things aint goin too great

[fluffycow]

Im not suicial or anything, but sad. Im failing a class or two in school and doing bad in others. I figure it doesn't matter in the end, but I still care becuase my parents do. The kids in school are really bothering me and I don't get enough sleep becuase I hate to go back. Does school really matter? should I just forget about it and drop out?

What really gets me is how people don't even seem to notice how nice I am, and if they do they don't care. Ive had a book stolen, costing me almost 50 dollars. Had a project stolen and had to redo the whole thing. People have put gum on my backpack twice. Im so tired in school that I can't pay attention and all the kids voulenteer me to do things on the board or in front of the class becuase they want to watch me fail. Kids constantly bother me about the clothes I wear becuase I don't care about whats in style.

Ive never had a girlfriend either, and I really want one. The problem is that I can't seem to find any nice girls that like me. Yesterday a girl came up to me becuase she said I was trying to start a fight with her friend. I think she (used to) like me too and I ruined that. The truth is that the kid had tormented me for years on end, I was nice to him until he complained to me about how the kids at my table leave garbage and I told him I took more garbage than everyone else becuase they pile most of it at my spot. Hes about 4 foot tall so I told him to leave me alone or i'de kick his back side.

Just 3 days ago I gave a kid 10 bucks just becuase I felt like it. I think money is horrible, so if I don't need it I give it away. Does anyone care? No. Just now everyone is asking me for money. I plan to give away all 100 bucks or so I have to one of the janitors, those guys work crud jobs for squat pay. The bible says give 1/10th of your money to God, so I think ill use it to help people. No one cares though, and if they do they don't say anything.

Im also trying to work out so I look better but its not goin well, for the past 2 months my knees and toes have hurt every day.

People are evil

Its 9 o clock now and im just about to start my homework, looks like im gonna be up late again/

 

[Blessed-one]

fluffycow,

life is not all smooth, sometimes it's like a roller coaster ride, yet sometimes it's like sailing a boat in a placid lake. The thing is, God is with you. The circumstances can be changed if you allowed God to take the lead and draw your strength from Him to face everyday.

um... from what you said, you seems to be the odd one out at school? i can identify with that.... people used to think i was ignorant... and that they could just go and tease me right out front while i pretended to not understand what was going on..... wasn't it a torture at school? they kept doing stuff "behind" my back, and all i could do was kept being nice to them... but God gave me strength, there's always a way out. Years went by and things got better each year, slowly.... but showing signs of progress.

it's not alway like that, things change as time passes. The thing is to know where you stand, and to find ways of improving the situation with patience and endurance. God is a great comforter and helper in this area. I'm praying for you, don't give up.

as for having a girlfriend... how old are you if you don't mind my asking? i don't think this's a thing that can be.. rushed, you never know when you find your partner, it may take years, ages to come to one or it may take just a couple of months, life is always full of surprises, so don't worry! by the way, why don't you start praying about it?

 

[carmen]

Hey replying to say I care. I didn't do any good at school. Try your best anyway. Not doing well at school hasn't given me any disadvantage. It all comes down to just because you fail at something that doesn't make you a failure. In fact I find people that have had failure's have a better attitude, character and are more teachable and better worker's out in the work force. And all the really wealthy I know didn't make it at school either.
I had trouble being told what to think and what the answers were. I had my own thoughts and liked to use my own mind and I didn't fit into the mold. People can be cruel and you sound like you have been picked out to be bullied because you are a safe person that has a good heart that is not likely to attack back. Don't let them break your kind and gentle spirit. Don't allow them to make you bitter. I know it's hard to forgive and bless when you are being kicked in the teeth. But look to help someone else in school that maybe getting the same treatment. Or what about a caring Christian out of school there are some even somebody same sex someone alittle older to be a good role model in your church. Somebody who works with the youth maybe. Have you talked to your mum about being tired and your knees and toes hurting. Will be praying for you heaps. Hey I care about you alot. Love you in Jesus. And Jesus Loves you lots and lot's.
And he is going to get you through all this .

 

[fluffycow]

well, for one thing im kinda on my own here. Only a few people know im a Christian, not even my own family. Been like this for over a year now, I just don't see a reason to tell anyone. I used to be an evolutionist, never seemed right to me though. I used to go to Church, but I felt like I was living a lie. I went and seeked out Christianity on my own, and found it eventually. I have been praying about it, but things seem to be getting worse, not better. Ive been trying to get through it for the past 2 months or so, but I donno how long I can take it. I told my mom about my legs and toes and im seeing a doctor on monday.

The real reason I want a girlfriend is becuase I want to find someone just like me. I can't honestly of the sasay ive met anyone I would consider as nice as myself, especially males. I can only think of a couple boys who havent bothered me. The girls don't seem as vicious though, but I can't seem to find one with my sence of humor (im a bit of an oddball).

Im definitely an odd one out at school. Im smart, but lack of sleep is messing with my mind. If I go to bed I gotta go back to school though, so im gonna postpone it as long as possible

As for the bullying, its been going on for years and years, scince 3rd grade. Now im in ninth, and its starting to make me bitter. Now ive started fighting back and swearing heavily. Im still shaking off  the insults like I have been for years, but they still get to you no matter how much you try to ignore them.

I have one (true)Christian friend. Its hard to get close to him though, becuase his moms sickness has made him shield himself.

 used to have some I hung out with, but they are a year older than me, and don't really talk to me anymore.

Thanks guys

 

[amie]

Hi fluffycow
I want you to know I read your post and I am praying for you. I think you have a beautiful heart by wanting to give the money to the janitors...
you mentioned doing really poorly in your classes, I am a teacher so let me know if I can help at all so that you may have better understanding of your subject matter.
I wish you only the best kiddo...

Amie~

 

[fluffycow]

thank you, my main problem is spanish.... I think im getting a d if that. The teacher knows im trying so she lets me redo a lot of the stuff I keep flunking . Redoing is giving me even more work though . My other classes are hoving around c's ....which are pretty bad for a normally A student, but I guess thier acceptable. Those janitors really do have a tough time though. People keep puttin toilet paper in the yernals so when you flush em they spew all over the floor. Its kinda funny watching people run outta the bathroom the escape the flood but thats a nasty mess for those guys to clean up.

Im really hoping things get better..... I just gave up my addiction too. (no, it wasn't drugs or alcohol or smoking). Now I just gotta get more sleep, now its 1 o clock and I wake up at 5:30. Guess im gonna be sleep deprived again

Thanks for praying for me . Usually I see prayer requests for much more severe stuff like divorces ect., but this stuffs really been bugging me.

 

[GodOwnsMe]

wow....*BIGHUGS*...
I used to be made fun of in school aswell..wrong clothes.. just didn't fit in.
I got bitter.. I 'totally' changed... I became a 'poser'.. until I found how much God loves me no matter if the entire world hates me.
It's still hard for me to even talk about that.... I mean I so got focused on
pleasing people... oh I even see what happened in my past making a lot of sense.. like how it kept me from the bad stuff.. got me close to God.

At the end of last schoolyear like the last guy left who was still 'bothering' me.

wow what can I say.. God has definately a great plan for your life and how to get you out so never give up.
Don't forget you have the best friend in the world.. try to walk thru this with him..
Father I ask you to totally carry FluffyCow thru this and show him your great love. PLease draw him really close to you and.. I know we often don't see the sense in the bad things..so please change his situation if thats a good thing. You know exactly what he needs, please send him great and caring people along the way.. give him the love he needs to
even love these people at school and a huge desire and love for you.
Please strengthen his faith and help him understand everything better.
Please show him the way how to go on with school and totally bless him with all he needs. In Jesus' name. Amen

 

[amie]

I just would like to add that when someone makes fun of you teens it says absolutely nothing about you but speaks volumes about them...

 

[Gerry]

No, you must never drop out of school no matter how poorly you may be doing in any subject. School is about a lot more than classes and subjects.

You say you see prayer requests for "more severe stuff..."! Please know that God is interested in even the smallest detail of your life.

Lean on Jesus and ask Him to help you in every area of your life. Make Him Lord of all. I have added my prayer for you.

Peace and Blessings!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

hang in there man.

 

[Gryphon]

Hey, I'm praying for you too. You're doing great! Keep it up! A friend of the world is not a friend of God's. I was in a similar position to yours in school, and personally, I'm glad I didn't have the tempation of a girlfriend looking back, I probably would have messed up my life a lot!

Focus of God and take those insults that people give you as gain. You are doing very good, and it's hard to do that. Just remember God has already won. Imagine, most of those people are going to look back when they're older and say "Man, I was an idiot then... I can't believe I did that... blah blah blah"! That is what happens. You have just matured, through God's grace, and they have not. They are struggling probably more than YOU are. Can you imagine trying to uphold a fake self every day with makeup/clothes/attitude/actions that were not yours?! I feel BAD for those people and I encourage you to be excited about how much God has really given you!

 

[Blessed-one]

Originally posted by Gryphon
Just remember God has already won. Imagine, most of those people are going to look back when they're older and say "Man, I was an idiot then... I can't believe I did that... blah blah blah"! That is what happens. You have just matured, through God's grace, and they have not.

yep.

Originally posted by fluffycow
Im really hoping things get better..... I just gave up my addiction too.

that's great!

 

[fluffycow]

Yeah, atleast im not fake. Kinda makes me wonder how all the other kids can act that way for so long. I know a couple people that make fun of me while with thier friends, but we get along pretty well by ourselves.

Im not gonna say "I feel like everyone is against me at school" becuase I know for a fact that most of them are. The whole table moved away from me yesterday when we had to do a project . Ive got some friends, but I don't feel like I can talk to em about stuff like this.

Today is the first day ive slept enough in weeks. Not sleeping is probably the easiest way to mess up your day. Ive got a ton of work to do this weekend but hopefully all will be good next week. Im gonna try out a new techniqe I call "sleeping" and see if next week goes any better.

 

Thanks guys , Its hard to find nice people out there sometimes.

 

[Blessed-one]

just so you remember that you've got friends, and God is your best friend. That's always a comforting thought, i think, to know that there is someone here willing to listen and help.

 

[fluffycow]

Well, it just got worse . My brother has always been depressed, scince like 4th grade. He's stopped taking his medicine again, and he says it did nothing for him(even though he acted a lot happier) and now he says hes never going to school again. He says it doesn't matter, that hes doomed to live on the streets and such. Im really out of ideas of what to do about him. My parents are really really angry with him, but im just clueless. He talks about how things will never be fair between me and him and how im so greedy and selfish. My dad has a chronic disease and he never feels well, hes yells at us a lot but sometimes he's really nice.

My parents took my brother's computer away from him(for not doing schoolwork), and he asked to have it back for just one day so he could delete some files, and he said something about it bieng like saying goodbye to a best friend you know you will never see again. Should we let him? Or should I go through his drive to see what it was he wanted to erase so much?(my parents don't have the computer knowledge to search the drive, so I would have to). He can have it back if he does his homework, but he says thats never going to happen.

 

Life sure is a rollercoaster, and i've rode it countless times already.

 

[GodOwnsMe]

awww *hugs*
I prayed for you and your family

 

[Dewjunkie]

Fluffy, (may I call you fluffy?) Take it from someone who was an oddball, keep being you. The kids who make fun of you do it because they think it is cool. The kids who laugh do it because they think it is cool. The thing is, in high school you only think you know what is cool. High school is a small step towards adulthood. But it can teach you a lot of lessons, most of which aren't found in any book.

There are going to be jerks no matter how old you are. They are out there, and unfortunately, they breed. So that cycle will never be broken. I have found in the past few years that because I never compromised who I was no matter the pressure or ribbing I took, I have gained much more respect from my peers now. High schoolers don't know enough about life to be good judges of character. I know it is hard to see it now, but those people that make fun of you now will be the ones struggling to become productive adults in a few years. When you order your Big Mac value meal from them in 8 years, remember to be nice.

I remember all too well how bad it was to be out of the "loop". We were poor, so even if I cared about fashion, I couldn't have done anything about it. I had horribe hair, I was short and weighed about 125 soaking wet. I had no ability to charm the girls. But I was me. I never changed, I never tried to go with the flow. As hard as it was, I had too much respect for myself. Now that I look back, I can be proud of that. I see some of my old classmates occasionally (usually on their way to jail), and they are still trying to be cool. You know something? I am better than cool. I am HAPPY being me. My wife loves me, my daughter adores me, my co-workers respect me and my friends are true friends.

Don't press the working out thing. Your body is still young and needs time to mature. Stick with weight training, but don't overdo it. In time, your body will catch up. I couldn't gain a pound in high school. I ate like a cow and worked out a lot, but I wasn't ready. In the 4 years after high school I gained 45 pounds of muscle. I just stuck with it and eventually my body came around.

My point, fluffy, throughout all this rambling, is just be patient. You are at an akward time in life, and it will pass. How you handle it will be a big factor in how you handle life as an adult. Believe me, there are much more stressful things coming your way after high school. Whether or not you were cool in 9th grade means nothing to an employer. It means nothing to the woman you will eventually meet and wed. It'll mean nothing to the true friends you will make when they see the person you are. It will mean absolutely diddly squat to your kids (until they are teenagers...).

I know it is hard to look into the future and see any hope. But stick with it, because if you stay you, and know what you believe and don't waiver, you'll have a headstart on all those other "cool kids". You'll have maturity.

 

[fluffycow]

 Bah, my house is such a rollercoaster. Brother decided to do his work and now everyone pretends nothing happened. Thats how its gotta be around here though, if you hang on to the bad stuff  you're left with a stack miles high in a few days flat. Still tryin in school, on the edge of failing and suceeding. If I end up getting c's with how hard im trying im gonna be seriously ticked off. 

I made sure that everyone knows how little I care about coolness, a couple days ago I wore a sign, "I need a girlfriend" it said. Sometimes I come to school in a purplish sweater, and I have a pair of bright yellow pants I wear sometimes.

Im happy being me too....most of the time. Other times I wonder to myself what it would be like to be one of those kids at the top.

I know what ya mean about jerks too, theres a few kids that have been trying to get me to fight with them for years. One of them has probably made fun of me over 1000 times, they havent suceeded though.

As for the maturity.... I would say I'm more mature than them, but I don't show it.

I really want to have a girlfriend that doesn't care much about that stuff, the kind that would take a fall for you and want nothing in return. Unlike the girl on the bus that comments on my bad clothes and says she would go out with me if I wore better ones.

My friends say im too picky, that I should take what I can get

 

Yes feel free to call me fluffy, pookie, fluffers, fluffums, or snuphaluphagus

 

Thanks to everybody

 

 

[GodOwnsMe]

hey.... I'm praying for you *hugs*
definately keep talking about that with God.... the whole 'cool' thing is still bothering me... the only way I don't have to be fake and it doesn't matter if I'm cool or nice dressed at all is being God's child..

about the girlfriend thing....
a relationship is s actually something invented by God and it needs like a 'spiritual foundation' (I read that in some devotion, can share it if ya want.. I fully agree
Be Blessed !!

 

[AmericanGirl]

Originally posted by fluffycow
 
I made sure that everyone knows how little I care about coolness, a couple days ago I wore a sign, "I need a girlfriend" it said.  

 

 That is sooo funny! hehe

Well, you sound like you' re fun!   I get tired of people think they are just 'it' sometimes lol
Very few people understand my sense of humor either.. Which -can- be fun! They look awfully confused when I start laughing at something they can see no humor in whatsoever
Whatever you do, don't ever change just to fit in an to get them to stop acting mean.. It wouldn't be worth it