The Tree- a short story

[missionarypoet]

The Tree

You’re nothing! No one cares about you. It would be better if you never existed. These thoughts bombarded Jayce Meyers as she walked quickly down the school hallway with her head down and shoulders hunched as if fending off the onslaught of voices. “Soon,” Jayce muttered to herself, “Soon I won’t exist anymore.” Thud!- she ran into someone, almost losing her balance. A hand reached out to steady her.
“Whoa! Careful there- you keep walking like that and you’re liable to walk into the door instead of me next time,” warned a friendly male voice.
Blushing, Jayce looked up, recognizing the kind blue eyes and freckled face of Chris Shelton. “Sorry, I guess I wasn’t looking. There isn’t usually anyone here this late after school.”
Chris smiled at the girl, trying to place her. She seemed familiar to him, but he knew that she didn’t run with the same crowd as he and his friends from youth group. “I’m sorry, I seem to have forgotten your name- I’m Chris,” he introduced himself apologetically.
“I’m Jayce- I was in your English class first semester.”
Now he remembered. “It’s nice to see you again, Jayce. Listen,” he said as they began walking once more, “I, uh, heard you say something as you bumped into me. What was-”
Jayce cut him off. “Nothing- it was nothing. I was just talking to myself; it’s a bad habit of mine.”
“Well, whatever it was, if you need to talk about it…” Chris looked at Jayce and let his sentence hang. She wouldn’t meet his gaze and sped her steps toward the front doors. Without knowing why he did so, he shot out his hand to stop her. “Jayce, really, here’s my phone number if you want to talk,” he said, hurriedly scribbling out his number on a scrap of paper from his backpack.
“Chris, why are you doing this? I told you nothing’s wrong. You don’t even know me very well,” Jayce protested as she took the slip of paper.
“I know,” sighed Chris, looking a little confused himself, “I guess the only way I can explain it is that-” Chris shook his head: she would think he was crazy. “Well, this might sound strange to you, but I think God wants me to.”
“Right, sure,” Jayce said skeptically. God- like I’m going to believe that! A horn beeped outside. “That’s my ride,” Jayce said, again moving toward the doors.
“Jayce-” Chris called after her, “Take care of yourself, alright?” He watched as her quick steps hesitated.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chris tried to focus his attention on his English paper, but couldn’t get His mind off Jayce. For the hundredth time, his mind replayed her quick steps toward the door, then her hesitation and quiet, “Yeah,” in response to his admonition to take care of herself.
“God, I don’t know exactly why You’ve put Jayce on my heart, but please take care of her. She seems so lonely, Lord. Let her know that she’s loved.” Chris had never felt like this before, but knew as soon as he began to pray that his English paper would have to wait; this was more important.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jayce sat outside in her grandmother’s overgrown garden that evening, thinking over the conversation she’d had with Chris while fingering the sharp knife she had laid on the bench beside her. I wonder if things would have been different if I had met him sooner. The moment she thought this, another voice spoke in her head. Come on Jayce, face reality. Chris is just like everyone else. He doesn’t really care about you. This life has nothing to offer you. Just a couple of quick cuts, Jayce; that’s all it’ll take. Then you’ll be free: no more pain, ever. With tears streaming down her face, Jayce lifted the knife to her wrist. She flinched at the feel of the cold metal on her skin, but steeled her resolve. Just a couple of quick cuts; that’s all it will take. Jayce reminded herself.
Just then, Jayce heard someone approaching from behind her. Whirling around fearfully, Jayce dropped the knife, leaving a long but shallow gash on her wrist. Jayce yelped, both at the stinging pain of the cut on her wrist, and in surprise at being approached. “Who are you and what are you doing in my grandmother’s garden?” Jayce asked, trying to look and sound braver than she felt.
“I’m a friend,” said a man’s voice, “and I’ve come here to show you something. Come and follow me.”
Jayce studied the man closely. He wasn’t really tall: a couple inches under six feet she guessed, but well built. She noticed that the man was carrying a wooden bucket full of water, and though she knew it must have weighed several pounds, he showed no signs of strain. Looking at his face, she noted that, though not particularly handsome, the ruggedness of it was striking and memorable. When she met his gaze she found she had to look away: there was something in his eyes that made her uncomfortable, as though by just looking at her, the man could see inside her soul.
She thought for a moment. Follow him? What if he wants to hurt me? She almost laughed out loud at the irony of that thought. He interrupted me trying to kill myself and now I’m worried about being hurt? From the looks of him, I don’t think I could escape if I tried anyway. Besides, I don’t have anything to lose. “Okay,” she said, before she could change her mind.
The man smiled at her with his eyes, and without a word, turned and began to walk. Jayce shrugged at his silence and began to follow him, picking her way carefully through the briary maze. Remembering the last time she had been in the garden: when her parents died, Jayce realized that it had been five years since she’d been in the garden, and at least ten since anyone had taken care of it. Jayce shook herself from thought and looked up to see where the man was leading her. They were headed toward the roses. “Wait,” she called out to the man, “We can’t go through the roses; they’re too overgrown. We’ll be torn up by the thorns.”
“Don’t be afraid,” said the man kindly, “I’ll go ahead of you to make a path.”
Jayce looked at him, puzzled. “Are you a gardener?” she asked.
“You might call me that,” the man answered, smiling. “I’m the one who makes these plants grow.” He turned away from her again and began walking into the roses.
Now thoroughly bewildered, but with her curiosity mounting, after a few minutes Jayce began to follow. Because of the winding path through the roses, Jayce had lost sight of the man, but was comforted by the display of his work. As he had promised, the man had cleared a path for her. It was narrow and hard to get through in some parts, but it was never too difficult for her to pass. When she finally came to a clearing, she was still unscathed by the thorns.
In the center of the clearing there was a small dead tree that looked as though it had been struck by lightning. Next to it kneeled the gardener, with the bucket of water beside him. Jayce was shocked by his appearance. His white shirt was tattered and bloody, and blood ran down his arms and face. He must have gotten hurt while clearing the path for me, Jayce thought, but why? What is there here besides that old, dead tree?
Jayce slowly approached the man. With tears in her voice, she asked the man the questions that were in her heart. “Why did you bring me here? Who are you really?”
The man just motioned for her to kneel with him beside the tree. “I wanted you to see this.” He said. He picked up the bucket and slowly poured the water over the roots of the tree. Immediately the small tree’s withered branches began to grow. Small buds matured in seconds, unfurling leaves and even blossoming before her eyes. Jayce gasped in amazement and pleasure at the beautiful sight. “How did you-” she began to ask, but halted in astonishment at the sight of the man beside her. He was no longer clothed in jeans and a tattered t-shirt, but robed in a long, pure white tunic. If it had not been for the same kind, knowing look in the man’s eyes, she might not have recognized him. Suddenly, seeing him like that, she knew who he was. She lowered her head in shame.
“I love you Jayce,” the man said simply.
Jayce burst into tears at his words. “But why, Jesus? Why would you love me? I’m nothing!”
“Not one of my Father’s children is nothing, Jayce. If you just give me your heart, I’ll heal it just as I’ve healed this tree,” Jesus said tenderly.
“Oh Jesus, I’m so ashamed! Earlier today I wasn’t even sure if I believed in you, and now you’re right here speaking to me. I don’t deserve your love. I don’t feel like my life is worth anything…but please take it.” Jayce looked at Jesus desperately, waiting for his response.
Gently taking Jayce’s hand, Jesus replied, “I forgive you.”
Immediately a warm sense of peace filled Jayce. Looking down at her wrist, she saw that the cut was healed: only a tiny white scar remained.
“It will remind you of this night and my love for you,” Jesus said.
Jayce’s tears had turned to tears of joy, and she spent the rest of the night thanking her savior and resting in his love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jayce woke slowly the next morning, finding herself curled up on the bench she had been sitting on the night before. Could it have been a dream? It all seemed so real. Jayce sat up and looked around. No, there was the knife where she had dropped it, and footprints leading to the roses. Jayce got up and retraced her steps. Yes, there was the path! Jayce looked down at her wrist and saw the small scar that was left from the night before. It wasn’t a dream!
“Thank you, Jesus,” Jayce said out loud in the early morning quiet. The same peace and joy that she had found last night lifted her spirit and made her want to dance and sing. Feeling truly free for the first time in her life, for about an hour she did just that.
After the excitement faded, Jayce’s mind focused on Chris. “If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t have sat around thinking last night…I might have committed suicide before I met Jesus!” Jayce thought out loud. She fumbled, searching her pockets for his number. “I have to call him and tell him what happened!” Jayce ran up to the house and quickly grabbed the phone and dialed his number, oblivious to the early hour.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chris groaned and looked at his clock as her rolled over to reach for his phone which was ringing for the third time. The clock read 5:23. Who would be up this early on a Saturday? Still not fully awake, the only greeting Chris gave to the caller was a sleepy, mumbled, “Yeah?”
Suddenly Jayce wasn’t so sure of herself. Finally realizing the time, Jayce glanced at the kitchen clock and winced at the early hour. “Chris? Sorry to call so early; I didn’t realize the time. I have something important to tell you, but I can call back later. Just forget I called and-”
“Whoa,” said Chris, finally recognizing Jayce’s voice. “Slow down. I’m glad you called. What is it?”
“Well, um…“ Jayce suddenly drew a blank as to how or what to tell him. “Is there any way you could come here?” she asked, realizing that it would be easier to tell him in a place where she had evidence to back her story.
“Yeah, give me a few minutes to get ready and write my mom a note to tell her where I am.”
Jayce gave him directions and Chris told her that he’d be there in around 20 minutes. Jayce was amazed at how quickly he’d agreed, especially because she’d woken him up, but then she remembered that he knew Jesus too. She smiled at the thought. Realizing that she was still in her clothes from the day before, Jayce rushed to change and shower. She was just returning to the kitchen when Chris’s knock sounded at the door.
Opening the door quietly, Jayce slipped outside. “Hi. My grandmother is still asleep. I thought we could talk in the garden,” Jayce said a little shyly.
Nodding, Chris let her slip past him to lead the way. After they had walked a ways in silence, he reached over and touched her arm.. “Is everything okay?”
“More than okay.” Jayce smiled as she looked over at him. “Come on; the garden is right over this hill. I’ll explain everything when we get there.” When they reached the garden, Jayce led him to the bench.
Sitting down, Chris looked up at her expectantly. “You seem…different than yesterday,” he voiced hesitantly. “What is it?”
Jayce took a deep breath, and sinking down to sit beside him replied, “Thank you so much for coming, Chris. I am different: a lifetime different…” She explained in detail all that had happened last night. “I met him, Chris. I saw him with my own eyes. I met Jesus last night.”
Chris sat silently for a moment after she ended, trying to take it all in. Finally, in an awed tone, he spoke aloud, “God, you are so amazing! Thank you Jesus.” Excitedly, he turned to Jayce. “There’s one part of the story you don’t know yet.”
“What do you mean?” Jayce asked, puzzled.
“Do you know what I was doing last night?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued. “I was praying for you Jayce! God put you on my heart, and for hours I prayed that Jesus would protect you and show you the love he has for you.”
Jayce lit up. “Oh Chris, I never even imagined!”
“I’m so glad he did.” Chris smiled at her, took her hand, and repeated, “…so glad he did.”
From a nearby hillside, Jesus watched them and smiled. A puff of breeze floated down and touched them, and looking up, they both saw him for an instant before he disappeared.

“It is finished…”​

 

[Slina]

It was really good! I really liked how you handled the topic. Good job!

The only problem that stuck out to me was viewpoint. It was getting a little distracting. I think you should change it so it's all from Jayce's viewpoint, instead of sometimes switching to Chris. I really think you'd end up gaining more than you'd lose by doing that. The first scene and telephone scene could easily be rewritten to be entirely from Jayce's viewpoint, I would think, and the second scene with just Chris can easily be simply cut. The fact that Jayce was on his heart is well supported through the rest of the story, and that scene simply isn't needed.

Another thing, though not really important: is there any way you could change Jayce's name? Nothing wrong with it, just when you mention Jayce and Jesus in the same sentence. Maybe pick a name that starts with a different letter.

Overall, very good job!

 

[Wishing Angel]

I really enjoyed it!

I didn't see anything wrong with it. I enjoy the changing of the viewpoints. It give you the chace to see what the other person's thinking but I'm most likely the only one who thinks that so just ignore me.

You did a really great job with it! Keep up the good work!

 

[missionarypoet]

I'm glad you liked it! It took me months to write. I've been thinking about what you said Slina, and I've considered making both of the changes you mentioned, but I really think that Chris's viewpoint is an integral part of the story. There are two themes I was trying to communicate through this story: the love of God, and the power of prayer. Without Chris's viewpoint, the second theme could not be carried out in as strong a manner. As for Jayce's name, I can see where you're coming from; however, I did not mean for my story to be read aloud. (Most of the sentences are too complex to flow well when read aloud, though they make for interesting reading.) I don't see that her name is awkward when someone is reading the story silently. Also, as you probably know- a character's name often influences their personality. I find this to be true in real life as well. For example, I don't really like my name and at one point I seriously considering choosing a completely different name to go by. I just could find one that fit me though- I am my name. Thank you both. I would welcome more comments and I promise that I will carefully consider making any changes suggested. Most of all though, I just want people to read the story. It's something God gave me, and I believe I'm supposed to share it.

 

[missionarypoet]

Any other comments anyone? I know it's kind of long, but I would really like to hear from anyone!

 

[Vulgivagus hagiographus]

Good story! I think the contrast of how Chris and Joyce react to the situation is good, especially since that's what you were going for. I can also see what Slina is saying in that it would make the ending more surprizing if you cut out all of Chris's viewpoint, but it also takes away what you were trying to show through Chris. They would both be very effective.

The one thing I want to say about the viewpoint is to at least keep it with the same character for every scene. You did this fine except for the part where Joyce calls Chris. It starts out with Chris's veiwpoint, but the rest is Joyce. I would say definately change it all to Joyce. It's very akward as you have it now.

About the names Joyce and Jesus being too similar, I would have to agree with Slina. Even if you're not reading it aloud, they're very similar visually and people do prounounce words in their head when reading to an extent. I would say changing it wouldn't change Joyce's character at all. I find that changing a name only seems akward to the writer and not the audience.

Keep at it! This was such a good concept and you executed it excellently.

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

Good job!!!!!

 

[Tier]

I like how Chris was portrayed as the messnger, though I can't figure out the evangelism there it is clear his prayers did work, just remember "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."
I felt like I didn't know the chracters well enough. I understand it is a short fiction but maybe some more char dev, why Jayce is suicidal.
Good story.

 

[Live4God]

EXELLENT STORY, Leave as is!

ATTN: ALL LOOK for the MESSAGE Mps trying to Deliver in the Story! Just a thought! GREAT STORY Mp! L4G!

 

[jet_blue]

hey missionarypoet, that was a great story! it gave me chills up and down my spine! good work. but i agree with tier- i want to know what caused Jayce to be suicidal









call my name and save me from the dark

 

[DevoutHeiress]

Awesome story,hannah! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it,to me-there was no problem with it! I'd love to see a sequal,though-or continue with her life as a Christian.
Show how her friendship with Chris develop and how her love for God flourishes!
All in all,I'd buy the book!
Lizz

 

[brinny]

I couldn't stop reading it. The ties of Chris's prayer and Jesus' visit blend well.

I got the point of it loud and clear. I got a hunch that there are lots'a folks out there that can relate to Jayce, not beliving Jesus really cares about them, and the deep loneliness that can result in suicidal thoughts.

Don't change a thing....just write sequels!!

I'd buy it

 

[missionarypoet]

You would buy it? Really?

I do think a lot of people would be able to relate to Jayce, and I've actually had several people tell me after reading it that they could relate to Jayce and that I should write a book. I know I could develop enough around the characters for a book, but should I do it? Do you think I have the ability? Let me know your opinions please, I could use some advice. Thanks!

 

[brinny]

Are you seeerious?! Good grief, if you got me reading through, non-stop, and seeing the story unfold before me like a movie.....yes! You have the ability. I could feel Jayce's pain. (I didn't want to admit it, but I cried).

Other details are peripheral, but Jayce, Chris, and Jesus flowed together so well. The part about Jesus was phenomenal. It was like I was walking along that path with Jayce, behind Jesus. And the tree! If that don't speak of how Jesus can take a lifeless shell of a person and give them life, I dunno what will.

There's a powerful message of hope in your story.

Yes, I'd buy it. And I don't buy many books (except for journals)

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

Read it.