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Things that have & have not worked (Sexual Orientation) - No Debate/Discussion Thread

Kristen.NewCreation

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Some members wonder what has and has not worked for others in their Struggles with Sexuality/Sexual Orientation. To allow for this, we have decided to start a thread where members can share positive or negative results with things they have tried for recovery.

Only Nicene believing Orthodox Christians may post here.

Discussion of other member's posts are not permitted - this is not a discussion thread. It is to share your personal experiences only. This thread allows for one post per member on any one topic/experience.

Posts that are not respectful of others, that are vulgar or profane, or otherwise extremely inappropriate will not be approved. Posts which go against the rules in the recovery forum or the site rules will be removed.

Please find a way to communicate your experiences or feelings without graphic details out of respect and sensitivity to others who are reading and who are seeking recovery for their personal journey.

When reading the responses of other members, keep in mind that each one of us are individuals. What works for one member may or may not work for another member. Research out what your options are, and ask as many questions as you can about any treatment available before choosing it.

The Recovery Team Staff

 
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sickntired771

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Gay conversion therapy was awful for me. I wanted to share that I had gone for years to an "ex-gay" ministry therapist to try to alter/change my sexual orientation. You couldn't have found someone more committed to becoming straight than myself. Through talking, and even being told to physically abuse myself in response to any thoughts I may have I came to realize this was a sham that wasn't going to work. I spent years and thousands of dollars on just abusing myself further and nothing changed except i felt more desperate, lonely, and it worsened my self esteem.

I just wanted to share my experience with "ex-gay" therapy for what it's worth to anyone here who is struggling with their sexuality.
 
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EagleWings02

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Well, I've tried a few things concerning this, but I think the best one is always Holy Scripture. I read 2 Corinthians 12. I think this is the best verse concerning this because it reminds me that Paul had his own struggles/ things oppressing him and when he asked the Lord to take them away He told him, "My Grace is sufficient for you." Now obviously this was a big deal to Paul because he wrote it down in his letter to the Corinthians and now we read it as part of Holy Scripture. Paul realized that when he is weakest, then the Lord is strong through him. The reason why Jesus didn't take away the thorn in his flesh is because that thorn is what kept him humbled. For us, we might feel inferior to all the "normal" people, but in a way we are blessed because it draws us to greater dependance on Him and His Grace and it causes us to love Him more (Lk 7:49), and in return serve Him more too.

So, I would say, remember 2 Corinthians 12 and remember His Grace, by which we are saved, and remember Proverbs 24:16, and remember God never stopped loving you.
 
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dude99

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well I used to go to an exgay group which was part of Exodus. Yet that was years ago. Attending those groups help me reduce the same sex desires and accountability partners also helped butin the long run it did not cure me. I backslid. With that the temptations of same sex desires was stronger than ever. I stopped going to the group. Yet they prayed for me.

For me right now my temptations for homosexual desires have been reduced. I no longer act on it, neither do I choose to look at inappropriate content. I do not attend an exgay group. What has helped me was spending time with God, prayer with him, abstaining from inappropriate content and not going to places where I likely to fall such as gay bars. Also going to a church every sunday and worshiping there as well as serving the church, also attending a small group bible studies group that meets once a week or once every 2 weeks. Also developing friendships with Christian straight men. Plus doing what the Lord says.
 
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Joe 73

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I am 19 yeards old. 18 and 1/2 i started facing my problems. I went to catholic couseling. It was great to have another person to talk to, but I was impatient with his methods, and I got this book:

Shame and Attachment Loss: The Practical Work of Reparative Therapy: Joseph Nicolosi

Its been extremely helpful, but it's a little challenging because its designed for therapists. I started getting out of my comfort zone and making friends with some other catholic guys. When you get comfortable with your identity as a male, and get comfortable with other men, you stop feeling insecure about your gender and the attractions go way down. What's hard is when you move on from the feelings of sex, they go down reasonably quickly, you have to face all of your original problems you have been avoiding, not knowing people well, being upset that your parents made mistakes raising you, and having to present yourself as you are to people, instead of putting on an act as a "nice guy". its very tough right now for me. Because I originally used to tell my mom all of my feelings. But because I know that did not help me, I don't know what to do. I'm sort of cut off from her, because she Always wants to know how I'm feeling, and I don't trust her with that knowledge.
You have to be able to cry, to be sad about where you are hurting. and know that your sexual feelings are misguided from longings for masculine affirmation attention and affection, that you did not get when you were young.(if your attractions are indeed rooted in childhood).

I was addicted to gay inappropriate content from aproximately 15-18 years old. The first part of recovery if you have a inappropriate content or masturbation problem, is to quit those. inappropriate content is easier to quit. put a cross on your computer login screen. Masturbation is harder. If you give into one little sexual thought, you usually fall all the way to masturbation. the trick, I learned,is to not try to hard. if you think something innapropriate just remind yourself of something good, your dignity, How you are a child of god, and how beautiful god's design for sexuality is. Then move on. what you dont want to do is worry about it: "WHY AM I THINKING THIS?!, I MUST GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD"!.

I moved from inappropriate content masturbation and gay fantasies every single day, to occasional gay thoughts, but mostly they don't bother me, most of the time I don't even think about them unless I try too.

You have to take it one step at a time.
My sexual fantasies are pretty much not a problem anymore, but now I have to deal with some issues I had before it got sexual, fetishes. I still have some fetishes that I obsess over and I don't know how to deal with them. I know the process will be similar to that of my same sex attractions. I don't often fantasize about sex with men I meet, but now sometimes I feel infatuation for them, not sexual, but I'm so infatuated with them. this is what I have to work on now.

On the note of opposite sex attraction, I had none of it except for some emotional crushes on girls before puberty. Now that I've face some of my problems, I will occasionally have a glimpse of what attraction to women is like. I've now noticed some women that I am distinctly drawn to their beauty, but I have to take it slow. It's the idea of sex that freaks me out. My mother was too intimate with me and it grossed me out. so that is an obstacle to me feeling comfortable being close with a woman.

What I've learned is that once you face a problem(like same sex attraction), you can expect there to be more. My same sex attraction hardly bothers me, but I suffer loneliness, depression, trouble trusting my parents. now I have doubtful thoughts about my faith bothering me. I didn't face these problems before because homosexuality was a distracting me from them. But the main part of therapy in that book is to stop avoiding your problems and face them. It's a life style change, which you have to have every day.

I hope you find this information useful
 
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Young86

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Gay conversion therapy was awful for me. I wanted to share that I had gone for years to an "ex-gay" ministry therapist to try to alter/change my sexual orientation. You couldn't have found someone more committed to becoming straight than myself. Through talking, and even being told to physically abuse myself in response to any thoughts I may have I came to realize this was a sham that wasn't going to work. I spent years and thousands of dollars on just abusing myself further and nothing changed except i felt more desperate, lonely, and it worsened my self esteem.

I just wanted to share my experience with "ex-gay" therapy for what it's worth to anyone here who is struggling with their sexuality.
<staff edit>.

I spent 7 years following one therapy. I tried and I tried so hard, it is too much painful. I only decreased my attraction toward women and got very unpleasant sexual desire for men which is disturbing and I can hardly bear it. It's not about sex only, it's about feelings, perceptions, behavior. I had a male gay friend who was having sex with women, so it's not about sex. He is still gay.

The truth is that homosexuals are hurt and we have a lot of anger (and fear) inside us toward the opposite sex. We are walking bombs. Hard to believe, it is at an unconscious level which must be brought up to the surface and we must resolve it, address it and accept many things which are unpleasant. It is the way it is.
Homosexuals must study feminine and masculine roles and behaviors and stick to their roles and behaviors against their own will. Easy to say, hard to be done. We must like our gender, accept it fully and like what is positive in the opposite gender. Women must accept to be submissive, sweet, kind toward their men, men must accept to bear many responsibilities, be strong and protective. It is something in general, of course, men are submissive to women too, there are situations where women are protective. What homosexuals, transsexuals do is to behave, think, feel, like the opposite gender in many ways.
It is written in the bible that men and women will have the same bodies in heaven just without defects, contrary to desires of many homosexuals, transsexuals who think we will be equal. We will always have masculine and feminine characteristics. Women must admire men, men must admire women.

I doubt that there are gays who overcame their illnesses alone. It is too hard, painful and difficult. <staff edit> I learned that God made soul mates and we all have them. Homosexuals and transsexuals can't be alone as they think. Nothing can be the way we want. That is just another trap, you will never get rid of homosexuals feelings like that. To get rid of homosexual feelings and behavior, you need to accept your soul mate in your heart. In order to accept your soul mate, you have to get rid of your hate toward the opposite sex because you can't truly love him or her. Our soul mate is our other self, which completes us. The perfect person who has all the characteristics we like in opposite sex and in whom we will fall in love at first sight. Then, we will get rid of our homosexual feelings forever, our soul mates will help us. They are exactly as we like. They will come into our lives if we deserve them, if we stop hating the opposite gender. They are a reward. So, don't think you can try and be with someone, you will not get cured. In fact, you can be harmed again and lost in homosexuality forever. You must be very selective, moralistic and wait.

In order to stop hating the opposite gender, you must look for the positive characteristics of it and your own too. Basically, you have to change your behavior and thoughts. We must fight ourselves, there is a war in our psyche.
Nobody, I mean, NOBODY will fight it for you. You will never get the help you need, you must do everything yourself. You will not be consoled. I am not consoled at all. Fighting homosexuality requires a great courage, patience, persistence. You will suffer, you will live in hell for years if you keep hating the opposite gender.
 
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salt-n-light

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What has personally helped me from the beginning were testimonies and community. What got me to a point where I was convicted of the route I was going with my same-sex attractions was watching one of Jackie Hill Perry's testimonies online. It was during a time where I was about to make a relationship with a girl official, come out to my parents, and prepare for the worst and that video saved me. God saved me.

It was from there I knew I needed support from people, I needed to know that I wasn't as alone as people in the media have portrayed someone who has come to a realization about their attractions. I cried out to God and He drew me out. From there, I soaked up all the Word and Youtube testimonies I could. It led me to join this forum, and another Christian Forums specifically for those struggling with same-sex attraction. While talking with others, it helped me flushed out and identify what I was going through, and why I was going through it. It was like everytime I aired out my thoughts, and have people respond, every time I talk to God and have God respond through His Word, its like light is being shown in myself. There's such clarity in that.

The thing is that we are such complex beings, fallen short in everyway, and it was never just my same-sex attraction. It was also my addiction with inappropriate content, times where I fornicated, lustful and promiscuous thinking, emotional traumas, scared of being vulnerable, very early sexual experiences, feeling inadequate, being depressed, lonely, rejected, lying, manipulative, obsessive, angry, bitter. I had so many other layers and aspects that I needed saving from and having people share their experiences helped me identify mine and have a proper course of response to it with God. The issue of same-sex attraction became less and less of a distraction, it became as much as an importance to me as addressing all the other sins that ive done, and those issues naturally fell off over time. Granted I'm still being worked on, but it's not in my forefront, again I have other issues to address.

Even if people only went to the Word and knew that they needed to endure certain things and flush out certain things, I think what trips people back is the lack of community and support. The lack of community they may feel from the church, from already being surrounded by people that can't relate or wouldn't support your walk with God. The fear of leaving of what felt familiar, what felt safe, what was a norm to them to a place where they are struggling, on edge, not supported nor feel that they can talk to someone that can understand, or willing to walk with them. I compare it with how probably the freed Israelites must have felt when they left Egypt and walked in the wilderness with Moses. Although Egypt treated them horribly, they complain and even daydream about wanting to go back there as slave because it was so familiar to them, that they were uncomfortable in navigating a freed life. inappropriate content was familiar, attractions to women made me feel safe, and for my weak times, it was easy to fall for it. The culture today makes it so hostile for anyone that desires to hand their sexuality over to God to voice it out, so if you do find an environment, like this forum or a church, or a friend, use it, call for help.

The things that won't help you is to shame yourself from voicing out your feelings and where you're at. God loves you, and you are precious to Him. Suppressing your feelings and attractions is not the way to do it, God doesn't want you to suppress anything. He instead wants you to hand them over to Him. That means you have to come to terms with it, that means you have to be willing to go all in and give it to God, and that also means you have to involve others to help you get there, whether it's through their testimony, or sharing your woes with someone, asking them to pray for you. For we are not creatures meant to be isolated, we are meant to fellowship. Never think that because you have same-sex attractions that you are excluded from God's grace, love, and desires for your life, and never think you are not worthy of fellowshipping with others.
 
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Richard.20.12

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Well, I've tried a few things concerning this, but I think the best one is always Holy Scripture. I read 2 Corinthians 12. I think this is the best verse concerning this because it reminds me that Paul had his own struggles/ things oppressing him and when he asked the Lord to take them away He told him, "My Grace is sufficient for you." Now obviously this was a big deal to Paul because he wrote it down in his letter to the Corinthians and now we read it as part of Holy Scripture. Paul realized that when he is weakest, then the Lord is strong through him. The reason why Jesus didn't take away the thorn in his flesh is because that thorn is what kept him humbled. For us, we might feel inferior to all the "normal" people, but in a way we are blessed because it draws us to greater dependance on Him and His Grace and it causes us to love Him more (Lk 7:49), and in return serve Him more too.

So, I would say, remember 2 Corinthians 12 and remember His Grace, by which we are saved, and remember Proverbs 24:16, and remember God never stopped loving you.
That was superbly expressed. And its also relevant to everyone one the planet. We all struggle with something. I think you're spot on with Paul as well.
 
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TPop

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There is often a lot of abuse that took place in the young lives of the homosexual community. While God and Scripture are wonderful and may be all that is needed for some.

Others may find great value through therapy with a Social Worker. A social worker can help you work through childhood trauma, abuse, and PTSD. Things that are so painful to deal with on your own. Some blame themselves for what others did to them. Please don't do that. Others are afraid to hold the abusers accountable. You can. If only for yourself.

One of the best things you can do for childhood trauma, abuse, and PTSD is to talk about it. Just talking about it, a lot! It helps. The more you talk with someone about what you have endured, the less power that abuse has over you. Talk. Find a Social Worker skilled in this area. Talk talk talk! Find the tools you need to transfer the emotions that don't belong to you, to the appropriate source of the pain. Not for hatred's sake, but for balance, truth, and to lighten a heavy heavy load.

One endpoint is to get to where you are tired of talking about it to some degree. Tired of it because it no longer holds such power over you. It will always be there. But it can lessen. Even if only at a slow speed. Slow is great! Then, at some point in your life, you can perhaps forgive. You Do Not have to forget. Forgetting can not easily be done and is not required, even in scripture.

But work on the root cause. Break down the Root cause. Address the Root causes. And start a journey towards healing. You won't really move forward without God. And depending upon the severity of the abuse, you may be hugely blessed by therapy with a Social Worker.

Peace and Blessings
 
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