Things are falling apart.....again...

[NoddaProbBob]

well....here we go again...

My parents are fighting...
And its cuz of my brother.
Well, he turned 18 yesterday and my mom and him still arent talking, so she obviously didn't say happy birthday to him.
Well my mom and dad got into it today before I came home from school. and guess what it was about.
Him.
My dad just told him happy birthday, and my mom freaked and said that he's all on my brother's side, and that now my dad is basically just being a traitor.
And I don't see it as that. I mean, I don't wanna talk to my brother as much as my mom doesn't but I mean, she flipped out on my dad, and they keep fighting more and more about him everyday, and I dunno.
I guess Im just worried about whats gonna happen to them.
And I hate it cuz, they've basically forgotton everything that he's done to me, and I feel like I fell through the cracks. And Im so worried about my younger sister. Shes only nine and shes gonna have to deal with this for a long time...and I've been dealing with all of this for about 3 or 4 years now....and well, Im not dealing well with it....

And then my mom started yelling at me on the phone today, and just hung up on me, so I tried calling her back, and she didn't answer, which I expected....but I yelled at her on the voice mail thing, and they've been fighting like this for a while now, and I just got to my wits end about it, and I'm sure I'm gonna be hearing stuff later. either that or shes not gonna talk to me, and start treating me like my brother.....sigh...
any advice?

 

[Spectre01]

Im really sorry to hear about this, very hard times can be brought about when parents argue, im sure its tough to bear. To be honest, if God shows you something you can do to help resolve the conflict, then do it. But if you think that it is out of your hands, then I believe you should simply be there for your younger sister, because she is at a tender age, and God put you there to help her im sure. If you ever need prayer, or just need to talk, then just PM me. I will be praying that everything works out, and that God will strenghten you. All I can advise is for you to follow Christ and help who you can.
Peace in Christ

 

[tapero]

Hi, I too am sorry you are going through this. In regards to you parents being divided among themselves it's really better if you can stay out of it, and try not to worry about, because married couples argue and then they resolve issues, and you are left holding the feelings and worry of everything.

Give it all to God. It sounds like your brother did something wrong and your mom isn't talking to him. I don't know what it was but that's something she will have to work out. Please share if you feel like it.

I pray reconcilliation for you and your mom. I pray you and your sister are safe. I pray for your parents that they may resolve this conflict they are in.

I pray help for your brother also.

God bless you.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

well...
I mean, I'm ok talking about it and stuff...
but....he was my abuser....
and there was one time last summer, when he and my mom got into this huge fight....
And somehow...I don't remember how, but they ended up in the garage.
wait, now I think I remember. He wanted to leave some place with one of my parents cars, and he had gotten into trouble. My mom said to either give up his keys, or she would take the battery outta the car. Well he wouldn't give up the keys, so she went into the car while he was still in the house, and she took out the battery out of the car and put it in her car behind her seat so that he couldn't get to it. Well, she came back inside, and he wanted to know where the battery was. She wouldn't tell him, so he went into the garage, and threatened to beat open the windows if she wouldn't unlock the car to get out the battery. She said no, and that he was not to touch her vehicle. So he got all crazy, and angry, and started beating the side of my moms van (car) and she went out there to stop him. Well, one thing led to another, and they were out there for about 2 hours, and the whole time, they were fighting....physically. fists punches and all.
He threw the first punch, and she only fought back in self defense. She ended up with tons of bruises. She called the cops, and they came and put him the back of the squad car, and I thought for sure that all my suffering would be justified. none the less my moms. But he had hurt me for so long, that I thought it was finally over....and it wasn't....my mom wouldn't let them take him to jail...I was so angry. I don't think I've ever been so angry at my mom. my dad was working, so my aunt came and took him for the night...

well, we never went to court or anything, but I swear, the cops had to have known our house off the tops of their heads...They had been out to our house so many times last summer. Everytime I almost got my hopes up that he would finally be put away...but my parents would never do that to him...

so needless to say, my mom isn't talking to him. he refuses to apologize to her. He thinks that it was her who was abusing him, when really, she was defending herself. I had never seen my mom so scared ever in her whole life.

so thats what happened. he's torn our family apart...and today I was talking to my dad, and my dad is starting to not be able to handle the way my mom is treating him, and vice versa...so theres a pretty big chance that they are going to get divorced and Im so scared....I dunno what to do anymore...

I wanna go see a school counselor I think....but I don't want them to call and talk to my parents. I wanna go into counseling for myself, and by myself...I wanna do it privately, without them knowing. But I fear that if I get involved with a school counselor that they'll call my parents, and thats not something that I wanna deal with right now

 

[tapero]

Hi Hon,

I felt so sad as I read your letter. My heart aches for what you have been through and what you are dealing with.

I'm sorry your mom got hurt during that fight last summer. That must've been very difficult and also how your brother didn't have to serve any time. I can understand how you feel about that and about not recieving any justice.

You sound to me like a very courageous and strong young woman. I am glad that you want to go to counseling because we all need someone to help us in our troubles.

I don't know how old you are, but just ask the counseler if they have to report it to your parents before you talk to her. She will tell you.

I'm sorry that so much is on your shoulders, but Jesus promises to give us rest. Matthew 11 says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

He is with you as you walk through this trial. You are not alone. Tell Him everything.

I also hope you are able to share with a good friend just what you are going through.

In Ecclesiastes 4 is about having a friend and how important that is too:

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.

I am sorry that you are concerned that your parents might divorce. If they do it has nothing to do with you, and it has to do with them.

I will be praying for you. You are so brave to write out your story. I know you have great strength and courage; I can hear it in your letter.

Please PM me anytime.

God bless you, Tapero

 

[BelindaP]

I'm not sure what the school's policy is on reporting things to the parents, but I'm pretty sure that as long as they think no abuse is ongoing, they do not have to report anything.

My dear, you need to talk to somebody, especially if you think that your younger sister might also be in danger from your brother. I can guarantee you from experience, that if your brother is still living with the family that he will try to find a way to get to her.

Your mother is obviously trying to handle the matter within the family, which is why she won't let the police take your brother. Try to give her a bit of a break, because this kind of abuse often carries over from one generation to the next. She may be fighting her own demons from victimization-past. Also, if your brother abused you, he might have been abused himself.

I am guessing that you told your parents about the abuse, but that it was never reported to the authorities. If that is the case, you may want to consider doing that yourself. In the short term, it will probably tear apart the family, but in the long-term it will bring healing to everyone that won't be possible otherwise.

Your brother needs help, or he will continue to do to others what he did to you and your sister. You and your sister need to get counseling, because nobody should have to carry the burden that you do by themselves. There are wonderful Christian counselors and pastors that could be of great help to your family.

Regardless of what you do, just know that none of this is your fault. God loves you and wants the best for your. I will be praying for you and your family. God bless.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

belinda, thats just it, he doesn't have any reason to be.
he was never abused, nothing. He just basically woke up one day and decided that he was going to take up the habit of beating me....

and I hate it...

 

[BelindaP]

Well, for whatever reason he started, he needs to get help. It sounds to me like the only way he will get help is if you report to authorities what he is doing.

It will be a tough row to how, as you don't have the full support of your parents, but perhaps you and your sister could get out of the situation.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

belinda,
I dont mean this to sound rude or ungrateful of your advice, but please stop posting in this thread, You don't understand the situation, and its making me upset.

 

[UnitynLove]

How are you Nodda?

 

[BelindaP]

I apologize. I did not mean to cause you pain.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Its ok. I was outta line. I've been a pretty angry person lately, and it just kinda blurted out.

but yea...to answer some of your points, um well, he isn't living with us anymore, and when he did live with us, I was his only target. I always made sure that if I couldn't keep myself from getting hurt, that she never was.
Um, as for abuse running in cycles. well my mom was never abused but I do know that her father abused her mother, and my uncle abused my aunt (well now former aunt because she divorced him). and well, obviously the abuse ran in cycle because my brother abused me.
and well, I wanted to have kids, but I'm not so sure I wanna have kids anymore because its a proven fact that abuse runs in cycles and by generations...so I've kinda given up on that...

but yea...if you have any other questions please PM me...again, Im sorry I exploded on you. I just have a lot of "why" questions that I want answers to, that I know i'll never get....so yea...

@UnitynLove.......well, as Im sure you can read....Im doing really bad....sigh...

 

[BelindaP]

Don't give up just yet on having a family. I'm living proof that you can break the cycle. My mother was adopted out of her family because of abuse. Then, I was taken from my mother for abuse. [These both had to do with severe mental illness.] While my kids are a bit neurotic (just like their mother ), I don't think Child Protective Services is going to come knocking any time soon.

I think the reason why I came across wrong was that I had assumed a different kind of abuse was going on that was. Physical and emotional abuse are entirely different animals than what I had in mind. [I should have asked! ] As for me, I have experience with just about every kind.

The wounds in your family run deep, but God loves every member of your family and wants the best for them, as do I. What can I do to better support you?