- Mar 24, 2005
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This is my story and in hopes that it will help you all i am laying it all flat out on the table telling you how, with God, i got over my depression.
I don't remember a time when my dad did not beat my brother. The only memories i have left from elementary school are the horrid fights that seemed to take place daily. I cried and screamed the whole time but other than that i ignored it all. I became depressed beofre i even knew what the word was. By 5th grade i would sit around and wonder why i didn't enjoy things i had always loved. I didn't understand why i wasn't the bubblely ball of energy i was known for being. In 6th grade my sister and my mom found out that my was having and had, had many affiars. This tor me apart. I figured out that i was depressed and for a while i tried to deal with it, but gave up. The nex year i gave my life to God and i lost thefake image i had come to reconized as me. Finally i bagan dealing wiht life without knowing it and my depression emerged again. I started cutting myself on spring vacation and a while after easter. I wished that i was dead, but the thought that made me hold on was "if God wanted me to be dead than i would be, so for now i'll have to just deal with being alive." After a few talks with my friends, though i didn't want to, i stoped cutting. I thought about it every day but my fear of my friends being upset with me scared me from doing it. Times came hen i felt like God didn't care about me anymore, that i was worthless to him. But he kept me alive and there were times when i could hear him saying "i love you" through other people. For example one time a church a guy was talking to a girl who had always wanted to be "Daddys litter girl" but she didnt have a good relationship with her father (just like me) i heard the man go "god wants you to know that your his little girl, your daddies little girl." and over and over again God stuck that into my head "i love you, your daddies little girl." Its been three years since i first started cutting myself. In that time i dealt with resiting cutting, starving myself, burning myself and just about any other sort of SI you can think of. In the last year i took the first step of praying for my father (which was so hard i sobed everytime i forced myself to do it) than i stoped wishing he would die, forgiving him and finally letting go and moving on. It took me 6 years and it was not easy but God in the end took my burden from me and for the first time in my life i can actually say that i want to be alive. God has not forgotten you. Try to get invovled with as many christain things as you can, even if you don't have time. God will take your burden and healing will take time. Jesus loves you and i promise you, i love you more than words can discribe
~your sister in christ
Sabina
Ps. i run a christain email newletter. PM me if your interested or cheak out my info, it includes a link to the website and the newsletter is exsplained on the homepage. and also leave your prayer requets here.(on the thread) ill be sure to pray for you!
I don't remember a time when my dad did not beat my brother. The only memories i have left from elementary school are the horrid fights that seemed to take place daily. I cried and screamed the whole time but other than that i ignored it all. I became depressed beofre i even knew what the word was. By 5th grade i would sit around and wonder why i didn't enjoy things i had always loved. I didn't understand why i wasn't the bubblely ball of energy i was known for being. In 6th grade my sister and my mom found out that my was having and had, had many affiars. This tor me apart. I figured out that i was depressed and for a while i tried to deal with it, but gave up. The nex year i gave my life to God and i lost thefake image i had come to reconized as me. Finally i bagan dealing wiht life without knowing it and my depression emerged again. I started cutting myself on spring vacation and a while after easter. I wished that i was dead, but the thought that made me hold on was "if God wanted me to be dead than i would be, so for now i'll have to just deal with being alive." After a few talks with my friends, though i didn't want to, i stoped cutting. I thought about it every day but my fear of my friends being upset with me scared me from doing it. Times came hen i felt like God didn't care about me anymore, that i was worthless to him. But he kept me alive and there were times when i could hear him saying "i love you" through other people. For example one time a church a guy was talking to a girl who had always wanted to be "Daddys litter girl" but she didnt have a good relationship with her father (just like me) i heard the man go "god wants you to know that your his little girl, your daddies little girl." and over and over again God stuck that into my head "i love you, your daddies little girl." Its been three years since i first started cutting myself. In that time i dealt with resiting cutting, starving myself, burning myself and just about any other sort of SI you can think of. In the last year i took the first step of praying for my father (which was so hard i sobed everytime i forced myself to do it) than i stoped wishing he would die, forgiving him and finally letting go and moving on. It took me 6 years and it was not easy but God in the end took my burden from me and for the first time in my life i can actually say that i want to be alive. God has not forgotten you. Try to get invovled with as many christain things as you can, even if you don't have time. God will take your burden and healing will take time. Jesus loves you and i promise you, i love you more than words can discribe
~your sister in christ
Sabina
Ps. i run a christain email newletter. PM me if your interested or cheak out my info, it includes a link to the website and the newsletter is exsplained on the homepage. and also leave your prayer requets here.(on the thread) ill be sure to pray for you!
