I am writing this for all the folks here who are emotionally reeling from divorce. I am writing to say: With God, there's always hope! Don't give up! You will get through this! How do I know? Because over the past few days I have seen "breaks in the clouds."
My story: At the start of 2012, it was becoming apparent I could very well loose my apartment because I was out of work, having been downsized the prior year. In February 2012 I asked my wife to ask her brother, whose family especially the youngest daughter I was extremely close to and had spent many weekends at their apartment, if I lost the apartment could I move in with them. (My wife would live at her mom's and dad's, which was cramped enough already.) He said yes. On April 15, 2012 my wife informed me that his wife--who knew of my plight and three weeks prior when I was over there for the weekend and had given me food and shirts--said I could not move in. My wife said she gave no reason. When I asked my spouse what did she say in my defense she replied, "What do you want me to do--argue with my family? It's their apartment." Six days later my wife told me she wanted a divorce, that she didn't want any man in her life, and that she was going back to live with her sickly parents. (I am 48 and she is 53.) We were two months shy of our eleventh anniversary of a marriage we were both happy in. Unfortunately (probably) due to culture, she put her parental family before her marital one. I received the divorce judgement--the legal proceedings I paid for after initially not wanting to pay for, but grew tired of her lack of communication and action to put her money where her mouth was--came in August, two month ago.
I survived the scare of homelessness--thanks be to God. I lost my beloved marriage...because of cultural and mysterious circumstances. (Why the in-law's change on me moving in and no reason given?)
Below is an email I sent to my cousin on my recent recovery.
I believe and feel like I am making headway in my divorce recovery, namely because I am starting to envision myself in the enjoyed company of another lady (like laughing over drinks or coffee in an outside café and making a good personality connection), and also because I have a better view of things related to my ex-wife or remind me of her. When I see things that remind me of my ex, there’s recently been much less bitterness and sadness; it’s now almost a nostalgic sense. I will not return to therapy as I do not feel the need like I did. I again asked God to watch over her. I also have infrequently thought of sending the forgiveness letter again. This thought occasionally nags at me; I do not know if it is from Above. I had a brief crying bout on Friday after hearing an emotional story. The tale had nothing to do with marriage or divorce. I think I cried just because of the emotional commonality. Last week I, in a sudden brain-storm, wrote a forgiveness letter. It contained the (justified?) bitterness. I don’t think I would send it, if I decide to send it at all. It’s not a major thought in my mind.
So, dear reader, you hang on and hold tight to God. Pray to Him for help and healing. It will come. Oh, I might be back here down in the dumps and venting. Healing is a process which often involves steps back. But I know my healing is getting better. Yours will to!
God bless!
My story: At the start of 2012, it was becoming apparent I could very well loose my apartment because I was out of work, having been downsized the prior year. In February 2012 I asked my wife to ask her brother, whose family especially the youngest daughter I was extremely close to and had spent many weekends at their apartment, if I lost the apartment could I move in with them. (My wife would live at her mom's and dad's, which was cramped enough already.) He said yes. On April 15, 2012 my wife informed me that his wife--who knew of my plight and three weeks prior when I was over there for the weekend and had given me food and shirts--said I could not move in. My wife said she gave no reason. When I asked my spouse what did she say in my defense she replied, "What do you want me to do--argue with my family? It's their apartment." Six days later my wife told me she wanted a divorce, that she didn't want any man in her life, and that she was going back to live with her sickly parents. (I am 48 and she is 53.) We were two months shy of our eleventh anniversary of a marriage we were both happy in. Unfortunately (probably) due to culture, she put her parental family before her marital one. I received the divorce judgement--the legal proceedings I paid for after initially not wanting to pay for, but grew tired of her lack of communication and action to put her money where her mouth was--came in August, two month ago.
I survived the scare of homelessness--thanks be to God. I lost my beloved marriage...because of cultural and mysterious circumstances. (Why the in-law's change on me moving in and no reason given?)
Below is an email I sent to my cousin on my recent recovery.
I believe and feel like I am making headway in my divorce recovery, namely because I am starting to envision myself in the enjoyed company of another lady (like laughing over drinks or coffee in an outside café and making a good personality connection), and also because I have a better view of things related to my ex-wife or remind me of her. When I see things that remind me of my ex, there’s recently been much less bitterness and sadness; it’s now almost a nostalgic sense. I will not return to therapy as I do not feel the need like I did. I again asked God to watch over her. I also have infrequently thought of sending the forgiveness letter again. This thought occasionally nags at me; I do not know if it is from Above. I had a brief crying bout on Friday after hearing an emotional story. The tale had nothing to do with marriage or divorce. I think I cried just because of the emotional commonality. Last week I, in a sudden brain-storm, wrote a forgiveness letter. It contained the (justified?) bitterness. I don’t think I would send it, if I decide to send it at all. It’s not a major thought in my mind.
So, dear reader, you hang on and hold tight to God. Pray to Him for help and healing. It will come. Oh, I might be back here down in the dumps and venting. Healing is a process which often involves steps back. But I know my healing is getting better. Yours will to!
God bless!
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