Therapy

[Camalinda]

Do any of you do therapy?

I came out of an abusive marriage a few months ago. I am finding that all the transition, dealing with the past/abuse, and keeping myself moving forward and accountable, that I am needing a LOT Of therapy!

I attend two women's group therapy sessions a week and at least 1- usually 2- individual therapy sessions. I could not do all this without them, but I wonder if I am in the majority.

I am a Christian, but I use secular therapists. There just aren't any Christian therapists in my rural area. For the most part, the advice can all be somehow tied into scripture (in my own mind, anyway) and I can throw out what little "bad" might be there.

So... anyone else? If you don't do therapy, why? Do you have alternative methods of getting through all this? Have you had bad expereinces with therapy? (I also do other things like church, small groups at church, getting out with friends, but I do find that having therapy lessens my need to really dump on my friends and other people and perhaps opens up more avenues for friendship than if I was just always needing someone to vent to OR if there just wasn't anyone I was comfortable venting to. It also seems to lessen my expectations of other people -friends, family, etc- that they "should" understand me or why "don't" they understand me. FWIW.)

 

[BlueJay83]

I have just done my first Individual session on Friday.
been separated on and off for a couple of months, but as of now it's been 2 weeks straight and there is no going back now.
I feel like a whole new person.. I wish I was able to decide so clearly earlier.


Its good to vent and talk through the thought processes I've been having.
I don't know if my counselor is a Christian, but she is from Israel which as soon as I heard, it put my mind at ease for some reason. Something in me said "God sent" so I was able to open up to her after that moment.

I do however also hang out once a week with a very old friend of mine and we have good talks. He has also been in a similar situation as me with a very long term relationship where has been forced to make a difficult decision.


It's good you're so connected, the more advisors the better.

 

[Conservativation]

Did you get closure on the abuse, meaning did you file any assault charges or anything? I cant imagine when someone is abused why they dont file assault charges, and in your case that may help your mental state

 

[Peacedove]

Ifit is helping you deal with the abuse and you are able to seperate out the secular and what you do not need, my advice would be to continue. Always give God the first chance to let you know when you are out of His will for your life. If He confirms to you it is right for you then it does not matter if the therapy/therapist is chirstian or not.

 

[Camalinda]

Did you get closure on the abuse, meaning did you file any assault charges or anything? I cant imagine when someone is abused why they dont file assault charges, and in your case that may help your mental state

A LOT of abuses are, sadly, not able to be "measured" by black and blue eyes and broken bones. And I will say this, I have learned how *extremely* difficult it is for a woman to get the help and resources she needs to leave an abusive marriage!! Even if there *are* bruises and broken body parts. It is very sad.

All that to say, a lot of abuse can't have charges pressed. In our case, one of the major abuses was withholding our basic needs (food, water, heat, etc). I know it seems incomprehensible that a state agency or just someone would NOT step in and help in that matter, but, they don't. I am hoping and guessing that it is because they don't have enough resources and must focus on the solely physical/sexual abuse. But unfortunately when you are the person going through it, it seems that it is because they just don't give a rip.

As for therapy, I have absolutely no problem whatsoever using a "secular" therapist. I use "secular" doctors, dentist, car mechanics and more. I have found that I actually receive more support and more useful advice, links to resources and programs *through* 'secular' therapy than I ever did with Christian therapy. I know this is not always the case, but often Christian therapists seem so tied to one line of thinking that they really can't offer the suffering person the help they need to move forward. And since I'm a grown up I feel quite confident in my abilities to discern truth from junk- especially since I have the Holy Spirit residing in me. So for me, it's just an issue that the therapy isn't run by a Christian.

But going full-circle perahs- I DO find tremendous support and closure by going to therapy. Group therapy is especially helpful. At first you feel kind of like, "No one here relates to anything I am going through. I'm outta here!" But if you stick with it, you realize that most people have a lot of the same issues, just played out in differing scenarios. And that through listening to THEM, you yourself can then recognize your own issues and patterns and life, and then talking through it all together is very eye-opening. At least for me it is.

 

[Conservativation]

Im sicerely curious....how does one withhold those things, he wouldnt pay the bills hence they were cut off? Thats horrible

 

[Camalinda]

Im sicerely curious....how does one withhold those things, he wouldnt pay the bills hence they were cut off? Thats horrible

Yes, the bill part. Plus, not making very necessary home repairs so that water wouldn't freeze, not keeping enough money back for food, etc. Lots more.

I hope perhaps that one day, when my children and I are more settled and stronger and things are all wrapped up with my hopefully soon-to-be-ex-husband that I can have some sort of ministry with women like myself. It has been an incredibly long, hard journey to get out of there- I have to believe God will use that for good in allowing me to help out other women in similar situations who just don't know where to turn. I have a heart for Christian women in these situations, especially. It is so very difficult (I have found) as a Christian woman to find support within the local church. They either have lots of judgments about marriages that are not clear cut adulterous or they just simply do not have the resources or experience in dealing with these things. I live in a very small, rural area so perhaps awareness is better in a large city. But here- very, very difficult to get out and break the cycle and find the help you need. Especially within a local church.

 

[hope4today]

Hi Camalinda,

I'm Hope. Nice to meet you

Yes I had counselling when I went through my divorce and it was very helpful. I was also completing my own counselling degree at the time and although difficult it was also helpful and forced me to examine issues at the time.

I highly recommend it

 

[Conservativation]

Yes, the bill part. Plus, not making very necessary home repairs so that water wouldn't freeze, not keeping enough money back for food, etc. Lots more.

I hope perhaps that one day, when my children and I are more settled and stronger and things are all wrapped up with my hopefully soon-to-be-ex-husband that I can have some sort of ministry with women like myself. It has been an incredibly long, hard journey to get out of there- I have to believe God will use that for good in allowing me to help out other women in similar situations who just don't know where to turn. I have a heart for Christian women in these situations, especially. It is so very difficult (I have found) as a Christian woman to find support within the local church. They either have lots of judgments about marriages that are not clear cut adulterous or they just simply do not have the resources or experience in dealing with these things. I live in a very small, rural area so perhaps awareness is better in a large city. But here- very, very difficult to get out and break the cycle and find the help you need. Especially within a local church.

Did he then go without food and water too, or he went elsewhere to eat and have water?

 

[Camalinda]

Did he then go without food and water too, or he went elsewhere to eat and have water?

He had water where he worked. He didn't mind eating food that was sub-par in terms of freshness, nutrition. It was all choices he made to live this way.

Hope that answers without being too vague. I don't want to go into too much on a public board, either. I want to be careful.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist every month or so. I've been to parenting, anger management and intensive outpatient treatment for addictions classes. I also attend 3 support group meetings every week, more if I have extra days off from work. I'd like to say I'm an impressionable child in a tumultuous world and they say I'm at a difficult stage; but woe alas, I'm a middle age man who financially supports ten other people who live with me.

Its been quite an interesting journey of self discovery.