The world changed

[KeilCoppes]

At one point in my life and not so long ago, the world was such that I could conceivably meet someone and the world would go off into a dream. My parents met and were engaged within two weeks. My sister and brother-in-law found each other and were engaged within two months. I was once of a mind to be in that world. Once I was of that bent within six weeks and on my way.

And then the world changed. I don't know entirely why, but that is no longer my world. I don't know that I will ever be head over heels that way again. I've been there and I want more. I've been there and I want something that is real. I've been there and found that where I was was all an empty dream.

The smooth face, the figure, the catch of the breath, twinkle of the eye, the instant chemistry - what is it? It is a shell, it is an impression. And never again will it be the same for me - reality is never the way you thought or what you've been sold. And from far away, never will it be the possibility of building that true closeness that requires people being together. Even in person I wonder. Sovereign Lord, yes, but I wonder. After all the empty shells, leaving pain, I wonder. And while I will have happiness and strength in the future I will never look at things the same again.

I turn the corner, come from this 1 am in the morning writing to open the window, see the sunshine, feel the breeze.... and slowly step back and away from it all and let it all drain out into the wind. I think I will simply enjoy sitting and walking in life. I've tried retreating before, but at this time in life there is no longer the option of stepping away for five years hoping that the world will change. It's time to grow up again and again and again. Back to where I always find myself - step by step knowing nothing except that God does not change and that He is always true. Open the door, take a step, face life without expectations. Go to sleep tonight and find the day that God will bring when I wake. May the morning find the new hopes for that day.

Words into the wind, to let them be blown away. As the psalmist - joy comes in the morning. He who sows in tears will reap in joy, bringing his sheaves with him. May what small harvest comes of this life be for Him. Everything else blows in the wind.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I know from whence you come Keil. I too, once had those fanciful dreams. But then one day Cinderella woke up and realized that Prince Charming only exised on the pages of a book born in someone's imagination and perhaps those dreams were meant for someone else other than her.

But, that doesn't mean that fulfillment can not be found in other ways. I sense some wistfulness in your post. Perhaps you are opening the door for more fulfillment and satisfaction in your life, sans a spouse or the hope for one?

 

[KeilCoppes]

But, that doesn't mean that fulfillment can not be found in other ways. I sense some wistfulness in your post...?

Good morning WV. Wistfulness? Perhaps. The challenging thing for me is that my deepest fulfillment apart from God is from communicating and sharing and you can't do that alone (well you can, but it's not fulfilling and the guys in the white coats come to get you). That was the last relationship and it went south (no white coats involved).

Fulfilled at work? Pretty much - I'm successful, though the future always shifts.
Fulfilled at church? In God, yes, in working in the church it's challenging. Fulfilled in family? With my parents, great. At home here, there is none.
Fulfilled with friends? Some, with them being married it can be far between.

So you adjust, pray, work, live, open your eyes, thank God for your blessings and walk on. Giving up? Not at all - my goals in life haven't changed at all. If God wills, I would still much like to be married someday. In the meantime you keep working to do the right thing. Stand up in the ashes of former disillusionment, look up at the blue sky and Colorado clouds and start to build again. Walk on a little wiser. Accepting? Day by day. If I don't receive God's provision and thank Him for it, what am I? And smile - it makes me feel better and makes a more pleasant life for those around. :^)

Well off to work - there's software calling. :^)
-----
..... And it hit me again on the way out the door - It makes a _big_ difference how you do your accounting in life. Every time you have an accomplishment or receive a blessing - take joy in it right then, count it! And count it again at the end of the day. It makes a significant difference in where the books stand at the end of your day, week, and life.

 

[KeilCoppes]

And thinking of work...

MORNING

Seen from the lidded eyes of night
Dawn does not come
Nor does the light of first sun shine
Through curtained windows,
For hours before the day arrives
The call has come to leave the shadows,

And protests of a weary head
Do battle through the fog of sleep
On grass of dreamy meadows.

The lines are drawn
And finally across my bed there comes the call again,
It's time to wake,
To fight once more to evening's hall
With skills that God will lend.

19930225

Off to walk through the battle fray, healing and building whereever I can. Have a good one!

 

[invisiblebabe]

After this past year (broken engagement, another broken relationship, sister in rehab, sister relapsing, family friend killed in a car accident), I have every reason to believe that "cold, hard reality" is simply the way it is.

Yet I refuse to let cynicism sink in.

I still think God's in the business of making dreams come true (oft' in a better way and timing than we could do 'em ourselves, too).

If your story's still at a broken point.... that may be 'cause it isn't yet the ending of that particular chapter.

Just a thought...

 

[macspetra]

After this past year (broken engagement, another broken relationship, sister in rehab, sister relapsing, family friend killed in a car accident), I have every reason to believe that "cold, hard reality" is simply the way it is.

Yet I refuse to let cynicism sink in.

An amazing testimony. "Yet I refuse to let cynicism sink in."
What an encouragement for the rest of us!

 

[KeilCoppes]

After this past year I have every reason to believe that "cold, hard reality" is simply the way it is. I still think God's in the business of making dreams come true ..... Just a thought...

Thanks IB - this morning was simply another in a series of ongoing attitude adjustments. I'm really not a cold hard reality person. In fact I'm a childhood romantic constantly working to temper into wisdom. That goal is confident hope in God's loving and sovereign grace and openness for daily blessings from whatever direction while not letting my heart run away into fancy or getting drawn off into being down. The middle and reliant course is what I would have.

The subtle change for me to make is to simply realize that God's goal is not to make my dreams come true, but to make .His. dreams come true. To live in a world where He is working His ends is to live in a world where His love for his people makes itself manifest - and His blessed reality and hope for tomorrow is better than any of my fancies.... What does tomorrow hold? Not a clue, but God will be there working and willing His good pleasure.

Again - thanks!

 

[fieldmouse3]

Those were nice thoughts...you're a good writer!

 

[KeilCoppes]

Those were nice thoughts...you're a good writer!

And hopefully helpful - may God be glorified! (ps - nice Robin frog :^) )