The Yellow Cross

[sportsfan]

I am still struggling with it despite my medicine I see a blue light in my brain and it concerns me. I am trying to trust the Lord with it but it feels so real this hallucination. I want Jesus to wipe my memory of what I witnessed in the Yellow Light and the flickering evil that I witnessed in the shower and that followed me to the door it tells me I am a false prophet now am I just crazy could the Holy Spirit leave me? I am trying to praise the Lord and seek his guidance in the storm but it really has me confused this Yellow Cross it makes me doubt my faith in God and makes me wonder if Satan is really in my brain and heart. I am concerned that my name is erased from the Lambs Book of Life. I have good days and bad days and right now the fear is back in my life from the incident. Why would God allow me to suffer like this I don't understand? I love him so much why is he letting me suffer from mental illness and think I have 666. I don't understand God's plan for my life if I think that I am crazy and that I don't have the Holy Spirit how can I serve him. I have voices in my mind telling me that I blew my salvation in a hallucination of a yellow flickering light does that make sense to anyone? I don't understand I want to praise the Lord and give God the Glory but I feel torn I feel their is such a strong thorn in my flesh right now keeping me from full faith in God. Paul suffered. I realize that God will never leave or forsake me and their is a light that is coming for the heart that holds on but I don't feel it this Yellow Cross as me convinced that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit in the hallucination in the shower and it followed me to the door. I had no control over it being mentally ill and I bowed before it I have no clue what I was doing I had no clue that I was even being tempted by Satan. I am so scared guys that I mixed Satan and Jesus up in the Yellow Cross is that blasphemy of the Holy Spirit? I am worried guys and gals that I can't go to heaven and that I have the Mark of the Beast. I realize that it isn't even out yet but this feels like such a nightmare my life is a bad dream I realize that on the one hand I haven't blasphemed since it wasn't verbal. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people especially those trying to love God? Did he allow Satan to send a supernatural temptation to me it worries me to no end and I try to overcome this Yellow Cross and the Yellow flickering light is it just mental illness it was outside of my body and it sucked me in and entrapped me I love the Holy Spirit so much and the thought of blasphemy brings me to tears why would God allow this horrible thing to occur to a believer who loves him and wants to do the right thing I don't understand God's plan. I know trials can occur to anyone and that the rain falls on the rich and the poor and becoming mentally ill wasn't my plan and falling for the Yellow Cross it was my mental illness and it was out of my power there is no do over the Yellow Cross I could of not bowed but it sucked me in and entrapped me. Does God still love and his Holy Spirit live inside me I still listen to praise music and go to Church could hell pluck me from the Savior in a hallucination on the shower my friends and family still see the Holy Spirit in my life and I try to trust them it is a real battle that I face daily I have to trust God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit would never leave and not for mental illness. I concerned guys and gals could I lose my salvation over a hallucination in the shower and that followed me to the door a yellow flickering light has me so confused. I did ask Jesus for forgiveness of what occurred and so I hope that he has forgiven me for the Yellow Cross and the flickering light I hope it wasn't the unpardonable sin.

 

[blackribbon]

It is difficult to deal when the organ in your body that is ill is your brain, and the part you depend on the most. You are not crazy but your illness is playing tricks on you. God loves you. He loves you even in the difficult periods of your illness. The only way you will lose Him is if you consciously turn your back on Him. That is not what is happening when you are hallucinating. You don't have control over that. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time but know that God loves you even when you are confused and afraid. He isn't fickle and He loves you even when the images and voices say otherwise.

I hope that you are in frequent contact with your doctors and taking medications as you are supposed to be taking. It sounds like you could use a medication tweak but I don't enough about you in particular to say much.

Trust God. God loves you "as is". He doesn't give us images to scare us and we are only responsible for our conscious acts and thoughts. People don't accidentally lose their salvation. It takes a conscious choice to reject Him and turn your back on him. You obviously are worried about what God thinks of you, which shows you still recognize that He is God and that you want Him in your life. Your salvation is good. Now work on getting your mental health treated so it doesn't confuse you so much.

 

[sportsfan]

It is difficult to deal when the organ in your body that is ill is your brain, and the part you depend on the most. You are not crazy but your illness is playing tricks on you. God loves you. He loves you even in the difficult periods of your illness. The only way you will lose Him is if you consciously turn your back on Him. That is not what is happening when you are hallucinating. You don't have control over that. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time but know that God loves you even when you are confused and afraid. He isn't fickle and He loves you even when the images and voices say otherwise.

I hope that you are in frequent contact with your doctors and taking medications as you are supposed to be taking. It sounds like you could use a medication tweak but I don't enough about you in particular to say much.

Trust God. God loves you "as is". He doesn't give us images to scare us and we are only responsible for our conscious acts and thoughts. People don't accidentally lose their salvation. It takes a conscious choice to reject Him and turn your back on him. You obviously are worried about what God thinks of you, which shows you still recognize that He is God and that you want Him in your life. Your salvation is good. Now work on getting your mental health treated so it doesn't confuse you so much.

So the blue light in my brain is just a hallucination and this 666 isn't real it isn't my salvation at stake I am still going to Heaven to be with God.

 

[blackribbon]

Yes. If you love Jesus, and have given your heart to him...nothing can take your salvation away from you.

 

[sportsfan]

Yes. If you love Jesus, and have given your heart to him...nothing can take your salvation away from you.

Thanks blackribbon for the encourgament.

 

[blackribbon]

And you are not crazy. Anymore than a diabetic is crazy when their blood sugars are off. ((hugs)) Some day we will be more understanding to the issues mental illness.

 

[sportsfan]

And you are not crazy. Anymore than a diabetic is crazy when their blood sugars are off. ((hugs)) Some day we will be more understanding to the issues mental illness.

Thanks blackribbon!