There's no way out, is there?

[ThankUJesus]

I really need help and I don't know where else to turn. I'm hurting so bad inside that I'm not finding purpose to get up in the mornings. I hide it around my family but some of my friends know my problem. I don't know why I have it, there really is nothing major that triggered it but I think I may have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I couldn't understand for the longest time why I thought I was ugly, why I look in the mirror and see this ugly worthless thing. Now I know, that it could be this disease. I haven't gotten it diagnosed by a doctor but I read all the sings and symptoms and every single one of them sounds like me. It takes away from my life, my social life, my family life. I am not living a normal 19 year old lifestyle. I want to have fun and be with friends, but this ruins it for me. It feels like I have the lowest confidence in the world and that anything I do for anyone is useless. I don't get recognition for anything good but once I do something bad, people jump all over me. I'm not perfect! Sometimes I think people think I'm perfect because growing up I was always the good kid and never got into trouble, but now it seems as if I do or say one wrong thing than everyone goes against me.
I am loosing friends over all my problems and I don't want to loose the good friends that I have now. They are trying to help me through it but it feels as if they think I'm crazy and vain and don't wanna help me that much. If only they could see what I see through my eyes!!!
I just wan't my life to be happy again and not have to worry about this anymore. Crying myself to sleep, trying to find answers, praying for my friends to not leave me like so many have.
Can someone please help me? I don't know how you will help but please, just anything?
Nobody will probably read this anyway, they will skim it and think I'm a crazy loon and not want to help me... like every other time...

 

[Aimiel]

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Print that verse out, and carry it with you until you memorize it. Keep your mind on things above. It worked for me.

 

[ThankUJesus]

So I should keep my mind off of my problems and think about other things than?

 

[jacks]

I know it's hard when your depressed to go do almost anything, even getting out of bed can be a major chore. However, if you could bring yourself to go help other people it may help you too. Volunteer for something or even just help some older person in the neighborhood with chores. Look around see what needs to be done for someone else and do it. Don't focus on making your life happy, try to make those less fortunate happier. God loves you, show that love to others. Your in my prayers.

 

[Aimiel]

So I should keep my mind off of my problems and think about other things than?

Exactly. Most of what you're 'thinking' never comes about. What you're focusing on isn't praiseworthy, lovely, of a good report or (most of it) even true. If God were that way, He'd have said: "Wow, sure is dark," instead of: "Let there be light." He didn't speak the circumstances. Neither should we. Focus on Who He is. Focus on Him. The rest will take care of itself, and if not, He will take care of it BECAUSE you're staying focused on Him. Let your circumstances continue to be your god, and that is what you'll have: problems, compounded by more problems. Cast the whole of your cares over onto Him. Yes, they're your problems, but if you give them to Him, they're not yours to worry about any more. You can take them back from Him at any time, and He won't stop you, but if you leave them in His Hands, they're His, and He will take care of them for you. He may not do so the way you expect (I can just about guarantee that: He doesn't like to be predictable) but He WILL take care of you, because He cares for you more than you do. He cares about you so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to take your place upon the cross. Worry is sin. Jesus said, "Be careful for nothing. Take no thought for this life. Why worry about the big things, if you can't even change one little thing by worrying?" We ought to listen to Him.

1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

 

[liesje]

That sounds pretty intense

That verse from Philippians is a good one....read a wee bit down that chapter and you will find "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." It sounds like you're focussing so much on your problems that they just seem to spiral down and down. Don't let it beat you - don't let yourself think "Oh, I have a disorder, it's just the way I am." It's not easy for you, because there is a reason for it, but you have to focus on better things; you have to fight it. Treat it like a cancer or something...do whatever it takes to beat it. We beat ourselves up so much worse than anyone else ever can. Don't worry about not having enough strength or confidence - we do not have to have confidence in ourselves, our confidence comes from Christ, who has the strength to conquer all things. Romans chapter 8 would be good for you to read, I think. You are not ugly, you are made in the image of the eternal God. Remember that. I'm praying for you.

 

[solarwave]

Maybe it would be good to go to a doctor about it? If anyones likely to be able to point you in the right direction I would say they would.

 

[ThankUJesus]

Thank you all. I have been fighting this for a long time and my family doesn't even know about it so it's great having you guys to talk to about this. I wan't to try so hard to please God and do what he commands but it always just feels like my problem is always in the way. Like i never want to go to church because I have a big fear about people judging me in public, i get sweaty and my voice cracks and i stutter all the time when i am confronted in public. It's like im so afraid of what they will think of me and i never seem to please others so i dont bother with strangers. It really ruins my faith it seems like. I need baby steps maybe? I will definitely be reading those verses you all gave me.
And solarwave, yes I always thought about that but I hear they are expensive and I cant spend that kind of money right now. But at my college there is a counseling center that is for free and I go to a Christian University so I know if I go to counseling there that it will be christian based. Thank you.

 

[Aimiel]

Great. Very encouraging. You've got friends here that truly love you and are praying for you. Don't be ashamed of asking for help. Everyone has had problems in their life, and it's those who internalize them and don't seek help who end up hurting themselves. It's good that you're able to talk about this, at least somewhere. Keep talking. Keep praying. Believe that God will help you, because He will.

 

[ThankUJesus]

Thank you. You all are true friends to me.

 

[Aimiel]

Keep us posted, keep praying and remember that we're praying for you. Whatever you go through in your life, always remember, you're not done, until you see His Face. Everything else is just what you have to go through in order to see Him better.