Think I'll sit down here for a bit... (8)

Oh I am sure it will start snowing just in time for my DH to begin his 100 mile roundtrip commute again!

Oh man- it's snowing already! Just read one of my FB friend's (who lives nearby) comments about it snowing again for the zillionth time, so I looked out the window- sure nuff! Oh of course- cuz hubby had to drive to La Crosse to take his back to work permission slip to HR!

I mentioned in prayer requests that one of my sisters is getting a divorce. A and I have had a rocky relationship pretty much our whole life. It seems like when she is in a committed relationship, she is stable, and we get along. When she's not, she's unstable, and just not a very nice person. Sure enough, now that's she's separated from her husband, she's back to being unstable, and not very nice. A few years ago, it got to the point where being in the same room with her made me feel so upset, hurt and angry that I would get physically ill, so for about 2-3 years, I had no contact with her and refused to go to anything if she was going to be there. Even though everyone would admit that she treated me like dirt, I was always the "bad guy" for standing up for myself.

A few times in the last year, our adoption agency has had seminars on the needs of adopted kids. DH and I have invited the extended family, and every time, she has said she is going, and then doesn't show up. I have to give the agency the number of people so they can plan and we're usually the only couple that has someone in our group be a no-show. It's kind of embarassing.

There's also been a couple of other things that have come up about our adoption and her, that I won't bore you with, that have been pretty hurtful, but I'm expected to just blow it off and ignore her.

This weekend, the adoption agency we are going through is having a hair/skin care seminar where we learn how to take care of African hair and skin, and we'll learn how to do the cute little braids, cornrolls, etc. They require so much work with the hair, and the whole thing can be a huge bonding experience with the kids. I've been looking forward to this for over a year now, and I can't tell you how excited I am to go to this. Because of her past track record, I didn't invite A. However, C, my other sister, went ahead and told A about it (not realizing that A wasn't on the e-mail), and A told me she is planning on going and isn't going to miss it this time.

Please don't tell me that maybe now she's trying to be a good Aunt. She isn't. The future kids are just a "token" to her to draw attention to her with her aquaintences and collegues. She finds what we are doing to be exotic and uses it as a conversation piece.

I'm starting to get the tight sick feeling I used to get knowing I have to be somewhere with her, and I'm quite angry about it because I've been looking forward to this for almost a year now. If I tell her I don't want her to go, even though I never invited her, I will endure the wrath of the entire family because I'm expected to put up with how she treats me, even though they all know how she is.

I know I need to let go and let God, but it's so much easier said than done. I do know that having God in my life more now than before has made this a little easier than, like, 5 years ago, but it's still hard.

First off, Flipper, I'm so sorry that you are going through this concerning your sister. I totally understand, as I have a sister who is all that and more. If this happened to me, I would not allow my sister to come.....and let the family act as they may. It will eventually blow over and you will have had your fun day learning how to care for your future children.

I can tell that this whole thing is really awful for you to think about, therefore, you need to take care of you for the sake of you and your husband's new family.

You are right, she's not going to this to "be a good auntie". It will be all about her. Like I said, I've got a sister just like her.

Pray about it, and take care of yourself. A new mom should not be under so much stress.

God bless,
seajoy

Oh Flipper. What a horrendous thing to have to go through right now.

I'm going to agree with Seajoy (she's so smart!!!) and say that you should just tell "A" to stay away. And if the family says anything about it just tell them, flat out, that you're sick of the way A treats you, you're sick of being the one that concedes to every demand and by golly goodness these are going to be YOUR children and YOU have every right in the world to want all of these experiences to be GOOD memories.

After all, this is going to be YOUR family, NOT A's family. She doesn't get a SAY in ANYTHING you do. She may be all "ooh look at ME! *I* am going to be an Aunt for poor helpless African/Nigerian (other countries) children! Aren't *I* the special one??"

And if your other family can't handle it, just look 'em in the eye and say "Fine. You're not invited either." And walk off. Or hang up. Or...well I was going to say give 'em the finger but that wouldn't be very Christian would it? Sometimes my fingers get away from me....

I'll be praying that you'll have a wonderful time, A will flake off and your other family will just shut the jingles up. *G*

Much hugs and love sweetie! (and if you need a real live ear...let me know. I'm here for you!)

Kae

Or if you want a more polite way of doing it, tell her you've already given the RSVP to the group, and you wont' add another. And if she asks why you didn't think to include her say nicely, "I didn't want to bore you with something like this, since you've not wanted to attend before. The administrative part can be quite tedious. I'll be sure not to bother you with these adoption things anymore, until it's all done and she's part of our family."

You know what, I felt a heck of a lot better after posting my feelings.

I'm stuck with her on Saturday, there really isn't any way around it. I already asked her if she was going for sure and she said yes. My other sister feels really bad for even bringing it up to her and is willing to keep A in check. My sister in law is also going to be there. It won't be just me and her in our group.

However, when the next thing comes up, I am going to come back to this and read what you posted and take your advice. I have to tread delicately because I know I'm going to need all the help I can get and it would be stupid to think I can do it all myself (I do have to force that thought out of my head because I would rather do it all myself) - but I know not all the help has to come from them. I have plenty of friends, family on his side, and church family, who I can lean on.

Thanks, ladies!

Sounds something like my family except we have problems with my Mom, I love her but I dont know how to deal with her sometimes.

May our gracious Lord grant you the patience, Grace, and that peace that passes all understanding.

God bless and keep you Flipper.

Flipper said:

You know what, I felt a heck of a lot better after posting my feelings.

I'm stuck with her on Saturday, there really isn't any way around it. I already asked her if she was going for sure and she said yes. My other sister feels really bad for even bringing it up to her and is willing to keep A in check. My sister in law is also going to be there. It won't be just me and her in our group.

However, when the next thing comes up, I am going to come back to this and read what you posted and take your advice. I have to tread delicately because I know I'm going to need all the help I can get and it would be stupid to think I can do it all myself (I do have to force that thought out of my head because I would rather do it all myself) - but I know not all the help has to come from them. I have plenty of friends, family on his side, and church family, who I can lean on.

Thanks, ladies!

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Prayers that your day goes well, Flipper! Maybe you will be fortunate and she won't show up. And if she does, just remember to lean on your friends & family!

Prayers for Flipper

Anything with immigration is difficult. It shouldn't have to be. I pray you get it straightened out soon, and thanks for your prayers for my thing.

She showed up 20 minutes after it started. I guess she was ok, my judgment is clouded, so I can't say for sure. It was still a good seminar - learned lots - continue to be overwhelmed, but in a good way.

I did get some good news. We're further along in the waiting list than we thought, and got a better idea of how the wait works. Half of the people ahead of us also want siblings. However, most have said that they will take siblings or a single. So, when I get the weekly report on how many babies were referred, even if they are all singles, some of them went to families who asked for either, so we still move up on the list! At the same time, we've been warned that the wait for siblings has been between 6 and 12 months after dossier is certified and returned (so, 6-12 months after December 4). All in God's time.

Flipper said:

She showed up 20 minutes after it started. I guess she was ok, my judgment is clouded, so I can't say for sure. It was still a good seminar - learned lots - continue to be overwhelmed, but in a good way.

I did get some good news. We're further along in the waiting list than we thought, and got a better idea of how the wait works. Half of the people ahead of us also want siblings. However, most have said that they will take siblings or a single. So, when I get the weekly report on how many babies were referred, even if they are all singles, some of them went to families who asked for either, so we still move up on the list! At the same time, we've been warned that the wait for siblings has been between 6 and 12 months after dossier is certified and returned (so, 6-12 months after December 4). All in God's time.

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Glad to hear - Yay!

That is certainly good news.

Sounds like everyone is getting good news these days! Can y'all pass it along to me? I'm STILL waiting for Authorization for my diabetes drug. Yes, the one that they gave me in November but wouldn't give me again in December. We're fighting right now. *G*

Kae

Such a bummer, Kae.