before.....but at the same time I feel like I may need to properly heal from this..... I don't know what to call it.
