Things Guys Do

[Living4Him03]

So, I'm wondering, do guys ever act like jerks or act rude/standoffish when they are nervous?

I have a guy friend who also appears to like me as more than a friend. A few nights ago he got online and we were talking, then all of a sudden he mentions that he thought I was seeing someone and was wondering what happened with that. Then he said something like "you deserve a man who loves the Lord." Then all of a sudden he had to go. A few minutes later he signs back on and decided to keep talking to me. I asked him why he decided to get back online and he said because of me (??). He then told me he would call me that night at 11 and I told him that would be fine because I thought we needed to talk.

He never called. Today I called him to get his address so that I can send him an invitation to my graduation. He acted kind of like "i'm too cool to talk to you." He just had this tone to his voice that was ...I don't know he just seemed kind of arrogant I guess. Like he was trying to be cool in front of his friends or something. He then said he was kinda busy and would call me later to give me his address.

I just don't get it. Do guys do this when they are nervous and don't know what to say? It seems like he likes me, but then he does stuff like that and it makes me wonder just what kind of impression he is trying to give me! Guys, is this something you've done? Do you ever act standoffish or "too cool" when you like a girl and are nervous? Should I call him again later in the week and find out what's going on? I don't want to confront him about something that may not actually be going on, but I am so tired of him beating around the bush...which is what it seems like he is doing. I'm very old fashioned, so even calling him today to get his address was really strange for me.


Some background: The guy is still in school and has another year left but is a few years older than me. He is good at sports, but academics aren't his strongest point (although he is smart). He hasn't dated that many girls and he didnt' even kiss his last girlfriend (they dated for nearly six months). He also spent a whole weekend with me a few months ago, supposedly because he needed help with a paper, but we just ended up goofing off and hanging out watching football.

I'm getting my master's degree this next week. I think this might intimidate him, but I'm not sure. I will soon be pretty much fully independent and he still relies on his parents because they are paying for his school. I don't hold this against him, but I am thinking this might be something that bothers him/makes him apprehensive in asking me out. I can't tell if he wants to ask me out and just keeps beating around the bush or if he is just a flirt and plays these kind of games with all girls.

 

[Raanan]

Sounds to me like he kinda likes you but for whatever stupid ass reason doesn't want to. There are a myriad of reasons that could be so don't go condemning yourself, ea? Does you know good cause if I'm right then it has nothing to do with you at all.

Whatever reasoning he has for his actions, they don't excuse him being flakey. If a person says they're going to do something then they should do it.

To answer your question, some guys do. Most (at least most of the guys I've known) don't though. They just get all clumsy and awekward like they're going through puberty again.

 

[Forever trying]

He might not be just a flirt. It might mean he likes you more than you give him credit for. I know this sounds weird, but every guy is different, yet the same.

I was once really keen on this one girl at uni (last year in fact), and I basically took everychance to talk to her when I could. She was nice and funny, as well as interesting. But sometimes if I saw her walking in my direction, I'd pretend that I didn't see her at all. Then she'd talk to me first. Or, if she sent an email during holidays, I'd reply back in a week or two. Yeah, it sounds dumb. But my logic was not to make it to obvious, and just be casual, out of fear that she wouldn't be interested. Or I'd put her off by being to obvious.

So there you go! Guys are nuts when they don't know how to approach a girl they really like. That's what this guys problem is I bet as well. Unless I just suffer from a severe case of low self-esteem and self-doubt (lol) NAH!

 

[Glorianna]

You never can tell with men! Just pray that God's will be done and that you won't be kept in suspense for too long!

 

[=Joel=]

your thinkning too much, he likes you. he's probably shy or something

 

[cbudc]

Does he drink? The reason I ask is because when I used to drink I would do somethings like this. Not saying that he does but it's almost exactly what I would do. It's like I got brave to ask questions and pursue things but then the next day I'd be to shy or embarrassed or just plain not wanting to talk. I don't know, if you are giving him hints that you like him he shouldn't be acting like that.

 

[Dr. Holly]

Hey Living4Him,

Some guys do act that way, yes. I would take precaution here though. Is he a Christian? If not, he may be a little bit intimidated by your faith as well.

He could also be playing hard to get. You might want to try playing that yourself I think personally if he really wants to get to know you, he will. So if you avoid him, he might look at you as more of a challenge. This intrigues guys for some oddball reason. I wouldn't stop talking to him all together, no. But I would stop initiating everything and just let him do what he's going to do. If he stops getting in contact with you - he's either not as interested as he seemed to be, or he's just really really shy.

There really is no excuse though for not doing what you say you're going to do. In this case, him not calling you. There could of course be valid reason, like being really busy, but he should have at least called you since then to tell you what's what.

I'd just kind of give him some time to think about how he looks at you. It sounds like your nature is not to be the one calling all the time, so that's good. Just let it be for a little while and see where HE takes it. If he responds to you and wants to talk, great. If he doesn't, call him one more time and see how he acts. If he's acting foolish again, then just leave him be. That's my 2 cents anyhow

Good luck & God bless! Oh! And don't forget to pray about it. If this relationship is in God's will, you & he will work out no matter what obstacle is in the way!

 

[Living4Him03]

*sigh*...It's not that I want to date him. I have too much going on right now to start a relationship and I really would just like to be friends with him and see what happens when he finishes his education. I just want to be able to talk to him about all this and to know what to say to him. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to just get more into pursuing me when I tell him all this, since guys tend to want what they can't have.

I don't pursue him AT ALL WHATSOEVER. The time I called to get his address was the first time I have EVER called him. He is always the one to call me. He is a Christian. He really seems to love the Lord, but he is just so fickle. One week he will call me nearly every day or several times at least and be flirty and act like he likes me. He will make it so obvious...then he won't call for awhile. I try not to flirt with him a lot because I don't think it would be fair to lead him on. I mentioned the other day when we talked online that I was in my hometown visiting my parents (where he goes to school) a few weeks ago. Well, he asked me why I didn't call and I told him I figured he'd be with his parents that weekend in Houston (it was the weekend of Thanksgiving).

Maybe he was drinking. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like him to do stuff like that. He has never been that bold before in asking me about other guys, so it caught me off guard. I just want to know how I'm supposed to say "hey, okay, unless I'm crazy, it appears you like me...well, I am not sure how I feel and I just want to build a friendship for the time being and I don't want to be scrutinized for every guy I mention or talk to"...how do I say that without being rude or hurtful? I've never had to do this before and he obviously is not going to bring it up. When he has done this before I've just left him alone and let him be. But, he always gets back in touch with me and is just as confusing as before. I guess I just have to wait until he calls so that I can talk to him about it. But I'm afraid he's going to try and avoid the conversation or act "too cool" like he did when I called to get his address.

 

[JPPT1974]

He might not be just a flirt. It might mean he likes you more than you give him credit for. I know this sounds weird, but every guy is different, yet the same.

I was once really keen on this one girl at uni (last year in fact), and I basically took everychance to talk to her when I could. She was nice and funny, as well as interesting. But sometimes if I saw her walking in my direction, I'd pretend that I didn't see her at all. Then she'd talk to me first. Or, if she sent an email during holidays, I'd reply back in a week or two. Yeah, it sounds dumb. But my logic was not to make it to obvious, and just be casual, out of fear that she wouldn't be interested. Or I'd put her off by being to obvious.

So there you go! Guys are nuts when they don't know how to approach a girl they really like. That's what this guys problem is I bet as well. Unless I just suffer from a severe case of low self-esteem and self-doubt (lol) NAH!

Guys can be really wierd unlike women. But that is just men I guess. Don't worry I suffer from a block of low self-esteem and self-doubt.

 

[Living4Him03]

Ok, please, when replying to a thread, do not assume things about me or how I am thinking. I asked for advice on a specific situation, not on my whole life.

 

[Dr. Holly]

<snip>I just want to know how I'm supposed to say "hey, okay, unless I'm crazy, it appears you like me...well, I am not sure how I feel and I just want to build a friendship for the time being and I don't want to be scrutinized for every guy I mention or talk to"...how do I say that without being rude or hurtful? I've never had to do this before and he obviously is not going to bring it up.

Hey Living4Him,

Oh ok, I think I have a better understanding of what you are looking for now. I must have misunderstood your post that you were actually interested in this guy and were looking/hoping for him to ask you out.

As for the quote above. What I would do is just wait until he shows a true interest in wanting to be with you to bring this up. No need to bring it up until you're absolutely sure that he's looking at you as more than a friend, right? However, if he does start presenting those emotions to you, if it were me, I would just personally say something along the lines of, "I think a lot of you as a friend and I'd love to keep in touch with you. It's just that right now we both have a lot going on and it doesn't feel like the right time for me. I don't want to hurt you in any way, so that's why I'm bringing this up. My intention is not to lead you on because I do care for you."

As for him scrutinizing you for seeing other guys. Well, he *should* get the hint after you have the "I just want to be friends right now talk." He could be under the impression right now that you & he are on the path to being more than just friends, so that would explain his jealousy. It is not acceptable though if he continues to behave this way after you've had the talk, and I would advise you to follow your own heart on what to do next about that. Only you know what place this guy holds in your heart, and only you would know best what to do.

The important thing when talking to him about how you feel right now is to not make him feel unimportant (which I'm sure you won't). Go ahead and let him know that you think a lot of him, but explain exactly how that is. See what I mean?

Hope this helps! God bless.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks VAgal, that makes a lot of sense. I do want him to know I care about him and that it's not that I'm not attracted to him. I'm just not sure he is someone I should date...not that he's a bad person, I'm just not sure.

 

[Dr. Holly]

Understood. I think what you're deciding to do is very smart. Meaning, taking a step back and making sure that you'd want to date him before making any steps in to the relationship. This will save both of you a lot of heartache.

Good luck. I hope it goes well when/if you sit down to talk!

 

[JPPT1974]

Understood. I think what you're deciding to do is very smart. Meaning, taking a step back and making sure that you'd want to date him before making any steps in to the relationship. This will save both of you a lot of heartache.

Good luck. I hope it goes well when/if you sit down to talk!

And also praying to God about what steps you all should take.

 

[Tuffguy]

Get it on open and all on the table. Say,,hey i'm not hitting on you, i think you're cool and interesting and like you as a friend.

 

[wolfiswill]

Be honest and upfront with him. It eases your mind and he doesn't have to wonder about where the friendship may go.