Theres nothing wrong with me

[redblue22]

sometimes I start thinking that there is nothing wrong with me. and then I obsess about it. what must people think of me? I'm just a fake, a liar, stupid, lazy. and everyone else can see it. I'm just fooling myself. and it is like I'm perfectly ok and can't even remember what I went to my psych about in the first place. I might as well fake a back injury and get govt money. or maybe start up phony lawsuits, get fat, sit outside with my shirt off, take up smoking, drinking, and meth, and cry or get angry anytime someone confronts me on anything. maybe blame it on my parents and childhood. afterall, everything is everyone else's fault, not mine. I'll hoard garbage, talk down to my kids, cheat on my wife, treat her like garbage, get in arguments outside so the neighbors can hear.

 

[cimbk]

have you ever tried to remove all focus from yourself, how long can you go, without thinking about yourself..........if you could stop that........you would be well

 

[redblue22]

I understand you to be saying that I am thinking about myself and that is the cause of the mental problem. The solution is then to stop thinking about myself.

It sortof makes it my fault that I'm here and my responsibility to shape up by thinking about something or someone other than myself.

Right?

 

[cimbk]

I understand you to be saying that I am thinking about myself and that is the cause of the mental problem. The solution is then to stop thinking about myself.

It sortof makes it my fault that I'm here and my responsibility to shape up by thinking about something or someone other than myself.

Right?

I'm only pointing out the obvious, If your driving yourself crazy with all obcessing over all these things your thinking about.........then wouldn't it seem logical to stop thinking about them, and yourself..............

much like any addiction the focus is completely on what addicts you, (I've dealt with them all) Its at the forefront of every thought, every waking second your thinking about what ever drug or addiction is drawling you. much in the same way to get free from that addiction, I started rebuking it, not allowing my mind to entertain thoughts about it,

certainly its not easy, in fact its brutal, but if you don't give in and keep fighting, you can make your mind obey, once you can get yourself off your mind (or the drug, or the sexual habit) Its amazing how the once constant bombardment dissipates and goes completely away

I think if you stopped allowing yourself to focus inwardly on yourself, you would find the peace of mind that you are searching for

 

[redblue22]

You did notice that you are in the Obsessive-Compulsive forum, yes? I mean, I appreciate you sharing your idea, but it is a bit like going to the depression forum and telling people they need to cheer up in order to get over their depression. It might be a little too obvious. To become a millionaire, first step: get one million dollars.

I find that sharing my experience with others helps to loosen the bond these thoughts have on me. In this case I thought it rather comical that just when I thought I had escaped the obsession that I was then still caught and pulled back in by an obsession about escaping. I had never realized just how tricky OCD can be when trying to stop the obsession.

 

[cimbk]

You did notice that you are in the Obsessive-Compulsive forum, yes? I mean, I appreciate you sharing your idea, but it is a bit like going to the depression forum and telling people they need to cheer up in order to get over their depression. It might be a little too obvious. To become a millionaire, first step: get one million dollars.

I find that sharing my experience with others helps to loosen the bond these thoughts have on me. In this case I thought it rather comical that just when I thought I had escaped the obsession that I was then still caught and pulled back in by an obsession about escaping. I had never realized just how tricky OCD can be when trying to stop the obsession.

yeah I know......the only problem is the medical world doesn't have complete cures......such as an alcoholic always remains an alcoholic they merely call him or her a recovering alcoholic, and as for homosexuality thats not changable at all, according to the medical world and the science world..........

And considering I was both for a good portion of my life, and now I am neither and completely changed, I would say for God all things are possible for those who believe, and for those who are OK with the cards they are dealt, and will just put up with things as best they can, thats fine too,

each person has a choice, you can take what ever report they have given you, or you can receive the report of the Lord, In the report of the Lord, the blind can see, the lame can walk, and the demon possessed are made whole, bondages are broken, and minds and hearts are mended and healed

 

[redblue22]

Even though we can talk through this intellectually, the problem here lies that I did seem to have a problem. I'm not really sure I did have a problem. Do I still have one now? Or will I tomorrow? And now that the problem seems gone I wonder what happened and if it is going to come back. Is this experience itself evidence that I still have that problem? I don't feel like I have a problem or had one or ever will. I know this must be hard to understand.

It is like a hallucination you believed was real. Once you realize many things in your experience are not real, you go mad wondering what else is not real. And eventually you wonder if this "reality" and "realization" are still in the dream world. Or was the "hallucination" the reality and this is the dream?

It is hard to make plans or decisions when you feel fine and everything seems real--but you've been down this road before only to wake up and see it was all a dream. And you don't even know if this experience itself right now might be a dream.

When you don't know if yesterday, today, or tomorrow are real, it is very hard to live. I would love to just stop thinking about this. But then I've done that many times. My experience always feels completely real and safe enough to just stop thinking about it. I feel like I don't have a problem and never did. It feels like it was all a dream. Even my descriptions here and the problems I'm suggesting feel like they never existed and all about me is real.

How does one move forward from that? When will I return to the real world and live a real life? Am I there now? If all my problems stopped, would I even know it? Would I know how to live?

 

[canamer]

If the above were not so serious (and it is of course) I would have to laugh. What person who has OCD is able to stop thinking?

And I sure as heck do feel like my life is one big hallucination.

Hey, at least I'm still smiling. It'll all be made right one day. For now, just take it one day at at time, keep smiling and don't be so hard on yourself!

 

[cimbk]

Even though we can talk through this intellectually, the problem here lies that I did seem to have a problem. I'm not really sure I did have a problem. Do I still have one now? Or will I tomorrow? And now that the problem seems gone I wonder what happened and if it is going to come back. Is this experience itself evidence that I still have that problem? I don't feel like I have a problem or had one or ever will. I know this must be hard to understand.

It is like a hallucination you believed was real. Once you realize many things in your experience are not real, you go mad wondering what else is not real. And eventually you wonder if this "reality" and "realization" are still in the dream world. Or was the "hallucination" the reality and this is the dream?

It is hard to make plans or decisions when you feel fine and everything seems real--but you've been down this road before only to wake up and see it was all a dream. And you don't even know if this experience itself right now might be a dream.

When you don't know if yesterday, today, or tomorrow are real, it is very hard to live. I would love to just stop thinking about this. But then I've done that many times. My experience always feels completely real and safe enough to just stop thinking about it. I feel like I don't have a problem and never did. It feels like it was all a dream. Even my descriptions here and the problems I'm suggesting feel like they never existed and all about me is real.

How does one move forward from that? When will I return to the real world and live a real life? Am I there now? If all my problems stopped, would I even know it? Would I know how to live?

I have no answer for you......but if I were in your shoes like a wave tossed to and fro in my thinking I would have someone I trust, help me write down what the (truth) of my life was, maybe just a few simple truths. that I could hold onto and reject everything that came against these basic truths as a lie,

you have absolutely no foundation for what you believe, and what you believe now could change in the next few minutes, I can see why they are considering bringing back electro shock therapy, because its like your mind is on speed and you over think things, and then continually rethink things you just thought about like in an endless loop.

I would equate the same fixation on thinking and rethinking as a crack addict "jonesin" on the floor for a dropped piece of crack, if you never witnessed this or experienced it, these folks will spend hours looking for an elusive nonexisting piece of crack on thier hands and knee's, God forbid if they are on shag carpet.......they can't let go of the idea (their out of crack) their must be one more hit

It seems you can't except a conclusion or come to a conclusive thought, and I imagine this is even for the most basic thinking, If I held two cards one white and one black could you come to the conclusion that one was white and the other black or would your mind quickly assert that the black was actually all the colors combined and white was actually just completely absent of color all together.

This kind of over analyzing everything is what is driving you crazy, I would begin to force myself to not go past my initial thoughts, If first response was white and black cards, I would stop myself from thinking further on the matter, and I would start small, like I said with a few basic truths with someone I trust, written on cards I could carry around

 

[gracealone]

This is an incredibly assumptive and condescending post about a real affliction for which you obviously have no medical knowledge. Equating OCD with an addiction is most certainly pointing the finger of blame at the sufferer for their condition. Also your suggestions to "stop thinking about them" or to "keep fighting them", or to "make your mind obey" is the polar opposite of how this disorder is treated and managed. When you tell any of us to do those types of things you are encouraging us to engage in the compulsive side of our disorder. We don't need any help doing that. When we are in a bad flare of OCD we do those kind of things night and day.
This disorder is based in a chemical imbalance. Chiefly a lack of circulating serotonin in the brain. This imbalance causes the fight of flight center of the brain to misfire. That misfiring is what is behind the obsessional cycle.
Now I'm going to point out "the obvious". You are assuming a lot about a disorder for which you have no knowledge. Not only are you assuming a lot about the disorder you are judging those of us who have it by making it our fault, like we chose it. A drug addict may choose to take that first hit but people with OCD do not choose to have their brain chemisty messed up. They are born with a genetic predispostion to it, just like a lot of people are born with a predispostion to diabetes or high blood pressure.
Many of God's servants, Luther, Bunyan, Cowper etc. lived with OCD and God used them, not in spite of it but because of it. He allowed it in the very same way he allowed Paul's thorn. "But He said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect IN your weakness. Therefore I will glory IN my affliction in order that the power of Christ may rest more fully upon me. For when I am weak I am strong." Afflictions in the life of Christians are always purposeful and OCD is no exception.
We all have afflictions of one kind or another. What we shouldn't be doing is pointing the finger of blame at one another or assuming that we know what God is up to in another persons life. Job's friends did that to him because they weren't willing to consider that they might not know what he was going through or why he was going through it. They hoped it was that God was trying to correct him in some way because it made them feel safer. "This won't happen to me, because my faith is greater than his."
Get educated, before you try to diagnose and treat us.
Mitzi

I'm only pointing out the obvious, If your driving yourself crazy with all obcessing over all these things your thinking about.........then wouldn't it seem logical to stop thinking about them, and yourself..............

much like any addiction the focus is completely on what addicts you, (I've dealt with them all) Its at the forefront of every thought, every waking second your thinking about what ever drug or addiction is drawling you. much in the same way to get free from that addiction, I started rebuking it, not allowing my mind to entertain thoughts about it,

certainly its not easy, in fact its brutal, but if you don't give in and keep fighting, you can make your mind obey, once you can get yourself off your mind (or the drug, or the sexual habit) Its amazing how the once constant bombardment dissipates and goes completely away

I think if you stopped allowing yourself to focus inwardly on yourself, you would find the peace of mind that you are searching for

 

[gracealone]

People with OCD already know those "truths" you speak of. And, if they are actively compulsing they try to counter the unwanted/intrusive thoughts with those "logical true countering statements." But you cannot outlogic OCD. The more you try, the more stuck you get in the obsessional cycle because you are giving the thoughts attention by treating them as if they are actually worthy of rebuking or countering. This validates them/ makes them more important to the brain. This is counterproductive. Do you understand this?
Mitzi

I have no answer for you......but if I were in your shoes like a wave tossed to and fro in my thinking I would have someone I trust, help me write down what the (truth) of my life was, maybe just a few simple truths. that I could hold onto and reject everything that came against these basic truths as a lie,


you have absolutely no foundation for what you believe, and what you believe now could change in the next few minutes, I can see why they are considering bringing back electro shock therapy, because its like your mind is on speed and you over think things, and then continually rethink things you just thought about like in an endless loop.

I would equate the same fixation on thinking and rethinking as a crack addict "jonesin" on the floor for a dropped piece of crack, if you never witnessed this or experienced it, these folks will spend hours looking for an elusive nonexisting piece of crack on thier hands and knee's, God forbid if they are on shag carpet.......they can't let go of the idea (their out of crack) their must be one more hit

It seems you can't except a conclusion or come to a conclusive thought, and I imagine this is even for the most basic thinking, If I held two cards one white and one black could you come to the conclusion that one was white and the other black or would your mind quickly assert that the black was actually all the colors combined and white was actually just completely absent of color all together.

This kind of over analyzing everything is what is driving you crazy, I would begin to force myself to not go past my initial thoughts, If first response was white and black cards, I would stop myself from thinking further on the matter, and I would start small, like I said with a few basic truths with someone I trust, written on cards I could carry around

 

[gracealone]

Hey Redblue,
It's just the disorder wanting you to fixate on yet another doubt/fear. Don't try to solve it. It's actually a good choice to say..."Oh well, looks like you actually are a big fake! It's not OCD after all, just an excuse for sin. People really do think I'm a liar and a fake!" That sounds awful, I know but exaggerating the fear and letting it's do it's worse is the better choice than chasing it around. Chase it and it will, eventually, lead you right back to your original obsession. This is really just a variation on a familiar theme, disguised as a new or different obsession. I think you exaggerating it and then just letting it go is a sign that you might understand how exposure works.
Mitzi

sometimes I start thinking that there is nothing wrong with me. and then I obsess about it. what must people think of me? I'm just a fake, a liar, stupid, lazy. and everyone else can see it. I'm just fooling myself. and it is like I'm perfectly ok and can't even remember what I went to my psych about in the first place. I might as well fake a back injury and get govt money. or maybe start up phony lawsuits, get fat, sit outside with my shirt off, take up smoking, drinking, and meth, and cry or get angry anytime someone confronts me on anything. maybe blame it on my parents and childhood. afterall, everything is everyone else's fault, not mine. I'll hoard garbage, talk down to my kids, cheat on my wife, treat her like garbage, get in arguments outside so the neighbors can hear.

 

[cimbk]

This is an incredibly assumptive and condescending post about a real affliction for which you obviously have no medical knowledge. Equating OCD with an addiction is most certainly pointing the finger of blame at the sufferer for their condition. Also your suggestions to "stop thinking about them" or to "keep fighting them", or to "make your mind obey" is the polar opposite of how this disorder is treated and managed. When you tell any of us to do those types of things you are encouraging us to engage in the compulsive side of our disorder. We don't need any help doing that. When we are in a bad flare of OCD we do those kind of things night and day.
This disorder is based in a chemical imbalance. Chiefly a lack of circulating serotonin in the brain. This imbalance causes the fight of flight center of the brain to misfire. That misfiring is what is behind the obsessional cycle.
Now I'm going to point out "the obvious". You are assuming a lot about a disorder for which you have no knowledge. Not only are you assuming a lot about the disorder you are judging those of us who have it by making it our fault, like we chose it. A drug addict may choose to take that first hit but people with OCD do not choose to have their brain chemisty messed up. They are born with a genetic predispostion to it, just like a lot of people are born with a predispostion to diabetes or high blood pressure.
Many of God's servants, Luther, Bunyan, Cowper etc. lived with OCD and God used them, not in spite of it but because of it. He allowed it in the very same way he allowed Paul's thorn. "But He said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect IN your weakness. Therefore I will glory IN my affliction in order that the power of Christ may rest more fully upon me. For when I am weak I am strong." Afflictions in the life of Christians are always purposeful and OCD is no exception.
We all have afflictions of one kind or another. What we shouldn't be doing is pointing the finger of blame at one another or assuming that we know what God is up to in another persons life. Job's friends did that to him because they weren't willing to consider that they might not know what he was going through or why he was going through it. They hoped it was that God was trying to correct him in some way because it made them feel safer. "This won't happen to me, because my faith is greater than his."
Get educated, before you try to diagnose and treat us.
Mitzi

get educated yourself and learn to read, my first response was "I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR YOU"

.....everything I said afterward was my own opinion, I'm not attempting to treat you or anyone else, maybe this is your own OCD obsessing everyone is trying to teach you somthing your obviously to smart to receive.

just remember one important fact, Jesus can heal ANY AND ALL sicknesses, regardless if they're chemical imbalances or complete blindness,
your under the impression the medical world is flawless in their diagnosing and remedies, history has proven this industry has a track record of serious flaws and errors. and to get through the schooling and still have faith in God is an act of God in itself.

considering NO medical institution reconizes demonic activity to any extent, in treatment or diagnosis, but only a secular world view is allowed, the obvious fact is A BIG PIECE OF TRUTH is missing from this equation.

You can't say I'm a bible believing Christian, yet I don't believe in the posibility of any demonic activity in minds of people afflicted with mental illness, and on the same token no Christian can say that its All demonic activity, there must be a balance between the two camps.

I only was giving my personal opinion of the ways I was cured from my personal obsessions, take them as a grain of salt, I was cured from alot of things science and the medical world says there's no cure from, yet here I stand living proof,

everyone can be healed, but I guess much like the woman who had the issue of blood, you can remain in the crowd and just accept the lot you have been dealt, or you can fight through the crowd, and believe if you only touch His garment you will be healed.

believing you can be completely unequivocally healed is the foundation for the kind of faith required to get the results we see in the bible, and places were people are healed

 

[gracealone]

Hi Cimbk,
Actually that wasn't your first response. That statment only came after Reblue had to try and explain his disorder to you and he did a very good job of it too.
I well aware that I don't know everything, but I do know how OCD operates in my own life - through my more than 30 years of living with it. And I do know what it's like to blame yourself for it, like you are choosing it, or because you think you have a lack of faith, or have angered God, etc. Your assumption about me is hurtful and not based in fact because you don't know me. I only spoke to you in regard to the things you had written about OCD. I would never try and judge your character because I don't know you. You are probably a wonderful, well meaning individual. I only wished to try and help you to learn a bit about OCD so that you'd be better equipped to understand and help those of us who have it. But you seem to think that I'm an unteachable person.
I agree with you that Jesus is the source of all healing but sometimes he uses Doctors to heal us because He is, after all, the one who has gifted them with the knowledge to do so. Not all Doctors get it right either and that's a huge problem. This is why it's so important for those of us with OCD to understand our disorder. Jesus can and does heal without doctors but we shouldn't be demanding that he do it that way when he may wish for us to go seek medical attention, especially if doing so is acting in a responsible manner about our health. He may also choose leave our "thorn" in order to teach us about the sufficiency of his Grace, in order to humble us and in order for us to learn to be submissive under His mighty hand. He works with us each of us in an individual manner according to what He deems best. And lot's of times He does the exact opposite of what we are expecting Him to do.
I absolutely do believe in the phenoma of demon possession.
But Obsessive Compulsive disorder is not due to demon possession. To suggest that it might be will only bring even more suffering to a person with OCD.
Besides, one could never heal Demon possession by giving a person a pill like a " Selective Serotonin reuptake inhibitor" that brings their Serotonin levels back to normal. This is no different than a diabetic having to take insulin shots to bring their insulin levels back to normal. Do you think that maybe some diabetics just need to have demons cast out of them in order to get better? Or would you suggest to them that it's their fault that they have diabetes because they have "weak faith?" The world is full of illness and affliction but as Christians we can come to the place where we understand that with or without an illness, God is able to accomplish great and mighty things in and through us. No affliction will impede or interrupt His plans and purposes for us. I'm a very strong believer in "purposeful affliction."
So in light of what you have said, I suppose that the Apostle Paul had little or no faith in Christ since he lived on to serve Christ while he still carried his "thorn in his flesh".
I think it's the other way round actually. Paul was a man of great faith in the power and strength of God in him. He learned that the thorn was there in order that he would understand his own weakness and complete dependence upon the sufficient grace of God. He even ended up "glorying" in the weakness that the affliction caused him. "For when I am weak, I am strong."
I sorry that you think I'm such a closed minded person.
Respectfully,
Mitzi


.....everything I said afterward was my own opinion, I'm not attempting to treat you or anyone else, maybe this is your own OCD obsessing everyone is trying to teach you somthing your obviously to smart to receive.

just remember one important fact, Jesus can heal ANY AND ALL sicknesses, regardless if they're chemical imbalances or complete blindness,
your under the impression the medical world is flawless in their diagnosing and remedies, history has proven this industry has a track record of serious flaws and errors. and to get through the schooling and still have faith in God is an act of God in itself.

considering NO medical institution reconizes demonic activity to any extent, in treatment or diagnosis, but only a secular world view is allowed, the obvious fact is A BIG PIECE OF TRUTH is missing from this equation.

You can't say I'm a bible believing Christian, yet I don't believe in the posibility of any demonic activity in minds of people afflicted with mental illness, and on the same token no Christian can say that its All demonic activity, there must be a balance between the two camps.

I only was giving my personal opinion of the ways I was cured from my personal obsessions, take them as a grain of salt, I was cured from alot of things science and the medical world says there's no cure from, yet here I stand living proof,

everyone can be healed, but I guess much like the woman who had the issue of blood, you can remain in the crowd and just accept the lot you have been dealt, or you can fight through the crowd, and believe if you only touch His garment you will be healed.

believing you can be completely unequivocally healed is the foundation for the kind of faith required to get the results we see in the bible, and places were people are healed[/quote]