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That played a part in its continuance.
That's the type I'm referencing. They're waiting for an opportunity.
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Right I was explaining why we remained friends after an attempt at a more serious relationship failed. I knew when to quit, and I don't consider her an "option" after that
I get that some guys do that, kind of see if maybe she'll change her mind later if you just keep in contact distance...no I write off romance and would prefer have a friend than just be estranged.
I saw another woman offer a woman co-worker a hug when she was feeling down. I thought about chiming in in "I could use a hug, too!" Then realized the double standard that it would be weird if a man did it.
Yeah, it's like women going to the bathroom together or braiding each other's hair. lol. I recall one guy saying he was going to the bathroom, and another guy chimed in and said he was going too...and the first guy said, "No way man, that's gay...I'm going to the other bathroom" (on the other side of the building) LOL
That played a part in its continuance.
That's the type I'm referencing. They're waiting for an opportunity.
Well, as you said, singleness is harder on men, our needs go unmet, and society expects us to just shut up and bear it stoically.
I don't think you should be silent. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging your desire for a companion or your loneliness. I don't believe in wallowing for either. Anything you feed will grow. You have to redirect your thoughts and put companionship in its rightful place. Not on a pedestal or an idol.
Someone thirsty begs for water, someone hungry begs for food. An unmet need tends to take precedence over things that you have.
This is why there is a certain sort of sobriety in more monastically-inclined kinds of Christianity, in recognition of what the Desert Fathers and Mothers and other luminaries call "the passions" -- those needs that take precedence over what we have. And truly we have everything in Christ, so that even solitude is transformed into a pillar that we are strengthened by, when we direct our minds, souls, and bodies to the purification of all our desires (cf. "to the pure, everything is pure").
It's not that wanting companionship is impure, or wrong, or anything like that, but that fixating on the passions such that they control you is something to be fought against in ascetical struggle.
Like in these prayers from the midnight praises in the Egyptian Orthodox Christian tradition:
"...grant us sobriety, O Lord, that we may know how to stand before You at times of prayer"
Or, as a friend from church put it when I (jokingly) said I had really joined the wrong communion if I were looking for a wife (because it is common for Copts to ask non-Coptic converts like me who in the community we're married to; they haven't quite caught on in some places to the fact that not everyone joins through marriage), since we can only marry within the communion (Copts, Armenians, Syriac Orthodox, Orthodox Tewahedo East Africans, etc.), we don't follow Christ to get a wife. We follow Christ because He is our God, and we don't leave Him for a romance.
It's an extremely tall order, of course, but millions of people do it (and not only among the Orthodox; that's just what I personally know). I'm not going to pretend I've always been perfect in this area, or even that I'm perfect in it now (it's definitely a process of learning how to redirect your thoughts, as Bèlla put it), but it's still what we are called to do, as obedient servants of the Lord who are to love Him before all others.
Someone thirsty begs for water, someone hungry begs for food. An unmet need tends to take precedence over things that you have.
It depends on your wiring. Immersing myself in lack would foster despondency and depression. It doesn’t bring what’s missing. I acquire new problems. I see no upside in that.
~bella
If the unmet need isn't met, it doesn't matter what you try to distract yourself with, it's still unmet and has consequences.
I don't think you should be silent. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging your desire for a companion or your loneliness. I don't believe in wallowing for either. Anything you feed will grow. You have to redirect your thoughts and put companionship in its rightful place. Not on a pedestal or an idol.
There has never been a point in my life when murder was the answer or crossed my thoughts. No period when lowliness and lack brought me to that place. I have never felt my pain was so grievous or important that others deserved the same.
The world is full of people living in spite of their circumstances. They have vibrant relationships, careers, and marriages in spite of their adversity. They’re survivors.
Their determination, outlook, and can-do spirit is the difference between apathy and happy endings. We may not have the things we seek but we control our response.
Memorable is the one with troubles whose spirit is light and pleasant. You want to be around them. That’s why they find partners despite their shortcomings and maladies. People look beyond it because they do.
Not all cultures developed in exactly the same way. Some adopted arranged marriages to tame the violence. Monogamy is a similar strategy that achieves some kind of balance in society. Jews had both.
If you really want to be realistic, if social change is not an option, forced castration, warfare to kill off males, abortions of male fetuses, or maybe eventually genetic modification.
But, we have limited control over our responses, which is mathematically predetermined and scientifically outlined.
And those who distance themselves by those so removed from humanity do so out of a lack of charity, acknowledging that the sheep lost from the fold is not worth saving, because it is lost from the fold.
In this, that you don't understand the drive of the natural born killer, is from a lack of an empathy able to see the world through their fish-lens and their life from their shoes. For it is by their very existence outside the humane environment that they exist outside of empathy, and being outside of empathy are outside the humane environment that could save them.
What should the suicide do when even his cause for suicide is misunderstood and the knowledge that it is misunderstood even that there is a misunderstanding?
I disagree. What you're suggesting is unbiblical. If we get a pass on control there's no need to repent. We can't help it.
You keep company with the marginalized? Murderers, rapists, etc. What have you learned from them?
Is this something you've read or experienced through relationship or ministry? I doubt the majority understand "natural born killers."
God made doctors and therapists for a reason. They're equipped to deal with their sickness on the level they require. Theory is nice. But if you've never been on the other side of the desk hearing intimate confessions you're speaking from supposition.
And if you don't have a file you're reliant on their admissions. They don't tell everything. I'm curious how you acquired this knowledge.
Society isn't privy to the inner workings of violent people or suicidal types for that matter. A segment is. But the majority are clueless.
I’m the opposite. I find make up unattractive. My wife never wears make up and she looks great.I guess I might count among those men who are attracted to women who wear a lot of makeup. Depends on the makeup routine/skill, but generally I find it gives off a feminine vibe. Exaggerates and helps bring out neotenous features in a way nature alone really cannot. Of course I wouldn't want to be with someone who looks ugly without makeup, but as an enhancer.. yeah I prefer it.
Inside the Warped World of Incel Extremists
Jake Davison shot two women, two men and the three-year-old girl in a deadly six-minute spree.
In trying to understand what prompted a man in Plymouth, England to commit the worst mass shooting in the UK for over a decade, attention has turned to his apparent links with the incel community – an online subculture of people who describe themselves as “involuntary celibates".
Jake Davison allegedly shot his mother before a shooting spree which ended when he turned the gun on himself. His youngest victim was three years old. In the lead-up to the attacks, he compared himself to incels in YouTube videos and contributed to their forums.
He uploaded videos in which he fixated on his virginity and, in a direct reference to incel ideology, Davison's described himself as “blackpilled". This means that he believed himself too old, at 22, to find love.
What is an Incel?
Incels refuse to accept responsibility for their circumstances, instead believing their inability to attract women makes them victims of oppression. Like all groups under the umbrella of online misogyny known as the “manosphere", they subscribe to the “red pill" conspiracy theory. They believe men are the true victims of gendered oppression, that male power has been usurped, and that feminism is a front to disguise men's subjugation.
Incels essentialise this conspiracy in the idea of the “black pill". To swallow the black pill is to accept that this oppression is insurmountable. It invokes a certain hopelessness. Incels believe there is nothing they can ever do to improve their lives.
Incels believe in a genetically essentialist social hierarchy. At the apex are “chads" – hyper-athletic attractive males who women desire instinctively. Beneath them are descending classes of “betas". At the lowermost point are incels, whose innate characteristics make them unable to attract women. Height-cels say they are too short; skull and frame-cels blame their skeletal structure; wrist-cels believe their wrists are too thin; and there are many more delineations. Incels cannot accept responsibility for their lot in life, instead spinning themselves as victims of their own biology and societal oppression.
Targeting Women
Incels blame women for this hierarchy and their low place within it. The culture portrays women as irrational and emotional creatures who are blindly pursuing the biological imperatives to seek sexual satisfaction and material security through marriage.
Incels believe women select different men for these functions, marrying an inferior “beta" for financial gain whilst cheating with “chads" for sexual gratification. To incels, women pursue their interests sociopathically and will not hesitate to harm men. A society dominated by women does the same and incels see their oppression as a natural consequence of women's malicious and inhuman nature.
Nowhere is this expressed more bizarrely than the widely held incel belief in the “dogpill". This is the view that women's drive for sexual satisfaction is such that they will routinely have sex with large dogs. Absurdity is the point here. Women are portrayed as so depraved that they are undeserving of rights and bodily autonomy.
Incels call for women to be stripped of their rights and be forced to serve as state-mandated girlfriends or held in concentration camps. Incels see themselves as the sexless victims of women's nature, and call for them to be contained or controlled accordingly.
The “black pill" refers to the oppression of incels at the hands of biologically malevolent women. In various online cultures, to take the black pill is to give up hope. And in incel culture specifically, it is to give up hope of ever having sex or a genuine romantic connection. Because they believe attractiveness is genetically determined, there is no hope for incels to rise in the hierarchy. They will be forever denied sex and happiness, and are doomed to be women's victims. Nihilistic despair and dogmatic hopelessness permeates incel communities and it is from this that violence flows.
Death and Violence
Given that the alternative is to languish in unceasing oppression, incel ideology legitimises violence against practically any target. Incel forums simultaneously glorify suicide whilst justifying extreme violence against women as a noble reaction to female domination. Violence is an ideological response; a means to punish women for their perceived crimes and reclaim what has been usurped. Incel ideology is necessarily violent because there is no hope, only revenge.
For some time, the wider world has instinctively dismissed what is, admittedly, a childish ideology based on crude stereotypes and nonsensical concepts. Sadly this is no longer an option. Plymouth is not the first shooting linked to incels. Californian Elliot Rodger, a self-described “kissless virgin," killed six in 2014 as “revenge" against those who denied him sex. Incel communities venerate Rodger as a saint to this day.
In Toronto, Canada, Alek Minassian was convicted of murdering ten people with a van in 2018. He hailed Rodger online minutes prior to the attack. Recent attacks in Canada, Arizona and Germany have also been linked to incels, while a planned attack in Ohio was discovered only days before Plymouth. There are many more examples, and some are calling for the Plymouth shooting to be classified as an act of terror.
Although not obviously political, incel ideology revolves around imagined subjugation, and violence is intended to have a far-reaching social impact. Rodger hoped to “deliver a devastating blow" that would shake women to “the core of their wicked hearts". Minassian fantasised of an “incel rebellion" that would overthrow the corrupt social order and return women to their proper place.
Few incels believe this is actually feasible, but allegiance to the principle motivates violence intended to strike at the social order and harm women as a distinct class. This is why the extreme violence of the incel community should be considered terrorism.
Incel terrorism has spiked over the last decade and there is every indication this community is growing. If this most recent attack was motivated by incel ideology, it was neither the first nor likely to be the last. For all their warped concepts and ideological incoherence, incels are becoming a threat we must take seriously.
—Courtesy of Raw Story
Almost every institution in society is designed to make sure silence is necessary to survive. There are no resources available for the voiceless. If you are not silent, then you will be a target and you will be beaten to the ground.
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