I hated them all. I know they are reading this, all of them, because I sent the link to them. And I am getting it off my chest and letting it go.
Almost 2 years ago I stopped going to youth group. I asked God so hard and so many times to heal my Aunt, who has cancer, and He didn't, and He still hasn't. I hated God. And I know He's reading this, He already knew before I made this. I hated the God that made me. I hated Him with a passion.
One of the youth coordinators (I call her "Friend" now) constantly told me everyone wanted me back at youth group, that I was missed, that people asked why I didn't come. I hated her for it. I did everything I could to avoid her, and yet I couldn't. God kept telling her to help me, I guess. I don't know. All I know is I physically could not get away from her at church. I would walk away and 2 minutes later she would be right there. I hated every minute of it.
I had a somewhat of a friend, now I call her Sqiz. She kept telling me I should come to youth group. Over and over. I always said, "No, I don't like it." Yet she persisted. And I started to hate her.
Another friend I have now, Vowels, also kept pressuring me. She would ask if I was coming to youth group, and I would always say no. I hated her, too.
I had my friend, Jonny, who would not leave me alone about youth group. He called and called and called, asking if I was coming. I said no, and I began to hate him like I hated the others.
I eventually tried to pull my whole family down with me, refusing to go to church in fear of being barraged with "Are you coming to youth group?"s.
I hated all of those people so much.
Then one night I was going to sleep. I heard a voice. The voice I never thought I would hear. No, not God's. A demon's.
I had a demonic episode at least once a night, every night for months. Finally, I broke down and cried. And cried and cried and cried. I asked God how He could do this to me, why would He terrorize me like this. He told me, "I have done nothing to harm one hair on your head, you walked away from Me." I realized I had. I had been so stupid. And finally, I gave up... and asked Jesus to help me.
I don't hate those people I mentioned anymore, and I hope they can forgive me for it. I had to tell them this before Aquire the Fire this week. I love those people that helped me through that, and I will never be able to show them how much I do. My question now is to my friends and to God:
Do you forgive me?
Almost 2 years ago I stopped going to youth group. I asked God so hard and so many times to heal my Aunt, who has cancer, and He didn't, and He still hasn't. I hated God. And I know He's reading this, He already knew before I made this. I hated the God that made me. I hated Him with a passion.
One of the youth coordinators (I call her "Friend" now) constantly told me everyone wanted me back at youth group, that I was missed, that people asked why I didn't come. I hated her for it. I did everything I could to avoid her, and yet I couldn't. God kept telling her to help me, I guess. I don't know. All I know is I physically could not get away from her at church. I would walk away and 2 minutes later she would be right there. I hated every minute of it.
I had a somewhat of a friend, now I call her Sqiz. She kept telling me I should come to youth group. Over and over. I always said, "No, I don't like it." Yet she persisted. And I started to hate her.
Another friend I have now, Vowels, also kept pressuring me. She would ask if I was coming to youth group, and I would always say no. I hated her, too.
I had my friend, Jonny, who would not leave me alone about youth group. He called and called and called, asking if I was coming. I said no, and I began to hate him like I hated the others.
I eventually tried to pull my whole family down with me, refusing to go to church in fear of being barraged with "Are you coming to youth group?"s.
I hated all of those people so much.
Then one night I was going to sleep. I heard a voice. The voice I never thought I would hear. No, not God's. A demon's.
I had a demonic episode at least once a night, every night for months. Finally, I broke down and cried. And cried and cried and cried. I asked God how He could do this to me, why would He terrorize me like this. He told me, "I have done nothing to harm one hair on your head, you walked away from Me." I realized I had. I had been so stupid. And finally, I gave up... and asked Jesus to help me.
I don't hate those people I mentioned anymore, and I hope they can forgive me for it. I had to tell them this before Aquire the Fire this week. I love those people that helped me through that, and I will never be able to show them how much I do. My question now is to my friends and to God:
Do you forgive me?
