Thinking of leaving Orthodoxy

[ChirpChirp]

Hey all, I haven't posted in a while.

As the title says I am considering leaving Orthodoxy. For a while now I've realised that I don't come back form church feeling fulfilled like I used to but I've been trying to push that to the back of my mind. I've also posted a few questions here to try and sort out my thoughts. But the truth of the matter is it hasn't really helped and today I reached that moment where it dawns on me that "hey, I just don't feel part of Orthodoxy".

In the past I used to be quite involved with the church, mainly through the choir and contributing to the odd reading (this was in my early to late teens, I am 21 now) but I was pushed away from that with silly excuses like my "English accent" while I speak Romanian.

Then as I grew up I realised I don't agree with a lot of the views held within the Orthodox church. For example, I don't think it is a woman's duty to withstand beatings by her husband as was taught to us in church. When my mother asked one of the priests to pray for my father who had a problem with drink at the time, she was told that if she ever mentions anything about her husband again she will not be allowed back into the church. Another lady was told that if she doesn't stop taking (non-abortive) contraception to avoid a third cesarean section she will not be allowed have Communion. I don't believe that women should be banned from the church after having a baby until they are churched. I don't even believe women shouldn't be priests. It seems Orthodoxy is geared towards men and men alone.

Today, I hoped to receive Communion but Murphy's Law I got my period just a few minutes before going up. I faced the embarrassment of going up in front of three men and begging to please be allowed have communion only to be cut off with a definitive "No" before I could explain that I have to get three buses on the way in and another three buses on the way back and will therefore not be able to come in for Easter to try and have Communion again as there is no public transport on the day. I then had to walk away in shame in front of the whole church. I tried sitting through the sermon but for a long time the priest spoke about the importance of Communion to those who receive it and I couldn't take it any longer I went into the bathroom and cried.

All this because I have a normal functioning body which is supposed to menstruate once a month....am I supposed to wish for an unhealthy body?

I don't know what other branch of Christianity I would join, the only other branch I know well is Catholicism and I don't think I would feel comfortable there either.

I don't even know why I'm posting this....I guess I am so disappointed and disillusioned that I want somebody to tell me it's ok. I want to keep serving God but I don't know how when I don't even feel comfortable in church.

 

[InnerPhyre]

Have you considered finding a different Orthodox parish? It sounds like there are some very strange things happening at your parish that are not indicative of Orthodoxy as a whole. It sounds like it's difficult logistically for you to get to church as it is, so that may not be an option. I have never personally encountered any Orthodox priest who told women to allow their husbands to beat them or inquired as to whether a woman was on her period.

 

[GoingByzantine]

What kind of weird parish do you go to? (no offense)

It just sounds very odd to me how much hate there seems to be toward women. Also have you tried getting your bishop involved?

 

[ChirpChirp]

Hey InnerPhyre, there are three Romanian Orthodox churches I could go to, one I do not even enter anymore. That was the church that basically said men can do whatever they like and it's their wife's duty to put up with it. I kinda swing between the other two, my Confessor is in one of them and I tend to go there most (he is an amazing man that doesn't have any of those views, it was another priest who told me I am not allowed Communion today). What happens in Romanian Orthodox churches is that women are not even meant to enter the church while they are on their period. Maybe it's different in America. I knew my Confessor however would have allowed me to receive Communion, but since he was not there today I felt it would be dishonest not to ask the other priest since I was pretty sure he would tell me it was wrong to receive, so I went ahead and asked.

 

[buzuxi02]

Are you sure your talking about Orthodoxy? I myself am familiar and have attended 3 parishes which I consider home. These are some of the largest in the country, I have family that attend all three and never heard what your taking about.

How would they know you got your period? Is there some menstrual detector they use?

 

[ChirpChirp]

Lol at the thought of a menstrual detector!!! See my second post buzuxi

 

[GoingByzantine]

ChirpChirp, where country do you live in?

 

[ChirpChirp]

I live in Ireland but I'm Romanian (no Irish Orthodox churches!)

 

[Columba7]

Greetings, ChirpChirp.

Lord have mercy! My heart breaks for you hearing about the things you have experienced. As others have pointed out, the archaic attitudes you have seen in some priests is not characteristic of true Orthodoxy. I am not certain what I would do in your situation, and I make no judgments as I would likely have never converted to Orthodoxy if not for the wonderful Antiochian parish that I found. However, I encourage you to do what you think is right and true no matter how difficult it might be. I don't know what part of Ireland you are in, but you might be able to find more friendly Orthodox parishes through the Antiochian Orthodox Deanery of Ireland and the British Isles.

You might also search Orthodox parishes in your area on Google Maps. Doing a quick search here is what I found:

Russian Orthodox parishes in Galway, Portlaoise, Waterford, Cork, and Dublin

Greek parish in Dublin

 

[buzuxi02]

There are 3 romanian parishes? How did romanians end up in ireland?

 

[ArmyMatt]

yeah, that is very odd. that does not sound like any Orthodox parish I have been to. are there any close by non Romanian parishes you can get to? sounds like your issue is with that parish (not that I blame you), and not Orthodoxy itself.

Lord have mercy!

 

[Knee V]

Nvm, lest my post be non-beneficial. All that is needed to be said has been said by others.

 

[Cappadocious]

Chirp Chirp,

Women are not ritually unclean during their periods. Contraception is not forbidden by the Church. Men cannot treat women like inferior beings, or abuse them. Women do not have a duty to withstand beatings or any other form of abuse.

You are right to reject these horrible superstitions. If God is just, he wouldn't want you to accept evil superstitions as true. These abusive practices are not Christian, or Orthodox Christian. They're superstitious cultural beliefs which have nothing to do with Christianity.

 

[GoingByzantine]

I have no right to tell you what to do, as I myself am not even Eastern Orthodox, but I would seek a new Orthodox Church of another hierarchy. There are also Russian and Antiochian Orthodox Churches in Ireland, and from what I have been told, a thriving Byzantine Catholic community as well. (You would have to ask Anhelyna about that )

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

How did a bunch of Serbs and Greeks end up in Fresno? Dude, immigration can get weird!

There are 3 romanian parishes? How did romanians end up in ireland?

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I've head the menstrual thing before. There are things in Orthodoxy I don't like. I don't like the way some Orthodox like the Russians like to force people to go to Confession EVERY single Saturday before Sunday Liturgy. It seems legalistic and strange as well as arbitrary as heck. I don't like the segregating men and women into different sides of the church or the forcing of the head scarf on women either. I think Orthodoxy has some strange quirks in some places. I thank God that I entered into Orthodoxy with a moderate Serbian priest who is a passionate fan of Father Alexander Schmemman rather than some extremist type or a hardcore.

If priests said "no" to my wife over her period, I'd never darken the door of that nutty place again so long as I lived! Totally ungodly and plain stupid if you ask me.

 

[Philothei]

Chirp Chirp Hi

Is there a woman who can be your mentor in your area and she is orthdoox? or a different parish? If people make fun of your accent whatever it is then they are immature, childish and shallow... period.

If men decide who is going up for communion and etc. then it is not the right church for you...But hang in there that is NOT EO church's problem but your local parish you attend.... They are messed up with lots of issues and IMHO you need to contact your Archdiocese to let them know that they preach that women should be silent under abuse; that you are mistreated etc. Instead of running off you need to report all these issues and they need to be dialed with....

The fact you live in Ireland and it is a small place contributes to the problem I think...Do not lose your courage even if you cannot go to that parish try another denomination like Serbian or even Greek or Russian one of theses parishes they should be better for you.

 

[buzuxi02]

I never heard of the things described in the OP. Withstand beatings? Its one of the sins that Orthodoxy allows divorce for. Women banned from church????

All I know is in the past week the devil has sent provocations into this forum. Strange and bizarre posts during Lent that are incoherent. . First we had some newbie impersonating a black feminist who attend(ed) a russian parish for over 2 decades but just realized she doesnt like russian xenophobia and the fact that Orthodoxy doesn't embrace the modernist culture of the 21st century elites. Another thread saying that Christ's teaching of 'turning the other cheek' will get him killed in the part of the world he lives in, but that has all changed now that he knows karate and he must reject that teaching. Nowwe have this post which sounds like its out of the twilight zone. What the heck is going on here?

 

[buzuxi02]

How did a bunch of Serbs and Greeks end up in Fresno? Dude, immigration can get weird!

Matthew 19:21:
Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.


Ok, Granted the above verse is NOT the reason a bunch of Serbs and Greeks are in Fresno. In fact i can say with quite certainty that its the exact opposite, instead of following the Almighty God to Fresno they followed the Almighty dollar.

Now I never considered Ireland a destination for immigrants. Perhaps that pint of stout Guiness is something to seek after!

 

[Anhelyna]

Buzuxi

Ireland a destination for Immigrants ? You bet it is . We have a normal Sunday attendance for our Ukrainians in Dublin of anything up to 200 ! We reckon we had over 400 yesterday - just judging from the Communion line [ and many didn't Commune because they were waiting for Confession ] We will possibly get to 1000 for Pascha - and these are mainly Ukrainians [ we apart from a few folk like me ]

In the RC Archdiocese there are Latvians , Lituanians , Nigerians, oh plenty of Italians etc etc - I think every nationality is included .

As for the others - you name it and they are there - Russian Orthodox etc etc. They may not be on your doorstep - but they are there.