Thinking Divorce

[confused2007]

Been married six years and thinking about divorce. My husband works a lot of hours (management). Recently, I found out he could cut a couple of things to work less and that he spends some extended lunch hours playing pool. It upsets me. He seems to withold these things from me. We have a young child that he could be spending more time with. I feel like he just doesn't want to be around us anymore. And frankly, I don't care anymore. Maybe he just wants to be single. The way he talks to me is abrasive. Don't know what to do.

Is it unreasonable to think a husband shouldn't work 72 hours a week?

 

[confused2007]

So we had a huge argument and I think it's over. Does anyone know how I go about getting a divorce when a young child is involved?

 

[BrBob]

I don't think you are going to get the answer you are looking for here. You see, divorce is something that we try to avoid as much as possible.

We believe that the Bible gives only one valid reason for divorce, adultery. We don't condemn someone who has gone through a divorce for another reason because it is a done-deal but we will shy away from helping a person manage a divorce for most other reasons.

Terrible arguments are just that, terrible. They can, though, be dealt with through counseling usually.

I encourage you to find some counseling, even if your husband won't go with you, find some for yourself.

God Bless
Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[IKTCA]

I agree with Brother Bob. Jesus allowed divorce over adultery, but nothing else. We are not to be legalistic, but need to pay much attention to that.

One of my wife's coworkers was married twice and divorced twice. What she said has much wisdom:, "Had I known about marriage as much as I now know, I would have stayed with the first husband." The divorce was not for adultery.

Rupert

 

[ozbloke]

Hi Br Bob,

We believe that the Bible gives only one valid reason for divorce, adultery. We don't condemn someone who has gone through a divorce for another reason because it is a done-deal but we will shy away from helping a person manage a divorce for most other reasons.

While I take the point, can I ask your opinion - splitting hairs here. - I assume that you are referring to Matt 19:8 "And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful."

In an earlier verse, (v4) it says "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together"

My question is, do you see V4 as saying marriages should not be broken by divorce, or those married should not live apart?

If you get to a point where you feel like it absolutely isnt going to work, is living apart, but remaining married, an option in your view?

Thanks

 

[BrBob]

OK, I'm going out on a limb here. I believe that if two people are married and cannot live together then they need to work harder on their marriage and surrender further to God. Why? The character of God is such that if we follow Him the way He wants us to, we will be able to get along. We are commanded to love one another. We are commanded as men to love our wives as Christ loves the church, giving our lives for them. Wives are commanded to honor their husbands and love them. By choosing to stay living apart as a married couple, well it is being disobedient. If we can't do what we are commanded by God to do then we are somehow lacking.

Now, here is the going out on a limb part. A person who is abusive to a spouse has broken the marriage covenant. He/she is guilty of disobedience to God in the marriage. In the real world I can see a reason for divorce here, for the protection of the abused spouse. God does not want us to live in a situation that unnecessarily endangers us physically and an abusive situation is just that. I believe that somehow, in a situation like this, a technically adulterous situation has arisen. It may not be a physical adultery but the heart of the abuser has gone to someone or something else.

I hope I've not confused things

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[bluesunman]

Hi,

It sounds like your in a bit of a pickle. Your husband is a lucky guy. Why do you ask, well for starters he has a spouse that felt compelled to search out advice from fellow christians, and thats very good. I have been divorced, and am on the verge of another. I have 3 kids all under the age of 8. I have made many mistakes in my life, and have fell very far in this fallen world, but luckily I was saved. Your in a very sticky mess right now. There are many regulations in different states and countries. If your serious about investigating the divorce ave, just google it in your area, country, etc. You can talk to a lawyer for free in most instances.

I agree though with the previous posters. Divorce should be the last resort. Your husband is cheating in a way, and its with his work, or outside activities. That in a nutshell sucks.

Approaching this with a firm stance is needed. Do you and your husband communicate daily? Is it the kind of talk that is mindless, like blah blah, how was your day, etc. or is it meaningful? Im not dismissing mindless dribble because whats dribble to one is meaningful to another and vise versa, but I beleive that communication is the key.

People are different. Period. Is your husband a religious man? Does he have the fear of the Lord in him?

Do you?

I can tell you that I always think back about my first wife. I was your husband. I pushed my wife away with outside influences, and work, all for the lust of another woman. LUST, is a killer.

Your husband is either a commited worker or is pushing you away on purpose. Counseling is a great idea. A joint session, and then seperate, this will give a good base line for the counselor to start with.

I hope the best for you and your child, and pray for your husband. No matter how mad you get, always pray.

Worry about nothing, Pray about everything.